we didn't know about DS2s coke use until he rec'd a court summons for a bank debt. (the bank debt was unenforcible as it turned out (a long drawn out saga but we ended up going to County Court and winning by having the CCJ set aside) DS avoids confrontation due to his autistic traits (not officially dx'd but very Aspie).)
if hadn't got to the post before him the day that summons arrived, he would have tried to pay it.
i then transpired he was already in debt with his real bank account, the dealer was watching our house for him and he had sold all his possessions. he owed lots of people very small amounts of money, he was lying about where his wages were going (he had a very well-paid job at the time) he was constantly borrowing items that were never returned (probably sold them)
all that and we never realised what was going on.
he self-medicated with coke to socialise. he bought it for his friends too.
thankfully he had the presence of mind to recognise that coke turned him into an asshole, and since we've been having assessments for DD, we are recognising a lot of ASD behaviour and traits in him - he able to recognise them too, and he's done a lot of work on himself.
none of this was anyone's fault in a way - it was circumstance and mis-understanding on what was going on inside his head i reckon.
your DDs substance use is not your fault either {{{more hugs}}}