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Waiting it out

449 replies

burritofan · 18/09/2019 20:28

Is anyone else following the extremely vague and lazy "wait it out and hope it spontaneously resolves itself, maybe solids/crawling/walking/time/eventual night-weaning/magic/bribery once she can talk or be reasoned with" baby sleep plan?

We're nipple-deep in the four-month regression, which followed fast from the 8-week-jabs endless night poo era, then the 12-week hourly waking growth spurt. Throw early teething,

a late tongue tie division and a crap reaction to 16-week jabs into the mix – all in the same week! Which is when she migrated from Snuzpod to sleeping in my armpit – and you get a shitstorm of night wakings, my solution to which is:

plonk baby (now 21 weeks) in bed with me each night – after first making comatose with boob after rock-solid bedtime routine – and reapply boob as needed. Sometimes sleepily snuggling works in the middle of the night. Sometimes she wakes, babbles, pats around to check I'm there, and resettles. (Rare as a unanimous AIBU? thread, but like sunshine when it happens!)

Sometimes we start the night with a 3-hour chunk, other times 45 minutes. Some nights she wakes up only 4 times, others what feels like 4,000. Very little crying unless more teeth/colds, in which case howling then calpol and boob and a lie-in if she grants it. (I know the advice is to wake at the same time each day but (a) the baby wakes herself at the crack of dawn most days and when she doesn't (b) if she was up for two hours howling because of her teeth, I'm not going to enforce a wake-up for the sake of some Gina Ford nonsense.)

The 45-minute wake-ups are guaranteed if I put her down in her sidecar crib now, or even if leave the room – sometimes she wakes straight away if I try to swap with DP. Even in deep sleep she has a batlike sense for my being in the room. She generally starts the night starfished on the bed; as the night goes on she gets more unsettled and likes my armpit to snuggle into best. Perhaps it's the woolly mammoth furriness?

She's not great at feeding lying down but I'm persevering because I'm lazy. Occasionally I attempt the pull-off thing of putting my finger in her mouth to delatch once she's asleep but I'm too knackered to do it consistently or time it to gradually reduce feeds, I think I'm doing it in a half-hearted "gosh I really should sort this sleep thing". Mostly I do it so I can go to sleep if I'm feeding sitting up. I've no idea how to shhhh-pat; PUPD seems like an awful lot of effort with a heavy baby when I could be lying down, and deeply confusing; gradual chair or whatever makes me want to weep with exhaustion more than the current situation; CC or CIO is neverrrrrrr going to happen. On the other hand, I have wistful recollections of evenings, of my lovely DP, of times when I ate dinner somewhere other than over a snoozing baby's head in the dark...

Basically is anyone else doing what I'm doing to improve their baby's sleep, i.e. not very much at all, and wants to commiserate while we ride it out, slash create bad habits, construct towering Jengas of rods for backs, build sleep crutches, and generally arse it up? Any experienced "totally winged it and it worked out fine" mothers want to share delightful stories of "Oh one day he just pushed the boob away, fell asleep and did 12 hours and it's been a fairytale ever since, I got my bed and my sex life back" lazy parenting magic?

DP & I are softies who plan on an open-door policy of "if the kid can't sleep because of nightmares or growing pains, come on in our bed, they're only little", have fond memories of childhood shenanigans of sleeping on the landing or sneaking down to see what the grown-ups are doing, BUT also have no interest in "giant floor bed co-sleeping til 20" and quite like each other and the idea of the kid in her own room eventually, it would be nice to have some hope.

::rambles on in a sleep-deprived manner while teething DD snores on my shoulder, preps coffee machine for tomorrow, hopes there are other chaotic parents out there doing the absolute least::

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
OhHolyNightWaking · 05/11/2019 11:44

@bottomflannel sending a hand hold. And endless hot beverages. My poor kettle has never seen so much action. Grin

Our night was very broken sleep until about midnight, then I gave up trying to put her down in the bed and just propped myself up and held her for the remaining six hours. She still kept waking but I find if I flip her over in my arms (onto the opposite boob) she will settle down relatively quickly. I wish I knew why she cries when she wakes/what exactly is bothering her.

