Can somebody please catch a train down and see me for a real hug :(

[coff33pot]

I need a real body. I am heartbroken and destroyed.

You haven't failed, coff33. It's a very steep slope your DD has to climb here and a very long one (and I'm overdoing the cliches, but you know what I mean)

I'm so glad she has a friend who can take some of the load off you. I hope you get a chance to do something indulgent with your other kids and at the very least give them a kiss and a cuddle (and I bet they'd cuddle you back.)

The other dc being distraught and/or kicking off is to be expected. The real worry would be if they seemed unconcerned, showing they were either very massively messed up, or had given up expecting help from parents.

I am both sorry and grateful. Sorry because this has bound to have stirred up emotions for some of you and Leonie I am sorry to read of your brother and what a tough road he has been on let alone your family x

Marne you have a Son to be proud of and I am glad he is doing so well x

And to everyone else who has volunteered to post of their own experiences I am very grateful x

I would love a mn meet up perhaps we can all ask Santa for train tickets and an overnight stay somewhere x

This is all mind blowing for me as its still raw even though it is 20years on. She was not quite 3 when I ran and Although I didn't take anything tried to stay with him and help him for 9 years so I know all the mind games, have had to steal nappies and baby food for my dd because he took all my wages as he didnt work. Me lying to my parents saying we were all ok which was easy as they were so far away and saw them once a year where I wouldn't eat for the week so I had a meal for them and they were non the wiser.. I have seen ppl beg for this, kill because of it, and been killed due to it. I was determined and foolish to think he would change. It's hard to separate the dark side I have seen and the self medicating dd is doing. Poison is poison

you have ended up in an impossible situation, where being left over the weekend with minimal medical backup really is wrong. I imagine this must be bringing back some very bad memories of your time with your ex as well. I have no useful experience or advice, just want to post to show I care in as much as a random internet sprite's best wishes is of use to you!

Coff
No words.
Just lots of love coming your way from Derbyshire x

Coff33 - have a big hug.

coff33pot,my heart is breaking to read all you and your dd are going through.I think things have now reached the point where they simply cant get any worse coff and hopefully,once Monday comes,you will both get some help and support. Stay as strong as you can and try and look after yourself and as someone else said,keep remembering your words " she is in there somewhere".I am praying for you coff and your lovely dd.You are, without a shadow of a doubt,doing everything you can for her-you must stop beating yourself up coff-noone could have done more for her than you.Keep posting and keep the heart up coff-"This too will pass"!

She didn't take it. I took the kids out of the house while she got ready to do what she had to do and go to her friends. She didn't go and I got a text from upstairs saying I didn't do it mum I have taken my diazepam.

she has since broke down again and hates me again as she has put on a pound by not leaving the house and do I realise what I am doing to her but now that has past and she is just sad.

She is in there I just want Monday to hurry up as we got another day to go and this is hell. I don't know wether to be happy or cry.

She let me hold her too :)

Glad to hear some good news. Hugs and stay strong; she will one day thank you for this, but it's bloody hard on you

A chink of light -she is trying . Hang in there! Every chink of light eventually gives way to a complete dawn coff33pot! Its just so desperately tough on you all at the moment.The only way really is UP from here!

she was so quiet i didnt know she was in the house upstairs so the text took me by surprise. she has done nothing but talk nonstop tonight a lot was hard to listen too and it was hard to bite my tongue and say of course you are beautiful or it will get better as I learnt from last night that it just increased her anxiety as of course right now she cannot believe that and so would become angry. said she doesn't want to be like this md is upset when she loses pound but then for some reason she doesn't want to gain it again and so the pattern keeps going. She has signed up tonight for an online support group but of course had to be vetted first as I had no idea there were pro ed supporters praying on the vulnerable. She showed me a site that supports anorexia and how to lose it faster nd how to burn calories faster. It's horrific :(

On the plus side she has read it to make her realise how bad things can get. she has asked for clothes to take on her "holiday" so at the moment she is talking herself into having the courage to let her control go. I don't want her to sink into a depression though because of the withdrawal so I am treading on eggshells in what I say. 3.30 am and she is curled up on sofa asleep now whilst I am fighting the dog for mine :) day 3 her we come

I've only just seen this coff33pot. Can't imagine how you must be feeling right now but please try to hang in there. You haven't failed, you're doing all you can and she's opening up to you - that wouldn't happen if she didn't trust you and THAT's because you're doing a great job.

Keep going. You and she are making progress .

I hope you managed to get some sleep and the day unfolds into a better place. It's very good that DD is recognising so much and is talking with you so openly. I think this is so very encouraging and important that DD wants to talk.

I'm thinking of you and we are all with you, sending love to you all xxxxx

You are doing a fantastic job and it's great that your DD is opening up to you. It must be so hard having to be careful what you say, not being able to encourage her. I guess just being there, and letting her know you will support her, is what she needs to remain strong. Good luck today, small steps. X

Harder today as I have has to work DH is home with kids as he has to do delivery stuff for tomorrow. Dd is hiding in the room and is starting to back down saying she can't do this and she doesn't want to feel this low.

I am keeping her talking be text to keep her busy DH is checking on her but she is just saying she fine and hiding due to being ashamed to be around ds and dd.

it's got to be hell on earth for her to let that control go. If they don't help tomorrow I am going to go berserk

We are dealing with three things here. The coke, the anorexia and the trauma and thanks to them it's all going back to front as opposed to how they told her they would deal with it. Sitting and listening to her that she was hurting because her bones are sore, her arms go numb if she rests them on the table, she is cold from only 13% body fat and a BMI of 12. Her periods have stopped :(

I have forced vitamins down her neck as I said they are not food so she has had multi vit, iron, osteocare and eye q x 6 this morning but I am doing the practical and I am I'll equipped to deal with the medical it's like fumbling in the dark

She wants your help and you're giving it. That's the first step on the way but it's likely to be a very bumpy road. I believe that you will get there though.

morning Coff...I hope your talking to relevant specialist's, etc today gives light to things and support comes quickly for DD.
Thinking of you both today xx

Hope today is more successful for you all and you get some proper help. X

I will be thinking of you both today and praying that your dd gets the help she needs. You are doing a great job x

Honk! Honk! For today coff.

Hope you get all the help you are looking for.

thinking of you and hoping that you and DD get the help you need.