Primary School Auties 11: 2023 is here

[openupmyeagereyes]

Thread 11.

This is a thread for the parents & carers of children with additional needs. Most of us have autistic/ADHD children in primary school, but anybody is welcome to join us to chat x

Links to previous threads below.

Thread 1
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed
Thread 2
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2
Thread 3
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3628263-Auties-transition-to-Year-1-thread-3
Thread 4
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3748449-Primary-school-Auties-into-2020-thread-4
Thread 5
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3953023-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-beyond-thread-5?pg=1
Thread 6
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4166833-Primary-school-auties-spring-2021-and-beyond-thread-6?pg=1
Thread 7
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4303826-Primary-school-auties-summer-and-the-new-academic-year-thread-7
Thread 8
www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/4422100-Primary-school-auties-step-into-Christmas-and-the-New-Year-thread-8
Thread 9
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4502988-Primary-school-auties-thread-9-spring-summer-2022
Thread 10
www.mumsnet.com/talk/special_needs/4592899-primary-school-auties-10-summer-and-beyond-2022?page=1

Hi. Just joining new one.

Happy new year all x

I’m a week late as I didn’t get on to post, but I’ll do my usual yearly post,

What are your resolutions for this year?

Mine are

Lose my remaining weight (3 more stone, I lost 4 stone in 2022) I’m 12 stone now so want to get to 9 stone which is what I should ideally be being such a short arse.

Get ds out of nighttime nappies.

Keep working on ds being more independent / better behaved. I’d rather this than academically, no good knowing how to read write when he can’t even do basics like wait in a queue for a minute or put his coat or shoes on by himself.

I want a little job, nothing major, just for a bit of extra money to help with everything costing so much, dh won’t be back at work for the foreseeable and bills are crippling us, ds is ok to stay with dh now so I just want something (10-15 hours a week ish) doesn’t even need to be long term, just while I have the childcare available at home and while we have less money with dh not working. Maybe a little cleaning job or something similar.

Oh and I want to learn to braid my own hair. Every year this is a target and every year can I fuck braid it 🤣

Things I’m grateful for from last year.

Ds settling in at school properly.

Ds settling on his medication.

Ds going full time school for the first time.

Dh helping me more at home and helping with ds.

I’m such a saddo every year I do a list and on the last day of the year I tick of what I’ve achieved.

danni you’re not a saddo, and 4 stones of weight loss is AMAZING! Well done you 👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻

Jules glad dd went in eventually.

Wow Danni congratulations on the weight loss! That's fantastic. I don't even know how much I need to lose as I can't bring myself to step on the scales but similar to where you started. Day 4 of low carbing and I am feeling positive

My New year's resolution is to go to bed earlier. DD is unwittingly helping me stick to it as she keeps waking at 10. Fortunately only briefly when I get into bed with her

That’s amazing Danni well done. Fwiw I think you would be snapped up in lots of job roles so see what’s out there. You have confidence, are intelligent and want to work. Loads of places would take you I’m sure. And for all our gripes about work it is nice to do something completely different to home life.

resolutions…

appreciate what DS is achieving not just what I want him to achieve (told to me by school yesterday)!!

accept that for me I’m never going to be a size 8 again

drink less but better quality wine

try and not worry so much about things I can’t change

try and swear less esp in front of DD!

My resolutions:
> weights 3 x pw; walking as many days as possible including ‘rucking’ 3 x pw (walking with weight in a rucksack).
> eating more healthily with more veg and less snacking
> fasting 14-16 hours 4-6 days a week (at least 12 hours daily).
> journaling 5-7 days pw.
> read at least 15-30 mins daily.

For ds:
> work on one area of social skills per month using my Talkability book.
> work on one practical skill per month.
> aim for one ‘educational’ visit per month (eg museum), especially while not in school ft.
> aim for one ‘fun’ trip per fortnight (eg bowling/cinema/soft play).
> get him outside more.

I re-listened to Atomic Habits this week and I’m currently reading The Compound Effect. I have a massive TBR list, as usual. I definitely have a problem with buying new books but I’m largely ok with that.

Would you recommend the Talkabiliy book Open?

