The Goose & Carrot Pub

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A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

The difficulty is that if we say who is who, that defeats their name changes. I'll PM you the ones I've got so far.

@BlueandWhitePorcelain im the poster that looks like Margot Robbie, if that helps. If not I’m the poster that has late nights (doesn’t narrow it down) I’m also the poster that has a lot of questions about student loans.

I went to meeting with DS on Friday, with DGD’s school - to take the minutes. I was astonished to hear the SENCO say she couldn’t refer DGD for an EHCNA, because she doesn’t know what provisions to ask for! So, no need for EHCNAs here by ed psy, SALTs and OTs, because SENCOs can diagnose the SEN themselves and already know what provisions will meet the needs!

You've brought back a memory. When DD2 had her EHCNA, the LA commissioned a private SALT who declared that DD2 was average because when you add together her scores of 0.4th centile and 98th centile, then divide by 2, you get almost 50%. I complained and she phoned me. She said "You're really tying my hands behind my back here, because DD2 isn't in school so I don't know what provisions they can provide." I said "That's not how it works. You say what she needs, then the LA finds the place that can provide it."

There was a bit of tumbleweed, then something clicked and I said "Have you actually read the SEN Code of Practice?" She replied "Who published that?" "The Government." <Awkward silence>

I'm pretty sure the LEA SENDOs don't know what the SENCOP is here either, by the way they get confused when I point out provision needs to be quantified.

@lougle I remember that!

I can never decide which is worse. Ignorance or strategic incompetence. The former means they haven’t taken the time to ensure they have a rudimentary understanding of the SEN system. That tells you something about their attitude towards SEN. Even if they haven’t yet completed the NPQSENCO (or NASENCO in its previous incarnation), one would hope they at least wanted to seek out information that is the cornerstone of their work. The latter means it is an active choice to deceive.

My breadcrumbs I usually have a weather seasonal reference user name. DD2 is AuDHD and has a EOTAS package due to high anxiety after a period of burn out from ms school in yr8/9. I’m really not looking forward to the AR in June but her main AP is very supportive and reassured me that they have good evidence she’s engaging and making educational progress plus being mid-exam syllabus should hopefully be enough to keep them in place for another year. Plus it’s cheaper than specialist. The other AP involved are all going ok, it’s only one provider I need to stop as it’s just not worked she’s barely engaged for 6hrs in total all year yet I think they are merrily billing the LA..

Love the user name @scoopofmintchocchipicecream my DD2 is often tempted out for “fresh air” by an ice cream. We always avoid the long queue at the seafront kiosk instead the run down cafe has the cheapest scoop and normally a lot quieter so no queuing. She actually met a friend out during half term and told me later they shared a bowl of chips in the cafe just chatting. Oooh my heart burst to hear it said so casually said. This is the impact of the adhd meds it’s great to see her regaining some confidence but she’s exhausted afterwards though and the next 24hrs was spent mostly in her bedroom from social exhaustion.

@FrostySunRun the ADHD meds were the breakthrough DD3 needed to get her out of the house.

My heart was a bit broken tonight. DD3 is going to be facing a really tricky situation soon and I can't tell her. She was happily chatting away this evening in full ignorance and I was having to nod and smile. (Won't say more because it's t'internet and you don't know how many people are lurking).

I spoke to DD2's Caseworker today. She's going to investigate provisions but thinks a bespoke package might be needed. To start justifying it she's going to contact the college that was being very supportive and see if there is anything they can do to modify the course for DD2, such as letting her do the theory parts of the course online, or smaller groups, etc. She's going to send the same query to the college that was less helpful. That way she'll have two 'no's (or in theory suggested solutions but it's very unlikely). The good thing is that she's totally understanding that it's animal care or nothing, and that trying to make DD2 do a course just because it ticks a box is a waste of everyone's time.

DD1 has been really tricky today. She just can't cope when someone else needs support. She's massively hyper vigilant about phone calls and emails I receive, thinking that it will be a college placement for her, or a social care provider. She's started scratching her arm when she's stressed. Today we had to help my parents with their Motability car renewal and by the time we got to the dealership she had beads of blood all up her forearm.

I'm tired.

It's DH's 50th tomorrow. I'm officially married to an old guy 🤣

Got a refund for the faulty tap today which is great as it was £300 in September last year. Got a new tap and I sanded and varnished the worktop so its fixed now and plumber coming tomorrow morning. Will have upstairs sink back.

DH has also come round to the shed instead of downstairs bathroom and says we can have a meeting. Though he did say what happens if DS wants to climb on thatched roof of shed. 🤔And planning and insurance. Planning not worried about as everyone has sheds. Listed buildings will love it. Think neighbours will love it. Insurance probably best to check. Hadn't thought about him trying to climb on a thatched roof but they can leak if you do but at least they don't have gutters which he has taken part off current shed. We always have to think of what silly things could DS do. He keeps the inside immaculate and he is being very careful with the turf and just going on the paths. So hopefully if we went through do not take gutter off shed, do not climb on a thatched roof he wouldn't but it is a bit scary with costs involved. He needs a treehouse. At least the company do lots of work for SN schools so they may know the best design for asd boys. We will see if can have it bigger than now and what impact that has on cost. DS does love small but the extra space would be good and I am clearing beside the shed. The squirrel is often on the shed roof but they seem to love thatch so will be fine with them and DS would love it to look like a mini version of our house which should be achievable. The only thing is we need electrics checked (EICR) every 5 years with house thatch insurance and whether would be same for shed but can phone and see. We maybe able to combine.

Every time I read about your shed plans it makes me grin @Tulipsandmagnolias . It all sounds so beautiful and you're going to have meetings about it. I'm looking at sheds on a much lower budget and my meetings with DH are literally 'we really need to sort that shed thing out...' as one of us walks out the door. I need some of your drive and stamina!

