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Waiting it out

449 replies

burritofan · 18/09/2019 20:28

Is anyone else following the extremely vague and lazy "wait it out and hope it spontaneously resolves itself, maybe solids/crawling/walking/time/eventual night-weaning/magic/bribery once she can talk or be reasoned with" baby sleep plan?

We're nipple-deep in the four-month regression, which followed fast from the 8-week-jabs endless night poo era, then the 12-week hourly waking growth spurt. Throw early teething,

a late tongue tie division and a crap reaction to 16-week jabs into the mix – all in the same week! Which is when she migrated from Snuzpod to sleeping in my armpit – and you get a shitstorm of night wakings, my solution to which is:

plonk baby (now 21 weeks) in bed with me each night – after first making comatose with boob after rock-solid bedtime routine – and reapply boob as needed. Sometimes sleepily snuggling works in the middle of the night. Sometimes she wakes, babbles, pats around to check I'm there, and resettles. (Rare as a unanimous AIBU? thread, but like sunshine when it happens!)

Sometimes we start the night with a 3-hour chunk, other times 45 minutes. Some nights she wakes up only 4 times, others what feels like 4,000. Very little crying unless more teeth/colds, in which case howling then calpol and boob and a lie-in if she grants it. (I know the advice is to wake at the same time each day but (a) the baby wakes herself at the crack of dawn most days and when she doesn't (b) if she was up for two hours howling because of her teeth, I'm not going to enforce a wake-up for the sake of some Gina Ford nonsense.)

The 45-minute wake-ups are guaranteed if I put her down in her sidecar crib now, or even if leave the room – sometimes she wakes straight away if I try to swap with DP. Even in deep sleep she has a batlike sense for my being in the room. She generally starts the night starfished on the bed; as the night goes on she gets more unsettled and likes my armpit to snuggle into best. Perhaps it's the woolly mammoth furriness?

She's not great at feeding lying down but I'm persevering because I'm lazy. Occasionally I attempt the pull-off thing of putting my finger in her mouth to delatch once she's asleep but I'm too knackered to do it consistently or time it to gradually reduce feeds, I think I'm doing it in a half-hearted "gosh I really should sort this sleep thing". Mostly I do it so I can go to sleep if I'm feeding sitting up. I've no idea how to shhhh-pat; PUPD seems like an awful lot of effort with a heavy baby when I could be lying down, and deeply confusing; gradual chair or whatever makes me want to weep with exhaustion more than the current situation; CC or CIO is neverrrrrrr going to happen. On the other hand, I have wistful recollections of evenings, of my lovely DP, of times when I ate dinner somewhere other than over a snoozing baby's head in the dark...

Basically is anyone else doing what I'm doing to improve their baby's sleep, i.e. not very much at all, and wants to commiserate while we ride it out, slash create bad habits, construct towering Jengas of rods for backs, build sleep crutches, and generally arse it up? Any experienced "totally winged it and it worked out fine" mothers want to share delightful stories of "Oh one day he just pushed the boob away, fell asleep and did 12 hours and it's been a fairytale ever since, I got my bed and my sex life back" lazy parenting magic?

DP & I are softies who plan on an open-door policy of "if the kid can't sleep because of nightmares or growing pains, come on in our bed, they're only little", have fond memories of childhood shenanigans of sleeping on the landing or sneaking down to see what the grown-ups are doing, BUT also have no interest in "giant floor bed co-sleeping til 20" and quite like each other and the idea of the kid in her own room eventually, it would be nice to have some hope.

::rambles on in a sleep-deprived manner while teething DD snores on my shoulder, preps coffee machine for tomorrow, hopes there are other chaotic parents out there doing the absolute least::

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
JohnLapsleyParlabane · 29/10/2019 14:06

I really hoped weaning would help this time. Nope. 7 months and we're playing the 20minute mummy nap game, followed by 90min through the night.
All this joy, and adult smelling excretions to clean up.
Also. Don't feed a pukey baby a fish pie puree when they're teething. Snotty milky fish vomit is incredibly hard to get out of the sofa

Harrysmummy246 · 29/10/2019 14:15

Cough cough cough cough cough was the theme to last night. Kicked DH to spare room so at least I could have a bit of space but yeah not a great night.
I did get to go out to my training session over bedtime first though.