Funny you should say that about swearing in front of the children Carrie. Ds's TA came over at pick up to say that he had been swearing today. My heart sank but fortunately it was only shit which barely registers with me as a swear word. She wasn't making a big deal of it she just wanted me to know that she had told him not to say it at school. He told her that he had learnt the word from YouTube- I said it was more likely that he had picked it up from the family (i.e. me). She also said that she can see huge improvement in his fine motor skills since the OT programme started. So DS came over to us and I said I have just been hearing about your great hand writing, well done. DS's response: Oh, I thought that you were talking about the shit thing!

Good luck with the job hunt Danni

Jules did your DD have a good day after the difficult start?

dimples I have had it years, looked at it numerous times but never properly implemented it so I have no idea. Dreadful really
isn’t it.

Hilarious from your ds

Ds has had good mornings at school the last couple of days. I finally spoke to the EP today so hopefully she will start observing ds next week.

She did, although it took an hour to get her into the classroom ( they have a den outside where she can do her work if there's someone to supervise).

Carrie thanks for calling me intelligent. I’ve been called many things, but never that. Lol.

Yes to the swearing, my language is terrible, (although is getting better)

I took ds to Tesco recently and I said to dh I’m sick of him filling the trolley with all his shit. Now ds thinks that’s what it’s called. He says ‘mum can we fill it full of shit’

Like it’s just a normal sentence. He thinks that’s what it’s called.

How bad is that? 🤣

I’m quietly bending down like ds do not say that, but he learnt it from me.

He also says for fuck sake a lot but it’s always in the correct context.

School have mentioned it a few times on my emails, I just message back like oh no you’re joking! I’ll have a word etc.

Must do better!

Ds has gained loads of weight this last few months, he’s gone from 4st 3lb to 4st 11lb. He’s gone from looking literally skeletal to looking a lot healthier.

Hes still on his paediasure shakes once a day, but with his mince pies and hot cross buns he’s been scoffing it’s made his weight come right back up.

He’s not eating any meals still, other than plain pasta and plain bagels and a pot of Quaker Oats with jam in (he won’t eat out of a bowl - so we bought those pots and he eats them no issue) but all his snacks are helping him gain weight.

Carrie that made me laugh.

Not stop drinking fully, but to drink better quality wine 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Gah, loud tantrum from ds at 6am this morning and I did not handle it the best way. I feel so much pressure in the early hours to get him to stop shrieking as soon as possible - without giving in to what he’s demanding. I do wish we lived in the middle of nowhere where he could just get over it without disturbing our neighbours. I need to try and figure out what I can do differently in these circumstances, but not sure I will have any ideas.

danni great news about ds’ weight, must be such a relief.

Open I feel the same, during the day not so much but first thing, I’m trying asap to stop the screams because of the neighbours, it’s at those times the masking tape would come in handy isn’t it!

danni it’s a bloody pita. Just want a bit of peace & quiet in the mornings, not ww3 😬

And that’s when dh and I start bickering about how to handle it and what each other is doing wrong. Sigh.

My dream is to win the lottery. Buy a country house and build an annexe for ds that has a soft play, tv and video games as well as a comfy seating area for me. Then when he wakes at 4am we can go there and he can just make noise and it won’t matter.

Oh and hire specialist staff

Oh that dream sounds nice.

And yes to the bickering with dh. We do exactly the same, he tells me I wind ds up, but when ds is kicking off I don’t have the patience sometimes (like at that time of the morning) and I say well he’s winding me up. Then I’m like if you can do a better job do it and it goes from there, and often it ends with me telling dh I’m moving out and he can have ds full time and I’ll see him on a weekend etc etc etc 🤣

Hard work isn’t it.

danni what sleep meds is DS taking now? What time does he have them? I do find unfortunately a side effect makes DS quite groggy/ slow on a morning, do you not find that? Not ideal but means it’s always his quietest time of day…

I’m fact I’m wondering if to try and reduce a bit. School said he’s been v tired this week. So like last night he was in bed asleep 9pm, we had to wake him this morning at 8.30 and he was happy to cuddle really for another hour with me and books. Def tired and groggy. Makes me worry he’s having some unseen epileptic activity in the night, I hate never knowing that. Sometimes I think I should sleep in his room but even then if he’s not obviously fitting I wouldn’t know.

Or maybe he’s just tired as it’s first week back. How are you supposed to know?!