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Waiting it out

449 replies

burritofan · 18/09/2019 20:28

Is anyone else following the extremely vague and lazy "wait it out and hope it spontaneously resolves itself, maybe solids/crawling/walking/time/eventual night-weaning/magic/bribery once she can talk or be reasoned with" baby sleep plan?

We're nipple-deep in the four-month regression, which followed fast from the 8-week-jabs endless night poo era, then the 12-week hourly waking growth spurt. Throw early teething,

a late tongue tie division and a crap reaction to 16-week jabs into the mix – all in the same week! Which is when she migrated from Snuzpod to sleeping in my armpit – and you get a shitstorm of night wakings, my solution to which is:

plonk baby (now 21 weeks) in bed with me each night – after first making comatose with boob after rock-solid bedtime routine – and reapply boob as needed. Sometimes sleepily snuggling works in the middle of the night. Sometimes she wakes, babbles, pats around to check I'm there, and resettles. (Rare as a unanimous AIBU? thread, but like sunshine when it happens!)

Sometimes we start the night with a 3-hour chunk, other times 45 minutes. Some nights she wakes up only 4 times, others what feels like 4,000. Very little crying unless more teeth/colds, in which case howling then calpol and boob and a lie-in if she grants it. (I know the advice is to wake at the same time each day but (a) the baby wakes herself at the crack of dawn most days and when she doesn't (b) if she was up for two hours howling because of her teeth, I'm not going to enforce a wake-up for the sake of some Gina Ford nonsense.)

The 45-minute wake-ups are guaranteed if I put her down in her sidecar crib now, or even if leave the room – sometimes she wakes straight away if I try to swap with DP. Even in deep sleep she has a batlike sense for my being in the room. She generally starts the night starfished on the bed; as the night goes on she gets more unsettled and likes my armpit to snuggle into best. Perhaps it's the woolly mammoth furriness?

She's not great at feeding lying down but I'm persevering because I'm lazy. Occasionally I attempt the pull-off thing of putting my finger in her mouth to delatch once she's asleep but I'm too knackered to do it consistently or time it to gradually reduce feeds, I think I'm doing it in a half-hearted "gosh I really should sort this sleep thing". Mostly I do it so I can go to sleep if I'm feeding sitting up. I've no idea how to shhhh-pat; PUPD seems like an awful lot of effort with a heavy baby when I could be lying down, and deeply confusing; gradual chair or whatever makes me want to weep with exhaustion more than the current situation; CC or CIO is neverrrrrrr going to happen. On the other hand, I have wistful recollections of evenings, of my lovely DP, of times when I ate dinner somewhere other than over a snoozing baby's head in the dark...

Basically is anyone else doing what I'm doing to improve their baby's sleep, i.e. not very much at all, and wants to commiserate while we ride it out, slash create bad habits, construct towering Jengas of rods for backs, build sleep crutches, and generally arse it up? Any experienced "totally winged it and it worked out fine" mothers want to share delightful stories of "Oh one day he just pushed the boob away, fell asleep and did 12 hours and it's been a fairytale ever since, I got my bed and my sex life back" lazy parenting magic?

DP & I are softies who plan on an open-door policy of "if the kid can't sleep because of nightmares or growing pains, come on in our bed, they're only little", have fond memories of childhood shenanigans of sleeping on the landing or sneaking down to see what the grown-ups are doing, BUT also have no interest in "giant floor bed co-sleeping til 20" and quite like each other and the idea of the kid in her own room eventually, it would be nice to have some hope.

::rambles on in a sleep-deprived manner while teething DD snores on my shoulder, preps coffee machine for tomorrow, hopes there are other chaotic parents out there doing the absolute least::

OP posts:
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Whuut · 01/11/2019 20:26

I. Am. Broken.

I'm so exhausted. After a crap night(few days), DS woke up at 4am yesterday morning, after 30mins feeding/rocking, he went back to sleep but I was left wide awake. He only had 2 30min naps and 2 15min naps yesterday! It was painful. He's teething quite bad so whinging at me loads. I had a breakdown last night, he went to bed at 8pm and woke up 4 times before 11pm, then woke up at midnight, wouldn't feed back to sleep and I just lost it. I feel awful for it now but I'm so fucking tired I cant even function. DP was really helpful and we managed to get him back down and he slept for 5.5 hours Hmm He is the least consistent person I know, I literally have no clue what he's gonna do. Most days he naps at around 5/6 for half an hour just to get him to bedtime at 7/8, yesterday and today he didn't wake up so I had to wake him.. I dont know if I should be putting him to bed then as he's clearly knackered but I worry he'll wake loads.

I realise that was a complete ramble and probably didn't make any sense but I feel a little better. Gonna try go to sleep now in the hope I might get a couple hours. Hope everyone has some kind of sleep tonight.

