Auties transition to Year 1 - thread 3

[LightTripper]

This is the continuation of the thread for parents and carers of autistic children in reception year at school, going into Year 1 in the autumn. All welcome (also parents with older or younger children who want to ask questions or share their wisdom!)

Welcome!

And here are the links to the previous threads:

Thread 1: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3080753-DS-with-ASD-starting-school-Sept-2018-I-am-feeling-overwhelmed?pg=1&order=

Thread 2: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/special_needs/3451020-Reception-auties-2018-19-thread-2?watched=1&msgid=88266456#88266456

Thanks for the shiny new thread Light!

Transition to year 1 - how did that happen???

Thanks light!

This group has been so helpful, looking forward to gleaning some more of your wisdom as ds starts school in September. Had our last review of the year yesterday, lots of positives and he’s definitely got the better teacher of the two classes next year.

But for now, it’s time to face the school fayer!

Hope the Fayre goes well Jeb (and thanks for the Floradix recommendation - will definitely give that a go if iron does turn out to be the problem!)

All good here. Parents' evening tonight so looking forward to seeing DD's work books and talking to her teachers. Because we had a catch up about transition a couple of weeks ago it's less stressful than usual as we'd already know if there was big news!

Thanks for the new thread Light things are a bit hectic here so I haven't been able to post much recently. Am reading and lurking tho. Can't believe we're heading into yr1. Our reception planning and nerves only seem like yesterday.

I hope the parents evening went well Light, it’s so lovely looking at their learning journey books.

The class trip ended early for us, it went as I thought it might. We spent hardly any time with the group and after an hour ds decided he was ready to leave. It’s about 35 minutes drive but due to an accident it took dh over an hour to come and pick us up and then nearly an hour home again.

I think it was just a case of square peg, round hole. We did spend a very enjoyable 40 minutes or so sitting under a tree with 3 cockerels which ds enjoyed. It was a lovely place, I think if the three of us went back together one weekend and he was able to just do his own thing it would be fine. He just didn’t want to be with the group or follow a set agenda.

I joined the 2nd thread some time ago but have mostly just read rather than posted so I'm sorry for jumping back in but today I feel like I've reached breaking point and I just can't cope. I've got toddler tantrums from my DD2 and huge violent meltdowns before during and after school from DD1. I'm despairing at knowing the holidays are round the corner and I'll lose the respite of school for 6 hours a day. They both need tea but I'm sat on the stairs crying. I love my children but right now I'd do anything for her not to have ASC.

Bless you Duplo we've just come through a period of pre/post school meltdowns. They are completely draining. Hope things improve. The school holidays are usually more peaceful after a week of DS feeling unsettled. Once DS is away from all the noise and overstimulation of the classroom he gets more chilled. Well for him anyway. Hope things calm down for you.

Sorry that you are having a tough time Duplo
Hope that parents evening was good Light and that the fayre was bearable Jeb. Shame that the school trip didn't work out Open but glad that you still managed to have some fun.

Life in a cast at my Mum's is proving v hard. Today has been v trying, starting with defiance around dressing and culminating in DS kicking my broken ankle (don't think he intended to target the ankle). This evening is the clash of parenting styles with my sister. I am really worried about how we can make this work but I can't think of any other options.

Oh Duplo that sounds rubbish, I'm sorry. As SueVide says hopefully the holidays will actually make things a bit easier - they are all knackered by this point. Luckily DD only has a week left. How old is your DD2? It's hard with a little one too. My DS is 2 and it's easier now he has some words and they can play together a bit.

How long are you at your Mum's do you think dimples: is your sister there a lot? It must be hard for him being somewhere different and with all the adult stresses going on, but oof your poor ankle! I hope he didn't do any proper damage?

Good thing you were there for the school trip open. Sorry the driving was such a nightmare.

Parents evening all good. Usually we are the ones running over our slot but because we'd already had the transition talk a week earlier we actually finished early! It's amazing how much work they seem to have done this term compared to the previous two. DD's teacher admitted they had some behaviour issues (with other kids) in the first term, so I think they were very focused on dealing with those and settling everybody in for the first term, then in the second term they had all the issues with losing a teacher, so now in the third term they've properly hit their stride I think. DD seems to quite like the more structured environment that goes with that, so hopefully it will work well for her in Year 1 too.

In the meantime, still feeling rubbish. Had a particularly faint/dizzy day today. Now I've had the blood tests I might get some of that Floradix stuff just in case ... don't think it can do any harm and might give me a bit of a boost while I'm waiting for the results at least.

@DuploRelatedInjury just wanted to say that we’ve all been there and not to beat yourself up about it. Sometimes I can’t believe the range of complex emotions I can feel in a single moment and then all the guilt that gets lumped on as a result. It often ends in tears here and if DH is away working I often have to be talked down off the ledge by someone.

Chin up. Tomorrow is another day xxx

Hope that you're on the mend soon Light. My sister and her 3 children all live with my Mum so there's no escape! I'm non-weight bearing til mid-August and I don't think I can really manage to be ft at home, just DS and I whilst I'm so immobile. I'm not sure how long I need to keep the leg elevated for but I'm back at hospital to have the stitches out next week. I have just hired a wheelchair online but I still don't think that will enable me and DS to be out alone as he can bolt and has no road sense. Fortunately there was little physical impact from the kick - more emotional damage really.

