Can somebody please catch a train down and see me for a real hug :(

[coff33pot]

I need a real body. I am heartbroken and destroyed.

Oh coff, hold on. You're doing great.

Still here honking for you. X

Jeez Coff - they don't make it easy, do they?

We have diazapam and I have been told I am hated several times over. I have nearly crashed the car on the way back 3 times because she spent want to live and it doesn't matter if I die too. She was going to take them all as the stupid doc gave them to her because she said I am no longer her next of kin. So we had a struggle in the car and she said well done mother you have mde me like this. She still only took two though so I know she is hating me because if she doesn't then she has no reason to keep doing this to herself.

Now the pills are working she is scared because she says she felt like this when it happened she couldn't move. I have tried to hold her but I was shouted at. Ashtray has been thrown and she says the only bit of happiness she had has gone and she didn't want to feel like this again :(

she has laid down I am up all might because she still has the pills and I can't get to her handbag.

No inpatient units open over the weekend so u can't be an addict on a Friday just for info.

I won't back down I just hope the pills relax her enough so that the withdrawal Doesn't hurt her heart.

She weighed herself on boots today and proudly showed me she was officially well underweight but now was time to set a new goal :(

A hospital psych Said they will get hold of addaction on Monday as urgent but now she says she won't go because she will lose control of the only thing she got short of dying.

She is in there somewhere I can't give up even if she has

No Wet and to be honest after all the hell with ds dx and school and now this I think if any proffessional smiled and modded and helped i would be highly suspicious

sorry the "system" is making things so much harder. hope you had a reasonably quiet night.

Sending lots of today Cof, it does get easier and she will get through it, Dss is doing well, it was about 3-4 weeks ago he came off (after wiping out his mums bank account and his mun threatening to chuck him out), he broke down after dh had a go at him and ended up phycotic (for the 2nd time), the hospital was unable to take him so he was monitered at home by the mental health team. He's now been clean for 4 weeks and has hardly left the house unless its with family, he has learnt that his family are the only people he can trust. The first few days were the worst, dss was very sick and felt as though he was going to die but after the sickness had gone he begain to recover and does not want to go back to drugs (hopfuly it stays this way), now the doctors have got his medication right and he has been on it for a while he has settled down (although he's not fully recovered).

nothing useful to add coffee, just sending more hugs xx

I have failed. I have a ds distraught over his sister being in so much pain and I have middle dd withdrawn and crying silent tears.

the mess did not work and sank her into such a low it was terrible.

The profs said on Monday. That she is so complex and she must deal with the eating disorder and the addiction first before she deals with the trauma because if it's the other way round she wil just self destruct as she only knows the wrong way to deal with it.

Last night everyone said the same thing and that she must not just stop.

she is being seen on Monday if they let us down I am going to drop her at addaction myself and get a replacement for her.

she did self refer ands have told all these people to help her but I wish to go she came to me first aa i could have demanded she needed meda then. but I know she knows this is the one thing that would finish me.

so she is going to stay with her friend who is the only loyal one and the one who doesn't condone it but will support her through it and yes I silently laidoney on the table and walked upstairs and broke my heart. The system is shit and I am a coward no wonder my ex h married me.

Oh coff (((hugs)))

You have done nothign wrong. You have done everything you could to keep your children safe and well. You have fought for them all the way through.

xxx

Coff, you haven't failed. This is an impossible situation and you have been stronger than I ever could have and there is absolutely no way you are a coward.

Please don't start blaming yourself, you are an incredible mum. Your dcs are lucky to have you and your dd knows that in her heart. None of this is your fault, it's the accumulation of so many things and is so complex, that's why she needs professional help to help her unpick it all and find her own way to healing and resolution.

Sending you massive ((hugs)) and more love and light. x

Wtf, coff, you haven't failed. This isn't an exam, it's coursework and you're sadly nowhere near the end but it is a learning curve and believe me, if you are reporting accurately no-one coukd do it better than you. You are not a failure just because you can't snap your fingers and fix it today.

Would it help to imagine your dd well, in say 5 years time and you asking her what you should do now, do next for her? And what her 'well and happy' self woukd re

Reply.

here is a link to the cornwall community drug and alcohol team, they have a young persons section and another here you will need to get a referral though.

Sorry I can't come down but hand holding.

My heart goes out to you and your DD. I have no advice or exp, just letting you know lots of people are here for you.

Keep talking Cof (((((HUGS))))

Coff so sorry its so difficult. But you have not failed and it is NOT your fault.

It would be feasible for me to come down though not until Thursday. I have absolutely no experience of drug addiction or eating disorders but I can do hugs and listening. If it would help, I'll come. Genuine offer, PM me if you want to take it up and we can organise details.

thinking of you Coff. In your effort to take care of everyone else, please don't forget to take care of yourself as well. This is not your fault.

You may feel like you have failed, coff33, but you really haven't. Your DD is lucky to have such a tiger mum, and someone so compassionate. You would only have failed if you didn't care. I like the idea of baby steps, just do something, anything to make things slightly better or it will be overwhelming. Much love. X

Coff, thinking of you and your DD.

Can add nothing of value but wishing and praying that monday will see a more positive outcome. It is natural to blame yourself but you are not to blame and you have been fighting her corner for so long against many odds. She does sound as if she is getting flickers of awareness and her need to hurt you verbally shows there is fight and a need to combat there so there is real hope.