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Waiting it out

449 replies

burritofan · 18/09/2019 20:28

Is anyone else following the extremely vague and lazy "wait it out and hope it spontaneously resolves itself, maybe solids/crawling/walking/time/eventual night-weaning/magic/bribery once she can talk or be reasoned with" baby sleep plan?

We're nipple-deep in the four-month regression, which followed fast from the 8-week-jabs endless night poo era, then the 12-week hourly waking growth spurt. Throw early teething,

a late tongue tie division and a crap reaction to 16-week jabs into the mix – all in the same week! Which is when she migrated from Snuzpod to sleeping in my armpit – and you get a shitstorm of night wakings, my solution to which is:

plonk baby (now 21 weeks) in bed with me each night – after first making comatose with boob after rock-solid bedtime routine – and reapply boob as needed. Sometimes sleepily snuggling works in the middle of the night. Sometimes she wakes, babbles, pats around to check I'm there, and resettles. (Rare as a unanimous AIBU? thread, but like sunshine when it happens!)

Sometimes we start the night with a 3-hour chunk, other times 45 minutes. Some nights she wakes up only 4 times, others what feels like 4,000. Very little crying unless more teeth/colds, in which case howling then calpol and boob and a lie-in if she grants it. (I know the advice is to wake at the same time each day but (a) the baby wakes herself at the crack of dawn most days and when she doesn't (b) if she was up for two hours howling because of her teeth, I'm not going to enforce a wake-up for the sake of some Gina Ford nonsense.)

The 45-minute wake-ups are guaranteed if I put her down in her sidecar crib now, or even if leave the room – sometimes she wakes straight away if I try to swap with DP. Even in deep sleep she has a batlike sense for my being in the room. She generally starts the night starfished on the bed; as the night goes on she gets more unsettled and likes my armpit to snuggle into best. Perhaps it's the woolly mammoth furriness?

She's not great at feeding lying down but I'm persevering because I'm lazy. Occasionally I attempt the pull-off thing of putting my finger in her mouth to delatch once she's asleep but I'm too knackered to do it consistently or time it to gradually reduce feeds, I think I'm doing it in a half-hearted "gosh I really should sort this sleep thing". Mostly I do it so I can go to sleep if I'm feeding sitting up. I've no idea how to shhhh-pat; PUPD seems like an awful lot of effort with a heavy baby when I could be lying down, and deeply confusing; gradual chair or whatever makes me want to weep with exhaustion more than the current situation; CC or CIO is neverrrrrrr going to happen. On the other hand, I have wistful recollections of evenings, of my lovely DP, of times when I ate dinner somewhere other than over a snoozing baby's head in the dark...

Basically is anyone else doing what I'm doing to improve their baby's sleep, i.e. not very much at all, and wants to commiserate while we ride it out, slash create bad habits, construct towering Jengas of rods for backs, build sleep crutches, and generally arse it up? Any experienced "totally winged it and it worked out fine" mothers want to share delightful stories of "Oh one day he just pushed the boob away, fell asleep and did 12 hours and it's been a fairytale ever since, I got my bed and my sex life back" lazy parenting magic?

DP & I are softies who plan on an open-door policy of "if the kid can't sleep because of nightmares or growing pains, come on in our bed, they're only little", have fond memories of childhood shenanigans of sleeping on the landing or sneaking down to see what the grown-ups are doing, BUT also have no interest in "giant floor bed co-sleeping til 20" and quite like each other and the idea of the kid in her own room eventually, it would be nice to have some hope.

::rambles on in a sleep-deprived manner while teething DD snores on my shoulder, preps coffee machine for tomorrow, hopes there are other chaotic parents out there doing the absolute least::

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
OhHolyNightWaking · 11/11/2019 19:46

Hey ladies just checking in.

DD now has her own room, with a cot in it. Just need DH to help me transfer the big squishy armchair from the living room (I refuse to sit on the floor like I did with DS) and it will be finished.

Not sure if I will ever pluck up the courage to try and put her in the cot mind, but it's nice having a room for her I guess. We've given her the smallest room and left a single bed in there, which I suspect may see some action!

I also bought DH a new mattress and bedding for the spare bed, as it was doing his back in (ancient saggy mattress). I am so jealous. I can't imagine ever having a bed to myself again, let alone with a lovely new mattress and duvet.

Currently boobing to sleep. DD woke seven times last night (action quite a good night!) so will be interesting to see how it tonight goes.

Harrysmummy246 · 13/11/2019 13:56

Some sort of wailing about cake around 2 am

I wasn't allowed back to bed after that.

OhHolyNightWaking · 13/11/2019 15:10

I just really shouted at DD because she won't go to sleep (she's well overdue for a nap and she also didn't go to sleep until 10:30 last night). I feel fucking awful. And like I am losing the plot. Sad

bottomflannel · 13/11/2019 17:38

OhHoly Must be something in the air because DS2 has had me in tears today trying to get him to nap. I shouted at him too. Big hugs to you. We’re only human and they won’t remember. I hope you are feeling OK.

bottomflannel · 13/11/2019 17:43

How old is your DD again?

