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Waiting it out

449 replies

burritofan · 18/09/2019 20:28

Is anyone else following the extremely vague and lazy "wait it out and hope it spontaneously resolves itself, maybe solids/crawling/walking/time/eventual night-weaning/magic/bribery once she can talk or be reasoned with" baby sleep plan?

We're nipple-deep in the four-month regression, which followed fast from the 8-week-jabs endless night poo era, then the 12-week hourly waking growth spurt. Throw early teething,

a late tongue tie division and a crap reaction to 16-week jabs into the mix – all in the same week! Which is when she migrated from Snuzpod to sleeping in my armpit – and you get a shitstorm of night wakings, my solution to which is:

plonk baby (now 21 weeks) in bed with me each night – after first making comatose with boob after rock-solid bedtime routine – and reapply boob as needed. Sometimes sleepily snuggling works in the middle of the night. Sometimes she wakes, babbles, pats around to check I'm there, and resettles. (Rare as a unanimous AIBU? thread, but like sunshine when it happens!)

Sometimes we start the night with a 3-hour chunk, other times 45 minutes. Some nights she wakes up only 4 times, others what feels like 4,000. Very little crying unless more teeth/colds, in which case howling then calpol and boob and a lie-in if she grants it. (I know the advice is to wake at the same time each day but (a) the baby wakes herself at the crack of dawn most days and when she doesn't (b) if she was up for two hours howling because of her teeth, I'm not going to enforce a wake-up for the sake of some Gina Ford nonsense.)

The 45-minute wake-ups are guaranteed if I put her down in her sidecar crib now, or even if leave the room – sometimes she wakes straight away if I try to swap with DP. Even in deep sleep she has a batlike sense for my being in the room. She generally starts the night starfished on the bed; as the night goes on she gets more unsettled and likes my armpit to snuggle into best. Perhaps it's the woolly mammoth furriness?

She's not great at feeding lying down but I'm persevering because I'm lazy. Occasionally I attempt the pull-off thing of putting my finger in her mouth to delatch once she's asleep but I'm too knackered to do it consistently or time it to gradually reduce feeds, I think I'm doing it in a half-hearted "gosh I really should sort this sleep thing". Mostly I do it so I can go to sleep if I'm feeding sitting up. I've no idea how to shhhh-pat; PUPD seems like an awful lot of effort with a heavy baby when I could be lying down, and deeply confusing; gradual chair or whatever makes me want to weep with exhaustion more than the current situation; CC or CIO is neverrrrrrr going to happen. On the other hand, I have wistful recollections of evenings, of my lovely DP, of times when I ate dinner somewhere other than over a snoozing baby's head in the dark...

Basically is anyone else doing what I'm doing to improve their baby's sleep, i.e. not very much at all, and wants to commiserate while we ride it out, slash create bad habits, construct towering Jengas of rods for backs, build sleep crutches, and generally arse it up? Any experienced "totally winged it and it worked out fine" mothers want to share delightful stories of "Oh one day he just pushed the boob away, fell asleep and did 12 hours and it's been a fairytale ever since, I got my bed and my sex life back" lazy parenting magic?

DP & I are softies who plan on an open-door policy of "if the kid can't sleep because of nightmares or growing pains, come on in our bed, they're only little", have fond memories of childhood shenanigans of sleeping on the landing or sneaking down to see what the grown-ups are doing, BUT also have no interest in "giant floor bed co-sleeping til 20" and quite like each other and the idea of the kid in her own room eventually, it would be nice to have some hope.

::rambles on in a sleep-deprived manner while teething DD snores on my shoulder, preps coffee machine for tomorrow, hopes there are other chaotic parents out there doing the absolute least::

OP posts:
Are your children’s vaccines up to date?
OkayGo · 21/09/2019 21:55

Hi op. My dd is 26 months and she is currently in our superking bed snoring. She had duped us between 18months and 2 by sleeping in her own cot at night without complaint and then she would wake up in the morning happy. Soon after she turned 2 she decided this wasn’t working for her anymore, and sometimes I would be upstairs in the dark trying to get her to sleep for 3 hours while she screeches and mucks around and eventually gets overtired and VERY ANGRY. I’ve decided to buy her a single bed for Christmas so that she can go back in her room - hopefully I can trick her into liking it by plastering it with Disney princesses and then laying with her and sneaking out. It’s what I do now, so hopefully she won’t clock on...

