The Goose & Carrot Pub

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A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

DH has been to see neighbour about their trees. Their back garden was a jungle so the guy had to cut a way through to the trees. The one we think is dead as no foliage for 2 years and none this year as at June he just thinks is very late, its a blue cedar. The other one he doesn't know what it is. Just awaiting drawing from shed company then planning can go in.

I think you tagged me instead of @drspouse

The appetite thing depends hugely on whether you can get DS2 to eat at other times, I think, @scoopofmintchocchipicecream . If you can get a protein heavy breakfast in, and beef up the calories by having calorie-dense low volume snacks, and let him take occasional weekend/holiday breaks so that he can boost his calories, then you may find it ok.

My ds2 drinks caffeine (tea not coffee) and I think it did help with calm and focus. Exercise provides a similar state but he is not into that at all.

@Tulipandmagnolia my neighbours had a similar attitude to one of my trees. You could ask someone at your local forestry or university. We were told to leave ours standing for as long as possible as it is much better for the environment. It stood another ten years though we did reduce the branches. Finally felled (about £500 but likely much larger than a suburban tree near houses) a couple of years ago. Is it moving? Are you particularly worried about its height or a particular branch? Felling it would be the last option.

@Lougle I did tag you instead of @drspouse by mistake, sorry both.

When we have discussed stimulants with the psychiatrist and medical team previously, the concerns were while he doesn’t need them now, DS2 has previously needed ONS and already has 3 meals and 3 snacks with us fortifying what we can. It would be difficult to increase calorie intake further before ADHD medication and once it wears off. We have to remind him to eat and drink enough as it is.

That is tricky @scoopofmintchocchipicecream . I suppose you'll all have to weigh the relative risks of effective ADHD treatment Vs effective physical health maintenance. Not easy!

I had a pointless 'AR meeting' for DD1 today. SALT has been unwell and hasn't finished her report. The case worker just wanted to tell us that the next step is updating her EHCP and getting it out to settings. She said that she has to also consult with mainstream providers for panel - I said that I hoped none of them would be brave enough to think they could meet DD1's needs and that she can't have another failed placement. Then the Caseworker said that perhaps she wouldn't need to because DD1 has already had 3 mainstream provisions fail. So that was that.

Why am I worried about a dead tree - because it it falls it could kill DS or anyone else near it, its a great big cedar tree which has been dead 2 years. It will also take our shed out if falls in our direction, old shed don't care too much, its just risk to DS and anyone else but there is also a risk to other people's properties and gardens including their own. Its negligence to leave it and not get a tree surgeon out but hopefully they will think about it and start to care. Will see if they do anything but if not we may need to put something in writing so we are covered if it takes out our shed. I think the council can also get involved but would prefer to give them chance to be responsible first. I think they never go in their garden and had not realised. I would guess it would be £1,000 but we all have to pay about that amount as we all have big trees but when they are within falling distance of people and properties you need to be careful. It maybe the tree surgeon could make it safe in another way.

Just spent 5 hours in the garden clearing leaves, doing the silkies, cleaning downstairs. DH set up one mini tool shed.

@Lougle too much talk from your LA and not enough action from them. They absolutely do not have to consult mainstream. On what planet is that going to be suitable?!

You’re right. It is the weighing up risks vs benefits that makes me think about raising trying stimulants again. Without trying them, we won’t know how much they will affect DS2’s appetite.

When I was doing the 5 hours gardening (3 hours of which was clearing leaves) today I could hear neighbours talking and I think it may have been the husband and wife discussing the tree. DH said it looked like a jungle their whole garden and that nothing had been done for years. We can't see their garden but the guy cut down the garden so DH could reach the two trees. DH measured the circumference of both, the big blue cedar its 136cms circumference but its had no foliage for 2 years, the trunk is right by our shed. Its just lots of dead branches we think, the dropping branches aren't too much of an issue as they are small and there's about 10 trees that drop leaves in our garden including ours so I am used to permanently clearing leaves all year. DH said if the tree fell it could kill DS and could also fall into their property or another neighbours and most are elderly. Its not leaning at the moment but it could well fall in our direction. We would need to claim on our thatched insurance if anything happened unless we had proof they knew and didn't act. Want to keep things friendly and give them a chance. They sounded like they would do nothing at all but guy is nice and think he just hadn't been in his garden. I hope they get a tree surgeon out to quote / assess. We may be required to pay £500 or so for a tree survey with the shed which would survey their two trees. I am hoping we don't have to do that and we aren't altering base but we have many trees around.

Having a day out with DH tomorrow which will be nice. We put out the new things I bought for DS and he left them at first then today a towel went. Its great having DH home - only had a week of it but can get more done. Am worn out now.

So we set off for a Scouts bike ride but about 3 mins in DS had an absence and fell off the bike. As chance would have it, we were outside A&E. DS has a horrible scrape on his face, we've been waiting 4 1/2 hours but there is a more ill girl in the next cubicle. I don't really want to just go home as his eye seems to be swelling up but he's getting tired. He's being a real trooper though.

