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Has anyone tried sleeping training ?? Help

257 replies

Daisyflower12345 · 04/10/2020 19:27

How did you do it ?

I really need to do something as I'm physically and emotionally drained!
DD is 14months and still isn't sleeping through the night an regularly wakes up. I'm so sleep deprived. Many have mentioned to try the Ferber method where you come in after long intervals. I just need to do something and this is literally my last and final option I don't know wat else to do.

Has anyone tried this ?? Has it worked ? Was it the worse thing ever ? Please any advice will help.

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Daisyflower12345 · 27/10/2020 13:05

@HoneyPea Awww bless you. What time does he go to sleep ? Hope it gets easier and he wakes up a little later so u can have abit of a lie in.

Well we was meant to staff the sleep training yesterday but because DD caught a cold and hasn't been well we never did it. She has been very snotty and got a slight cough too. So going to wait for her to recover and then start. But to be honest with this later bedtime it's made a massive difference she's so much more better. Last night she went bed at 8.30pm and obviously she wasn't well so got up a few times but was still very sleepy so not wide awake. She woke up at 7.45am. So can't complain lol

But not sure if the late bedtime is like a short fix but it seems to be working so see how it goes. X

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HoneyPea · 27/10/2020 15:51

He normally goes to bed around 7.30 but it doesn't seem to make a difference if he goes later or earlier, he always used to wake up at the same time 😕
I'm hoping it just to do with time change and because my DH is off because of half term so it's different!
Hope your DD feels better soon. Pop a calpol plug in on and get some baby vapor rub to put on her chest and feet x

Daisyflower12345 · 27/10/2020 20:46

@HoneyPea It could be because of the time change. Hopefully he will settle in an start to wake up abit later. Fingers crossed for you.

Thanks for the suggestion. I went out an bought the calpol plug in it's all plugged in and also rubbed some vicks on her (don't worry it's the child one lol I think it's called snuffle bay or something) she fell asleep around 8.20pm. So see how she gets on tonight.

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HoneyPea · 31/10/2020 09:16

@Daisyflower12345 Thanks, he's been waking between 6.30 and 7.30 the last few mornings so not too bad. Was just hoping we would get a lie in over half term week with DH not having to get up for work but obv not 😕
How is your DD getting on? Is her cold any better?

Daisyflower12345 · 31/10/2020 21:10

@HoneyPea Awww bless you. But at least it's getting slightly better and he's wake a little later than usual. Hopefully soon you'll get more of a lie in.

Well DD is a slightly better through the night as she hasn't had night where she is awake for hours. She had one night where she woke up at 12am an didn't sleep till 3am which was a nightmare. Her cold has gone better thankfully but she is still a little snotty. So I'm waiting for her to fully recover to then try an do the sleep training. I was thinking she will be 16months this month is it too late to do it with her or have parents done it with their children at this age?

I'm still dreading the thought of it I hope i don't give up an actually follow through.

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HoneyPea · 02/11/2020 08:18

@Daisyflower12345 7 seems to be the new wake up time here, not too bad! We've only had one night in the last week where he woke up at 12 and went back to sleep at 1.30 so pretty good 😊
Not sure if I'd say 16months is too late but would think it would be harder due to her being more aware but not sure!

Daisyflower12345 · 02/11/2020 08:33

@HoneyPea Well she has started to sleep in the bed 😫😫😫 the past week she has been waking up an not settling back an because I haven't been well myself an was so tired I jus picked her up an put her in bed.

The annoying part is she sleeps through the whole night in bed with no wakes and no milk! It's so hard not putting in bed as she take forever to settle back if she wakes in the night.

I don't know what to do

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Indecisivelurcher · 02/11/2020 11:00

@Daisyflower12345 just popping up to say, my sister still bed shares with her 2.5yo... They sleep on a double mattress on the floor. It's only now becoming an issue because she's 25wks pregnant with twins... So they're trying to get him more used to sleeping part of the night alone and sharing with her husband.

HoneyPea · 02/11/2020 12:13

@Daisyflower12345 I really avoid putting DS in our bed as he is too much of a wriggler and I worry he would fall off the bed so wouldn't get any sleep!
If you are all sleeping better and your happy to co-sleep then that's great 😃

Daisyflower12345 · 02/11/2020 13:28

@HoneyPea @Indecisivelurcher To be honest I don't know how I feel about it. I feel like everyone is like "omg nooo don't let ur child sleep in the bed that's so bad an bla bla bla"

if I'm totally honest to be it's not that bad because we are both getting a full night sleep she's not waking up. She sleeps in the middle of me and DH.

But obviously I'd love for her to sleep in the cot as her getting fully used to the bed isn't great as it interrupts mine and DH time etc. But right now I just don't know what to do as she's still not fully recovered from her cold so don't really want to do sleep training. I also feel the longer we leave the training the harder it will be as she's getting older.