Somehow he's still ok at nursery but I'm interested to find out if he's napped there today (hasn't napped since last nursery day)

NewBabyJoy · 30/10/2019 10:02

Hi, can I join you? Haven't RTFT yet, but have a 9 month old sleep thief DD who also HATES the car, and favours boob over food, despite my very best efforts. DS 2.5 was even worse, still not sleeping through (saunters through to my bed pretty much every night), still difficult to settle at bedtime. Last night was a complete shit show, with both kiddos kicking off concurrently, had to have a word with myself as all I wanted to do was walk out of the house. DH works away M-F, so solo parenting mostly, which is joyous Confused

Feel like I should really have a handle on this mothering game, but that I've fucked it. 1 out of 2 would have been bad luck, 2/2 is a pattern with me as the common denominator. Trying to maintain a sense of humour, hoping that they'll both sleep through at some point before they leave home, preferably.

I'm an absolute zombie, powered by chocolate and the occasional ready meal, think I've found my people.

OhHolyNightWaking · 30/10/2019 14:33

Welcome @NewBabyJoy! I also have a 9 month old DD who doesn't understand the meaning of sleep. You are definitely in good company here.

I very much doubt that the situation is your fault, I read time and time again that every child is different and they will do what they do where sleep is concerned... I think there is a lot of truth in that.

Sending solidarity and tea! CakeBrewFlowers

NewBabyJoy · 30/10/2019 15:53

Thanks for the welcome @OhHolyNightWaking. You're right about them all being different. Dealing with poor sleeping babies is hands down the hardest thing I've done in my life (and I've done some challenging shit).

I've just noticed another 2 of her top teeth have pushed through today, which might explain the shit show last night. I normally try to put her in the cot for her first nap of the day (30mins), but I didn't even bother today. We've done 2 longer lap naps, instead of the usual 3, which will probably fuck me later but I'm over it today. Currently watching love island Australia eating all of the Halloween sweeties. Hope people have had some nap success today, and bedtime goes well later.

OhHolyNightWaking · 30/10/2019 16:24

Ha! We have had eerily similar days. Two lap naps today and I have just raided the Halloween sweets. Drumstick lolly(s) with a cup of tea is my new favourite thing!

I hope you have a better night tonight.

OhHolyNightWaking · 30/10/2019 16:34

I hasten to add - all our laps are lap naps. Unless they're car naps. Or carrier naps...

Well done on achieving even one cot nap, that's definitely something to shout about! Smile

OhHolyNightWaking · 30/10/2019 16:35

Laps are lap?

Naps!

burritofan · 30/10/2019 16:48

Welcome, @NewBabyJoy! Don't forget the other common denominator: they're babies! They're going to do what they're going to do. (Which is not sleep.)

And you make COT NAPS happen! That's WITCHCRAFT.

I'm currently on the other version of lap naps: nap laps (of the park). DD can now do precisely 75 minutes at lunchtime if I keep pushing. I've wheeled the pram through dog poo two days in a row now.

She excelled herself last night with 20, 30 and 45-minute wakings from bed to 1am. Then, when our neighbours began a party/fight so massive the police were called, she switched to two-hourly chunks. Tonight I plan to blast techno and bang on the walls at bedtime to see if it helps.

OP posts:
bottomflannel · 30/10/2019 17:50

Welcome New!

burrito 75-minute naps?! How?! DS literally pings awake dead on 30 minutes every time, whether it’s lap or anywhere else, even if he is shattered. Maddening.

Had a bloody awful day. Last night was the absolute pits but I’m so ashamed of how I’ve behaved. We all got wrapped up and went to the local beach as a nice trip for DS1 but as soon as we got there DS2 was inconsolable so I ended up taking him back to the car and missing out yet again. Nothing I did was helping and he was just screaming his head off, so I shouted at him :( Of course it made it worse and I cried along with him. For just a few seconds I lost myself and boiled over and felt so much regret and resentment towards him. Hideous. Poor baby deserves better.

burritofan · 30/10/2019 18:36

@bottomflannel No idea. She's been doing 30-minute-on-the-dot naps since seven weeks. Gradually doing fewer of them. Gradually getting longer. Nothing I did, just developmental I think; she's just turned six months. Also I have to push the pram the whole time and it has to be a quiet park free from the nap conspiracy. Her morning nap is still 30!

