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I can't cope with night time

141 replies

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 01:25

I am completely at my wits end with my 8 month old daughter's sleep and I don't know what to do anymore. It's having a huge impact on my mental health, my relationship and my physical health too. She screams all night long and nothing we do seems to change anything. She is an awful sleeper - day or night. She relies completely on us to get her to sleep - whether it's boob, pram, car or being bounced to sleep. She simply cannot get herself to sleep at all. We've tried to teach her to self-settle and it ends up in her hysterical to the point she's making herself sick/choking and spluttering. It is horrendous. If we don't help her, she doesn't sleep!

This has been going on for nearly 4 months now, and it's just steadily gotten worse and worse. She has CMPA and egg allergy which I am free from, and I often wonder if that makes things worse but I thought by now we'd see some improvement in her night time sleep.

We've followed the same bedtime routine since she was born, we have quiet time/nappy free time around 6:30pm, then bath, feed and bed. I've tried to feed her awake with the lights on and then put her down drowsy but she just screams and screams. She will not stop, it's been hours some nights and she's still screaming. If I feed her to sleep she'll wake the minute I put her down - again screaming and screaming. Then the rest of the night she's waking every single hour, sometimes less. She only settles when fed or when lay on me (sometimes her Dad but mainly wants me). The same goes for daytime sleep - naps are never longer than 40mins, usually 30, unless she's asleep on the boob. Even then, she stirs every 20mins or so to latch back on and comfort suck. I can never just put her down for a nap without feeding her or rocking to sleep. Or it's a nap in the pram, and the minute I stop waking she's awake again.

My partner and I can't take much more. She's still in our bedroom because she's that bad at night the thought of being in and out of another room fills me with more dread. But it's having a huge impact on our relationship, we just have no time together in the evenings because she's up and down so often. Plus we're exhausted 😩.

The lack of naps without help means that we struggle to get anything done in our house. It's filthy, because when she's awake she demands all my attention - she won't go in a sling, she won't sit in her high chair, she won't just 'be' without me right there with her!! So nothing gets done.

To top it all off, last week our neighbours complained to us about her night waking as it's also waking them up!! We live in a terrace house so it's impossible not to hear it. So now we're even more anxious about her screaming all night because we know they're up and fuming too!!

Honestly I don't know what I'm after here, I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense. I'm currently sat hiding in the bathroom crying and I can hear her screaming from the bedroom. I just know I can't cope with this much longer. Please someone tell me it gets better!!!

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springiscom · 28/02/2022 02:17

I'm so sorry, My daughter was the same. If she is CPMA is it possible she has silent reflux? My daughter ended up on meds for silent reflux and it really helped.

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 02:47

@springiscom it is awful isn't it - she's been on gaviscon and omeprazole but both made her even worse so we stopped giving her them. Honestly I don't think I can cope much longer - she's woken every 50 minutes so far tonight

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Emelene · 28/02/2022 02:52

This sounds so hard. It will get better. Flowers You could try putting her in her own room? It’s possible that you are disturbing her, I know my son slept better in his own room. But yes the getting up is a pain so make sure it’s comfy.

As for the neighbours, I know it’s frustrating for everyone but try not to let it bother you. You (and baby) are doing the best you can and if you knew how to be quieter you would be…
Sending you lots of love. I have a 1 year old now who still doesn’t sleep amazingly but it gets much better and I have hope!