I just feel quite confused ☹️

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Indecisivelurcher · 02/11/2020 13:50

There's nothing wrong with co-sleeping, if it works for you all. But as a first step you need to make sure you've got the safety angle fully covered off.

I don't think your little one sleeping between two adults sounds very safe. Presumably between pillows and duvet too.

The way my sister has done it is they sleep on a mattress on the floor, she has a single duvet around her and her little boy has his own covers. Her husband is in a different bed. My sister meant this to be temporary but it ended up not being, because this way they all get enough sleep. However she's now a bit stuck by not having an exit strategy, and like I said her little boy will be 3 in Jan and she'll be due twins about then.

I have lost track of how your little one is sleeping now, I think sleeping through more or less but with a late bedtime, and in bed with you from the sounds of it, as well as you share a room anyway? And before that you were rocking and patting for all wake ups, and had long wake ups in the night?

I think you need to decide what you want to aim for. If you want her sleeping alone in her cot and self settling, then you need to set out some steps towards that and stick to them. I would say first step is self settling alone at bedtime. What does bedtime look like at the mo, how does she get to sleep? And where?

I think you were considering controlled crying. This looks like putting your little one in their cot and leaving the room so they fall asleep alone, popping in to reassure then at set intervals.

In all honestly I think going from co sleeping to controlled crying, your little one is likely to be extremely stressed as it's extremely different to what they've had, they won't be happy, and they're old enough to kick up a hell a stink. I think you'd be setting yourselves up to fail.

Indecisivelurcher · 02/11/2020 13:57

I don't mean to sound negative! Have a think about what you want. How do YOU feel about co-sleeping. Can you make it work? Is it safe? Don't worry about other people. Is it midday important that you all get sleep right now? Can you maybe skip the cot and transition straight to a toddler bed in 6 months time? Or is it important to you to get your little one into their own cot sooner than that? If so, then co-sleeping will set you back. Or are you happy with a go with the flow approach, where maybe your little one self settles in their cot, but comes in with you when they wake up? There's no right or wrong here. But you need to work out what works for you as a family.

Daisyflower12345 · 02/11/2020 19:48

@Indecisivelurcher So at the moment her bedtime is later than before so she sleeps around 8. So currently I sometimes rock to sleep or lay her in the cot an tap to sleep. She always starts off her sleep in the cot. The past week she has been waking up an even though I have tapped her an she falls back asleep she wakes up after 10mins crying. So after I do this 2 or 3 times I usually give up an put her in the bed. Prior to this the nights she was waking she would jus fall back asleep after being tapped so she didn't ever get in the bed.

Yes previously with the earlier bed time etc she was waking up in the night for hours on end wide awake playing etc. Thankfully that has stopped.

I really do want to try the sleep training but because she has a slight cold like runny nose I'm not sure if it's right to do it. She isn't very unwell like she is still happy playing etc but jus has a runny nose. DH is happy to try it. Just not sure.

I don't want the bed thing to carry on if I'm honest but it's so tiring constantly waking up an trying to get her back to sleep. At the moment we do all sleep in the same room.

What do you think is best to do for now ? I need help lol

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Indecisivelurcher · 02/11/2020 19:56

I'm out at the mo but I'll think about it.
I wouldn't not sleep train for a cold though. You're never going to get everything perfectly aligned.

Daisyflower12345 · 02/11/2020 20:47

@Indecisivelurcher your right I agree there's always something that keeps coming up an we keep delaying it. DH said the same thing to just try it an see how we get on.

That's fine I appreciate any advice I can get right now. She went sleep rocked her an now she's down in her cot. Will try my best to keep her in cot tonight but because I'm not well myself and DH has work early in the morning may be difficult if she gets up during the night. But fingers crossed

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Indecisivelurcher · 03/11/2020 08:37

@Daisyflower12345 I don't think I can say much more than what I've said before. If you want her to sleep in her cot and move towards sleeping through, then you need to start with teaching her to get to sleep on her own! If she's not going to sleep on her own at bedtime, then of course she's not going to be able to resettle on her own when she wakes in the night. She doesn't have this skill yet. You either wait for it to develop on its own (I have no clue when that might be) or you support her to learn now.

This means no rocking and no patting at bedtime. It would be fine for you to sit with her, if that's what you want to do. But keep intervention to a minimum. Don't get her out of the cot. Don't really talk to her. Be prepared that it may take a couple of hours.

She might cry, because she won't like it and in her head she won't understand why you're not getting her off to sleep. But you'll be with her, and you'll be doing it to help her learn a vital skill.

