The Goose & Carrot Pub

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A thread for all who have DC with SN. The thread is deleted in 90 days and doesn’t show in active. The season is changing and the bar is well stocked.

@Lougle sorry today has been so difficult. You sound exhausted. Understandably.

When LAs seek assessments while there is a live appeal, more often than not, it is to strengthen their position rather than reconsider it. The LA’s EP report will be about supporting the placement the LA has named rather than gathering a truly independent view of his needs, provision required, etc. The EP will use the lack of engagement and limited language to support the LD placement being suitable. Which is obviously nonsense, but I know it will happen. We have evidence to refute it; it’s just going through the motions.

The physio assessment will be to refute the need for the level of provision we are pursuing, including an expensive piece of equipment. Somewhat ironically, a piece of kit an increasing number of PD schools have. The SALT and OT assessments will be to a) support the placement they have named and to b) counter our evidence in terms of how much provision is required. The SW report will be to refute some of the PfA provision.

Thanks @scoopofmintchocchipicecream , I am pretty tired. I think I'm just feeling a bit of grief that we aren't enough for DD1, and by trying to be so, we are failing DDs 2&3. There's no happy solution. I'd love to think that DD1 would become 'well' and improve the relationship with her sisters, but I think that's unrealistic.

It's all a nonsense, isn't it? The thought of DS1 being made to endure any group setting after years of bespoke provision, and frankly, the thought of any group being able to accommodate his needs without seriously compromising provision for other children, is pretty wild. And to what end? Do they think that his educational needs will end at 3pm? Do they think he suddenly won't need 2:1 support? Daytime sleep? Physical activities that meets his needs for movement? Do they think all of the risk you manage as a well oiled team will evaporate because he is in a school building? Will he suddenly not get dysregulated, not growl, bite and kick?

They know they will lose, yet they persist. Why?

Sorry, that was a bit of a useless rant - you already know how absurd they are being.

@Tulipandmagnolia I thought you were replacing a shed that was there already? Tree being unsafe on someone else’s land wouldn’t be part of your planning application. If it was me I would deal with that first as they will be asked to remove it if it’s dangerous and it won’t cost you anything. As pp said there’s a tree guy. As far as I’m aware ALL planning applications are public. Depending on footprint you need to post a notice that you are demolishing the original shed as well.

Sorry you are sad @Lougle but you are improving the lives of all your DDs. Maybe think of it as you are making DD1s life better rather than you are not making her life perfect. DS is like that since hospital, too broken and damaged to make completely better but we can make him comfortable and that's more than anyone else achieved. Obviously you still want to better version and wish you could go back in time to get the pre hospital version and seeing every child like him when younger makes us sad but you do need to look after yourself and rest when you can. You are making super human efforts and doing so much but I worry it'll be too much for your health if you don't rest. Hard with 3 I know.

Yes we have existing shed and base @Zeonlywayisup which has probably been there since 80s and 90s but trees have grown a lot and 2 new trees are there now. No demolition approval needed as too small.

Shed base may pre date all 3 trees based on their circumference. It's just whether trees or shed takes priority but if it's trees we can't have a shed anywhere in garden as there are big trees everywhere. As we are not altering base and similar size I hope they will allow it but it's saying it's very likely we will be asked to pay for a tree survey to see whether to allow permission.

The tree survey would include tree we are concerned about being looked at by tree specialist so we are going to wait and see if we are asked for that, it's saying highly likely will be and we can see what they think re that tree. If they think it's safe that resolves it. If they think it needs to come down we can present report to neighbours which covers insurance and hopefully they will act. We could get neighbour to be there when they visit, they almost certainly would be as need to go in their garden. I think they would listen to tree specialist and we would too. It's not an imminent very high risk but they tend to do work out of nesting season so good to think about it pre end of August.

@Lougle one of the hardest parts is not being able to magically fix things. There isn’t a perfect solution, but you are doing your best and no-one can ask for more. Sibling relationships are hard to navigate without the added complication of disabilities. On top of that, if your DDs are anything like my DSs, they can’t see anyone else’s perspective and think someone else is the favourite.