I downloaded the Huckleberry app last night, thought it may help me with nap timings if nothing else. And I can share with DH so he can have visibility of her nap needs, as he is really out of touch with it all!

Of course today I have managed to schedule my smear test for right in the middle of second nap time. So it's a toss up between stretching her awake time and giving her a later nap or getting her down ASAP and accepting a short nap and gigantic stretch until bedtime. She already seems tired and she woke up less than two hours ago. Hmm My mum is watching her. I remember her watching my DS for a smear test (when he was younger then DD is now) and she put him down for a COT nap while I was gone. Oh how times have changed... Envy

OhHolyNightWaking · 05/11/2019 11:48

DD is 9 months now and confidently cruising. DS didn't cruise until 12 months and then walked a few months later. I'm wondering if I'm going to have an early (ish) walker on my hands? Maybe then she'll sleep?! Grin

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 05/11/2019 12:37

We have achieved a morning nap!!!
I'm now stuck in the car with no caffeine but I'm still calling it a win

Harrysmummy246 · 05/11/2019 12:46

Ack is there no way to nip into the house, quickly make a brew and nip out again?

OhHolyNightWaking · 06/11/2019 09:07

Ooh, a slightly better night here last night!

Started out iffy with 20 mins, 1 hour, and 14 minute stints.

BUT then she pulled 1hr 30min, 2hr 30min, and 2hr 45mins out of the bag. The 2hr 45mins she was awake/unsettled some of that time but she resettled without me picking her up, which is unusual.

Harrysmummy246 · 06/11/2019 15:21

Crappy bedtime over an hour then nothing til 5 am where I met DS at his door saying 'had enough sleeping now'. Fortunately he was easily convinced back to sleep

burritofan · 07/11/2019 09:02

BASTARD AUTUMNAL NAP CONSPIRACY LEAF-BLOWING TREE-FELLING PARK MAINTENANCE CUNTS.

Ahem. Pretty sure DD did some solid 2 & 3 hour stretches last night. She also did some head-butting and only settling on my chest from 5am. Plus! I've been breastfeeding for six months now and still, in the middle of the night, managed to latch her onto boob, not nipple. I've got a love bite!

OP posts:
Littleguggi · 07/11/2019 09:25

How have I only just come across this thread! Joining as I have a 5 month old who seems to hate sleep, except when she's sleeping on me or the boob! My eldest, now 3, was also a crap sleeper for the first year of her life until I stopped bf and returned to work, now we have to wake her most mornings!

Harrysmummy246 · 07/11/2019 09:53

Ugh. Easy bed time. Scream at 10. Scream at 11. Then I didn't sleep til midnight. He woke at 4ish so i went in then he was up for good at 6:45

On the plus side, he walked into nursery and sat down for breakfast with barely a second glance back. This is huge progress

NewBabyJoy · 07/11/2019 23:23

Hello all, sorry I've been AWOL. Just reading through to catch up and I noticed my last post didn't load. Not that there'd have been anything interesting in there, but it took bloody ages to write, responding to you all Confused.

Just tried to go back through and respond to individuals again, but I've given up. Too fucking tired. In essence, hi all, sorry you're having a shocker currently, sending you sleepy vibes, and hoping things improve for you.

I fell asleep battling baby to sleep tonight, toddler fell asleep next to me in my bed. I was rudely awoken by the tesco delivery man ringing the doorbell an hour later. Fortunately both babies stayed asleep, even the youngest when I rolled her down the slight step into her cot (on the side of my bed, lowered to stop her climbing out, so no longer level with our bed, really not ideal). My heart was racing and I was shaking, I had woken up with such a start. Got him to bring the shopping through as I remembered I hadn't been down to clear up after dinner/post nursery snack. Kitchen was a total fucking bomb site. Fortunately I'm too tired to care.

Baby naps still a shit show here, taken mainly on the knee, albeit after a lot of rocking and shushing. Getting her to sleep is a battle atm. I'm starting to get really stressed about nursery in Jan, I know there's a while to go, but I don't see things improving much between now and then. Not to mention the fact I'll be back to work (GP nurse) and solo parenting a 1yo and 2.5yo mon-fri. On 5 hours disturbed sleep on a good night.Fml. Off to bury my head back in the sand.

