I know there is a starting secondary school thread somewhere but I cant find it and really need some flaps and honks!

[Ineedmorepatience]

Dd3's stress levels are going through the roof and I know why but cant do anything to help

We cut our holiday short this week because she was going downhill fast and didnt want to stay. I had planned to be away until Friday so she was occupied and not thinking about it.

She has melted down this morning over not being able to have a coloured door key, apparently our lock is too old And over not wanting me to have a cushion on the sofa!!

We need to make a new visual timetable for the mornings but not sure its a good idea, what do you all think?

Polter glad it went so well.

lol at your son coping technique for nice girls one

I agree emails are a good way of keeping record, however we have spoken about homework support (getting it written in planner) before and there is very mixed response from teachers. I think a face to face meeting is needed, but am going armed with notebooks and will email the decided responses back - or ask them to do so- so I have record. I've decided I need to be keeping notes of the things that are causing problems too, so am re-starting my behaviour diary. I have an awful memory, so need these written prompts.

DS now has a key worker. They will meet once a week during tutor time and he can find her any other time with concerns. Thought that was good, but then saw that some of you have key workers that check in on dc twice a day. Still it is a step in the right direction, and we can press for more contact if needed.

It is a start ginger and I hope it will help. If it does help but you find its not often enough you can go back and ask for more.

We have had an upset over seating arrangments today but I need to go to bed and will fill you in tomorrow.

Apparently putting the new seating plan on the whiteboard in the afternoon of one day to tell the children where they will be moving to the next day is a "reasonable adjustment" Not sure I agree!!

We had our first parents evening last night, Dd3 is very popular amongst the staff, she is excelling in drama, music, food tech, and pe!! PE, I hear you say, this is a child who cannot stand on one leg, catch a ball or do a forward roll and yet in the bottom set she has found her niche and is loving it. They have learned the Haka [sp] this term and today did "flying" which involved a trampet and some crashmats!! The teacher is being very creative with his bunch of PE misfits and despite he and I having several run ins both over Dd2 and Dd3 we seem to have reached a point of mutual respect which is good

She has made no progress in anything other than cooking but tbh I would have been shocked if she had! It has been enough for her to move schools with out expecting her to learn stuff

We have pretty much survived the first term!! It has been a bumpy and scary road at times but she is still in school and wants to stay [for now], she has seen the Indie EP this week and he does feel that she needs to be in mainstream and he is going to come to tribunal wih us to try to help us get the support that she needs to hopefully stay and do well.

These are for all of us

That is brilliant polter, both that he is motivated by the reward scheme and that he managed to walk away from the offending song!!
What progress!!

Dd3 is also highly motivated by the reward scheme although I am worried about how obsessed she has become with it and what her reaction will be if/when she gets a negative!!

I am finding the senco very supportive too although the ASD lead has decided I am a PITA! Which could be a nuisance, I dont really care but with her role we made need her in the future

My trust took a battering over the AT thing and I was upset that the form teacher wasnt made to apologise but I have to move forward and get over it. Dd3 has at least come to understand why I was so angry and she made a joke about the next trip being at the cinema so they wouldnt be able to lose her!! Which did make me smile

Role on holidays now we are all pooped!

Oh no, no doubt a combination of over-excited kids and teachers winding down for Xmas. Bet the holiday can not come quick enough. We only have three days left to get through & ds1 has been home today due to teacher training day. Just as well as the taxi was two hours late to bring him home on Friday and he unsurprisingly was not happy.

Oh no, not sure if we will get to the end of the week either, Dd3 had a horrible sickness bug last week on top of a virus she already had. She was off most of the week and went back today but she is exhausted .

Senco has stopped responding to my emails since I told her I was going ahead with the tribunal. She has been called as a witness so its going to be awkward!!

Hope Ds1 gets home ok tomorrow one and I would definitely keep your Ds off polter if it looks lije he is falling apart

Dd3 is supposed to be playing the lead in a brass quartet piece on wednesday evening at school so I am tryng to keep her going until then! Whether she will actually get up on the stage and do it is another question but far be it from me to suggest that she may not because as they all keep telling me she is "fine"!!

Hey ho, lets see if any of us get to friday!

Hi all, having a tough time with dd but am meeting with senco tomorrow. I'm asking for advice now though for my 15 yr old dd. She's not diagnosed with any special needs BUT she ticks an awful lot of boxes, lots of things are falling into place now when I think back and know now what I didn't know then. So tomorrow she has non-uniform day and she's refusing point blank to go to school. She HATES non-uniform days. She's only in for 3 hours, 1 hour of that is assembly, the other 2 are just sitting in the classroom playing on phones etc. I know some of you have kept your dc off school when it's traumatising for them to go. I don't know what to do. She's getting really upset and angry. She only has 2 friends, everyone else doesn't like her, they talk about her, and she has a generally uncomfortable time at school. I'm torn because I don't want her to think I'll keep her off whenever she wants or creates a fuss. She finishes school in April anyway, I think I'm over thinking this! Please help!

