Has anyone tried sleeping training ?? Help

[Daisyflower12345]

How did you do it ?

I really need to do something as I'm physically and emotionally drained!
DD is 14months and still isn't sleeping through the night an regularly wakes up. I'm so sleep deprived. Many have mentioned to try the Ferber method where you come in after long intervals. I just need to do something and this is literally my last and final option I don't know wat else to do.

Has anyone tried this ?? Has it worked ? Was it the worse thing ever ? Please any advice will help.

I'm glad you are getting on much better still 😊

im not planning on sleep training also .. i dont think cio would work on my son anyways as he has ny personality and would just get more and more worked up. i think kids figure it out eventually.

@HoneyPea yes thank you.

So again had a great night thankfully. She went to sleep around 9pm and woke up around 5 so just quickly patted her and she fell asleep and then woke up at 7am. So doing so much better.

But I am worried that I'm putting her to sleep too late, but at the same time she's sleeping a lot better. So not sure whether to carry on with 9pm bedtime. In 2 minds of what to do.

@HoneyPea how have you been getting on! X

Please look into some gentler options if you possibly can. There is a fantastic group on fb called “The Beyond Sleep Training Project” which will give you some different ideas.
Babies and children wake often during the night and this is normal. They need their parents during the night and this is normal. Sleeping through the night is a developmental milestone and cannot be forced or taught. Many adults don’t sleep through the night, they wake for a drink of water, to go to the toilet or because they have had a bad dream.
When a child is sleep trained they are taught that there is no point in crying when they wake up at night because nobody is coming. They will still wake up but won’t cry anymore. There have been studies done which show that a baby who has been sleep trained will still wake regularly and feel stressed and scared. They will still need you but won’t call for you as they have learnt that you won’t come.
I am not telling you this to make you feel bad, just so that you have this information too as I imagine most of your other replies are from parents who are in favour of sleep training.
Night wakings are biologically normal for the first few years, it’s really had and really exhausting but it will pass and one day your baby won’t need you as often at night time.

I agree with the post above in principle, with the caveat as long as the child is getting enough sleep to meet their needs and not showing ill effects in the day, and the same for the parent. If its not working for the child, or the parent is beyond the point of being able to suck it up, then I'm in the camp of sleep training. That can mean lots of things along a spectrum, it doesn't automatically mean leaving the child crying alone. But in some situations they might cry. And I believe that's OK depending on the circumstances, including the age of the child, the type of crying and the type of support being offered.

I know I'm not in the boat with you lot with the little ones! Just showing some support as none of you here are taking decisions lightly.

@Daisyflower12345 Had a very late bedtime last night (10 o'clock) as he nap dodged and then fell asleep at 4.30 🤦‍♀️ but slept all the way through from 10-7.
The clock change this weekend might actually help you bring bedtime earlier.

@Snowoctopus Hey

Yes I have actually heard a lot of people mentioning this which has made me think twice about sleep training if I'm honest. They mentioned it's normal for a child to wake etc an leaving them crying for training just makes them think no one is going to come regardless if they cry or not which obviously isn't a nice thing at all.

But as @Indecisivelurcher has said if her sleep is better an she isn't showing any signs of concerns with her late bedtime then I might not do the sleep training. DD seems to be doing just fine sleeping around 8.30-9pm an is sleeping through an maybe waking up just the once for slight comfort but again it's a lot better than she has been as past few weeks she has been waking up for hours on end at night. So I'm going to see how it goes and give it until end of the week and then discuss with DH an see what page we are on an if we want to go ahead.

@HoneyPea that's like with DD she nap dodges yesterday and had a nap at like 5pm for 40mins but she slept at 9pm an slept all night which is awesome lol.

