Auties transition to Year 1 - thread 3

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in reception year at school, going into Year 1 in the autumn. All welcome (also parents with older or younger children who want to ask questions or share their wisdom!)

Welcome!

Hope everyone is having a good morning and a good night sleep?

So the good news is that DD had a good day yesterday, came out with a big smile clutching some cookies she'd baked.

The had news is that there was full on heart tearing crying this morning and she cried the all the way to school. Her teacher gave her a cuddle when she saw DD crying and I quickly left.

Still hoping it's just transition back from being on half term but if it continues tomorrow I need to speak to Senco. DD's teacher usually speaks to the Senco most days anyway so they might discuss DD before then.

I hope it went well... how was this morning?
For DD it was definitely the transitions she found hard rather than school - but even though she really enjoys school she does still find it totally exhausting.

I actually think she finds Year 1 easier in some ways as there is more structure and less unstructured play time. But then the academics ramp up a lot, so she kind of needs the energy... I dunno. I think you can only take one year (or actually one term!) at a time.

Its getting worse. Last 2 mornings when we have said right boys school time he has wet himself. Hes sore again too. Yesterday the class TA came out to get him from the yard he was telling her though sobs no am not coming in so she started to grab at his arm then he clung to me and was trying to dodge the ta grabbing him which i was in the way so she couldnt he move so she quickly grabbed him she said mum you can go i will take him in i said no i promised i wouldn't do that sue huffed said oh then took him in to class she wasn't actually dragging him guiding him but she had hold of his arm the whole time. I then got a phone call at 3.10 to tell me he had spent the morning in reception class as the class had gone to the park and he had to be rescued out side school as he was complianing of abdominal pain. Ds told me he was too scared to go.
This morning he walked though gates and froze wouldn't go any further was shaking and sobbing. Everytime a teacher went near him he ran. He ran home in the end we live outside school gates few doors up. The head of eyfs talked him into school from our front door by telling him he could go get a poppy he wanted to go in get the poppy and come home
He told her i want my mummy to come but the head won't allow her into school my mummy will get into trouble. They made me wait in reception then go. The tricked him into going in the kept him which means hes going to be very angry at me tonight 😕.

I have tried to not send him byt all anyone seems to care about including the gp is his attendance his thoughts feelings and mental health mean nothing as he is fine once in and so happy and settled really? I dont belive he is or why would he be acting so bad going in?

Ds has an emergency gp appointment at 6.15 as its an emergency one they dont tell you which go its pot luck fingers crossed its a more understanding one.

Hope the appointment goes well Harley it really sounds like your DS is very very unhappy at this unsupportive school. Mental health is as important as physical health and hopefully you'll get a GP who supports this.

DD cried as soon as I picked her up today and screamed and cried the whole way home. Her teacher said she had a good day but I suspect DD is holding it all in.

@LittleSwede thank you. It was an out of hours gp and he did what he could hes sending a note to our go practice to book us a double appointment to fill in a referal for Cahms. Feels like a step forward its hope at least.

Harley I am sorry that things are so tough and that school doesn't seem to have real understanding of your son. I think you mentioned before school saying that it was a safeguarding issue you being in school. I was thinking perhaps that school could get you DBS checked?

LS I think going back after the hols is really hard - hopefully your DD will be back in the swing of the routine soon.

DS is exhausted this week as he lives fireworks and keeps getting out of bed to look for them. It may take a while to convince him that bonfire night is over.

Harley that is good, sounds like he listened and understood. The more evidence you can get the better and a cahms referral should help.

No tears this morning!

Oh that's good Little ... fingers crossed she has a couple of good days and then can be happy/confident going into the weekend! Have you got anything planned or just a quiet one where she can decompress a bit?

Glad the GP was somewhat helpful Harley. Is it him that you'd be going back to or somebody else? Totally agree MH is at least as important as physical health, and there is no point being in school just so the school can hit their figures if he is overwhelmed and sore and not in a good state to actually learn anything. Do you have any more dates in the diary for interactions with SENDIASS or the local authority re: getting an EHCP set up etc? It feels like an understanding 1:1 would make a huge difference to your DS, even given the lack of understanding at the school.

You clever people have probably already come across this website but I only discovered the site notfineinschool yesterday (I think it was mentioned on a training course I went on recently) and it has really helped me to prepare in case DD's school anxiety persists.

I just printed off the 13 page document titled Forcing an Anxious Child to Attend School and highlighted the bits which I think are worth sharing with DH later. I think I did the right thing making her go in yesterday and the day before, despite the tears, as I think it was just adjusting to being back after the break BUT if it happens again or continues I will definitely ask Senco for strategies.

I actually ended up emailing the Senco just now, I think she needs to know even if DD is fine again tomorrow. The schools approach seemed to have been to just 'throw' DD in without support to see how she coped whilst they 'got to now her' and I'm just not sure that was the best strategy.

Light we have a quiet weekend planned and have promised DD a trip to McDonalds as she didn't get one after we went to the cinema on Sunday.

Ohhh, I meant to share that we took DD to her first autism friendly screening/cinema trip on Sunday (she had seen Peppa Pig before but it was a nearly empty screen) and she really enjoyed it! We watched Farmageddon and she loved it. Now hoping they do one for Frozen 2 as it is DD's 'special subject', loves anything 'Elsa'.