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 03:00

@Emelene thank you! I do wonder if it would help her being in her own room, been too nervous to make the leap - but to honest she's rapidly growing out of her next to me now so the decision is being taken out of our hands!! Did you teach your little one to self settle or did they just eventually get there on their own? I feel like we've tried everything and she still can't do it so I'm now praying she'll eventually get there 🙏 xx

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Emelene · 28/02/2022 03:07

@TeainanIV -
He occasionally self-settles but generally needs a cuddle back to sleep. He’s 15 months, we night-weaned recently and he actually slept through 2 nights in a row this week! Been a terror tonight though. 😬 But for us it’s generally one (long) wake up and it is getting better. All babies are different, I hope my answer above doesn’t discourage you. We also tried encouraging lots of filling food before bed.
Would it be worth talking through with your health visitor to see if they have any suggestions?
But I just wanted to say it sounds like you’re doing really well- it is SO hard but it is a phase and it will get better, whatever you choose to do. Flowers

Duracellbunnywannabe · 28/02/2022 03:18

Have you tried going soya free?

alice863 · 28/02/2022 03:32

This sounds so SO hard. Hang on in there, it does get better, it really does! We struggled with CMPA and reflux until our littlest was a year, but since he’s weaned it has improved so much (along with the reflux and other symptoms that seemed to linger). May I suggest speaking to your health visitor? We were fortunate enough to be referred to a sleep specialist, who has helped us teach DS to self soothe at night. I was really pleasantly surprised by how helpful it was, and how in tune it was with our attachment style of parenting (no cry it out, which I was fearful of).

pompomseverywhere · 28/02/2022 03:37

Christ it's a nightmare isn't it you poor thing. It gets better and you are doing really well. Have you tried white noise? Loads of free apps with various noises. We used this for naps and nights and had it on quite loud.

Daytime naps in a pram with a Rockit worked for us but they were quite short and then suddenly nearer 2 she started to have very long naps. It came from nowhere so when you think you can't take anymore remember anything can change out of the blue.

TulipsGarden · 28/02/2022 03:41

What happens if you cuddle and/or feed her to sleep in the first instance, would she still wake up? I just wonder if she's getting overwrought because she's upset about being left when she first goes to bed, and that stops her sleeping? I see no problem with letting an 8 month old feed to sleep at bedtime, but if course the multiple night wakings are not ideal.

Happyhappyday · 28/02/2022 03:58

Stupid question probably but have you tried any form of sleeping training? I know cry it out is not popular on here BUT if your kiddo is crying all the time anyway and you’re losing your rag it seems like a good idea to try. Worth mentioning that not all kids do better having a parent near by, mine certainly doesn’t, she just got frustrated she wasn’t being picked up with the “gentle” methods so did a lot better with just shut the door, night night.

PatientlyWaiting21 · 28/02/2022 04:32

No advice but you are not alone!!
Our 15 week old has decided sleep is for the weak since this weekend. Wakening every 30 minutes. Falls asleep as soon as I pick her up, wakes up as soon as she goes down. I’ve started giving her a dummy too and it falls out and wakes her up.
They’ll sleep when they are teenagers I guess and if not they will need to amuse themselves!

Garfieldismyspiritanimal · 28/02/2022 05:09

Will she take a dummy? Might be too late now but they were amazing for my babies’ sleep and they dropped them with no issues at 2

autienotnaughty · 28/02/2022 05:38

Yeah we had a cmpa baby too. Started sleeping though about 1. Some things that helped.-
Tilited cot
Gaviscon and ranitidine
Totally dairy and soya free ( ie checking all foods gravy, bread etc)

What stopped the night wakings were, ending night feeds and stopping dummy. He would wake to be fed so I stopped offering and I also found whilst dummy helped soothe he would wake if it fell out his mouth. Once he got use to sleeping without he started sleeping through.

Until that happened though we tag teamed so I'd go to bed 7- 12 then hubby would come to bed and I'd deal with the night wakings.

FTEngineerM · 28/02/2022 05:44

Could have written this.
I broke at 7.5m after not sleeping for more than an hour for 3.5 months. Few things that changed our lives:

Aptamil pepti 1.
Getting it so that DP could settle him.
Letting him be tired in his own bed, staying with him but not leaving bed and just singing/stroking his head as he got drowsy. He learnt that it’s ok to be tired.
Helping him into he next sleep cycle with bum pats when napping, so at 40 minutes we would start patting his butt until he was into next cycle. After a few goes he could link them himself.

