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I can't cope with night time

141 replies

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 01:25

I am completely at my wits end with my 8 month old daughter's sleep and I don't know what to do anymore. It's having a huge impact on my mental health, my relationship and my physical health too. She screams all night long and nothing we do seems to change anything. She is an awful sleeper - day or night. She relies completely on us to get her to sleep - whether it's boob, pram, car or being bounced to sleep. She simply cannot get herself to sleep at all. We've tried to teach her to self-settle and it ends up in her hysterical to the point she's making herself sick/choking and spluttering. It is horrendous. If we don't help her, she doesn't sleep!

This has been going on for nearly 4 months now, and it's just steadily gotten worse and worse. She has CMPA and egg allergy which I am free from, and I often wonder if that makes things worse but I thought by now we'd see some improvement in her night time sleep.

We've followed the same bedtime routine since she was born, we have quiet time/nappy free time around 6:30pm, then bath, feed and bed. I've tried to feed her awake with the lights on and then put her down drowsy but she just screams and screams. She will not stop, it's been hours some nights and she's still screaming. If I feed her to sleep she'll wake the minute I put her down - again screaming and screaming. Then the rest of the night she's waking every single hour, sometimes less. She only settles when fed or when lay on me (sometimes her Dad but mainly wants me). The same goes for daytime sleep - naps are never longer than 40mins, usually 30, unless she's asleep on the boob. Even then, she stirs every 20mins or so to latch back on and comfort suck. I can never just put her down for a nap without feeding her or rocking to sleep. Or it's a nap in the pram, and the minute I stop waking she's awake again.

My partner and I can't take much more. She's still in our bedroom because she's that bad at night the thought of being in and out of another room fills me with more dread. But it's having a huge impact on our relationship, we just have no time together in the evenings because she's up and down so often. Plus we're exhausted 😩.

The lack of naps without help means that we struggle to get anything done in our house. It's filthy, because when she's awake she demands all my attention - she won't go in a sling, she won't sit in her high chair, she won't just 'be' without me right there with her!! So nothing gets done.

To top it all off, last week our neighbours complained to us about her night waking as it's also waking them up!! We live in a terrace house so it's impossible not to hear it. So now we're even more anxious about her screaming all night because we know they're up and fuming too!!

Honestly I don't know what I'm after here, I'm not even sure if any of this makes sense. I'm currently sat hiding in the bathroom crying and I can hear her screaming from the bedroom. I just know I can't cope with this much longer. Please someone tell me it gets better!!!

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TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 09:07

@LapinR0se yes please!! We have tried one before, 'Just Chill Baby' but it hasn't worked for us so far. Willing to try anything, we are desperate

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TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 09:11

@whosaidtha we do have some family but she has such bad separation anxiety she becomes very distressed. Plus she's EBF and her CMPA means I can't give her regular formula I need a special one prescribed. But the dietitian has warned me she would hate it as apparently they're pretty horrid. I struggle to express more than a couple of ozs when I try and pump for her

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MaggieMooh · 28/02/2022 09:12

You just have to keep going, keep coping one day at a time, until your child grows out of it. Mine started to sleep at age 3. By then I’d had a nervous breakdown and my marriage was destroyed. It’s not uncommon - my mum said I didn’t sleep until I was 4 and I destroyed her marriage too.

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 09:12

@LGBirmingham thank you lovely! I feel like we've been in a tough stage since she was 4.5 months! It feels relentless at the moment but good to know things will get better - just hard to see that through the exhaustion at the moment!

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FTEngineerM · 28/02/2022 09:28

@TeainanIV yeah we were being told the same from GP/HV/dietician but the allergens just wouldn’t go from my milk after 6 weeks of abstaining.

3 days on formula and all the allergy symptoms disappeared. I was soooo mad that they kept telling me breastmilk would be fine, blah, it wasn’t.

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 09:30

@FTEngineerM really? That's interesting to know! Maybe I'll give it a go and see what happens. We've already had conflicting advice which is making it confusing!!

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MrsPelligrinoPetrichor · 28/02/2022 09:32

Why can't you just feed her if it means she sleeps? I think at 8 months they're still little and you do what you need to.

There didn't seem quite so much emphasis on self settling when ds was a baby many moons ago, it was normal to feed before a sleep.

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 09:39

@MrsPelligrinoPetrichor I do feed her to sleep. My issue is she wakes every half hour - 50 minutes all night and will only stay asleep either on the boob or on top of me. My partner and I aren't getting any sleep at the moment for this reason. She's exhausted and wants to stay asleep but she doesn't know how to get herself to sleep between sleep cycles so is reliant on me feeding her.

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newrubylane · 28/02/2022 09:49

If you do want to give the formula a try, I'd suggest you initially mix a small amount with breast milk and gradually reduce the proportion of breast milk over a longish period to help her adapt to the taste.

If nothing else a bottle feed would allow you and her dad to do a shift each overnight and get a chunk of sleep in each - we had twins who didn't sleep well and both and feeding issues (CMPA for one and reflux for the other), and this was the only way we survived.

Re. The omeprazole, how long did you try it for? There was definitely a period of adjustment for us but it did work when we got him onto the max dose. We did have to give it a few weeks, though. Someone above mentioned ranitidine which we also had but it suddenly became impossible to get hold of and may no longer be prescribed, I think.