OhHolyNightWaking · 13/11/2019 19:29

Oh @bottomflannel big hugs to you too. It's shit isn't it? She finally boobed to sleep just after I posted, but she looked so sad and forlorn after I'd shouted. I then let her sleep until 4:30 (in my lap of course) because I felt she was better off peaceful and asleep than spending time awake with me. Sad

DD is very nearly 10 months. How old is your DS? I hope you are feeling OK too.

I've found a local (gentle) sleep consultant and am seriously considering getting them to visit and sticking it on my credit card. I just feel totally lost in all this and no idea how to recover.

Harrysmummy246 · 13/11/2019 19:34

Oh Holy, that's a classic sleep regression age. And it is ok to feel as you do, it is hard

Are you really sure this consultant is gentle? Really?

burritofan · 14/11/2019 08:54

OhHoly and bottom, sign me up to the "shouted and feel terrible" club. Last night was bloody awful.

Bedtime was like an hour of feeding to sleep, slept for 10 minutes on me then woke just before cot transfer and howled. I suspected teeth and applied calpol, which apparently makes her totally hyper. Finally suppressed her at 9pm.

I said to DP: "Bet you £100 it's another tooth." Forgot those words at 4am when I was feeding her to sleep but she just wouldn't succumb, howled when I tried to rock her instead, and I lost my temper, then sobbed, then she howled some more because I had to put her down to find a tissue to blow my nose, then finally she fed to sleep while I cried and then she slept 90 minutes, snoring, while I cried silently, til getting up time. Whereupon: another tooth had sprung forth!

Got a banging headache this morning. I hate teeth and myself.

OP posts:
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 14/11/2019 17:19

Mine loathe Calpol. Ibuprofen for teeth and pound shop cherry paracetamol for everything else.

MissSmith80 · 14/11/2019 19:52

Checking in because it's been a while. I thought we were getting somewhere - 2 weeks ago my LB was going to sleep at 7.30 and wouldn't hear a peep out of him until 3 am. After that was pretty rubbish but if I went to bed at 10, I'd get a few hours sleep. Now we are having the worst sleep ever, waking more than when he was a newborn (he's 6.5 months) and taking a lot of settling after each wake. His arms are like an octopus and he wants to roll all over the cot but gets himself stuck. Here's to hoping it a phase (leap 5 ended yesterday) and sending everyone sleepy luck tonight x

bottomflannel · 14/11/2019 20:06

JLP Just looked through the illustrations at the link you posted - aren’t they fab! I hope the bout of tag teaming hasn’t been repeated.

OhHoly He’s just turned 5 months. I’ve had a much more positive day today, hope you have too. Yesterday I was just so fed-up with everything, and tired and achy from all the holding and rocking required on a daily (and nightly) basis. Was finding him so frustrating - he’s recently learned how to scratch, pinch and grab on to my hair and it bloody hurts, so that was pissing me off. Plus the non napping stuff. I know with me it is all down to mindset - I work so hard to try to stay calm and positive with DS2, but yesterday I just couldn’t dredge up any patience at all.

burrito Hugs to you. I hope you managed to shake off your headache and that tonight is better for you. At least the pesky thing is through now, so hopefully she’ll be more settled for you.

I’ve got a pretty unsettled little guy this evening. Teeth perhaps, or overtired so waking because of that. He’s started to fight his fourth nap of the day (he generally only naps 30mins each time so has needed four) and today didn’t have one at all, so he had about three hours of awake time between his third nap and bedtime, which is much too long. He’s been up twice already, and is currently asleep on me. Time to try to put him down again. Third time lucky!

Hope you all have a good night.

Harrysmummy246 · 15/11/2019 08:22

So I've had to tell nursery to not let him nap. Hadn't realised he had on Tue and yesterday just confirmed that if he does, I'll be there over an hour waiting.

The hourly sleep talking about wanting a cuddle is wearing rather thin

burritofan · 15/11/2019 12:43

bottom Another two arrived! Two more about to break through. It's like she's decided it's such a ballache she'll get it all done at once. Like having triplets.

OP posts:
bottomflannel · 15/11/2019 13:03

burrito Shock Shock Shock

Sharkfinsoup · 15/11/2019 15:22

We had a horrible night with 5 hours of talking/crying from 10-3am. During which time I somehow managed to call the police Blush. No idea how - but the SOS function was working nicely!
Today DS will not be our of touching distance before he is crying again so my thighs are getting lots of exercise stomping round with him in the sling. Naps today are fun...unsure how many times a baby can wake up and go to sleep again before you just abandon and move onto the next one/bedtime/several months (years?) in the future when all this is a distant dream.
I am dreading the teeth coming through...sleep is precious enough without pain stealing extra. Hope things are better soon.

tootiredtothinkofaname · 15/11/2019 20:17

Hi all, sorry to hear everyone’s tales of woe :( I’m in the same boat - had an awful few days. Today DD managed 3 naps of approx 25 minutes, all of which required 30 minutes of rocking/bouncing and nursery rhymes first whilst she screamed the house down. She then woke up from every nap crying, and spent the rest of the day being impossible to entertain, whinging and moaning. I am seriously losing the will to live.