You will need to stick with this for at least a week. Then start moving a bit further from her cot every few nights. Because you share a room, I would say your 1st aim is to be sitting on your bed while she goes to sleep unsupported.

Aim 2, Once she can settle at bedtime, you'll need to start treating night wakings the same. So that means she wakes, you reassure her from your bed, she goes back to sleep by herself.

This is method is called gradual retreat, if you want to look it up.

It is arguably harder on the parent and more drawn out than controlled crying. Personally I think going from rocking /tapping to sleep and bringing her into your bed straight to controlled crying would be quite hardcore, especially given how upset you said she's become before.

Ultimately nothing is going to change here if you don't change it.

Daisyflower12345 · 03/11/2020 11:10

@Indecisivelurcher Thank you very much for the advice I really appreciate it.

I will try the staying in the room and doing the gradual retreat. I think she will feel better knowing I'm in the room because me leaving the room has made her a lot worse. An as you've said from rocking an letting her in the bed to controlled crying will be a massive shock.

Il give this a go an see how she gets on hopefully because her cold is better I rather jus start instead of delaying it any further as older she gets the harder it will be.

Thank you once again you have been a godsend! Xxxxx

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HoneyPea · 05/11/2020 08:38

@Daisyflower12345 How are you getting on? Have you decided what you are planning to do?
We are back to fairly normal wake up time of 7 - 8.30 which is the same as bedtime so he's sleeping 11-12 hours most nights Smile x

Daisyflower12345 · 05/11/2020 09:21

@HoneyPea awww wow that's amazing !! I'm well pleased for you. At least u now get u lie in.

Well last night DD was great to be honest. She didn't come in the bed which I was happy about. She went to sleep an woke up at 6am. It's a lot earlier than I want but I was just happy that she slept through an didn't come into the bed. Hope it carries on lol even though I think this is just a fluke night haha

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HoneyPea · 06/11/2020 13:56

@Daisyflower12345 And he was even later 8.40 today, don't know what's going on 😂😂

Hope you had another good night last night. I wonder if she is coming out of a leap or has consolidated something new!?

Daisyflower12345 · 07/11/2020 07:16

@HoneyPea Wow that's great! Lucky you lol 8.40am is amazing. Such a nice lie in. Fingers crossed he sticks to it haha.

Well DD is not coming into the bed which is great! But only thing is she is waking up very early now like 6am which isn't great because her bedtime is still later than it was she is going sleep at 8pm so I feel as though she isn't getting enough sleep. She has been sleeping through which is good.

Only problem is I'm still rocking her to sleep which is quite draining an some days can take forever so I'm hoping to do some gentle sleep training or something by next week to get her out of this annoying habit lol

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HoneyPea · 08/11/2020 07:47

@Daisyflower12345 well the last few mornings have been 6.30 DH is convinced it's because he knows it's the weekend and he wants a lie in 🤣😂 We have gone downstairs after trying to unsuccessfully co sleep for a bit of extra time (how do you do it? - I had my hair pulled, my eye poked and DH got kicked a few times as DS was getting comfortable 🤦‍♀️ it was impossible)

It's good that you are not having to bring her into your bed anymore and that she is sleeping through the night. That is one big step from where you were at the beginning of this tread 😁

Luckily we have never had to rock DS (apart from in the middle of the night when he was less than 6months, I spent ages walking round the room to the Staying a Tamaras album by George Ezra-still stops him crying now!!) so we just put him in bed give him a kiss and leave the room. Then 99% of the time he will send himself to sleep. Are you going to try staying in the room with her or leaving?

Daisyflower12345 · 08/11/2020 20:26

@HoneyPea Haha that happens to me all the time. DD kicks me slaps me I get it all lol. But I'm so tired that I just fall asleep 😂

The rocking is the very hard part to be honest. Like some days it's so simple and she falls asleep with a few taps and it's not a problem but some nights it can take an hour of rocking.

Well I think she will be really bad with me leaving the room. I know she can self soothe because soon as she gets into the bed she falls asleep by herself !! This is why I'm confused because she won't do that in the cot at all. I have to rock or tap and then she will fall asleep in cot.

So I guess I have to try putting her in the cot and jus sitting bedside the cot. As this way I don't think she will be hysterical, she will probably winge a little. Will give it ago this week once my energy levels are back up haha.

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HoneyPea · 10/11/2020 13:04

@Daisyflower12345 How are you doing?

Daisyflower12345 · 10/11/2020 13:09

@HoneyPea Hey I'm doing ok thanks.

Sleeping is a lot better thankfully. Last night didn't do any rocking jus put her into the cot an sat next to her an did slow and less tapping which is an improvement. Also she didn't come into the bed wohooo! Haha. So hopefully as days go by I'm hoping to eventually stop the tapping completely an moving further away from cot until I'm eventually out the room.

How are you? X

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