I know there is a starting secondary school thread somewhere but I cant find it and really need some flaps and honks!

[Ineedmorepatience]

Dd3's stress levels are going through the roof and I know why but cant do anything to help

We cut our holiday short this week because she was going downhill fast and didnt want to stay. I had planned to be away until Friday so she was occupied and not thinking about it.

She has melted down this morning over not being able to have a coloured door key, apparently our lock is too old And over not wanting me to have a cushion on the sofa!!

We need to make a new visual timetable for the mornings but not sure its a good idea, what do you all think?

I do hope the tribunal goes in your favour Ineed but also that you can switch off over schools and tribunals over the holidays and have a well deserved rest. How great that she managed the concert.

And Polter too what an achievement to get through the term safely - building up trust with the teachers is going to take time as it is a big change from having one class teacher to having lots of different ones. Most of ds1's seemed to have a good understanding of his needs when we talked to them on the open morning which was very reassuring.

Wow polter that is fab

And thanks both, I will try to relax. I think it hit me today that they are probably not going to concede which I was hoping they might!

Wow polter all that is brilliant.

Funnily enough I wondered yesterday whether to drag rhis thread back to the surface and am glad you did.

When I think how much I was dreading September we have actually survived quite well!

Dd3's school have messed up a fair few times including this week when I found out that her new english teacher didnt know she has Asd!

I was very angry about that and the fact that most of the promised adjustments have not been made and I did let them know in a meeting yesterday!

Poor Dd3 has been struggling since 2 weeks before christmas when she was ill but she hasnt refused to go and I think she does actually quite like it most of the time.
If we can sort out a few niggling issues which they have said they will then we might have some success.

Trust is an issue still and this has been further depleted by the mess ups.

My relationship with the senco is rubbish after the tribunal but I knew it would be and we have to go back so who knows what will happen there although she does at least agree that all this should have been sorted out before Dd3 moved in September.

Anyway considering I was pretty much expecting Dd3 to be out of school completely by now I am really happy for her that she isnt and that she is finding a little niche for herself in the music department.

Onwards!

It is a shame that he had to wait to secondary to find a school he could trust! But great that he has been able to!

That is exactly what I said to the senco yesterday! About being forced to stand against each other! It should never have happened and we can only hope that the "Culture of Change" that is recommended under the new system can begin to filter through and other families wont be forced into this situation!

I still think that our invisible Aspies are always going to struggle to get the support that they need though! Sencos have to listen to parents and have to act on what they say. Not pay them lip service and then do their own thing!!

YAY to that polter!

Glad to know it's still going well Polter.

As you can tell by the early hour of the morning I am writing this things have been a bit lot stressed here as both have been school refusing.

ds2 because they made changes to the school day which has removed some of the things he liked at school. I have nearly come to blows with the HT over trying to explain this - dh had to prevent me sending a very offensive email back to the HT but I have so far resisted. It just makes me angry when he was settled last term to have gone several steps backwards. Having said that he has been a bit better again this week - I sometimes wonder whether he would be better with no holidays and then we wouldn't have the awful transition each term.

ds1 has been incredibly anxious again. It turns out a child in his class has been touching him (I hesitate to use the word hitting because although ds1 says it was he is very touch sensitive and it could have been a gentle prod). So we've been back to the mega-meltdowns, running off and school refusing again. School have been very good and have now moved him into a different class and he has been a bit calmer last couple of days since the move. It has not helped that roadworks have meant the journey to & from school is taking 30 minutes longer than normal. I really don't know where we go if this placement fails.

Really feel for you one it is horrible being in a place where you dont know what the next problem is going to be, especially if you dont feel like the school is "getting it".

Hope you can get sorted and get both the Ds's settled again

Hi all!
so sorry one, that sounds really tough .
DD has gone back to school and that in itself is enough for me to celebrate! I think going back after christmas was going to be my biggest clue that she was starting to settle (although now I said it I am really worried I've jinxed it!) DS has a new teacher too this term but he seems to have survived the transition period and settling in.

Thats good news molly, I hope they both continue to be settled

Thanks Ineed, sorry to hear about all your tribunal trouble.

Well we have got to the half way point in the school year.

Dd3 has had one night of vomiting through anxiety, around 5 days of near school refusal and 2 full days of being unable to attend due to anxiety!

School are no closer to understanding what they need to do to meet her needs. The SEN team are completely unable to influence the teaching staff or educate them in the best way to support Dd3 and relations between us and school are crap!!

She has no provision plan, no IEP and its questionable if she has made any progress in many of her academic subjects.

Dp and I have decided not to send her on days when she is stressed and we have told the EP that the school need to be honest about whether they can meet her emotional and communication needs.

Well that was positive wasnt it

Just shows it can be done doesnt it polter I think the size of Dd3's school is part of the problem but also that a number of the teaching staff are so unwilling to make the small adjustments that Dd3 needs. I also think that they have too much of a one size fits all approach. They get good results so it must work for the masses but it wont work for Dd3!

We are meetig the EP for the first time the week after the hols!

I am really glad that your Ds's school have stepped up though

Thanks polter, I had an hour long phone conversation with her last week and I paused for breath about 3 times . The EP sevice have failed Dd3 as well but to be fair to her she didnt know or says she didnt that the LA rep was going to enter her report as late evidence at the tribunal!!

I told her in no undertain terms that I it is totally unacceptable for a proff to be writing a report about a child without meeting them!! She took it on the chin and didnt seem unduly pissed off (not that I care), so we will see what happens when she observes Dd3, she asked what lessons to go into and Dd3 asked for her to go to English as she feels like she is really struggling now.

I have been asking the school to be proactive since July last year when we did the transition meeting but so far all we have got is reactive and unless the EP tells them to change I dont think its going to happen.

We will see, I am just tired and depressed now and want give up but I cant while Dd3 still wants to go!!

Oops "Uncertain"

I need. Do you think a change of school would be possible, or has she got established friendship where she is. DD is in a very large comprehensive which on paper looks really awful at the moment. It is really not competitive but that is brilliant for DD and teaching staff is mostly supportive. Their learning support department has no reputation what so ever but they really know their stuff and have so far been brilliant for DD. I just wondered whether a non-competitive school might help your DD.
All is not perfect of course, as I still live every morning in fear of school refusal and DD does never want to go to school but the school is supportive.

Thanks molly I think we have made a decision that we wont be trying another mainstream. The one she is in is the third mainstream and I have told the LA that if this placement fails we will be looking at specialist settings!

Dp and I have decided that we wont be forcing her to attend anymore either and if she isnt coping she will stay at home!

She really struggled this morning but did go so we will just sit back and wait and see what happens.