We've all lost our cool with babies at one time or another. Your son won't remember. I hope you're feeling better about it now.

OP posts:
OhHolyNightWaking · 30/10/2019 18:38

Ah bottom, don't be hard on yourself, please. I'm sure most mother's with high-needs babies have shouted in frustration/anger at least once, even the most patient amongst us. I have done it, with both babies. And I am ashamed at how often I am a shouty mum with DS1 right now - dealing with a difficult three year old on top of sleep deprivation does not a calm tranquil Mummy make... I'm often not proud of myself for how I handle parenting, but I try not to beat myself up, because it is fucking hard and I am doing my best and only human. As are you!

Currently doing the bedtime feed to sleep. Which now involves endless unlatching and flip flopping between boobs until she finally goes to sleep. I should probably get off my phone but it's keeping me sane(ish).

NewBabyJoy · 30/10/2019 20:03

I spent a significant amount of the first 6 months with her in the carrier. To be fair, she slept for hours in there at a time, but she's a big girl, and I just can't do it any more. Save that for when she's being a Klingon. I was thinking more about their differences this avo. Both sleep thieves overall, and car haters Hmm. DS took a bottle very early on, and was like an addict with his dummy, which we got rid of last month Blush (don't ask, still raw), would only nap in pram, had us doing hill reps of the stairs every night, waking every 40mins, NEVER napped in his cot during the day. Ever. Rarely slept in his cot, so we coslept mostly, and he's been in a double bed since he turned one, and I gave up on the cot completely.

DD lulled me into a false sense of security early on by sleeping loads. I think I was so stressed from the experience of my son that I was on edge, and I actually worried she was sleeping too much. I mean, now I don't even recognise the person having those concerns 8 months ago. She wouldn't take a dummy despite my very best efforts and pretty much laughs at me if I come near her with a bottle. Has napped in a pram precisely 3 times (twice in the running pram, the only 2 times I've had her out in it, I barely have the energy for it this time around). She will sleep for 4 hours (shall I leave now??) at the start of the night, but only if the conditions are exactly right, and only with the newly Amazon primed white noise machine blaring, and she'll then wake up bang on 4 hours, which is where it all goes up the fuck with her. Will only feed to sleep, and sleep attached to me. On a good night, will wake every 2 hours, looking for more boob, and then wide awake, usually at half 6/ 7, but currently half 5/6. I feel like between both of them, I've had every kind of shit sleep issue there is, and my own sleep is so ruined, like many of you, that I'm often wide awake mumsnetting in the middle of the night.

@burritofan awfully good of your dickhead neighbours to provide some top level white noise last night. You have my sympathy, I remember the 20/30/40 min wake ups last time around.

@bottomflannel I assure you, you are not alone. I am deeply ashamed of myself occasionally. More often than I'd admit. Last night was a prime example. Totally agree with @ohholy that we're all just doing our best. Sometimes we won't do as well as we want, but that's as good as we can manage in that moment. And i personally think as long as i can reflect on the real low points, and try to do better next time, that's enough. I always apologise when I've been out of order (in my own opinion), even to my 9 month old. Usually for shouting, but also for the times I've said something mean. Makes me feel a bit better.

Right, both of mine asleep for now so I need to go eat something other than chocolate. Might not get another chance. Good luck everyone. You're all doing great!

tootiredtothinkofaname · 30/10/2019 20:28

@NewBabyJoy Welcome! Sorry to hear you are in the same boat. Also surviving on chocolate here!

@bottomflannel I agree with @OhHolyNightWaking although I also feel awful after losing it with DD :( It’s not her fault but when she is flipping out for no apparent reason, for the umpteenth time, it is sooooo hard not to.