She’s only 4.5 months so it feels like it will forever until we get some improvement. Chocolate definitely required this evening.

Hope you all have nice sleepy babies tonight!

Amys136 · 15/11/2019 20:37

Joining this thread

LG is 6 months old, fed to sleep of a night. It was ok because she’d going back to sleep quiet quice and it was 3-4 times a night. As she’s got old it’s taking longer and longer to put her back down. Plus 6 month sleep regression hit and now she’s waking up 7-8 times a night. I feel like I’m at their end of my rope. I can’t remember the last time I slept for more than 2 hours at a time or more that 3-4 hours a night.

I feel like I need my husband to step in and get her used to going to sleep without being fed but he works during the week and at the weekend he’s always got something on that would mean it’s too much of a fight to get him to do all the night wake ups

I honestly don’t know what to do other than just hope it sorts itself out

Harrysmummy246 · 16/11/2019 13:09

Well despite a horrible cough, DS gave me a 4 hour stretch then another 3. We then had a tantrum at 2 am as he wanted his sleeping bag back on. I woke beside him 2 hours later and turned over and we stayed asleep til 8 ish

The sleeping bag mostly just lives in the wardrobe being ignored

Whuut · 17/11/2019 09:01

Hey guys, sorry to hear everyone's still not sleeping!

I've had a really tough couple of days, feeling like PND was coming back but after talking it out I feel much better. Weirdly, DS is doing better than ever so not sure why I was feeling so low. DP and I are now sharing bedtimes which has been amazing, DS seems to always wake 40mins after he goes down but if I go in and resettle, he will then do a 3 or 4, if we're lucky, hour stretch. Annoyingly I'm not usually asleep until the last 2 hours and after that stretch, it's either every hour or 2.. so still a bit rubbish. If DP goes and resettles him, he wakes every 5-10 minutes until I go in Hmm We're also trying to phase out rocking to sleep for naps and bedtime as my back is absolutely killing me and DS wont feed to sleep during the day Confused surprisingly we've only had a couple of meltdowns. I just dont know how to stop that first wake up after 40mins at bedtime, how to do you try and change something when they're asleep..?!

Hope everyone is having better days.. I wont mention nights.

Whuut · 17/11/2019 09:02

Also, no one told me before hand, the first year(or 3) is just one big sleepregression/teething/developmentleap.. Everyone forgot to mention that when I talked so enthusiastically about having a baby.

burritofan · 17/11/2019 17:15

the first year(or 3) is just one big sleepregression/teething/developmentleap
Oh god, this. I knew about newborn mad chaos sleep and establishing feeding… and I knew I'd vaguely heard that perhaps babies did 7-7 but there were maybe scheduled feeds or something? And couldn't imagine how tiring it would be not going to bed til after the dreamfeed at 11pm, yet waking at 4am. AHAHAHAHAHA. I did not know about, well, anything.

Last night I got gastroenteritis, or mild food poisoning, or something, and basically spent half the night throwing up (and worse) and DP had to stay up holding the baby who'll sleep for him but won't be settled in the cot or bed by him, and eventually she only wanted me anyway and the horror, the horror. It was the first night I've really thought "OK, waiting it out is a truly bad, bad plan".

OP posts:
bottomflannel · 18/11/2019 07:57

Noooooooo burrito! Hope you are feeling much better now. Having to look after a baby when you feel utterly wretched yourself is one of the hardest things ever.

Whuut Good that you were able to recognise the warning signs and talk it out. I’ve felt my own PND/anxiety stirring in the background some days, but so far I’m managing to just power through - I think having an older DC helps as I know I need to keep strong for him. Glad DS is doing better on the sleep front.

Sorry to hear about the other rough nights and poor sleepers. Welcome/welcome back to you all.

We had a hideous night. The night before, he managed 3.5 hours in his cot at the beginning of the night (while I spent some much-needed time with DS1 instead of sleeping...), but was up every hour after that. Last night up every hour. Then wide awake at 6am with lots of farts and a huge poo. Dear god, when will it end. Am shattered already and it’s not even 8am. DS2 having his morning nap already, but got to do the school run shortly. It’s going to be a long day.

gdmpmtpp · 18/11/2019 10:01

Joining this thread! 10 week old baby, takes hours to settle at night (either boob or rocking in the bathroom with taps on Confused) Usually manage to get down by 11 (I know she's young and people often say "let her snuggle with you downstairs", but she gets disturbed even if we have the lights low/off, tv very low etc and gets over tired and unhappy) once down she'll sleep a couple-3 hours, then wakes up hourly, only wants to sleep on me, but still squirms a lot, so I can't sleep. Living off approx 3-4hrs sleep a night with no evenings

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 19/11/2019 10:57

Nobody move. He's asleep. In his own bed. Alone. Well, with the cat. But not with me!
I. Have. Tea. In. A. Real. Cup.

Harrysmummy246 · 19/11/2019 15:08

We're gradually improving on the waking screaming events. He went down nicely for DH last night while I went to club training session then nothing til nearly 1am when it was just mumble mumble mummy lie down rather than a large fit of wailing.

Nothing then til husband came in at 7:50!

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