Auties transition to Year 1 - thread 3

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in reception year at school, going into Year 1 in the autumn. All welcome (also parents with older or younger children who want to ask questions or share their wisdom!)

Welcome!

Flu spray , not fly spray. Now that would definitely put the kids off for next year

Fly spray!

Thank you Map, it’s been a draining day. He went to sleep easily, he’s yawned a lot this afternoon so obviously tired.

Apart from the very end of the school year this is the first day that he’s refused and not gone in at all.

Tomorrow I am biting the bullet and deleting the main YouTube app from his iPad. I am fed up of policing what he watches so he will have to learn to like the Kids version. I’m sure we’ll have a rough few days but hopefully once he gets used to it it will be ok 😬 🤞

Hope your DS had s good night sleep after yesterday open, is it a non uniform day fir him today? Hope he goes in ok. Maybe he was tired out from being ill?

Glad the flu spray went well Light DD has got hers in a couple of weeks at school but am wondering whether GP or nurse might be a better option...

Mapland I too love a solo trip to the supermarket nowadays! I get my main shopping online and delivered though as can't take DD for a proper shop.

DD went in ok, probably partly to do with excitement over Children in Need day and potential visit from Pudsey! Got our meeting with Senco and teacher later, DH is coming too now.

I think our GP might be onto something with DD's frequent weeing, we had an appointment yesterday after school and the first thing she asked DD was 'do you like school'. Although DD had had a good day yesterday, she nodded as a response to GP, I managed to communicate with the GP (difficult as DD was on my lap and don't want to make her more worried) that I think it's anxiety related and that DD is not getting the right support. She listened and made notes about before and after school meltdowns and asked for yet another urine sample so we can rule out UTI, again.

This morning, shortly after dropping off sample, the lovely practice nurse called me to let me know it is clear. She said she had noted from GP's notes that we have a meeting with school later today so she wanted us to be able to say to school that the sample was clear. How helpful is that?? I actually feel like this GP, and nurse, is on 'our side'. Although it shouldn't be about taking sides of course but it's nice to be listened too and taken seriously.

Even if she does like school or likes lots of things about it, maybe the toilet trips are still giving her a routine and a sensory break that she is lacking? It's great that the GP and nurse were so proactive! So helpful when people really engage with what else is going on for you.

DD's friend is back at school today but she did mange to sit with a different friend at lunch yesterday, so that was nice! Quite a difficult bedtime but she had a playdate after school so she was super-tired. Anyway, I basically let her do it the way she needed to do it and it was OK in the end.

Hi everyone! DS had his first class sharing assembly today. I was so proud of him coming in, although the ta was holding his hand, and he looked so anxious as the whole school were in one room. When it was time to sing the song, he froze bless him, although he did some of the actions before that point. It just really highlighted for me how differe9he is from his peers, how worried he gets in situations that NT kids don't give two thoughts about, and of course wouldn't change him for the world but I got so worried about how hes going to cope with daily life as he grows up. What about interviews? Jobs?? Relationships? I know he will hopefully learn coping strategies etc but I just really felt for him.

Light Great that your DD found another friend to sit with yesterday and that bedtime went ok in the end. Do you stay for the playdates or leave her?

I think DD doe like school but finds it all a bit too much.

It must ave been quite overwhelming to see the whole school there for the assembly Lottie It is good that he did join in with some of the actions though. I think some employers in some industries are a bit more flexible with interviews as there is raised awareness of neurodiversity. DH works in engineering and some of the younger apprentices coming in are now 'openly' on the spectrum or open with anxiety issues etc. I know that put 'reasonable adjustments' in for one guy in his team. But of course I worry about DD too. Particularly about relationships!

My DB works for a 'techy' company in Sweden and used to have a colleague who HAD to eat his lunch at 10:43 am every single day, they just let him and made sure not to schedule meetings at this time. A reasonable adjustment I think

It is hard to see them struggling but I take a lot of comfort from learning more about autistic adults. There are lots of autistic adults with all kinds of support needs out there doing pretty well. I was listening to the BBC's "1800 Seconds About Autism" podcast earlier (the episode with Jessie Hewitson - v.v. good - really looking forward to listening to the others) and one of the presenters (Jamie: twitter.com/spacedoutsmiles) was talking about the fact that he has a care worker and needs daily support BUT he also works as a computer programmer and can present this podcast very well and entertainingly. I also follow a girl called Libby on Twitter (twitter.com/libbyautism?lang=en) and she was non-verbal when she was small, then didn't say anything outside the house, had all kinds of problems with schools but has now graduated Plymouth Uni and is managing to work in CineWorld (which I would have thought is quite challenging from a sensory perspective!) So although we never know what the future will hold there are all kinds of ways to lead a happy and productive life, and your DS will change and grow so much.

She's just started to go by herself Little. I was really surprised how well she's taken to it as in Reception she wouldn't have dreamed of it (another Mum offered to drive her from school to ballet but she couldn't do it, even though that was only 5 minutes with her school friend and their Mum) - but this year she just said "I'm in Year 1 now so I can do that", and that was that... She still won't do a sleepover by herself, but I'm sure I wouldn't have done at her age either!