Hang in there, it will improve and when you look back it will feel like such a short period of time that you sacrificed your evening and your sanity, even though it feels neverending while you're in it. My twins are almost 3 now. My daughter flew through the dairy ladder and it turned out it was just pure milk that was a stumbling block, and we eventually got there with that by doing the same mixing technique backwards over about three months. My son is still on reflux medication but we have been able to half his dose without too much of a setback recently. Their sleep gradually improved from the 12 month mark and we've been getting more full nights of sleep than not since they were around 18 months.

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 10:50

@newrubylane thanks so much, that must have been incredibly tough. I'm finding it so hard with her allergies, since weaning I feel like everything is causing some sort of reaction!

We tried the omeprazole for about two weeks - it was awful. Her reflux was horrific and she screamed all day and night in agony. I just couldn't carry on giving it her anymore!

Praying as she gets older and past 1 that we can work on these allergies! Thank you for your kind post xx

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TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 10:52

@StarsandStones I've been milk free since November 2021 and egg free since January of this year. The medications just made her silent reflux worse or caused us other problems unfortunately

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springiscom · 28/02/2022 11:45

Maybe try Ranitidine if it's available. This was the only medication that worked for us but also things generally started improving after the first year. Big hug. I also had to take antidepressants to get through.

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 12:20

@springiscom I don't think it's available anymore 😭 I'd asked the GP about it originally and they seemed to say so anyway. Thanks so much lovely, struggling so much at the moment. She's such a happy little girl most or the time, just night times are horrendous - very jekyll and hyde!! Xx

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SnackSizeRaisin · 28/02/2022 12:38

I think you need to change her sleep habits in a consistent way. Stop feeding her to sleep at bedtime. Feed before bath instead. There will be crying but there is crying anyway. Once she's used to that, stop feeding her to sleep throughout the night (retain 1 or 2 night feeds if you want). Be committed and don't waver and you will see progress in a matter of days. The first 3 nights will be bad so brace yourself.

If you can afford it, get a sleep consultant.

SnackSizeRaisin · 28/02/2022 12:40

Why can't you just feed her if it means she sleeps? I think at 8 months they're still little and you do what you need to.

Did you read the OP?

LGBirmingham · 28/02/2022 13:30

[quote TeainanIV]@LGBirmingham thank you lovely! I feel like we've been in a tough stage since she was 4.5 months! It feels relentless at the moment but good to know things will get better - just hard to see that through the exhaustion at the moment![/quote]
I hear you. There's so many things to throw sleep of course in that first year. Hang on in there.

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 13:44

@SnackSizeRaisin I think you're right, going to have to bite the bullet and commit to it. I just think she'll then want bouncing/rocking to sleep instead - but at least my partner can do that!! She is so strong willed it's untrue, any attempt we've made at self settling has led to her screaming for hours on end!

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MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly · 28/02/2022 21:42

My aunts baby was like this - she cut out soya because she read that CMPA can often coincide with soya allergy too. In the end they went with the formula - it did smell horrible (to me anyway!) but she took it fine and within a few weeks she was like a different baby.

I understand how broken you feel, but personally I don't think sleep training is the right thing to do for a baby that may be suffering from tummy pain at night.

Angliski · 28/02/2022 21:50

Velcro swaddle? It might be that something a bit restrictive helps her feel safer? Does she flail about? We found ds looked so much happier about that age in his fabric cocoon …. Sorry to hear how tough it is. She does sound uncomfortable.

TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 22:30

@MyDarlingWhatIfYouFly I agree, it doesn't feel right to me either - she's definitely in some discomfort. I'm going to go back to the GP tomorrow and speak with them, I hate seeing her like this and we all need some sleep!

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TeainanIV · 28/02/2022 22:31

@Angliski she rolls over now so we can't use a swaddle any more :( it used to work when she was newborn up to 3 months!

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Angliski · 01/03/2022 09:52

Rats. My other suggestion is mctimoney chiropractic- very gentle intervention that rebalances their internals/skeleton- it might be her tummy but it might also be something about positioning …. They train for six years and specialise in pregnancy and little ones. I could not have survived without that help.

Bimbabo · 03/03/2022 22:13

My 8 month old was the same. Only fed to sleep and multiple awakenings in the night and not much day napping. We were knackered.
I did a really strict schedule, easier as it was lockdown and not much else to do. I also started with naps to “sleep train”.
I would put her in the buggy and walk for 5 mins. After that time I would slow down a bit each day till she fell asleep, eventually stand still till asleep. Then walk normally. One day after the 5 mins I stood in the street for 20 mins waiting for her to fall asleep. I think it taught her to fall asleep independently without breastfeeding or being rocked to sleep. Within a week I’d put her in the buggy by the door and by the time I put my shoes on she was asleep.
After that I worked on night time. Feed and then story and a song. Kept the same story and song so that it was a cue it was bed time. It took 4 nights and then she fell asleep herself with no fuss and from then didn’t wake over night.
She’s almost 3 now. Mostly sleeps well but goes through wee stages, unwell, teething, toddler nonsense! But so much better. She didn’t have allergies so don’t know anything about that.
Hopefully it will get easier.

user1493494961 · 03/03/2022 22:29

I know you said she has allergies but does she have any solids, she might be hungry.

TeainanIV · 03/03/2022 22:34

@user1493494961 yes, she's on three meals a day. We're doing a mix of mashed foods and BLW. She loves her food!

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