Bet she will though. Oh the shenanigans to come.

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 21/09/2019 21:58

I've found my people!
We are doing exactly this with baby 2. Baby 1 is now almost 4 and sleeps alone all night from 7.30 til 6.30. So I'm able to reassure myself that it's worked before, it'll work again.
My main 'techniques' are having some daytime routine, (including nap in bed with baby after lunch, and having 5.30pm dinner for me, our eldest and dh,) and assuming that I don't have anything resembling an evening for 6 to 9 months.

walkwalk · 21/09/2019 23:47

I'm so jealous of all the posters whose DH/DP's are home for dinner before baby's bedtime! Mine doesn't get back from work until way later Sad

LiltTime · 22/09/2019 12:44

OP I live your posts. I'm in he same boat and I hi j trying to see some kind of dark humour in it really helps!

DD is 8 months old and I'm so sick of people saying: "oh what she's not sleeping through?" Er, no she never has.

She has decided she only wants to drink milk when she's half asleep so refused it all day and then wakes me up ever couple of hours in the night to stock up on it then. I can't refuse her or she won't go back to sleep. She's up anytime between 4.30am and 5.30am and has also started refusing naps this week, then falling asleep mid afternoon so bedtime goes out of the window.

I've decided I'm adopting the "just go with it" approach. When she was two weeks and people told me "it all goes so quickly" I didn't believe them but now she's eight months I'm thinking we must have done the worst of it by now? Gin

Harrysmummy246 · 22/09/2019 17:46

@walkwalk

DH knows that unless there's serious issue at work or he's stuck in traffic, dinner isn't negotiable. It's usually on the table as he's walking through the door mind you

burritofan · 22/09/2019 18:04

MissSmith Ah, phew! I thought I was going to have to actively implement something, but I'll happily accept "time heals all sleep" and treat "giving her food" and "hoping her naps lengthen" as tools towards regaining my life.

walkwalk my partner commutes so he leaves as DD wakes up (well, gets up, she wakes all bloody night) and returns just as I've settled her (she often opens one beady eye at the noise of the front door, while I frantically scramble away from MN on my phone and navigate to the white noise app). Which is why I either scoff my tea at 5pm or in bed in the dark while feeding the baby back to sleep for the millionth time even though it's only 8pm.

HenSolo that sounds lovely tbh. Sleep and cuddles. I remember the coziness of sneaking into my parents' bed. We'll just have to buy a huge one and fill it with babies (not that we have the opportunity to make any more babies).

Welcome, everyone else, to the chaos! Bath-time is about to begin here; let the endless resettlings commence... Good luck and wine all round.

OP posts:
OkayGo · 22/09/2019 19:40

@walkwalk my dh is away most of the week, if he does come home midweek he doesn’t arrive until 7-9ish and then he’s knackered. It’s just me and dd all the time. I feel your pain :(

walkwalk · 22/09/2019 20:53

@Harrysmummy246 that sounds lovely - im impressed that you get dinner on the table without fail, my LO always finds some way to sabotage my attempts at cooking/housework/cups of tea..

@burritofan not just me then! Yep that all sounds very familiar although mine started waking at any tiny noise as she got older, can barely sip water in here with her without risking a wake and resettle. I've just spent 1.5 hours getting her to sleep as she kept biting as I tried to feed her  good luck tonight..

@OkayGo oh that sounds so hard :( I actually don't know how you do it, I hope you get breaks and plenty of help on the weekend. hats off to you and here's hoping you have an easy night!

Good luck tonight everybody!

bottomflannel · 24/09/2019 08:11

Will catch up with everyone’s posts once the wettest school run in history is done with, but just had to share. My 15-week-old rolled back to front for the first time yesterday - his older brother didn’t roll at all before 6/7 months.

It’s wonderful but it’s all he wants to do now when I put him on the floor - even through bum changes. And he can’t roll front to back so he gets stuck on his front, tires himself out and wails for help!

So it begins...

