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I can't cope with night time

141 replies

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 01:25

I am completely at my wits end with my 8 month old daughter's sleep and I don't know what to do anymore. It's having a huge impact on my mental health, my relationship and my physical health too. She screams all night long and nothing we do seems to change anything. She is an awful sleeper - day or night. She relies completely on us to get her to sleep - whether it's boob, pram, car or being bounced to sleep. She simply cannot get herself to sleep at all. We've tried to teach her to self-settle and it ends up in her hysterical to the point she's making herself sick/choking and spluttering. It is horrendous. If we don't help her, she doesn't sleep!

This has been going on for nearly 4 months now, and it's just steadily gotten worse and worse. She has CMPA and egg allergy which I am free from, and I often wonder if that makes things worse but I thought by now we'd see some improvement in her night time sleep.

We've followed the same bedtime routine since she was born, we have quiet time/nappy free time around 6:30pm, then bath, feed and bed. I've tried to feed her awake with the lights on and then put her down drowsy but she just screams and screams. She will not stop, it's been hours some nights and she's still screaming. If I feed her to sleep she'll wake the minute I put her down - again screaming and screaming. Then the rest of the night she's waking every single hour, sometimes less. She only settles when fed or when lay on me (sometimes her Dad but mainly wants me). The same goes for daytime sleep - naps are never longer than 40mins, usually 30, unless she's asleep on the boob. Even then, she stirs every 20mins or so to latch back on and comfort suck. I can never just put her down for a nap without feeding her or rocking to sleep. Or it's a nap in the pram, and the minute I stop waking she's awake again.

My partner and I can't take much more. She's still in our bedroom because she's that bad at night the thought of being in and out of another room fills me with more dread. But it's having a huge impact on our relationship, we just have no time together in the evenings because she's up and down so often. Plus we're exhausted 😩.

The lack of naps without help means that we struggle to get anything done in our house. It's filthy, because when she's awake she demands all my attention - she won't go in a sling, she won't sit in her high chair, she won't just 'be' without me right there with her!! So nothing gets done.

To top it all off, last week our neighbours complained to us about her night waking as it's also waking them up!! We live in a terrace house so it's impossible not to hear it. So now we're even more anxious about her screaming all night because we know they're up and fuming too!!

Honestly I don't know what I'm after here, I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense. I'm currently sat hiding in the bathroom crying and I can hear her screaming from the bedroom. I just know I can't cope with this much longer. Please someone tell me it gets better!!!

OP posts:
TeainanIV · 06/03/2022 09:27

@BrioLover thank you so much, feel completely drained at the moment. I really want to try probiotics but I'm scared of making her worse - I don't know if it could do that but I know I couldn't handle it if she were to get worse!

It's so comforting though to know things will get better, and I'm pleased to hear your DS has lost some of his allergies xx

OP posts:
zebra80 · 06/03/2022 23:15

@TeainanIV hope your night goes as smoothly as possible and glad you've asked for help with the housework- at least that part of the problem does have a solution! It occurred to me earlier when I was stuck on the sofa under a contact nap, it's amazing that despite your baby's pain and upset she can find solace with you, sounds like you're doing a great job in very difficult circumstances.

@Nyfluff that's really interesting about the sensory processing- at the risk of hijacking the OP's thread would you mind sharing how you figured out that was the issue? I do sometimes wonder if my baby's just a sensitive soul who needs lots of contact and that's just him, not something to fix...

dipdye · 06/03/2022 23:22

Have you tried propping up the head of the mattress a little bit? With a rolled up towel? Just so it's slightly elevated?

Other than that, I'd also:

Cut out bf
Massive supper I.e. Peanut butter toast and banana
Loads of tummy time and exercise
Very dark room

It's so tough op, I've been there, it'll pass though 💕🌻

dipdye · 06/03/2022 23:23

I'm actually embarrassed by the state of the house

^

Honestly, no-one cares! They really don't!

dipdye · 06/03/2022 23:25

I see BrioLover just mentioned the rolled up towel trick Grin

TeainanIV · 07/03/2022 08:51

@zebra80 thank you, that's a lovely point to make - just glad I can bring her comfort. We actually got a 3 hour stretch last night!! I know that probably doesn't sound much haha but it was incredible to us!! Not sure what caused it but hoping it continues!!