Feel better soon @Harrysmummy246.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 07/11/2019 23:34

For the last forever DS has woken for a feed anytime between 9 and 11.15. Almost invariably just as I've got to sleep/started eating/got in the bath. Tonight I just stayed up and faffed, couldn't settle to anything as "he'll be up in a minute". It's now half past fucking 11 and he's still sparko. I'm so far past tired that I can't sleep. He's going to go off like a rocket the second I relax, isn't he.

OhHolyNightWaking · 08/11/2019 08:21

@NewBabyJoy sounds like you are having a shit time of it. Sending solidarity! Cake I go back to work in Feb and I'm partly dreading it, partly desperate for some time away from the baby. I keep thinking I can book a couple of days of annual leave and just SLEEP!!! Or have a day off with DS and do something lovely together.
DD only contact naps, but I am at the point now where I don't really care and I am sure nursery will work their magic to get her to nap somehow... that's assuming I don't cave and attempt sleep training before then, which I keep flip flopping on in moments of utter desperation.

We had a really shitty night last night, even by our usual standards. And after two very slightly better nights too. So I allowed myself to hope things were going starting to improve by themselves. Foolish, foolish woman.

Currently sat in an unwashed heap on the sofa while DS watches Cbeebies and DD crawls around on the floor and eats a magazine. It'll be nap time soon and the thought of putting DD into the sling just makes me want to weep. My head is pounding. Sad

OhHolyNightWaking · 08/11/2019 08:24

@JohnLapsleyParlabane that's always the way isn't it? Last time DD did a three hour stretch (distant memory!) I managed to extract myself from the room, thinking I would have 40 minutes with DH... and then really wished I had just gone to sleep when she did.

NewBabyJoy · 08/11/2019 09:38

It's ALWAYS the way @JohnLapsleyParlabane. It's as if they KNOW.

@ohholy I'm sorry you're having such a tough time. It definitely helps me to know others are in a similar boat, and that others have come out the other end. I hope you get some consolation from it too.

Nursery ended up doing some sleep training with my son in the end. They called me totally harrassed on day 1 to say he'd been kicking off for over an hour (I could hear him in the background) and asking me what they should do. I told them they'd probably best keep going, and when I called them 20mins later, he'd finally gone to sleep. This was despite them assuring me that getting him to sleep wouldn't be an issue, they dealt with crap sleepers all the time, blah blah blah. Not sure what they thought I was going to do about it. Couldn't exactly leave work because nursery couldn't get him to bloody nap. And so I'm pretty much the worse kind of mum, who won't entertain sleep training at home, but ships my kids off to nursery and let's them do whatever the fuck they want. Not much I can do about it, but rates pretty highly on my mum guilt-o-meter.

OhHolyNightWaking · 08/11/2019 10:01

Thanks @NewBabyJoy this thread is keeping me sane at times, honestly!

DD currently napping in the baby carrier and I'm hovering near my son while he plays (why does he NEVER want to do something quiet when she's asleep?)... I've got white noise machine tucked into carrier, rain noise playing on Alexa and the extractor fan running in the kitchen. Grin

The childminder we used for DS didn't have any issues getting him to sleep, but he took a dummy and was able to nap in a cot at home (he napped in a pushchair at childminder to start with and did eventually move into the cot there too)... DD will probably go to nursery rather than childminder, but I know they have a pushchair for naps so that may be an option. Although I would expect some tears. That must have been really frustrating having them call you because they couldn't get him to sleep!

I tried to sleep train my son (for naps mainly) but he was a hysterical crier and I couldn't push through. I remember posting on a FB group which was quite pro sleep training. I posted a video of his crying. Everyone who commented universally said they wouldn't leave a baby crying like that. I gave up at that point!
I fear DD may be the same unfortunately.

Anyway, sorry I know sleep training isn't in the spirit of this thread. I am just getting rather desperate now.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 08/11/2019 12:10

Sending you all a slice of birthday Cake
My eldest turned 4 today. She celebrated by getting up at 6.15 to hug me and her baby brother...and then went back to her own bed to play quietly till her clock went orange. This is a total win! As an up side to another hideous early morning with baby, I was able to make pancakes for DD's birthday breakfast and she went to nursery singing about having the best mummy ever. She was also a SleepDodger and I now realise that she sleeps brilliantly from 8 till 7 5 nights out of 7 on average. This is helping me reframe DS's (lack of) sleep. We will all survive.