Don’t apologise for your rant. It is entirely true. DS1 won’t cope in the school and the school and many of their existing pupils won’t cope with him. Everyone would be put at risk - staff, other pupils and DS1.

I think the reasons for the LA’s behaviour are complex and multifaceted. Not all SENDIST judges are as open to detailing, specifying and quantifying comprehensive EOTISC packages as they could be. If they err, the decision can be challenged, but that takes time and some people decide to just appeal again when they next have the right of appeal. The LA will take a chance that the outcome of the appeal may result in a smaller package.

Even if it that isn’t the case, although we have a hearing this academic year, not all phase transfer cases do. When making their decisions, the LA wouldn’t have known when the HD would be. We have a HD this summer but some hearings are being vacated with the case being relisted for a later date because of a lack of capacity. If the appeal isn’t concluded and the amended EHCP finalised by September, the LA will be saving a significant amount of money in the immediate term.

The LA may try to pull a stunt such as requesting an adjournment because they want to put a different school on the table last minute or because they concede section I and ‘wish to work with us on B&F’. I’m ready for that, but from their PoV, it can be worth a try.

Then the case is listed for 1 day. LAs sometimes try to drag out hearings so they are adjourned to finish hearing them another day, and depending on the judge, this can sometimes work even if you try to move things along at pace.

I’m sure part of it is also retaliation for successfully advocating for DSs.

I had a conversation with my new best friend AI re chances of getting planning permission and it reckons we will get it as we are not altering base and it's a similar size to old one. If we were altering base it says we may well not have got permission due to trees roots. We will have to wait and see. It's great being able to have a two way conversation with AI as can't with DS, and DH never wears his hearing aids so he answers different questions or you have to repeat everything 5 times. The cat is the best for conversations but it's limited to complimenting him, food and chickens and birds. I had just worked out a plan for if they made us take current shed and base down and not allow a new one of a garden arbour and vegetable plot which can grow in shade. We will find a solution to whatever but wish it was less complicated and less public.

It did say we may need a section 211 for our tree 6 weeks in advance if needs any pruning. I have done those before so that's fine. The tree company do them too and they are free. It's borderline whether it needs pruning. In 2024 the tree company said it didn't when they did our other trees.

Now have an email for the trees people at the council, won't use it until we hear from planning, but useful to have it. And apparently doing any work on concrete base including removing it could harm trees so they won't ask us to remove base so think this will get through as shed is above ground and not that different in size to old one. Could be up to 15 weeks with validation as well.

@Lougle it is crushing when nothing gives an uptick on health or family life and it really is not as simple as securing support/carers as after all being with you is far more attractive because you have spent years understanding your girls. You are one of the very good eggs and are trying your heart out every single day, we can all see that. Honk honk

@scoopofmintchocchipicecream I wouldn’t be surprised if they have just taken a spreadsheet looked at costs and have a strategy of grinding down any provision over X amount regardless of needs. Wicked behaviour and so much more expensive in the long run. I’m rooting for you and DS1.

I left the house to get specific supplies and oh my I’m a puddle.

You can avoid upsetting the land using padstones or the screw based ones but if you are building the same size all you need is to get someone to look at the base you have and if necessary skim it.

is the new shed actually materially different or could it just be “fixing” what’s there? Sheds have new roofs and walls etc all the time.

@Lougle you can’t ever be enough for all of them. There are always limited resources and someone always gets less than you would like. Everything is magnified when Sen is in the picture too and it is soul scouring when your child is sad and nothing helps. As adults we know things change and the unbearable eases or you change to adapt but as children and young adults that isn’t understood and I found with mine that they pulled me back into that tsunami of young adult experience. Wait. Be the bedrock for them to launch from. They will find a way. They are such good girls and you are such a loving mum. Sometimes you really do just have to trust things will get better. Honk honk. We all see you.