@Nyfluff I'd be interested to know more too!

OP posts:
TeainanIV · 07/03/2022 08:55

@dipdye thank you for the tips and kind message, we are trying to make sure we have one end of the bed raised - we've actually done this since she was very young as she suffered with awful silent reflux from birth. I was nervous to introduce food before bed as she can have a windy tummy at night but maybe I'll give it a go and see if it helps! She loves both those foods too haha.

I know I need to try and not stress about the house, I just find it tends to heighten my anxiety. I think I just feel as though I'm losing control on everything! But we had some support this weekend so managed to at least tidy our downstairs! Xx

OP posts:
BrioLover · 07/03/2022 21:52

Wanted to come and check in and see how you are?

Porridge with almond milk was a great supper for my DS. Just oats and almond milk, nothing else, in a pan for a bit.

Oatly Barista too - drinking this in the evenings helped too as it's really quite thick (after a good shake!). It's the grey one that you only keep in the fridge after opening. DH reminded me of this trick with the reflux and then I'd still feed DS to sleep an hour later after a gentle bath etc.

TeainanIV · 07/03/2022 22:32

@BrioLoverio that's so lovely of you - thank you! We've had quite a few wake ups already this evening, but she also has three teeth coming through so she's not best pleased bless her!

We are big Oatly fans here haha - I've always drank it, way before having my DD. In fact, my partner prefers it to cows milk! My DDs favourite is their Oatgurt with banana puree! I think we've got their whole product range in our fridge at the moment 😅

Hoping she'll give us another three hour stretch last night!! Don't know what we did differently to achieve that! Xx

OP posts:
dipdye · 07/03/2022 23:48

Ah, maybe the light is at the end of the tunnel then! If you slept for three hours too you must feel brighter.

And if she madly chewing on the dummies the teething explains it!

I've always wondered why babies aren't just born with teeth 🤔

TeainanIV · 08/03/2022 03:23

@dipdye unfortunately we're having another terrible night!! 🙈 But those three straight hours the night before made such a difference.

You've reminded me of something one of the midwives told me on the ward after I'd had my DD! She said some babies are born with their teeth already - I think I searched it in hospital and the pictures of newborns with teeth were so bizarre!!

OP posts:
mrssunshinexxx · 13/03/2022 23:11

@TeainanIV how are things now ?
I'm
Going through similar and keep toying with the just chill mama course I got the 2nd one with my first born but really intrigued with what the methods like in her first course as the second one worked WONDERS with my toddler but I really don't have the spare cash at the mo please please please would you be so kind as to share a couple of hints from it I would be very grateful x

Nat6999 · 13/03/2022 23:23

Is she any better in a bouncy chair? Ds had reflux & screamed the house down if we put him in his cot, we put his bouncy chair in his cot & he slept like a dream.

Dinosaurhearmeroar · 26/02/2023 19:00

@TeainanIV I know this is a year later but I wanted to see how you were getting on OP? Xxx

TeainanIV · 26/02/2023 22:04

@Dinosaurhearmeroar hello! Wow yes, some not so nice flashbacks reminiscing on this post!! Our DD is now nearly 20 months old 🤯 and whilst she's nowhere near as bad, she's still never slept through 🙈. We average 3 wake ups a night now, not as much hysterics anymore - more whinging! We've stopped the breastfeeding to sleep and through the night, but she's still a tricky one to self soothe. She's not as miserable in the night, she does still cry at every wake up but she falls off again once she's had a cuddle or a rock - occasionally we can get her back to sleep with some shushing or patting! Who knows, maybe by the time she's two she'll sleep through!?!

OP posts:
Moonicorn · 26/02/2023 22:29

Sleep train
No more feeding to sleep, it’s created a cycle
Porridge before bed
Take her into a dark room 4 times a day (blackout curtains) and shhh/rock until she drops off. Even if it takes hours. Within a few days she will be dropping off in 10 minutes.
Swaddle her in a blanket, when she drops off lower her into the cot and gently remove blanket.

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