Not sure if I already asked you this as we have too many conversations to even read back on the thread hah. Did you sleep train you LO? X

@Daisyflower12345 I wouldn't say we sleep trained really. He struggled when he first moved into his own room so we debated trying sleep training. On the first night he cried so much he threw up (after only 3minutes of crying) so we decided we wouldn't ever leave him again if he was crying that badly. The next night we said we would leave him for 5minutes if he was moaning/whining but would go in straight away if he was distressed. We went into him once or twice and then he fell asleep and then the third night we only needed to go in once.
There are a few things he now needs on/to have with him to help him nap/go to sleep at night. He has his beary (a comforter with a bear head which he has had from birth), a bear which projects lights and plays a tune (which he has had since a few months old), his Ewan the sheep (which we introduced at 6months) and a Buddy the dog which reads a story and then plays a lullaby with lights (he was given for his first birthday)
Oh and a calpol plug in as we think he is scared of the dark as if he has the light on he seems ok when he wakes up but if the light isn't on he can get upset and won't go back to sleep. Not sure if it's a coincidence or not.
Sorry it's such a long reply!!

@HoneyPea I think that's what il have to do with DD as when we have tried sleep training she cries way to much and also vomited so it's best to gradually do it and as you said go into the room if she gets really upset just to calm her down.

Hahha don't worry about the long reply it really helps getting all this information. It's so hard sometimes because you don't know what to do or how to make things better so it's good to get other mums advice on things so you have a few options to try with. So I appreciate your response 🥰

@Daisyflower12345 If he wakes in the night we leave him for 5minutes to see if he will settle himself (if he's going to go back to sleep it's usually within 5 if he cries for more you know your up for a while) and have recently changed to going in and sitting on his floor talking to him until he is calm and then staying until he falls asleep because if we try to leave he gets ridiculously upset. So I take a pillow and blanket in and sleep on his floor.
Does she have a comforter that she likes? We have 2 "beary's" and at the beginning I would sleep with one and then give it to him the next night while I slept with the other one. It really helped to sooth him. Now he takes Beary and one cuddly toy to bed, tonight it was Bing (the most annoying bunny in the world 🙄🤣🤣)

@HoneyPea That's the same with my DD if she does lay back down within a few mins then she's wide awake and will be up for a while.

No DD does not have anything at all to comfort her. I have tried giving her teddy's or a blanket but nothing she won't take anything at all.

Il keep you updated if we go through with the sleep training or not as me DH will see how it goes until end of week. Fingers crossed everything goes well. X

The post by @Snowoctopus I’m sure is meant well, but isn’t really very fair on parents who sleep train their children. Totally respect that it’s not for everyone, but to say that children who are sleep trained wake in the night but don’t cry, instead they lie there scared alone simply isn’t true, and I just want to add an alternative perspective. Children still wake up, yes, and if they need anything or are in pain they will still cry. Ask any parents who have done sleep training - there are always still terrible nights with illness and teeth.

There have been studies done where children who are neglected and never receive responsive, nurturing care do learn not to cry for anyone, because no one is coming. There is one study in particular that is often referenced but this involved children in Romanian orphanages. I have worked with children like that, so this is something I have seen first hand. But that simply isn’t comparable to sleep training a child who is loved and cared for. There are also plenty of studies showing no negative effects from sleep training at an appropriate age.

Children develop secure attachments with their parents through every single interaction with them. Every responsive interaction you have with your child where you connect with them, show them love, interpret, understand, and meet their needs - that builds security, a sense of safety, and a happy, healthy parent child relationship. Think how many hundreds of times a day you do that! Parents’ responses to their children need to be ‘attuned’ over 50% of the time, to lead to the child developing a secure attachment style. The point I’m trying to make is that a child’s sense of security, their feeling that they can trust and rely on their parent, cannot be broken by a couple of nights of sleep training. Children are more resilient than that. The child-parent relationship is more robust than that.

To be clear, I’m not trying to persuade anyone to sleep train their child, just want to reassure you that if done appropriately and in the context of a nurturing, loving parent child relationship, it won’t do any harm.

The book ‘crib sheet’ also gives an overview of the research done on controlled crying as a form of sleep training. Really hope this is helpful.

@Daisyflower12345 That's a shame that she doesn't have anything she likes to cuddle. I think it makes a difference when he wakes up as he sniffs it and falls back to sleep 😕 How did you get on with the time change today?