Thanks you lovely lot. Need to stop worrying! This whole journey makes me think DH and I are probably on the spectrum too (and not just quirky and shy etc) so at least DS can get support etc now and it's not like it was in the 80s!

Little I’m glad dd went in ok. I hope your meeting went well. It’s great that the GP is getting it.

Light glad dd sat with someone different, that’s progress. She is in year 1 now you know!

Lottie your ds has so much growing and learning to do still and there are a myriad of different professions and jobs out there. I’m sure he will find something to suit his skills and personality. My dh works with people around the country and abroad and they sometimes do interviews by Skype now. Try not to worry too much, they’re still so little and who knows what they will achieve.

Ds went into school today and had a good day it seems so that’s a relief! They did have a non-uniform day and so far (touch wood) he’s been ok with it.

He slept well last night. Had 10 hours and woke about 5:45. That counts as a lie in here

I failed at the first hurdle with YouTube

Good news on the sleep!!

As for the YouTube ... well, you have to pick your battles! Maybe in a couple of months there'll be a good window when all the Christmas stuff is out of the way.

Picking battles was exactly my thought Light. Plus it’s his favourite thing in the world and I felt so cruel.

Yes, sleeping has been better of late. Hopefully it will last 🤞

Well, I'd I was to use two words to sum up how the meeting went it would be dismissive and defensive.

Luckily DH went with me so we could both shake our heads in bafflement afterwards! We immediately wrote down out own notes aftwards and will sit down later to type them up. To sum it up there is no lunchtime options for DD, at all, although Senco wants to set something up but no guarantees. No offer of meet and greet at the beginning of the day. The teacher was also very dismissive when we raising the idea of DD masking. Apparently all children have meltdowns after school there is apparently no way we could get an EHCP for DD and no school is perfect anyway. And if we did there us a 2 year wait for a place in a special school... I know this isn't correct and am quite miffed she said all this. Anyway, have taken notes and will have a think about next step. Now for some

Great TFA your DS went in open and that he had a long sleep! Fingers crossed for another good night.

Apologies for typos

Oh Little I’m so sorry. How frustrating for you. And all children do not have meltdowns after school, what a ridiculous thing to say. I’ve seen hardly and and ds has only had a couple and he is autistic!

indeed.

Similarly although DD is knackered after school she doesn't melt down - so this idea that "all kids do" is total total bunk. #snark on: Maybe they do at this school, and maybe they should ask themselves why? #snark off

I'm so sorry. How dispiriting. I don't know why so many schools seem to struggle with just being a team with parents and trying to problem solve together #sigh. I think typing up the notes and sending them in as a record of the meeting is a very good idea, because if DD continues to have problems you will have a paper trail and they won't be able to claim later that it's something new.

Was her class teacher there or just the SENCO?

Light ds doesn’t mask at school I don’t think and neither does your dd?

He doesn’t yet anyway, when he becomes more aware of his differences then maybe he will. I hope not but you don’t know what will happen in the future.

I don't think she does - in the sense that I don't think she's noticed that she is different yet and to the extent that she is (not liking her picture taken or noisy activities) she is quite happy to do her own thing. Long may that continue!

She is a bit of a perfectionist and always wants to show her best side to her teachers, so that does take it out of her a bit. But I think you're right, socially I don't think she does mask or do too much that's outside her comfort zone, so that really helps!

I actually think somebody like Jamie Knight (Jamie & the Lion) is really an inspiration on this point. Has a job but also is very open about his support needs, happily (now - not as a teenager!) carries his plushie lion everywhere because it helps him regulate, etc. He just seems really sorted in terms of understanding his own needs and getting them met. Plus he is very funny, has friends and seems to have a nice life. I'm sure it's not at all easy (and actually you can see it's not from his blog), but I really admire the way he does things on his own terms - I hope DD can have some of the same confidence.

Thanks guys, going to type up notes and try to make sense if it all over the weekend.

Fir some reason I'd come to think it the norm that DD has been having emotional outbursts and meltdowns after school pretty much since she starred school (although they're becoming more intense) so it helps to know that it's not the case with all children, ASD or not.

The Senco was there and she was more approachable that the teacher but still adamant that there us no staff for extra support. The teacher has put together a support plan which does involve some scaffolding activities, similar to what the nanny did with your DD Light and we now have a communication book too. They were also keen to show us the sensory area next to the classroom with a body roller, mini trampoline and a small tent. So from their point of view they are doing 'something' I guess.

It was the lack of acknowledgement that DD is clearly anxious about school and reluctant to go to school which was just brushed under the carpet. Quite a big issue for us as I think this could be creating a negative feeling towards school in DD in general and the impact on future years found be huge.

We'll see how this weekend goes, hopefully calmer than last one.

I'll be looking up Jamie and the Lion later, sounds interesting Light.