The Goose & Carrot Pub

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A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

Sorry about the seizure @Zeonlywayisup

Sorry about your Mum being rude about you and your son.

Did 2 hours gardening and also started painting one of the mini sheds but it was very hot out there so we called it a day then.

I got a photo of the tree we are worried about, there's 3 big trees together, ours is the small leafed lime then the bare tree is the blue cedar and there's a third tree behind our lime and some of its green parts are in the blue cedar. There's also other overgrown plants at the neighbours but none of the green is that tree. It appears to be mainly upright but a very slight lean to our side.

Just had a reply from tree specialist saying if it is a blue cedar its dead but he would need to come out and see tree to check type and can do this for £100 for 30 minutes including vat. Its all in writing so that's good as we can give it to neighbours and discuss way forward and that covers us for insurance. We could pay for visit ourselves but it depends on how neighbour responds, if they are still just going to leave it may not help but if they will act could be useful. Might also give a timescale. DH is nervous about going again, saying he doesn't want to be that annoying neighbour but think its better in person.

Just ask the neighbour to remove the tree as you are worried it will fall on your land. I’d do it in writing not in person if you do do it.

im not sure why you wouldn’t ask the guy at the council what to do about it though. It’s literally what they do. For example someone requested we cut our hedge using that route. We explained to environmental health that the hedge was within our boundary and would be trimmed anyway in the autumn (as it is usually), then they toddled off and explained to neighbour that we didn’t have to clip hedge and in fact shouldn’t at that time of year.

I've just had one of those 'belly flip' moments. DD1's SALT finally sent her assessment report in draft. I noticed that bits had comments. The comments were from the SALT who ditched DDs 2&3 unfortunately had to go sick and then leave the service without so much as a 'see ya'. All very confusing, because I thought she'd left the service, so why was she commenting on DD1's report, especially as she's not on her caseload. It made me feel a bit teary and cross, especially for DD2, who still Googles her to see if she's dead.

Anyway, when I checked the dates, the comments are 6 years old, so I think the SALT is using a template form which the other SALT had commented on the format/content of, rather than her commenting on DD1's specific report.

Stand down and breathe.

Yes we could just do it in writing - DH prefers things in person, he thinks its friendlier but it does put people on the spot though you get a response. I would personally prefer a letter then I can think about it. DH would prefer someone came round. I didn't think environmental health dealt with private land if can't fall on public land, that's what it seems to say online - we are not too keen on that as it feels unfriendly but we could try it if other means fail. I would imagine it would be September at the earliest anyway with nesting season.

Just been out to the Trinity May Ball punting was really good.

Trees can be removed in nesting season if they are dangerous. It’s really common that someone can’t see a tree that might cause a problem it’s not aggressive to alert them to the fact it needs removing. Ask them to take it down, if no joy your insurance will usually advise on next steps. Either way it doesn’t sound like ds can play there till it’s resolved?

Did any of you get the big storm last night? It felt like we were in a lighthouse by the North Sea! How is everyone getting on in the heat? We had a walk yesterday but I think it’s very much an indoors week ahead.

@Tulipandmagnolia punting event sounds fun. Tricky situation, but there is only one way to find out just how tricky, you might get a really positive response from neighbour, maybe it has been a job they have been putting off. Good luck.

Thanks @Zeonlywayisup It would be sensible for DS not to go there but DS has a very high level before he considers something dangerous and generally thinks he knows better than anyone else. To be fair he's never had an accident since 3 years old at nursery fireman's pole incident. I think the tree isn't imminent risk but better resolved sooner. We can wait to September if needed. I just hope they will agree to some point during the rest of this year. The tree company will be able to say when and there's just a couple of pigeons and a squirrel using that tree but they have 9 other trees and don't think they are nesting though it's 11 metres up where birds are.

Thanks @RedRegular We didn't have a storm but had rain in the first hour at the May Ball punting but they had black umbrellas for everyone. We were by 3 lovely ladies who I chatted to though it did get to talking about our children and what they were doing. So for DD lots and DS nothing but climbing trees. I didn't go into the history of DS. They were lovely though so it was fine.

I think the guy had no idea with the tree but DH said he seemed certain of type and tree surgeon said if the type is right it's definitely dead. Hopefully once he realises it's dead he will help find a solution. I would have thought he would as if it falls his way it hits his house. Our way it hits fence and shed and my plants but should miss silkies unless wandering and should miss house. It's just the risk to DS really though when we get a new shed I also don't want it hit. I think we may try on Thursday as that will be a week from when we first said. It might be easy to resolve once he realises and the tree specialists email is very clear, it's quite blunt on tree but that works as there's no room for maybes.