We have had the base inspected and its fine and I've also cleared and cleaned the excess base. Its a completely new shed and planning permission is now applied for. Apparently don't need listed buildings consent as not touching house or a wall and don't need demolition due to size. The shed company build it here. I think it'll all go through OK, it just can be slow so likely a few months and then the weather will be turning so not sure if will do this year or wait until next spring.

I have just cleared and cleaned kitchen with DH for 2 hours 40, well I did 2 hours 40 DH did about 40 mins and that sat with the cat saying isn't your Mum amazing whilst I sorted and cleaned. I got through every cupboard, the fridge, the walls, the floor the microwave and quickly the cooker. Good to have it done. And the black bin is optimised. Our lives are so exciting now. 😂

The shed /summerhouse we have settled is a bespoke one by Cosy Sheds, its a bit like this one. Roof is like this, ours will be horizontal weatherboard tanalised and we will paint (as otherwise its not pressure treated) and at front we have canopy like this one but not the underneath parts, solid wood door (love the one with glass in but DS closes doors like he is an elephant in a rush), the two 4 pane windows either side. We also have an 8 pane window one the one side (side we have 4 foot on so we can set up some flower pots etc). We will paint ours colours to match house. Its lined and windows open. Hopefully that's what we are getting through anyway.

Won't let me upload it.

It sounds like you've got everything just as you want it @Tulipandmagnolia . I hope the planning goes through quicker than you think.

I've managed to improve DD2's car situation. We ordered her car in April and the estimated delivery time was August, now October/November.

I found a dealer a couple of hours away who had put in speculative orders in February, so they have a few cars in August. It was a bit of a admin exercise - cancel Motability order with current dealer, then redo it with the new dealer, but all very amicable. Currently, it's due on 4th August.

That's great about the car @Lougle

It may go through quicker for the shed, but there's also a delay with the manufacturer as they are made to order and very popular so when we visited in May they said September. We will wait for planning to order but its designed and we have the quote so as soon as we get planning we can order. I think they said they put it up in 90 minutes as pretty much everything is done in their workshop. It maybe end August we get approval but might take us to December with manufacturer time, it can be his Christmas present. 😂

@Lougle wow! Car whisperer supreme! I hope you get a rest soon. You are keeping so many plates spinning.

@Tulipandmagnolia it sounds like you have a plan. 90 minutes is just flabbergasting. Aren’t people incredible.

Another seizure here for ds. I’m feeling scared by it all but not showing it. My new scale of “how’s it going” is if I can hide my feelings things aren’t too bad. This parenting lark is not as advertised. Ds will bounce back. All hope now hanging on a new drug. Ghastly LA for binning us just as things get difficult but the plus side is I don’t have to deal with them anymore. Apparently college with support is with the move to adult services. I haven’t heard from them for weeks so that seems unlikely, and what would they do anyway???

@Zeonlywayisup How many drugs have been tried on DS?

@BlueandWhitePorcelain we’re early on that journey, but I have been here before. I tend to talk about ds in the pub because he wouldn’t mind and the bottom line is it makes me better at supporting him but I have other children and they have had their own less straightforward paths. The hunt for the drug that fits is not my favourite part of epilepsy.

@Zeonlywayisup sorry another seizure has intruded into your life so rudely. The LA are passing the buck.

@Lougle good news on DD2’s car.

@Zeonlywayisup sorry DS had another seizure.

If you want further support from adult services, I would approach them yourself. If you don’t want the education department of the LA to drop you, you can still challenge the LA ceasing the EHCP, which shouldn’t have completely ceased yet anyway since the appeal window is still open.

Rang my mum this morning after she rang and couldn't hear us. Could hear her being rude about me at that point and then was rude about DS who was trying to talk to her. We told him not to as she was trying to give me useful information but he was in fact trying to ask her how long she'd been in hospital "will he EVER learn the world doesn't revolve around him" was what she said.

@drspouse try to let it flow past you. Nobody is at their best in hospital and sometimes people aren’t great anyway. Just keep on loving him.