To add insult to injury, I went to get snacks from the vending machine, and most of the ones we wanted said NO STOCK when I could see them right there. I managed to get a cookie and an apple for DS and a snack bar for me.

DS has never been that much underweight but he also had a dip in his centiles when he started stimulants and never went back to his original line. At that time he was a much fussier eater and not the usual fussy pattern which is lots of sweets and highly calorific food - he had a very limited range of sweet foods as well as savoury, but both have increased now which I suspect is teenage carb loading! But it's meant we have seen new sweet foods too, some we don't really have at home like those mega cookies but he has them at school.

Today at school appears to have been a typical day with little academic work and lots of drawing from YouTube.

Sorry about DSs seizure @drspouse Hope you get seen soon and can get more food and drinks.

@drspouse A&E honks never an easy thing.

@Tulipandmagnolia DH retiring sounds so good for you both, wishing you very happy days together. The tree is not any bigger threat than 3 months ago or a year ago, my neighbours had a tree surgeon in for their massive willow tree and it was put on an ‘it has to happen as it’s rotten and could last 5 years’ it went after 3 years. Tree felling is a long process. Will the tree stop tiny house for DS’s safety? Will or can you go ahead if the tree remains?

Finally home, facial x-ray was clear.
He did amazingly with a very very long wait (though he found stuff to watch on YouTube) and following complicated instructions and holding still in an awkward position for his x-ray.
Now exhausted but a bit wired, and need to remember to turn off all my alarms! DS and I will rest tomorrow.

@drspouse sleep well you two, especially you with clear x ray results

I don't know what will we do if there is no solution on the tree. The risk to DS is the same but there's an added risk to our insurance having to pay for it all and thatch insurance is hard to get and can get very pricey and you can't change if you make a claim. I am really fed up with it. I don't want to start a dispute with neighbour but it's like we will have to pay another £1,500. I hate this. But clearly it's me at fault again, I need to expect nothing of anyone. Everything is more important than DS here. Noone will ever help always us left to sort everyone's problems.

Can you reach any of the branches @Tulipandmagnolia ? Give a little scratch if you can and you should be able to see and smell a green live bit if there’s any life left in the thing. He can top it and lop back the branches if it’s dead and leave it (subject to a tree surgeons survey) but if it’s in a tight urban garden it will probably be better for him to remove it. If it’s still alive it may just be getting old and not coping with the recent hot hot summers. Neighbour sounds good though. I think cutting a path through your garden for someone to measure a tree is unusually kind and accommodating.

We are certain the tree is dead as it's had not a single needle on it since 2023 though we aren't tree specialists. It is just behind our shed and we cannot reach branches as they are too high and there's not space safely for a ladder. It's beyond him cutting it. It's 15 metres high. The branches that drop off are very brittle. I don't think it's revevivable, he's left it too long but needs a tree expert to look at but think the chance of reviving it is zero. It looked very different when we moved here.

We don't know this neighbour really as it's a different road to ours. He's nice enough but not hopeful he will do anything. Though when DH went round he thought there would be zero chance the guy wouldn't realise it was dead whereas the guys garden was really unkept and he clearly didn't realise it was dead. As conversation went DH I am concerned this tree is dead. Him it's just very late this year to get any needles. DH I think it's dead. But he let DH into garden to measure tree trunks and see trees. DH also pointed out the one next to it needed pruning and the guy agreed it did and agreed we could do it from our garden. But we can't do it from our garden and it's his tree. Normally everyone does their own trees here and gets tree surgeons but our street is conservation area, his isn't. If it fell it could hit two houses and 3 outbuildings depending on direction. The one house other than his has a lovely elderly man who is bed bound. For us it's DS if he's in the shed, the shed and the silkies and us if we are gardening.

All our neighbours in our street would have a tree surgeon out as would we and we would all take care of our own trees but it's conservation area. It might be he doesn't know what to do, or doesn't understand the situation but to cover ourselves we need him to act or it in writing otherwise it's deemed an act of god. I think we will photo tree. I may phone our tree surgeon to see if can get any advice for free. I probably will still put in for planning but we could end up spending nearly a thousand and it being refused with tree situation. The planning lasts 3 years but is for a specific shed. They often don't work in nesting season but normally quick to get work done if not then.

I’d phone environmental health and express your concerns. They will then contact the owner if necessary. Branches that fall are likely to be dead but there can still be life in other limbs. Other streets near it will obviously influence how it falls when it does but you could chattily mention to him that it may be easier and cheaper to remove a very tall tree in a controlled way before it gets too brittle.

@drspouse sorry DS had a seizure and fell. Glad to hear the x-rays were clear.

An EP for the LA has visited DS1. It wasn’t something I wanted to happen, but we couldn’t say no. If we refused the LA would have asked SENDIST to Order us to make DS1 available and it would have been seen as obstructive. DS1 couldn’t engage. He didn’t do any of the tasks. Growled, cried “no”, hid under a blanket and tried to kick the EP when she got too close. I’m sure the report is going to support placing him in a PMLD/SLD/PD school.