Harrysmummy246 · 08/11/2019 20:27

our nursery has pushchairs. I basically said, don't even bother trying the cot. Once he moved into toddler room, they did eventually persuade him to sleep on the mats and sometimes they could just leave him to it and he'd sleep.

I think he napped at nursery yesterday (he said he did, for whatever reason, it wasn't mentioned) as bedtime took forever.

I then spent all day running him ragged (unceremoniously removed from tula mid dog walk and made to walk up hill then walked all round town and bought him shoes) before DH got back from work trip so excitement just about carried him through to bed time. DS almost forgot to ask for mummy to come through as well. But was asleep in 10 minutes

biscuitsnap · 08/11/2019 20:42

I've found my people 👏 👏 👏

Currently co sleeping with my 6mo which is definitely resulting in a lot more sleep than enforcing the cot.

But naps are atrocious. He has about 6x 30 minute naps during the day. Either on me or in the sling. Breastfeeding through the whole naps.
If I leave him in bed he's awake within 5 minutes.

Never mind. It's all a phase...right?!

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 08/11/2019 22:06

DH has just reminded me how we enforced encouraged DD to nap when she first learned to crawl. We used to get her to crawl up the stairs to her room and then take her back down and get her to go again over and over till she asked to stop. Her record was 11 flights of nap avoidance which led to the incredible, never repeated, 3h afternoon nap one Sunday.
Wishing us all good nights!

bottomflannel · 09/11/2019 10:18

Well, after a run of truly soul-destroying nights, last night we only had six wakes (LOL at that being considered a good night...) and he consented to being put down after each feed in his cot until the 4.45am one, when I decided to feed him in bed in the hope that he’d snuggle in and get comfy, which he did till 5.45am. Probably a one-off but it was so lovely to be able to burrow under the duvet for the first time in months.

Hope you are all doing OK.

Harrysmummy246 · 09/11/2019 12:15

Yep, another crap night. I hadn't even quite fallen asleep before he wailed. I got about another half hour before I gave up and went in.

He then slept perfectly but i was elbowed and punched in the head more than once :/ Oh and he shoved his duvet off, pushing mine too

Whuut · 09/11/2019 18:56

Hey guys, still here, still sleep deprived and still losing the plot. Sorry to see you all are too. Dont have the energy to reply individually but, I hear y'all.

I've had a hectic couple of weeks, feel like I havent stopped moving, which is a good thing I guess but have felt pretty low at times. But, I've found a LOVELY HV(who knew they existed?!) to talk to so feel a bit better in that respect. Our nights are still full of hourly wake ups, 2am parties, 3am singing practice and 5am starts to the day.. which all lead to me stirring the soup with the remote control the other day...

DP has started doing bedtime tho which has been a massive help and he now goes down relatively easy with him, I'm too tired to enjoy an evening so end up going to bed 20 mins later. Naps are a joke, today was a personal best of about 3 7min naps and a 40min one. The next person who says 'try and sleep when he does' will probably get a slap, funnily enough I cant fall asleep in 7 minutes.

Anyway, enough of my pity party. Hope you all have a 'good'(hah) night.

Harrysmummy246 · 09/11/2019 19:16

Oh @whuut sorry to hear that. I'm so glad now naps are off the cards for us. I do have to endure bonkers 'happy hour' now. I did repeatedly say to dh today that the 4pm onwards spell is why I'm chasing up for him to leave work more promptly. It's either that or no-one gets any dinner as ds can make attempting to cook dinner rather hazardous or I have to go and stop him tormenting the dogs

bottomflannel · 09/11/2019 22:14

4 wakings before 10.15pm? That’s my boy. At this rate we’ll be into double figures by morning. After a day of really good naps too. Sleep begets sleep is just more baby book bullshit.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 10/11/2019 08:23

3 x 1h sleeps for me last night. They tag-teamed from 11pm.
www.demilked.com/motherhood-comics-paula-kuka/ #7 ftw

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