Essentially they need to be comfortable, they need to know it’s ok to be in light sleep and alone in the cot/bed.

LapinR0se · 28/02/2022 06:15

Would you like the details of a sleep consultant? I can send you via PM. You’re already getting conflicting ideas here and it’s easy to make things worse not better

StarsandStones · 28/02/2022 06:25

Are you milk and dairy free yourself now you are breastfeeding?

Are there other medications you can try?

LGBirmingham · 28/02/2022 07:19

Hi it's so tough all the sleep stuff wirh babies isn't it? Just wanted to offer a light at the end if the tunnel for you re.assited naps.

From about 3 months ds would only nap longer than 20 mins if held or in a constantly moving vessel. From around 5 months he would always wake after half an hour in the pushchair even if still moving. All naps became contact naps. Then around 7 months he would always wake on the half hour mark from them but could sometimes be resettled. It was exhausting!

Then when he was 10 months suddenly he would sleep well in the pushchair again. All I had to do was rock him for 15 mins around the half hour mark. Then around 11 months I could just push him round the block, bring him in and leave him and he stays asleep for a decent nap on his own.

I don't think I did anything he just got less distractable as he got older and perhaps being on two naps meant the sleep pressure was higher? It's so much better for me now I actually get a break during his naps. It will change for you too.

LGBirmingham · 28/02/2022 07:23

Also you're in a well known bad stage for night sleep which may well be why it feels like it's getting worse. Hang in in there it really does improve after 10 months. www.google.com/amp/s/sarahockwell-smith.com/2015/11/18/what-the-heck-goes-wrong-sleep-wise-at-8-10-months/amp/

whosaidtha · 28/02/2022 07:29

Have you got any family support/nursery? I would send her away for a day and sleep all day/sort the house a bit. Will make everything feel better because your tiredness makes her lack of sleep seem worse. If you could take a day to get some proper rest you might be more calm and a little bit less stressed.
Good luck. It's so tough.

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 08:57

@TulipsGarden I feed her to sleep every night because nothing else works 😔 and if I'm honest, that isn't working anymore either as the minute I move her to her own bed she wakes up screaming! She wakes every half hour/40 mins from being put down. If I left her to sleep on me she would, but she wouldn't co-sleep next to me as she still screams!

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TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 08:59

@Happyhappyday we have tried some - I tried the 'Just Chill Baby' sleep training course and it just didn't work for her. The settling techniques just ended in hysterics to the point she was sick. She is VERY strong willed and will not give in. I don't think I could do CIO anyway, but if I did do it I genuinely don't think she'd stop screaming!! And with the way our neighbours are I don't think I could do it as theyd complain even more!

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TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 09:00

@PatientlyWaiting21 thank you lovely, I am really struggling at the moment. Just completely lost all energy and motivation. I'm feeling so much frustration and misery at night. I dread it, from about 3pm each day I'm getting anxious about the night ahead. I wish she would take a dummy, she never has and when we try now she chews it like a teether and uses it as a toy!

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TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 09:02

@Garfieldismyspiritanimal she never would take a dummy, even from being teeny. She now just chews it like a teether if we try, and in the past she'd just spit it out!

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TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 09:03

@autienotnaughty we recently all had a tummy bug and since then I feel like she's reacting to everything! I think I'm going to have to cut out soya too - it's so tough, feel like I can't eat anything as it is with milk and egg!!

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TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 09:06

@FTEngineerM I'm unsure how she'd be with formula because of her allergies - my dietitian warned me the dairy-free ones aren't very nice and because she's been EBF she will most likely refuse it. I try and put her in her bed sleepy but she starts to cry the minute I try and lay her down - her head hasn't even touched the bed and she's crying! And it just builds from there, there's no in-between she's either fine or screaming. I've tried putting, shushing, stroking, not doing anything! It all ends the same way unfortunately

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