I'd keep your DD off tomorrow frazzled (as your dd probably is at the end of term.) I have made the 'wrong call' this evening about a church event DS (HFA) was meant to be going to. He was anxious and panicky about going _ i tried to get him to attend the part of it I thought he could (should?) manage. I didn't want to let his anxiety 'win'. DS ended up having a panic attack in the church at the thought of joining the group. I brought him home. Even worse, he kept asking if I was cross with him.

There are good reasons why your DD shouldn't go in tomorrow _ she can't manage non-uniform days, the day doesn't have it's normal routine and involves more social stuff that your DD struggles with, the trauma isn't worth it for the sake of 3 hours in school...

I think if you let her say off tomorrow she'll feel listened to and understood - and that is much more valuable to her tomorrow than 3 hours in school on a day which will just make her miserable.

Thanks polter and panne. We've decided to keep dd off school. All our dcs lives we've done what we thought we should do (by law/rules) not what was in the best interests of their psychological/emotional wellbeing. So now we're making the difficult change and doing what's best for our dc, putting their needs first. I was going to ring school and say she's ill, but actually, thanks to polter I'm going to email her senco and let her know the correct reason. They can't see the problems with dd as she's so quiet in school. They've been helpful once she was dx with sensory processing disorder, we got coloured lens glasses for her (which help MASSIVELY!), and I think because they could see something physical that's why there's a little bit of understanding. Hopefully this will make them understand a bit more.

And thanks panne .. those words about making dd feel listened to and understood really touched me. I hadn't thought of it that way. I hope your ds has settled a bit now. It's so difficult isn't it?!
polter ... I haven't read the thread for a while but will watch for your summary post. You're all a wise bunch here, I love the help and advice and WISDOM you all have!

Good decision frazzled, Dd3 hasnt been well so has been in and out of school for the last two weeks and her stress levels have remained lower than normal for this time of yr.

Just for the record, Dd3's paediatrician said in the transition meeting that school is not the be all and end all for Dd3 [and others with Asd/Aspegers] and if she isnt coping we shouldnt send her. This really helped me and I have become strong enough to ring and say she is too anxious to attend.

Hope your Dd has a calm day tomorrow and can begin the transition into holiday mode half a day early.

Good luck with the email

I think any wisdom I have is usually of the 'wise after the event' variety!

My DS is OK now thanks frazzled - and he has already finished school so hasn't got that to cope with tomorrow.

MNSN is great because we have a wealth of experience between us and with that does come wisdom. And when one of us is wobbling there is always a 'steady one' to get help us find the best way forward. I think all of us have 'wobbly' times parenting a child with SEN - as you say frazzled we're always up against the rules for and expectations of the neuro-typicals and able-bodied. It can be tough.

Yipppee, we have survived till the end of term.

ds2 banned us from going to the school play even though he wasn't participating. He made mince pies and played minecraft instead. Sensible school not forcing the issue. He has done well this half-term and appears much happier - whether or not he does any work is debatable but given that he was suicidal this time last year work is not my priority.

ds1 also finished unofficially as I didn't see the point of sending him for half a day to do not a lot given the transport times. Like his brother he has forsaken all Christmas activities although did apparently have a good time when they took him present buying on Tuesday. He impressively got 8 presents out of his £10.00 (I need his budgeting skills) and luckily they are apparently not all air-fresheners like his classmates. He is still not entirely settled at the school but got glowing reports from his teachers at parents morning last weekend & they are listening to us so hopefully things will improve. He is definitely ready for a break though.

Well said pannetone

One That is brilliant news, can I send your Ds1 to do my Christmas shopping next year!! Fantastic that they both made it to the end of term and that they are more settled.
I hope you have a great holiday, you deserve it.

Wow! What an achievement polter well done to your Ds

Yes thanks she did well, she was extremely nervous and was twitching and stimming all through the other performances. But she got up and did it

We have had a difficult end of term and the tribunal stuff is spoiling the relationship I had started to build with the senco. She has stopped answering my emails which is disappointing but not altogether suprising as she has been called as a witness for the LA!

Then the EP sent a report today which is crap and she hasnt even met Dd3, she has even made a comment about Dd3 being taken to Alton Towers with support!!! Which as we all know was a disaster I am just sick of the stupid games now