Have had a particularly tough few nights as DD seems to have forgotten how to sleep in her cot after 1am (we had only just progressed to her staying there until 5am ish). I don’t mind waking up every couple of hours but when she won’t go back down it is just so frustrating. Have resorted to co-sleeping from 1 or 2am but I am dying to get my own space back :(

Whuut · 30/10/2019 20:32

Evening all and welcome @NewBabyJoy.

@bottomflannel like everyone else has said, don't beat yourself up. DS has been ridiculously clingy today, I couldn't put him down at all without complete hysterics (thanks teething), when my sister turned up I pretty much chucked him at her and went and screamed into a pillow.

@burritofan what kind of sorcery is this- 75minutes?!?! We had 1 the other day and I felt so hopeful, the next day he was back to 25/35.

@Harrysmummy246 Sorry you're not well. I was trying so hard not cough last night and wake DS, my eyes started watering. Not ill, just a tickle in my throat.

Trying desperately to get DP to be able to do bedtime. DS will take the bottle without fuss in the day(YAY) but not at night so, my thinking was- I would feed him, pass to DP and he would rock to sleep. He screamed the place down til I took over, screamed at me a bit more then finally passed out. God its stressful feeling like the only person who can console him sometimes. We've come so far tho, I need to try not to lose sight of that. Last night he did a 4.5hr stretch at the beginning of the night!

Oh also, don't judge me but, I got DS stuck in a pumpkin today and had to cut him out... Yep, that actually happened. It was both hilarious and traumatic.

Sending sleepy vibes(and wine) to you all.

Harrysmummy246 · 30/10/2019 20:53

Thanks @whuut but it's actually Ds coughing not me
Still meant little to no sleep for me. He's now gone a week without napping and going to bed easily within about 10 minutes each night
It's a bit strange. Fortunately I'm by no means gloating, he's still waking plenty and wailing/coughing til he's sick.

Whuut · 31/10/2019 07:33

@Harrysmummy246 Oh no, poor DS. That's great. Gloat away!!

Harrysmummy246 · 31/10/2019 08:03

But to confirm for anyone wondering, we didn't do anything he just did this himself....

OhHolyNightWaking · 31/10/2019 08:21

Poor DS @Harrysmummy246 I hope he is feeling better soon (and it has a knock on effect with his sleep). If you get really desperate with the cough piriton syrup can help overnight. We use it very occasionally with DS1 when he is coughing so much that he can't sleep and is getting upset. It helps dry up the secretions that cause a cough. The only issue is it can make them a bit groggy the next day. We've only given it to DS twice, in dire circumstances, but it definitely helped him catch up on some much needed sleep.

I have decided to start recording night wakings in a picture format, so hopefully at some point I will be able to see an improvement. Plus it was the quickest way I could think to do it (screenshot of phone clock). I've attached last night, which is pretty average unfortunately! I lay down after feeding her to sleep at 7:35pm. We were also awake somewhere between the 10 and 12 wakings, but I didn't sit up for that one and tried to feed side lying, which was a mistake as she woke up fully and then was awake a while. Sad

I'm trying to remain confident that this is the 8 month sleep regression still... but she's 9 months now so... Hmm

OhHolyNightWaking · 31/10/2019 08:22

Forgot the visual aid! Grin

Waiting it out
Harrysmummy246 · 31/10/2019 08:24

He was much better last night. 5 hour stretch and then I gave more Calpol and nothing til 7:50. We're going to be late for nursery but never mind

OhHolyNightWaking · 01/11/2019 03:56

Oh God I am so tired. Seven wake-ups so far tonight and we've been awake since 02:40

When will this end? Sad

bottomflannel · 01/11/2019 10:11

After a lovely evening trick or treating with a bunch of DS1s school friends and their mums, we had a terrible night too. Nothing is working to settle him any more. God is this ever harder than I remember.

bottomflannel · 01/11/2019 10:12

I hope you can get a bit of rest at some point today OhHoly. Though if you’re anything like me, you won’t.

bottomflannel · 01/11/2019 15:31

Just caught up properly - thank you all so much for your kind words when I was feeling so low. I love this thread.

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