Hope everyone is doing OK.

burritofan · 24/09/2019 08:28

bottom, we're just emerging from the "wailing on front" weeks, so exhausting! Ominously we've moved on to "making crawling motions while on front, almost getting to all fours and rocking" – think I might have an early crawler on my hands… I shall blame that for the crap sleep, she's too busy learning.

She did manage a whole 2 hours in the Snuzpod last night – diagonally as she's outgrown it, toes in the bed – before I brought her fully into bed with me. I like to give myself these little reassurances that there's a future beyond her sleeping in my armpit.

OP posts:
BonnyE · 24/09/2019 08:43

Yep. We took a similar approach with DD. No sleep training whatsoever just couldn't find a method I was fully on board with and by the time I'd faffed about and been indecisive the pattern had changed anyway! If you think about human history it's probably very natural to want to snuggle with mummy / daddy.
Now 22 months and sleeps fine in cot mostly straight through to 0630 (still bf in the evening). This only really became reliable a few months ago when she sort of seemed to just "grow up" a bit and become a bit more independent. I think they all find their own way eventually. Whatever gets you enough sleep and keeps you sane I say!

Whuut · 24/09/2019 09:13

@burritofan May I join the madness?

I came on this morning to start a thread about my DS's impressive lack of need for sleep and came across your post. In my sleep deprived state I thought for a second I'd written it(although I have a ds) and forgotten but nope, there are just poor fuckers going through the same madness as me, thank god I'm not alone.

DS is 12 weeks and will quite literally fight sleep til his eyes won't stay open. He has always been a rubbish napper and mostly rubbish at night too. He did tease me with about 10 days of sleeping through 8-7 with 1 wake up at about 8 weeks and I smugly thought 'oh yay he's sorted himself out and this is the new routine' but no, the week following was hourly wake ups.

We had a new record last night though, fed to sleep at 8 and woke at 8.20.. fed to sleep again and woke at 9. All night was 45min wake ups, feeding to sleep was no longer working so I was sat up in bed bouncing him in my arms that were so numb I thought they might fall off and then had to stay with him in that position as he wouldn't even allow me to lie down with him still in my arms. Nope! You must stay awake whilst I sleep like an angel in your arms! Arrgghhh.

I now have a day of yoga and visiting family. A downward dog feels far from doable right now, I can't function upright let alone upsidedown- wish me luck.

Whuut · 24/09/2019 09:15

Wow that was long sorry! Feels good to rant.

He's just woken from a 20 minute nap Hmm but he's smiling away at me, why's he gotta be so cute?!

peachgreen · 24/09/2019 09:25

I'm the polar opposite to you when it comes to sleep OP - I'm very precious about my sleep and while I'm happy for my every waking hour to be devoted to my DD, I always planned to be pretty militant about sleep training (without resorting to CIO) as I know I need my 8 hours or I go bonkers. Thankfully DD is the same and has been from about 3 months so it happened naturally. BUT the best parenting advice I've ever been given is that when something stops working for you, you'll change it, and until then don't worry about it. Right now snuggly co-sleeping is working for you and your DD. When it stops working for one of you, you'll change it. Until then, don't worry about it!

peachgreen · 24/09/2019 09:27

Also just as a bit of reassurance, the vast majority of babies in my experience start sleeping through of their own accord once they're in their own rooms.

burritofan · 24/09/2019 13:10

@Whuut Welcome! May I suggest blanket yoga? You lie on the floor and do yoga under a blanket, it's a real thing but uncannily similar to having a nap.

I HATE when feeding-to-sleep doesn't work. I have few other tools in my arsenal. When DD won't do it, it means either a stomach bug or she wants to party; in which case into the crib she goes and I doze next to her. Once or twice she's fallen back asleep; mostly in means an hour of singing or rolling or whatever else, then a grizzle for milk/sleep.

@peachgreen Interesting – I'm taking this approach precisely because I'm also precious about sleep and don't function well emotionally without it. I looked at the four sleep options and this one seemed guaranteed to bring me the most rest. The four options:

  1. Give birth to a naturally good sleeper. Failed at the first hurdle
  2. Sleep training that involves lots of crying. No way, Jose.
  3. Sleep training that involves lots of me being awake patting and shushing and moving chairs about. Tiring!
  4. Path of least resistance, à la this thread. I genuinely feel all right most mornings!

Interesting about the own room thing, though I know it didn't work on me when I was small.

