Primary School Auties 11: 2023 is here

[openupmyeagereyes]

Thread 11.

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022
Thread 10
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4592899-primary-school-auties-10-summer-and-beyond-2022?page=1

Well no news is good news danni…

We’ll have a picnic at home too. Ds probably won’t be interested though.

I have just invited my sister and family over for a 'relaxed' viewing and party food lunch. Can't go to my Mum's as one of my DN's will be watching the procession very intently (one of his obsessions his the armed forces) and if my 2 do not sit in silence then he will rage. I don't think any of the kids at mine will be interested (those DNs are 3 and 5) but DS enjoys cheering and possibly some of the music. DS's school have a Coronation event on next Friday which seems a bit odd timing. I can't really afford the time to attend (it starts at 1:30 so I'd lose 2 hours of work) but I know I'd feel guilty if I don't go - I am going to see if Granny can be persuaded!

I love your DS's evidence remark Danni!

No coronation stuff here, DD wants to watch it on the tv but will probably be bored after 5 minutes. We had her pre-assessment for diagnosis this week (health insurance seem to like it done this way) and doctor said there was more than enough evidence to go ahead so hopefully not much longer. She was also amazed school hadn't already applied for an ehcp after the suspensions, so guess that's another thing to do.

Hope everyone is enjoying the bank hol! We don't have one here. Had an OK weekend overall. Sleep is slightly better - evenings rough but nights a bit smoother. but the waking hours seem to be getting more intense! Headbanging is the latest challenge - not so much when she's stressed but more just something she does a lot, even when seems happy. Typically it's on my / DH's head, shoulder ,knee etc.. It hurts, but I'm also worried about if it's damaging for her - also if she starts doing it to the nanny etc (I'm already worried about losing the nanny because of the meltdowns and such, never mind physical pain). Any tips?

Ahna I’m sure the reasons for head banging are multiple and not simplistic. One of the OT books I have says that it can be about providing proprioception to the joints of the neck and also vestibular input to the head, both of which can be regulating. It recommends :

• Safety - getting them a helmet if it’s frequent
• provide regular deep pressure touch to the head
• encourage inverting the head
• headstands (with support)
• indoor swing for regular movement
• a rocking chair
• therapy ball activities
• mini trampoline

Ahna ds's head banging was awful when he was younger, he constantly had bruises on his forehead and one time he smashed his head through a window, which was horrifying.
We tried a lot of things to stop it but to be honest most of them didn't work. The most effective thing we did was carry a small pillow with us everywhere and try and put that between his head and whatever surface he was trying to bang it on. At one point we had a pillow with a vibrating thing in the middle to try and give extra feedback, it worked sometimes and not others.
Thankfully he eventually grew out of it.

Fairly relaxed bank holiday here, looking forward to getting the kids back into school tomorrow so I can finish my final uni assignment!

Hope everyone is ok?

Yeah not bad. I know there’s a whole rafter of suggestions/ therapies for stuff but am I the only one who thinks that they just don’t work? Well not for DS. Everyone is so hot on OT but even his teacher admitted not so long ago actually for many kids OT has little impact. It’s a shame really as on paper it looks so promising. I’m thinking about for us the screaming at the moment (again.)

I think sadly it is often just to hope and pray it will stop and eventually it usually does imo. But bloody hard in the interim.

thanks @openupmyeagereyes @livpotter super helpful ideas. Definitely @openupmyeagereyes most of those sound in line with her sensory profile. @livpotter small pillow is a good idea. Window - wow that sounds indeed horrifying...

Facial massage was recommended for the screaming by DSs OT. He thinks it’s just hilarious and makes him up his game. Zero impact.

carrie often I think we are forced to guess the reasons for behaviour and that makes it hard to find a proper solution. Lots of behaviour does pass, for us the major one that hasn’t yet is the extremely restricted diet. He has added 3 foods in the last 10 months which is great but none of them are particularly healthy and we were starting from such a low base. I think if I could get him eating scrambled eggs (he used to when he was young) I’d be really pleased but I can’t see it happening.

Very low key here. Ds watched the main bits of the coronation which surprised me. We had a good play date with a friend and I took him swimming.

We have had a good weekend on the whole. My main problem with DS at the moment is violence. He has been hitting me a lot, pushed his little cousin over and hit the other one on the head. Can't see how we can improve things as he seems to have no impulse control and doesn't seem to care about how we all feel.

On Friday he told his class that his Auntie was going to be at the Coronation. His teacher and TA were confused as to why my DSis (who is their colleague) hadn't mentioned it. Still not sure where he got this idea from but he wouldn't let go of it. He enjoyed watching bits of the Coronation but was frustrated that he couldn't spot his Auntie!