My Mum has put two beds in a sitting room for DS and I. Bedtimes have been fraught but this evening was lovely.

We're making a little progress day by day but boy is it tiring!

Wow that sounds intense, with all of you there together. Not surprising tempers get a bit frayed (especially with your family not having first hand experience of parenting autistic kids, I assume?)

Glad you had a good evening tonight at least - hopefully a sign of things to come!

Thanks dimples and Light.

We followed it with a terrible visit to the SALT’s house, I don’t think we’ll be going back. That means we won’t be able to try the Lego therapy. There’s just too much distraction there; shelves of unfamiliar toys and other bits and pieces plus his inherent inquisitiveness. Yesterday he didn’t really engage, was fascinated by two liquid timers he’d found even though one was the same as one we have at home that he’s not interested in. Then he fussed about wanting a particular game and to go upstairs.

All in all I felt quite emotional afterwards - it was one of those days where the differentness of your child really hits - but I calmed down later on. Also, as you know, I’m just not sure what the point of it is. We only see her fortnightly and she doesn’t give us anything to work on in between. I think we could do a decent job ourselves with a bit more research and effort.

duplo I’m sorry you’re having a difficult time. Hopefully things will calm down over the holidays rather than ramp up. I’ve already started to plan the summer break. I have the 6 weeks all written out by week and a list of all the activities we can do midweek and at weekends with dh. I just need to slot them in so we have a plan to get out or do something every other day or so at least, depending on the weather. Dh will also be off for two weeks and we’ll be away for a week. I try to plan only one thing a day. Remember, structure, visual timetable and lots of verbal reminders and prompts. I also recommend always ensuring you have a suitable bribe or two on hand to get you out of a tricky situation when out - ipad, blind bag toy, food, whatever works for your child.

dimples the situation does sound tricky, I guess you just need to grit your teeth and get through it - with regards to different parenting styles and that sort of thing.

Was it a particularly bad break if you’re non weight bearing for so long? I thought they generally try to get you up and about ASAP but I am fairly ignorant as I’ve not broken anything.

Anyway, it’s nice that things are improving and that you had a nice bedtime.

Light I hope you get the answers soon. In the meantime I’m sure Floradix won’t hurt. I take the tablets. It sounds like your dd is doing so well, you must be pleased you didn’t change schools.

Waves to everyone else.

Yes, it was a bad break (both sides of the ankle were affected). I have to give myself daily injections to prevent blood clotting as I'm under strict instructions to keep my ankle elevated.

I'm hoping that in 5 more weeks when I have my plaster changed to weight bearing we can go home but I will still need a lot of help. My sister does have a lot of relevant experience with autism as her twins are autistic but DS and my nephew and niece are all very different from each other and respond better to different approaches. I have done training in therapeutic parenting (because DS is adopted) which is what I try to implement.

However, today was the first time that we got all 4 children out of the house without drama!

My sister is under a lot of stress as we are waiting for the tribunal decisions about our appeals re refusal to assess 2 of her children for EHCP. But she is more shouty than me any way which is what I struggle with.

Open that sounds tough. Sounds like the SALT is not the right one for your family. Has DS's school considered doing lego therapy? Some staff at DS's school are getting trained up.

I've just realised that the above post makes it sound as though I think my parenting skills are superior and they're really not! One thing this experience has really highlighted for me is how physical my parenting is e.g. picking DS up, separating DS from Granny's dog, tickling him, swinging him around etc. So I really need some new strategies

Ouch dimples, you poor thing. I had to give myself injects post c-section, it’s not fun.

I don’t think you sounded like you thought you were superior, it’s like you said, different approaches working for different children. I can see how that would pose a problem though when you’re all in the same house and the children can become confused by what seems fair or not.

The school talked about setting up Lego therapy and apparently ordered some kits but as far as I know that’s it. I’ll have to follow it up. I was hoping that doing it out of school, over the holidays, would be a nice social activity for him but it’s not going to work at her house as he’ll be too distracted to engage and it will just be stressful which is far from the point of it.

We had an unsettled night. Ds woke 3 times though did go back to sleep again thankfully. He was up for the day at 4:30 though. He went to school fine, I’m hoping for a decent day.

The trip yesterday just highlighted for me how difficult he must find school. I suppose school is a familiar place (the farm wasn’t) and he’s used to the routine there but the dynamics and expectations are the same. He says he likes school but aspects of it must be very hard for him to cope with. It was a good reminder for me and the school too I think.

Our pre-school gave us some sheets on Lego Therapy so we could try it at home open. I'll try to dig them out and post them up. I think it's something you could do with him in the short run, and then when he gets comfortable with it you could try bringing another playmate in? We find the little "Classics" sets good (there is one with wheels - "bricks on a roll", one with "bricks and gears", a little "bricks and ideas" set) as they have lots of little projects - usually 3 or 4 small projects in the box, rather than one massive one. DD got a Lego camper van for her birthday which is great but she needs a lot more help with those and they take ages, so you don't get the immediate satisfaction of finishing something!