OP posts:
Whuut · 24/09/2019 17:26

Ah a nap sounds like a far from reach dream right now. Yeah same, it's my go to. The annoying thing was, he wasn't even waking fully, just enough that I had to pick him up and resettle.

I felt okay this morning but after a day of him mostly crying at me, I'm feeling a little broken.

ritaBx · 24/09/2019 17:36

Just marking my place in this until I have the energy to actually write my life of little sleep....ds3 12 months....a joy to behold

bottomflannel · 25/09/2019 09:15

Welcome to all our new posters

God, another wet one - school run is so stressful in the rain. Can you get tiny raincoats for babies that refuse to lay placidly in their pram on torrential days?

Hope you’re all doing well. Last couple of nights I’ve been able to put DS down in his cot (which we’ve moved into our room next to our bed - well, I say ‘our’ but DH has been sleeping downstairs since DS was born) - yes, he’s been fast asleep and yes he wakes up 30mins to an hour later, but I’m trying to move away from laying down to feed him to sleep at bedtime, so just happy he’s letting me put him down at all. Still needs holding at points in the night - usually from 2am/3am onwards. Hoping he outgrows that particular need soon - he’s such a fidget and neither of us are very comfortable, I don’t think.

Amusing evening yesterday. Was saying goodnight to DS1 and he was showing me a ‘splat ball’ he’d won at an arcade that evening with his nan. Sort of a squishy plastic stress ball filled with liquid. He was playing with it in bed while we were cuddled up reading a chapter of his book. And yes, reader, it popped. It. Went. Everywhere. Cue an entire bed and pyjama change at 8pm. Meanwhile DS2 wakes and wails for me, I’m absolutely starving and about to drop from tiredness. Poor DS1 looked mortified but we ended up just laughing hysterically together.

Hope you all have a good day.

bottomflannel · 25/09/2019 09:17

Sorry you had a rough one yesterday Whuut - hope DS is less crotchety for you today.

burritofan · 25/09/2019 13:46

::cartwheels on to thread::

She slept for a four-hour stretch last night!! Then a three-hour stretch! Then, like bottom's DS, needed restless snuggles from 2am – what is it about 2am? – but I was still riding high from that four-hour stretch. I haven't seen a four-hour stretch since the dawn of time! Or possibly since week 13. As you can see, it has gone to my head and I am wasting all this energy rather than conserving it for the inevitably backslide tonight.

OP posts:
bottomflannel · 25/09/2019 16:21

Blimey, you must feel like a new woman! Keep it up, baby burrito!

Whuut · 25/09/2019 16:54

Evening all.

Ah yes, I also have a pram hating baby. Not ideal in this weather! Oh dear, at least you laughed about it. We had 3 changes before 8am the other day, a new personal record.

Yay go you! 4hours is the good stuff!

DS has been a little better today, still pretty grouchy. I decided to see if we could do naps in his cot(next to my bed) today in a hope to get him napping longer. We normally just snooze in arms on the sofa or in the sling but almost every nap is 45mins, sometimes only 20Hmm I wasn't very hopeful but after only a couple of pick up/put downs the first time, he let me put him down and stayed there! I lead down on the bed to also sleep but was too shocked so stared at him for 20 mins then came on MN..

walkwalk · 25/09/2019 21:17

Yay @burritofan and @Whuut!! I hope it continues tonight

@bottomflannel eek what a mess! Glad you could laugh it off!

Last night DD did a lot of flip flopping about in the night and didn't need to feed back to sleep every time- I just pretended to be asleep and about half the time she wriggled around then settled. Woop. But she won't go to sleep tonight. Again. It's brutal.. DH took her out in the buggy an hour ago Hmm as I couldn't hack her biting me anymore, and he just brought her back in screaming her head off. I'm hiding in the front room with the door closed hmmmm what to try next...

ritaBx · 25/09/2019 21:58

Does anyone let baby fall asleep on the sofa? Feel like it's a bad routine to get into....

However he's been asleep for the last 2 hours without waking up and I've managed to get my tea and watch tv for the first time in ages.

He's been slightly restless but has stayed asleep. Where as usually he would be stood up crying in his cot every 45 mins. I feel like he's actually sleeping...if you get me

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