DS had a Quiddich workshop at school a couple of weeks ago. In preparation we watched the first Harry Potter film. He loved it and we're now about to start with 6th film. One thing I can't get my head around is that DS doesn't seem to find any of it remotely scary - I was in 2 minds whether we should watch it. If I jump or try and hide behind a cushion he is puzzled or amused. Have any of your children reacted like that?

@dimples76 oh the violence sounds tough. Perhaps a stupid question but does he do it when angry or upset or more of a general thing without meaning to lash out?

got home to a sh**show with the nanny (literally). Poo smeared in the rug, total mess. Curtain pulled off the rail (it’s been going that way for a while, DD insists on wrapping herself in it by twirling) and the cupboard door on the toy cabinet broken (again, been coming a while - she constantly opens and closes to scrape on the floor). Tried to be ‘oh it’s fine don’t worry’ with the nanny but was already in a down headspace and it hasn’t helped. Bleurgh!!

Oh no Ahna! Was she apologetic/ what did she say by way of explanation?!

Hi all, have name changed from being the monarch of a popular card game!
@Ahna65 don't apologise to the nanny! She should be explaining herself to you. Why were things allowed to escalate etc.
Quite chilled out bank holiday here, intermittent rain, but got out for some bits. Saw the new Mario film, which was ace. We're re reading the Harry Potter books again but not done the films yet as DS gets freaked out by even mild peril...
Back to routines tomorrow. Ho hum.

Ha yes, sorry just in case my messsge was misread, the nanny apologising to Ahna! I’d have been mortified if I was her!! What was she doing whilst all this was going on?! 🙄🙄

Open going back to the point about why our DC do things, I wonder, often now, if there is no reason other than it’s how his brain is wired. He screams because he likes doing it and it’s funny. There’s for him no other obvious alternative that he likes as much. What is then missing is the ability/ understanding that he must stop doing it because I’ve told him to stop. DD would love to read til midnight but she understands why she can’t and even if she didn’t understand or agree she wouldn’t do it simply because she knows she’s not allowed and I’ve said no. That’s completely missing with DS which makes it impossible really other than to just hope and pray it’s a phase and passes.

@SeverusSnapesTrueLove @carriebradshawwithlessshoes yeah she just said the tv wasn’t working so was hard to keep DD calm - I’m a bit like, why didn’t she take her out.. it was dry etc. I do too much screentime but don’t expect a ton from her. W the poo, I guess these things happen was just unfortunate with the other stuff too (which I don’t blame the nanny for, has been coming). With the poo we are getting some real blow outs , mostly bc I think as much as we try, DD is eating a lot of stuff she shouldn’t be - outside, kinetic sand.. etc etc

Oh Ahna that sounds really stressful.

The problem here is that about 90% of the time DS seems happy but then lashes out.

Open going back to the point about why our DC do things, I wonder, often now, if there is no reason other than it’s how his brain is wired. He screams because he likes doing it and it’s funny.

Yes, of course. A lot of stimming is done because it’s pleasurable. With verbal stimming it could be the sound or the vibrations it produces, or the effect on others.

Ahna sounds like a stressful situation to come back to. I hope today is better.

dimples does school do any emotional regulation learning with ds?

Had a terrible bank holiday with ds, hitting me. He’s been waking at 4am and having tantrums all day until bed (9pm) he’s drained the shit out of me this week.

I increased his medicine Last Tuesday or maybe Wednesday, anyway, he’s on the full dose now, so let’s see if it works and how long it takes. Because I put him up for sale 3 times yesterday and nobody would buy him! 🤣🤣

KIDS!!

Ds keeps saying some really shocking things to me.

I bully him apparently, (Bcos he gets told off, and rightly so as he’s so naughty!) just the slightest telling off or even me saying NO DS! he acts all victim crying and saying I ruin his life bullying him. His teacher told him at school during a phse lesson that bullying is when somebody says something not nice or when somebody acts unkind, which is true i guess, but ds being as literal as he is, now thinks I’m a bully as he perceives me to be unkind when I discipline him or say something he doesn’t like. He needs to take a lead out his own book actually!

He tells me he hates me hundreds of times a day, hundreds is probably down playing it. Possibly thousands 😂

If I hurt myself he keeps over exaggerating a laugh and saying HAHAHAHA I’m glad you’re hurt, I want my mum to feel pain. He genuinely enjoys it 😳

He’s telling me he’s going to get a knife and slice my stomach open, (knifes are obviously not on display at home or id not be communicating with you via this post!)

Anyone else’s child say such mean / disturbing things?

I’m actually getting concerned that when I had IVF the clinic accidentally inseminated me with Michael Myers offspring. It worries me some of the things that come out of his mouth.

Leaf* not lead.

I put him in the taxi for school last week and I went ‘have a nice day ds’ he went goodbye to the most hated person in the UK. 🤣

Its that kind of thing what he’s saying all the time atm.

Aw @danni0509 no advice but gah it sounds so so tough for you atm.. hope you can decompress a bit after the weekend.