@HoneyPea I know I actually hoped she did have some sort of comfort tou but nope nothing.

Well last night she was not tired at all she didn't go sleep until 10pm 🤦‍♀️ but then woke up at 8.40am.

So I just have decided not to stress myself
Too much as it's causing me to feel very low and upset all the time. So I will just see how it goes an not force her to sleep if she isn't tired because mentally it's draining. But I do think the 8.30pm bedtime is working better for her. But see how it goes x

I think that's the best way to go otherwise they pick up on you being stressed and it just makes the whole situation worse.
We had a 6am wake up call this morning 🤦‍♀️

@HoneyPea Yes my husband said the same thing he said that me being stressed an upset affects DD an she can pick up on these things.
So now I'm trying to just stay calm am not stress.

Awww bless you. Did he sleep through the night though? Xx

Hi @Daisyflower12345 I've been doing controlled crying for just over a week now and it seems to be working. DS hasn't come into my bed all week and has settled quickly going to bed - only problem is he is still waking up super early which makes the day sooo long especially as we're now in lockdown again. X

@babyblueee Awww that's good to hear that's it's working and he hasn't come to your bed.

How old is he ?

So how have you done it. Do you go in regular intervals ? I'm still in 2minds of how to do it tonight. As I think DD might cry more with me coming in so not sure whether to come in regularly or not. Also how long did your DS cry the first night ?

Sorry I'm asking loads of questions lol tonight me and DH will be doing the controlled crying and I'm not looking forward to it at all ☹️ but I'm hoping we actually go through with it fingers crossed. Even thought DD has been sleeping so much more better it's just getting her to sleep which is very tiring.

@HoneyPea @Indecisivelurcher just an update lol.

DD has been sleeping a lot better thankfully. Last night she went to sleep 8.30pm and she woke up around 2am and fell back to sleep within seconds and again around 4am. Then she woke up at 7.15am. So massive improvements. I'm just so glad she isn't awake hours on end and now it's just a quick tap for like 4seconds.

Will still try and do sleep training tonight but I'm soo not looking forward to it. But I know needs to be done.

How are you? An how was your nights ?

@Daisyflower12345 so last weekend I just had enough & decided he was not coming into our bed anymore, he's 15 months. So I did the usual bath, bottle, book, routine and put him down for 7.30. Put lullaby's on & his night light, said good night & left. He started crying & I left it 10 mins before I went back in, went in put his dummy in , lay him down and said 'your staying in here tonight your a big boy now, good night, love you' and left the room. He cried a bit longer so I did the same thing every 10 mins and it didn't take long he was asleep. Then when he woke in the night (usually around 3am) I did exactly the same thing waiting 10 mins each time. He has slept in his own room all night for a week now. He still wakes once or twice in the night but I just go in do that and he goes straight back, he's usually waking because he can't find him dummy. I'm hoping eventually he will stop waking all together but I have to say I feel less stressed, I'm sleeping better & his mood has improved slightly. I just wish he would sleep past 5am 🙄🙄🙄 good luck tonight. Keep me posted x

@babyblueee Awww wow that's really good. So glad it's worked for you and your feeling lesss stressed and having a better sleep. Thanks for giving me all the info lol

I'm hoping it will work out for me tonight as I'm worried she will be hysterical and then we can't go through with it as she can cry quite bad and I really don't want that. So fingers crossed.

Il keep you updated an let you know how it goes.

Honestly i tried just few times and gave up. Finally my LO started to sleep when he was 16 months old, by that time i felt like zombie at night:-)

@Pammy39 So did your LO start to fall asleep themselves without any sleep training ?

@Daisyflower12345 seem to be getting earlier every morning here 🤦‍♀️ Yesterday it was just before 6 and this morning it was 5! Yesterday DH got him up and took him downstairs and started the day. This morning I went in with him but he was hysterical even with me in the room so he ended up in our bed and went back to sleep from around 7-8.15.
Are you still getting on ok? X