I know there is a starting secondary school thread somewhere but I cant find it and really need some flaps and honks!

[Ineedmorepatience]

Dd3's stress levels are going through the roof and I know why but cant do anything to help

We cut our holiday short this week because she was going downhill fast and didnt want to stay. I had planned to be away until Friday so she was occupied and not thinking about it.

She has melted down this morning over not being able to have a coloured door key, apparently our lock is too old And over not wanting me to have a cushion on the sofa!!

We need to make a new visual timetable for the mornings but not sure its a good idea, what do you all think?

I think its because we care so much frazzled and we want the best for them!

I think you're exactly right ineed
It's so hard this caring business

Had a little smile to myself yesterday Dd3 was given an award for Independent Work!!

Yeah, cos autistic kids love all that working on their own stuff!!

Teacher concerned is the same one that allowed her to wander off at AT!!! Think I may need to raise her awareness a little!!!

Brilliant that he went back to the club polter and glad there were no problems!

Good luck with the review, we have one on the 3rd. the targets that we are reveiwing were set by the primary school in April and I dont think any of them have been met!! Hey ho!

Dd3 has worked out a routine for lunchtimes which seems to be working for her at the moment, I agree though she likes to decide what she is doing rather than being told!

No same here polter I put my foot down and made them keep 2 of the previous targets that had not been worked on and therefore not met! They didnt like it and then didnt work on anything

Once my complaint went in to the senco it was a lost cause, on reflection I maybe should have sent it on the last day

Nothing came of the original complaint and I am now preparing a formal version to send to the governors and the LA. I am not going to walk away this time because this will keep happening to other children

Recieving the NC data was the last straw and the complaint just has to go!!

I am not even bothered if the secondary set targets tbh, it seems like just a paper wasting excercise!

Well done Polter. Yes, I agree working with the school is a darn site more effective than when you are against them but easier said than done sometimes.

ds1 had his first day of school refusal today which has been brewing up for a while. We took him in and had a long chat with staff but it seems he has become a "masker" at school which makes it difficult for them to tell when he is stressed. They are listening to us though but we are somehow going to have to get ds1 to communicate when things are upsetting him at school rather than bottling it up for home if we can. In truth what has tipped him over the edge this week is that dh has finally decided to give up his job so he is worried we will be destitute in a few weeks which is not likely but I can see why it is a worry for him. He will be happier tonight that at least citylink have finally found and delivered his birthday present which had been missing in transit for the past week and causing much angst.

ds2 also having a few ups and downs - he was not amused that they have increased restrictions on what websites they can access at school. Problem is each time he finds an incentive to go into school it seems to get taken away. Hopefully, they will find a solution but sometimes it seems a remote man in an office makes these blanket decisions without understanding the consequences on kids who don't like changes. I can understand they don't want the kids to be able to access everything but then why not arrange some substitutes before you take it away.

Oh no and after such a good meeting as well. I hope he is able to forgive himself over the weekend.

Oh dear what a shame the week has not ended very well one and polter

I agree that masking is a huge issue, as you both know Dd3 learned to mask very early on and it causes us lots of headaches! If Ds1's school come up with any interesting strategies to help one please let us know!

Hope you Ds can wind down over the weekend and you can get him in on Monday polter.

Dd3 has come home very uptight and is now fighting with her maths homework. I have suggested she leaves it but she wont

Oh polter I am so sorry to hear that but it is good for you to have a supporting school. I hope DS manages to distract himself other the week-end and be ready on Monday morning to show everybody how brave he is and go back. Will be thinking of you.
oneeight I can't believe that even in a special school they don't phase children in when change occurs!

Hi Ladies, can I join you? DS is in year 7, mainstream, and although was doing very well in year 6 and we are amazed with how well he coped with the transition to secondary he has returned to being anxious, sleep problems (refusal, insomnia and waking), pulling out eyelashes and very tense at home pretty much all the time he isn't on minecraft.

One night recently, after 101 yes no questions to find out what was wrong and why he didn't want to go to bed, he finally said he is finding break and lunch hard and wants his two friends to understand better about autism and be able to help him calm down. He masks at school, so they probably have no idea when they wind him up too much. He has invite to a lunch club for special needs, but prefers to hang with his friends, but is finding it hard.

I'm so pleased to have found this thread!

Hi Polter, DS is very open about his AS too, stood up and told whole class after diagnosis (with help of the newsround "autism and me"). He says his friends don't believe how angry he can get with it, or how anxious he gets. His friends are sensible and calm, lovely boys, just still 11/12 year old!

Have spoken to senco several times on other issues, not on this yet. Still feel unsure who to approach when we have issues as SENCo have said they are just for learning support, not pastoral, but his form tutor has no training in autism (I assume) and keeps telling me how well he is doing. To be fair to form tutor he probably is appearing to be doing well at school, he brings all the stress home! It doesn't help that he only see's her once a day, just before lunch. They go straight to first class in the morning so he has no chance to talk to her about any problems first thing.

Hello Ginger. Things went belly up for my two in primary so they are in specialist schools for secondary. Having said that we are still getting some of the same problems about communication and masking. If the SENCO is saying it isn't her remit I would contact the head of year and ask who is responsible for this type of issue. Are there any other clubs he could do at lunchtime - I am not sure mine would like to go to a special needs club but they would do something like computer club or cooking club. We have managed to get out of ds1 this weekend that he says everything is fine at school as he doesn't want interrogation on the difficulties so we are going to try and get him to point score the day instead. Don't know if it will work but worth a try. He is in a foul mood this weekend - I am apparently ruining his life ......

I agree with polter ( for a change), I think secondary schools are meant to have a nominated ASD lead, although I might be wrong. Itwas an out come from some green paper or other I think.

I would ring the senco or HoY and ask who is responsible for the children with Asd in the school!

Also you could try asking for a named key person for your Ds, Dd3 has one who is responsible for checking in with her and making sure she has everything she needs and is not struggling with anything. This is supposed to happen twice a day at registration.
Dd3 hasnt actually bonded with this person so it is only achieving half of its purpose but its a damn site better than last yr.

One I hope you have some success with the stress rating, Dd1 and Dd2 have both publically told me that they hate me and I am ruining their lives!! In their cases it was hormones, which could be the case with your Ds1. Whatever it is good luck

I am phoning school in the morning to arrange an appointment with Senco or head of house/year to discuss this and yet another case of why DS needs support writing his homework down thoroughly.

Rating how the day was is a good idea, I hope it works for you one. And I hope your DS had a good day today after such a difficult time on Friday polter.

Ah - the peril of kids being nice to you ...... Do I want to admit this but the ds's perfected the art of picking their noses and growling to chase away the nice girls at primary. Hopefully, you can teach a more socially acceptable technique.

ds1 scored his day a 7. He was given instructions that a 10 should be saved for a truly wonderful day. Will be interesting to see if every day will be a 7. He went into school OK so hopefully Friday was just a blip.