DGD has started scratching herself, when she is feeling distressed - despite the school meeting all her needs, per the SENCO!

Happy 50th to your DH @Lougle

You seem to have lots of drive and stamina @Lougle and achieve a lot but it must be exhausting with 3 requiring support and one very high needs. Sorry about DD3.

I am not sure what shed we will go for - will research more first re insurance and exact specs / cost. My favourite is the thatched one but DS does climb and also don't know how much its adds to costs / if it adds to insurance. The electric checks needed for thatched house insurance every 5 years I think could just include shed, we had a shed before with electrics and water at old house which was included in checks.

Plumber has been and we have our upstairs sink back working with new tap and I varnished and sanded vanity and it all looks good and no leak. Had to empty vanity and re fill it.

Lawn surviving well at the moment, will check in more detail at weekend.

@Lougle Happy Birthday to DH.

@FrostySunRun it is lovely to read about DD2’s progress. Chips, in a cafe, with a friend is amazing.

Today I visited the SS the LA has named for DS1 from September. I went with the specialist teacher who oversees and co-ordinates his EOTAS package, the EP and physio that are part of his EOTAS package. It was helpful to visit and talk to staff to build evidence towards our appeal. The head is as horrified as us at being named.

"It was helpful to visit and talk to staff to build evidence towards our appeal."

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream I feel like we need Punch and Judy out "That's the way to do it!"

I always think a horrified head is a good bargaining chip. What are they thinking? Such a waste of time.

lougle happy birthday to DH for tomorrow. I hope his work situation can be resolved satisfactorily. It must be such a worry.

scoopofmintchocchipicecream Surely the LA must know that that school is not going to work? Complete waste of everyone's time.

Frostysunrun your Dd2 is making great progress. I hope you can find a way for her to manage the exam. Chips with a friend is great even if exhausting afterwards.

I was trying to sort out my grocery delivery slot for tomorrow the other day as Dd has a routine blood test at my usual time. Out of the blue she said ' of course I could be an adult and go myself'. It seems that she really thinks she could manage as she doesn't have to do any talking or explaining so that is the plan - that she goes herself.

Sorry your having to hoop jump @scoopofmintchocchipicecream hopefully the school head will provide can’t meet needs evidence. It’s just an unnecessary waste of everyone’s energy & time.

happy birthday @Lougle DH hope he can enjoy himself despite the unsettling job situation. And DD1 has a calmer weekend

@NoHaudinMaWheest sounds promising that DD prepared to go herself for the blood test. Hope it goes smoothly.

Sorry to hear DGD is scratching herself @BlueandWhitePorcelain we had similar with secondary school saying could meet DD2 needs yet when they supplied safeguarding log evidence for the tribunal there were multiple entries from staff who witnessed her self harming it was really upsetting to read but apparently she “was fine” most of the time! A “fine” person doesn’t hit them self, scratch or pick until they bleed and rock under a table out of choice.

Hope the shed plans can progress @Tulipsandmagnolia sounds fun.

@NoHaudinMaWheest sometimes they amaze us, don't they? DD2 decided that she would get us all drinks from the refill drink dispenser in the Harvester today. I mean, it was right next to our table but she still got up, took a picture of the options, took our orders, and filled the glasses.

I've just finished writing the letter for DH that formally turns down the offer of his demotion suitable alternative employment. Let's hope the LA agree.

Hopefully, the head will write a letter to the tribunal, saying the school couldn’t possibly meet DC’s needs? (I have heard of it happening)

@Tulipsandmagnolia When we had our extension, the builders knocked down the garage, to extend on the side of the house and round the back. We realised having no outside storage was a bit of a drawback for prospective buyers, so we got the hard landscaper to level some ground, put in hardcore and lay the slabs leftover from the patio, to form the base and he then erected (all for £3,000) a 6’ x 8’ bog standard wooden shed (£1,000), we chose, for us. He did it at the same time as a brick drive (where he got the hard core from) on a good deal (half the price, the builder quoted).

I realise it’s not got quite the same aesthetic, as a thatched shed, but it’s ok for us and we didn’t have much money left over after the extension. The important part for us was the downstairs bedroom and shower room for DD1, where the garage used to be!

@NoHaudinMaWheest well done DD. That’s a big step. I hope the appointment went well.

@Lougle I’m sorry you and DH and facing the worry and upheaval around DH's job. I hope you aren’t waiting too long for an answer and that it is a favourable decision.

I think the LA knows exactly what they are doing with the aim of causing maximum stress and spread our resources thinner.

We already have the negative consultation response, which will go in the bundle. They will write a statement, which will also be part of the bundle as is normal for BFI appeals, and is going to be a witness at the hearing. The HT recognises DS1 won’t cope in the school and the school and many of their existing pupils won’t cope with him. Reeling off a list of reasons why the school is wholly inappropriate before I needed to say anything.

The school is also looking at something else, that I won’t post about publicly because I know a member of staff at my LA has previously read my posts on MN (makes me sound paranoid but it's true.) and I don’t want to alert the LA to what is happening.

If only your DS could be a witness. 5 second hearing!

If only!

None of mine ever have but some CYP attend a small part of the hearing.

@FrostySunRun @NoHaudinMaWheest your posts are so joyous. The end goal is always to access life isn’t it. Go your girls!

Capability continues on an up tick here too. I got so tired I forgot DD’s medication yesterday. She didn’t! I remembered 2 hours later and she had already gone downstairs got the correct pill and taken it on time. Next step is ordering it herself.

DH is away this week and DM has been frighteningly unwell. I have been very upset and distracted because I can’t get to see her.