It does sound like the SLT wasn't a good fit - didn't seem like a very welcoming setting or one that really understood what autism is actually all about!

Hope things are settling at your Mum's dimples. I'm sorry I forgot it was your sister who has twins on the spectrum. But of course, as you say, they are still all very different children, different ages, and need different parenting - and it's always hard when somebody sticks their oar in. (I am the most defensive person in the world about parenting as well as everything else, so I think most people have learned not to "go there" ).

Thanks Light, that would be really useful. We have some of the little sets - the different colour boxes and an unopened future fun set he got for Christmas. I tried to get him to build something today from it for fine motor practice but he didn’t want to 🙄. I’ll keep trying.

I think it was the social aspect of Lego therapy that appealed to me as he’d get a chance to meet other kids on the spectrum. Oh well.

Ds had a tricky day today, he’s so tired. On Friday evening he fell asleep on the sofa after dinner. I put him to bed early again today, the problem is he’s likely to just wake even earlier. We’ll try it for a few days and see what the impact is. He really needs more sleep, poor thing.

He is now cutting with proper scissors. I’m so pleased. We’re working through one of the early Kumon Let’s Cut books, alternating with a Let’s Fold one. He also did some phonics and some logic puzzles today.

Oh and I nearly forgot. We heard today who the teacher will be next year and it’s someone new. Hopefully he will be good. I think we will meet him at the EHCP review, if not sooner. I know he’s there tomorrow too. Ds also has his last OT visit this term. She doesn’t work over the holidays. We must get dates in the diary for next term.

Hi. Sorry for the silence, I hadn't realised a new thread was running, I've not posted as we have been on holiday.

How is everyone?

Ds has been to visit his new class a few times over the last few weeks, he is keeping the same 1-1 for the mornings and has a new 1-1 for the afternoons, I've met the new one, she seems really nice. Not met his new class teacher yet as we have been away for 10 days and missed the opportunity to meet with her.

I got ds' end of year report yesterday, he's emerging in all 17 areas, nothing expected. But I knew this from my own observations anyway so wasn't a surprise, has any of you received your ds reports yet? Did anyone else's dc get all emerging?

His current class teacher wrote some lovely comments in the report, basically it said, although ds is working below the expected level in all 17 areas of learning he has made excellent progress this year and that she would miss having him she said over this last term she has seen him becoming a confident little boy and she is watching friendships begin now he is interacting more and she was so proud of him and how hard he's worked.

She also wrote in his reading diary this week thanking me for the work I do at home and it's helping him massively and he is improving all the time with his reading, which was nice.

I've been on a days social stories training today at school and both ds' 1-1's attended with me, we had to write a social story together about ds, his new 1-1 for September really got involved which was nice to see and she seems really hands on, it was a nice day & very useful training and I took away lots of info to make my own stories to use with him at home, school will also be doing social stories with him for issues he has there.

Good news on the hours situation, ds will go back in September on these reduced hours as normal for the first 2 weeks to settle back in after the long break and then on the 3rd week of September will be full time, staying from 9am-3pm every day and having lunch at school. He will have another 1-1 with him just for lunches every day.

I'll pop back on later and have a proper read through and catch up.

Xx

Hi danni, I hope you had a good holiday. Holidays aren’t always relaxing with dc are they but it’s nice to get a change of scene.

Lots of lovely, positive news in your post. It’s great to hear your ds is doing so well. Nice too, that they recognised how hard you work with him.

We haven’t had reports yet but we met with his teacher and main TA yesterday and he will be marked as emerging in all areas. His previous teacher had him down as expected for communication and maths at Easter but the new teacher thinks he is borderline and because he doesn’t demonstrate skills consistently (ie when he won’t answer) then she can’t mark him as expected. She said there’s already such a gap between the eyfs and year 1 requirement that she would be doing him no favours if she did otherwise. I do get it and dh and I had already talked about the possibility with a different teacher but it’s still a bit gutting. She said he has made lots of progress in all areas though which is the important point I think.

She also said that about a third of the class would be emerging in some areas and he wasn’t the most behind in all of them. I asked how his individualised curriculum would work - how would he keep up but also catch up - and she said he would do the new work with the class in the mornings and catch up in the afternoons, as would lots of others. She also said they might be using different things for the same work, so some might be using manipulatives for maths while others won’t be anymore.

He’s still doing work with me at home so I’m hoping we can do a fair amount over the summer and beyond. I’ve got the EYFS 5yo goals and need to look for the year 1 curriculum now too.

Things are settling down a bit here....

Danni I'm glad that you have had a lot of positive progress.

Open that meeting must be hard after the more positive verdict of the previous teacher. But v positive that he has made progress across the board. I don't think DS has made any progress with hand writing and his self care (in relation to toileting has got worse).

DS's report was written in a positive way - he managed to get a few expecteds - reading, speech, numbers, shapes and IT. Everything else was emerging. His class teacher and TA both said that his academic progress has far exceeded their expectations.

Today after school he ran a long way away from my Mum who returned home very upset.