LittleSwede I hadn’t heard of that website so thank you. I’ll have a look at their pdf guide.

Normal sleeping has resumed here, thank goodness. He’s back to waking around 4:30 but it could be worse. I’ve just ordered the This Works sleep plus spray which claims to help reduce night/early wakings. I’m sure it won’t do anything or he won’t like the smell but you never know. It was 20% off so it seemed a bargain

@dimples76 its more to do with the teachers and tas dont like me and don't want anything to do with me they won't even communicate with me anymore.

Thank you @LittleSwede

@LightTripper no it will be a different gp i am going to request a certain on as she is fantastic with ds.

Ds has shocked and amazed me today. Hes had no accident at all. He had a wee in abush on way back from chemist as we had no access to toilets and he really needed a wee. Told me when i asked him if he needed a wee that he wouldnt hold it like he does in school as he has to hold till break time and that he then gets scared and wees then gets nervous as hes wet and wees some more. I told him he didn't need to hold he should ask he said i do. Then went to his friends for tea and he went alone i followed down later. He use toilet there for for a poo and a wee and even tried to clean himself. I honestly can't believe how great hes done today.

@littleswede not seen that website i will have to take a look. Hope dd has a easier time going in tomorrow.

@openupmyeagereyes glad ds sleep is a little better i hope it continues to get better for you all.

@dimples76 i hope ds manages to get a good nights sleep soon.

Hello all.

Swede sorry to hear your DD has been finding the transitions into and home from school hard. My DS did too in Reception (still does in Y1). Has the Senco replied yet? Do you have any thoughts on what may help your DD that you can suggest to Senco?

Last year I made DS a booklet /story with photos of each step of his routine when he went into the classroom: photo of him putting his name up on the Velcro board; his coat on his peg; his spot on carpet etc etc. And I'd cue him up when we hugged goodbye, so he was focussed on the first step of his routine.

Love the sound of the silly wave light!

Harley good to hear your DS had such a successful day.

The story book sounds like a good idea mapland I could maybe use the social story book the school made for DD, it has photos of the Reception door, her leg and the learning mat. Hadn't thought of bringing it out again but will try it. Thanks for the ideas.

The Senco hasn't replied yet but DD's teacher asked if we can meet next week to go through the support plan for DD. Although it's great that she's now made a plan I can't help but think she should have had one when DD started in September. What was the point of having a transition meeting in the summer? The teacher is lovely but I'm not sure she gets that DD masks and probably appears fine when in school but then melts at home.

Great that your DS had s good day yesterday Harley!

Dimples hopefully the fireworks will stop now we're past the 5th and Divali etc. Until New Year's Eve...

@littleswede its seem to be a thing them not rushing to do support plans. My ds has only just got one in year one. Only thing he had in reception class was a intermit care plan.

Hi all! @Harleyisme that sounds so tough and such little support for any of you.
@LittleSwede argh about the upsets, social stories help us with lots of things. Halloween recently confused DS so much but he was much happier after we read the social story, to the point where he kept saying mummy it's only pretend for Halloween at all the displays and stuff.
DS had his vision screening yesterday, which he didnt do as I suspected he wouldn't, as wearing different things like glasses and responding to direct questions immediately from people he doesn't know are two of his worst anxiety things. Did anyone else go through this in reception? We now have to go to the eye clinic at the hospital which will be a big drama for DS and we'll never hear he end of it! I phoned the referral number and the contact lady said, when I explained about him being on an ASC diagnosis pathway, that lots of children are shy aren't they. I was just polite and agreed, but blimey no, it's not just shyness! He actually cant respond immediately to strangers! I hate being made to feel like I'm just one of those ott mothers when actually I know its more than shyness! Like, do all shy children memorise how a 100 piece puzzle fits together so they can do it again from memory, telling the pieces to get in their spaces? No! Or make a story grid every night where the books have to be in a set order? Thought not! Sorry, rant over. It's just that, because he's verbal a lot of the time,doesn't meanselective autism isn't a thing! Anyway, happy Friday everyone!

*selective mutism sorry, daft phone!

Lottie DD often freezes when asked direct questions too, I never realised it is probably selective mutism. I would imagine that the actual consultant doing the screening will be more aware and helpful. When DD had her audio screening the consultant was lovely with her and made it into a game.

I do have it when people confuse shy with ASD, DFIL often refers to DD and DNephew (also probably ASD) as 'shy' when they are not choosing to be 'shy' they just do things differently. DFIL is a lovely man who means well but he can't get his head around ASD at all.

Senco reposned this morning with a suggestion to have a chat/set up a meeting next week. I do worry that they will just tell me that DD is doing so well (which she is in some ways) and that I am just a fusspot parent.

Sorry, I haven't uploaded a picture before. I found this illustration on the notfineinschool website and I thought is quite good to explain masking/camouflage.

I love that picture @littleswede it is exactly how I visualise it!

Harley yes, it does sound like schools take their time to get things in place. In our LA it doesn't sound like an EHCP gets you much guarantee of adequate support either as they don't come with any money.