Can somebody please catch a train down and see me for a real hug :(

[coff33pot]

I need a real body. I am heartbroken and destroyed.

Oh Coff, I really wish I could come down there and give you a huge ((((HUG)))).

I have no words of wisdom, there are far wiser people than me on this thread, who can offer much better advice, but you are in my thoughts constantly at the moment and I am so sad for you and your family.

In the absence of being able to offer more practical support, I will sit quietly today and send you as much strength, love and light as I can muster. x

Coff, don't blame yourself for this. You have clearly done what you can to try and protect your DD. It is the system that has let her down - not you.
Sorry no practical advice or RL hugs - long way from Cornwall.

I hope your DD gets the help she needs and that it all works out for you.

So, so, so sorry Coff! Honking and sending you huge hugs. xx

Oh Coff, my heart sank when I saw that this was you. I am a long way from Cornwall too. As all those so much wiser have already said you can't blame yourself for this and maybe it is true about self medicating in the absence of other help.
At least you now know so that you can get the appropriate help.

Sending you cyberhugs and whatever support and strength thoughts that can slide themselves down the internet cables.

Oh Coff I really wish I was closer. (and was a useful sort of person who would know the right things to say) I hope some one in RL can give you the hug you need (and bucket loads of support for you and your dd (and ds) ) but we are all here for you in the meantime with arm loads of best wishes and crossed fingers xx

(((hugs))) Coff, thinking of you and your family xxxxx

Hi Coff, only just seen this, i am down south (Dorset) and we are going through a similar situation with dss, we suspect he has ASD and adhd and he is now being asessed (after having a 2nd breakdown and taking coke), the past few weeks have been hard work, he has come of the drugs and is now taking anti depressants and strong anti anxiety drugs, we are now waiting for asessment.

Sorry i cant be much more help but just wanted you to know that you are not alone .

Hello Coff33, have just read this and didn't want to just run with out sending you and your DD some . Hope she gets the help she needs, wish I could do more x

Coff

I'd have a look at the business insurance to see if you're covered. But that would probably mean you'd have to report the loss to the Police - which is probably not a route you want to go down. But you need to think about the whole family here - you, H and DS.

If you can hang on until end of Nov I'll come down, as will be retired then and able to hop on trains at will. Promise.

Do look into the police thing and research it properly. It 'might' be a positive for getting better/faster/imposed 'help'.

You can report it without pressing charges I believe. But you need time to research your options and get info from the appropriate organisations etc.

It's awful to say Coff but Police involvement could be the fast-track route to real help for her. It would probably not even go to Court with her MH issues but she would be put in touch with drug programmes and the Youth Offending Team etc.

Ask Vic what she would advice. She'd answer a PM on the subject for you.

Oh Coff I'm 4 hours away from you. You are getting to the bottom of a very nasty pile of problems, but you will get there.

I admire you and hope that if any of my girls face similar issues when they are older, I'll be able to 'do it like Coff'.

Oh no, Coff! I can't believe it. Lots of virtual hugs and I really wish I'd seen you this summer. I've no experience with the 'hard' stuff but wishing you and your family much love.

Has your lovely DS started juniors? I hope that's going well at least. ((((hugs))))

I can't phone police on her for a start I don't trust them anymore. She hates me now as the GP phoned and told us she cat condone it but she can't just stop either. I won't go out and buy this crap but she can't stop. Ritalin is the replacement to substitute it but the GP isn't licences to give it and she has to wait for a referral to clinic that does.

Does that solve now? No. She is mad as hell right now locked in the house and Dj is trying to keep ds and dd calm. She is locked herself in her room at mo telling me to fuck off and that she has to have it or she will eat and also remember the rape.

I am scared for everybody right now :(

DH just walked in and held me this morning. I didn't have to say anything because my friend who works for us told him for me. DH said we make a good team and we will still be ok. I really love that man

Oh Coff. You sound so down. Thank God for your lovely DH. So what is she supposed to do until she gets this referral? Keep using the coke? Bloody hell. Is there an addiction board on MN? You could do with some better advice. I know we are your MN friends, and it sounds like some have got experience, but you may need more specific advice?

She's blackmailing you.

Yes, she's had some dreadful things happen to her but taking cocaine is her choice. I can understand why you feel so protective but be careful as this leaves you very vulnerable to manipulation.

If she can't get the coke and won't calm down without it due to dependency then another trip to A&E is required where they will have people who can prescribe the substitute.

Tough love is sometimes required

Have you tried the local drug and alcohol team, they might be best people for advice. Your poor dd must be beside herself and poor you too. Your dh sounds great.
Honking for you here x

Coff

Google Addaction. It's a big drugs charity.

They have treatment centres in your area.

Still here Coff. Not much help but here!

Coff, I'm not good with hugs so will try and be of practical use, posting anything or everything which might be useful so you have it for later.

Freshfields Cornwall Drug Helpline might be a sounding board and a good first step.

NHS partnership Projects like this can be good but you have to watch out for exclusion criteria, eg if you have an acute psychiatric crisis then ASD service say too complex, or if you have a drug problem that might exclude eating disorder in-patient help.

It's probably going to be important to identify and demonstrate which problems are the 'core' causes and which are the spin-offs ie 'just' the complications. Particularly important with drug use which
Addaction are usually very good, and take self-referrals. They do some family support stuff too. (I'm sure because a friend who is very experienced, knowledgeable, sensible, and kind, worked for them for many years).

In terms of the

Sorry, stupid phone (well stupid fingers really)

In terms of the drug problem, the possibilities sound as though they are 1. Misuse of appetite suppressants, 2. Self-medication of ADHD type symptoms, 3. Trying to boost mood (trouble is the crash after) 4. General self-destructive stuff with bonus of short-term oblivion 5. 'ordinary' drug addiction.

I would be more hopeful now actually, at least providing you can all get over the shock. Theres an identified, potentially fixable problem here. You do know how to run a profitable business, your dd probably doesn't have a nasty physical illness giving her palpitations and extreme weight loss, the worsening mood swings and nastiness are just chemical-induced.

And, whether or not the police need to be called (maybe accountant's view is helpful?) sticking by her through this episode might prove to her how much you and her step-dad do care.

It's adda tion we are waiting on. She referred herself when she was in hospital the other week.. Then the gP sAid she aent another off today. It's them that can prescribe the Ritalin apparently but she has to wait for a date.

I have spoken to the out of hours mental health who we saw on Monday and an entire hospital. That can chat......

So I have screamed nd yelled again and I now got them to speak to a psych who will get hold of addiction first thing Monday. Out of hrs rang serco and I have bundled a highly string fighting dd in the car. I got here in one piece and we had are appt cancelled because I was two minutes late....so I have had to argue and sit here holding dd for forty fiveons