Oh that's disappointing from the EP @scoopofmintchocchipicecream.
We have tried to ask that EPs/SALTs assess DS at home and have preliminary visits because those help him so much but some are so inflexible.
I feel it's his maths tutor that knows his ability best because he's taken so long to get to know him!

Oh I’m sorry to hear that @scoopofmintchocchipicecream the fight just never stops for you.

Yes taking the time to build that relationship @drspouse is critical isn’t it and it really does take time longer than “average” I’ve found with my DD finding a tutor whose prepared to do it.

@drspouse I am sorry, DS fell during a seizure. It’s is always such a shock; but there’s no time for that, you have to spring into action and take them to A & E or whatever, don’t you?

@drspouse and @FrostySunRun, the right people make all the difference, don’t they?

In this case, more visits wouldn’t make a difference. It would be unlikely to change the quality of the LA’s evidence or what the recommendations. It takes a long time for DS to become comfortable with others (so right about it taking longer than average @FrostySunRun). Longer than there is between now and the hearing. And the LA also wants their own SALT, OT, physio and a, new to DS1, SW to assess.

Thanks @Zeonlywayisup I am not sure environmental health will help as it's all private land but I may try and message our tree surgery company which is on councils approved list. They are quite helpful and may say something useful for free. They also do the tree surveys if the council insist on one which appears likely. I want to find out if planning will likely be refused due to trees but there are tree issues everywhere in our garden due to so many big trees. If they are strict it would mean no shed anywhere. There's also the option to tick disability and not pay planning charge but then everything is published so we are veering towards no and paying it. DSs privacy is worth more. You can apparently just use pip letter but that is published with name and address. I find it ridiculous they publish everyone's name and address with zero regard to victims of domestic violence or just people who value privacy and with no warning but they do. I have raised it and they stopped but then restarted. I am going to photo tree as well. Though no idea even if you send a letter how you prove you sent it. If the tree surgeon replies might use that as an excuse to have something in writing but DH is nervous. He thinks the guy may think about it and do something which he might do but would be useful to know what. He said he didn't tell the guy we were worried. If we get asked to do a tree report it will cover his trees anyway, it'll just be annoying if planning refuse due to trees after paying almost £1,000 but getting hold of planning is like getting hold of the LA for EHCPs and we have had our free 15 minutes.

I have the plans from shed company and everything done for planning so it's just tree issue left and whether we tick disability box. DH says no and think he's probably right. We live in a village and some people will read entire planning applications however minor. We are on good terms with everyone but I need to be careful with DS.

Lovely day out with DH, went to house in Norfolk and round house and gardens and had afternoon tea. It's one of the Invitation to View Tours historic houses do. It's good this retirement thing though feels far too young as I'm mid 50s. 30C today but was largely inside including the church were the owner played the organ.

@drspouse what an ordeal for you both! It sounds like DS was an absolute hero though, and I'm glad that the x-ray was clear.

@Tulipandmagnolia every LA has a tree officer. You could contact yours to alert them to your suspicion that the tree is dead and causes a hazard due to its size and proximity to other gardens.

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream I'm sorry you're dealing with this. What makes you think it will be supportive of a school setting if DS1 reacted so badly to the presence of a new adult? I'm probably ignorant, but DD3's EP said her hands were tied in terms of suggestions because DD3 would only engage online or in her garden, in the winter, so she couldn't suggest any group setting, etc., and could only suggest a flexible, bespoke provision. Surely the EP could see that DS is not going to cope with a group setting?

Today has been hard. School run, straight back for SW update appointment on Teams, then straight into town for DD1's psychology appointment. She was very low and despondent, which the psychologist tried to pull her out of but didn't succeed. I ended up crying on the psychologist's shoulder once DD1 got in the car, then town was nose-to-tail on the way to DD3's school, so I was 20 minutes late collecting her. We got back 5 minutes before the carer was due, and she was waiting in our car. DD2 had made DD1 lunch when we were on our way home. She lasted just under 30 minutes of her one hour session, then said her thoughts were too bad and she needed the carer to leave.

I've now remembered that I haven't told the agency what care I want for next week...helpful.

Sorry its been a difficult day @Lougle Hope the weekend improves things and gives a rest.

Have just submitted planning and paid for it. Not sure how it will end up re trees. It was quite difficult to phrase but just put it had no foliage on it since 2023 and we think it needs a tree specialist to assess it and concerned about fall risk as could be fatal but hopefully can be saved and brought back to health. I wondered whether to wait for tree surgeon to reply but just wanted to get it off. Yes I think there is a tree officer as they are at all meetings here on these things though they seem ask you to get tree specialist reports. That will cover the neighbours tree. I just hope they don't refuse planning as they would refuse every location in our garden in that case. But current shed / base has been there 40 years or so and its similar size so that should help. Am not paying shed deposit until we get approval as it looks 70/30 whether we will get it.

Found cat on the freezer, 30C is too hot for a big fluff ball.