@Tulipandmagnolia a perfect British summer photo. Is there a thing where if you have an expert checking for nests and there are none felling or trimming can be done in nesting season - not sure on that at all but it’s in my brain from somewhere.

Thanks @RedRegular It was very British there and have another lovely picture of everyone wistfully looking out over bridge and reminds me of being a student myself.

I think the tree specialist will know best when to do what but am happy to go with whatever they recommend. The only issue is whether or neighbour will agree to act and pay for it but I think they are on dicey grounds with insurance if they are made aware its dead and do nothing so I expect they will have to act. But obviously nobody likes an unexpected bill. I just hope we can be aware of what is happening but then I guess we will notice a 12 metre tree going if it gets removed. If they use our tree specialist they may tell us anyway.

Just cleared last kitchen cupboard so all kitchen is sorted, cleaned DSs bathroom, and cleaned the living room. We were going to do the garden / sheds rather than that but spotted DSs bathroom door open and thought can get that done but it meant DS was in garden and then he was wanting to come in and indicating he wanted us to finish and move first so we did. We are leaving garden for another day, too hot to paint anyway. DS is in the garden with the silkies. DS had taken the flannel I bought him so that's a second thing he's using. DH is now off doing classic car things but its great having him retired, only on day 7 but can get so much done. He has been in talks about setting up a business but I am hoping he doesn't do that much before I have got through our list of things. 😂He seems very half hearted about it, think he's happy retiring. Need to give DS a new mirror as well as other one he seems to have cracked so I threw it out. He loves mirrors. I saw a programme yesterday and it mentioned I hated school and became a hairdresser and I thought actually DS might just do that but he could never do the conversation though I suspect some people would prefer that. He could be the silent hairdresser. Doesn't show any signs of doing anything at the moment.

What about a dog groomer if hairdressing type things would work? No need for much chat and could work for himself if necessary.

Thanks @Zeonlywayisup At the moment it's all a long way off and am not sure whether he will ever be capable of anything but he used to like animals so working with animals might be an option. He used to love sheep and I always used to wonder about him going into farming but think it might be too much now. We watched a programme years ago where a man lived somewhere really remote with 6,000 sheep and he said that would be my dream no people just sheep. And he would get obsessed with the sheep with the huge coats.

Sheep are very good companions. They constantly try to kill themselves in very creative ways, but they really do form a relationship with you. It's very satisfying when you bucket train them and 9/10 times they trot down the farm/yard after you like little ducklings. It's really frustrating when they opt for the 1/10 'split the pack and make you chase us' game.

Back from my mum's, nice to be in the cool (relatively) North, her house is also Victorian but brick and smaller whereas ours is stone and massive. DCs seem happy to see me, but it feels like Sunday, or even as if I've been away a week. So perhaps my day off on Friday will be a nice surprise!
While I was away I met up with a cousin and two other looser connections who all happened to be visiting (the other side of her family lives locally to them as well). One of the connections knows her through one route and me through another and once introduced me and my cousin to each other.
Anyway the other friend's wife has been doing SEND serving tutoring after giving up primary classroom teaching. We need her local to us! I used to know her also and she's very patient and two of her students sound a lot like DS.

@drspouse I'm glad you've had a good time, despite the circumstances.

I've managed to change DD2's driving test date, which helps. I think she needs some targeted polishing rather than general practice, so she's looking to buy a small automatic car that she can practice in for a few weeks, then sell on once her Motability car comes.

DD1 saw the physio yesterday. She thinks hydrotherapy would be the best thing, but it would have to be private because there's no 1:1 NHS therapy available here and DD1 wouldn't cope with group hydrotherapy. She's also going to see if there's a neurophysiotherapy service because she's a MSK physio and DD1 can't cope with the normal approaches that would be used in MSK.

After a stressful weekend with DD2, because DGD won’t take any milk in the daytime with DD2; and DS is awaiting the response to his EHCNA, I decided to relax and spend a few days researching my family tree. There was one branch left - my paternal grandmother’s. She died when DF was 18, and apparently he hated her; so I hardly know anything about her family. I never met any of them, as a child!

I was mortified to find her great grandfather was transported for life in 1844 to Tasmania, for a hanging offence then, but his sentence was commuted. His wife and young children disappeared from the records until 1871, when she reappeared, living with her daughter and son in law, as a “pauper”. I can only think they were in the workhouse? It was depressing that women and children were deliberately left with no means of support!

Anyway, I presume DD1’s care staff are still working, even though there’s no air con, unlike schools. We’ll find out tonight - probably complaints along the lines of “it’s fucking hot!” She likes swearing and sees no reason to stop! They could never introduce her to the patron, who’d probably get a dose of the unvarnished truth about their clothes!
Hot weather always increases her seizures!

She went swimming on Monday, which must have been lovely.

We’ve melting it’s just way too hot. The local schools shut but DD2 tutors haven’t so she’s had meltdown about going in later. I’m stuck on 5hr teams work call in front of a fan blowing hot air. Hope you are getting through the day ok

That's cute about the sheep @Lougle and good about driving test.

Sorry about stressful weekend @BlueandWhitePorcelain

Glad it's cool where you are @drspouse

32C here today so too hot to do much, cleaned upstairs carpet and DSs bathroom quickly, did it yesterday so largely clearing the rubbish he leaves it it then did an hour's clearing leaves whilst DH started assembling second mini tool store. Well he unpackaged it. Then had a bath which helps with cooling down. DS was in the shed so I told him about a few things, he was clearly in a please leave me alone mood as he put his fleece duvet over his head. Told him it was too hot for that but doesn't listen but that's also why we didn't stay long. Though there was a little clue with his reactions. I said about DH retiring, no reaction. I said about a new shed, no reaction, and that this one has asbestos roof and about neighbours tree and no reaction. Then I said about his sister saying that she thinks he's fine but wants everyone to leave him alone. He didn't react negatively to that. Then I said I just want to be able to do more for you and make sure you aren't lonely. No reaction. Then I said and I wish you could communicate more so I would know what you want. A huffing sound. I saw someone on a MN thread had recommended to say to I think you are getting better, well that got a big huff. So I said it's fine you are perfect as you are no reaction. It's hard to know what it all means but it seemed clear he doesn't want to do much or interact. Also had impression he's happy enough. And a bit of a huff over me chucking out his broken mirror. He was generally very calm but just leave me alone.

Argh planning have rejected to validate application saying they need 3 more drawings. One of a floorplan of the shed and one from back of shed and one from other side of shed. And they may accept it once these are done.

@drspouse glad you managed to catch up with others while visiting your mum.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain sorry the weekend was stressful.

@Tulipandmagnolia I hope you can get what you need for the planning department.

@Lougle ask the physio to put that (without the would be best part) in writing. Hydrotherapy and physiotherapy can both be in the EHCP. DS1 has swimming (a mix of normal swimming and hydro/aquatherapy but in a normal temp pool) in his EHCP. This takes place in a private pool. Just DS and staff in the pool. All 3 of my DSs have physio in their EHCPs to one extent or another.

DS1 has had some more assessments this week that the LA wanted to do because we are appealing. The physio’s report in particular will be interesting.

I called planning and apparently we can just draw a rectangle for the floor plan and then need to draw second side of shed and back view of shed. Seems incredibly bureaucratic but they won't back down.

The physio said she's going to write to the GP. Will that letter be enough, or would she have to write specific advice?

@Lougle all evidence can be used. However, sometimes normal clinic letters don’t sufficiently cover needs and provision and aren’t sufficiently detailed, specified and quantified. For example, if it says ‘hydrotherapy would be best for DD1’ that isn’t going to be that helpful. Because DD1 isn’t entitled to the best provision. Even if the LA accept it needs to be in the EHCP, how frequently, how long will the sessions be, etc. You could wait to see what the letter says, then ask for something else if it is vague.

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream Thanks.

We blew our tops with DD2, telling her she was smothering the baby! The baby’s father is parenting normally, whereas she is abnormally! The baby doesn’t get to meet her family; do tummy time and nappy time on a baby mat on the floor or go anywhere in the week. DD is obsessed with her getting toxoplasmosis or herpes! (She has a cat, she wants to get rid of, and we, our house and two cars are contaminated by toxoplasmosis from our two cats). The GP told her the baby needed to see a clinician, either by appointment with 111 or A & E. DD2 refused to do either for fear of the baby getting contaminated. Her ex walked out and came here. Then DD2 rang me up and was abusive, telling me I shouldn’t be talking to him? We told her, we’d be calling SS. This concentrated her mind and she rang 111.