Whuut · 02/11/2019 13:56

He must've heard my meltdown.. He slept 8hrs with 1 wake up, then another 1.5hrs. And is currently 50mins into his nap.. This kid is so confusing!!

OhHolyNightWaking · 02/11/2019 15:53

@Whuut sending solidarity. Glad you got a decent night last night though. Fingers crossed it is the start of consistent improvement for you.

My experiment of recording wake-ups is actually depressing me a bit. Although last night DD woke 8 times BUT she also did two stretches of almost two hours. Which is still shit but feels like a tiny improvement.

Someone sent me a copy of the Little Ones sleep program eBook today. I haven't read in detail (it's 300 fucking pages!!!) but interesting that DDs current nap "routine" (in loosest sense of the word) is quite different to what the recommend for her age bracket of 8-10 months. They recommend a 30 minute morning nap (09:30-10am) and then a longer "lunchtime" nap of 12:30-2:30pm.

The last couple of days DD had napped roughly 10-11:30am and then 3pm-4pm ish (all sling/contact naps). I don't let her sleep past 4:30pm.

I wonder if we're getting naps wildly "wrong" and that's making matters worse. I really do wish these babies came with a bloody manual. Lucy Wolfe advises similar but with a possible third nap to tide over until bedtime and generally shorter awake times than Little Ones. It's confusing.

DH let me lie in until 1st nap at 10pm today, which was lush. I actually slept!

OhHolyNightWaking · 02/11/2019 15:54

10am not 10pm - that really would be a late first nap! Shock

burritofan · 02/11/2019 18:33

Go, go Baby Whuut! What a result, hope this is the beginning of great things.

OhHolyNightWaking They all recommend different things! Kerry Secker of Care It Out advocates for the 2/3/4 routine and not napping after 3.30pm, a Lucy Wolfe article said not after 5pm! If DD managed four hours awake before bed it would only be by screaming. And sometimes if naps have been crap it's either a post-5pm nap or bedtime at 5pm.

Also think the routines are all bollocks and you'll drive yourself nuts if your kid won't do what the sleep consultant/online course/book/site says. (Mind you I too class a two-hour stint as a good night so don't listen to me.)

We're just back from a whirlwind 3-day trip for a family event and sleep is RUINED. We've gone from 3 naps at fairly set times including that 75-minute lunchtime nap to 4 minuscule naps. Yesterday she had a total of 59 minutes day sleep; trains, hotels and people are not conducive to naps. Bedtimes in the hotel were like her colic days. She went straight from a late nap today when we got home into the Emergency Bedtime Routine: only one book, no bath, frantic stuffing in sleeping bag and feed to sleep before howling can truly kick in. Never travelling again. Shock

OP posts:
Whuut · 02/11/2019 21:22

Thanks guys. Am out the other side of he breakdown, for a couple of days at least. I hope you're all right and it's the start of good things but, I've thought this many times before so I dont hold much hope. DP did do bedtime tonight tho and after 20 minutes of crying, hes been asleep since 7. Still unpredictable as ever tho, after 15min long naps yesterday, he did a 75min one today.

@OhHolyNightWaking I too wish they came with a manual, would make things so much easier. I wouldn't worry to much about the recommended routine, I did and it didn't help. Whatever works for you(or doesnt) just do it. God, 10pm lie in would be a dream!!

@burritofan I think you're right with the routine thing. I drove myself mad thinking about how crap our routine was. Travelling sounds hectic, I felt stressed just reading that! We've got a trip away, with a plane journey, next month and I'm slightly dreading it.

OhHolyNightWaking · 02/11/2019 22:16

I can't even put DD down tonight. Bloody hell!

You guys are totally right about routine and all the crap sleep advice. Every few weeks I resolve to find a way to fix things... and then feel like shit when I remember I can't.

DP doing bedtime sounds positive Whuut!

Traveling fills me with dread too. We have only been to CentreParcs since DD was born and that was upheaval enough (and her sleep was utterly shit!). I hope you feel settled back down a bit soon Burrito!

Right, about to try laying back down for the millionth time!

tappitytaptap · 03/11/2019 09:44

Can I join this thread? DS2 is 13 months and has never been a great sleeper, normally up at least 3 times a night but normally a quick breastfeed and he’s back asleep. Recently we’re getting teeth 7 and 8 at the bottom and he’s been awful - last night truly a low point as he wouldn’t latch (am guessing it hurts his gums) so we ended up syringing a bit of cows milk in so he had something in his tummy at least, then he drank some of it from an open cup. DH and I had less than 3 hours sleep each. I’ve pumped this morning as keen to avoid mastitis, obviously, and will give him some in a cup later. He’s eaten quite a substantial breakfast and some water in a cup after not eating very much at all yesterday. I’m used to the rubbish eating when teething as DS1 did the same up until he had most of his teeth through but his sleep was never affected like this. We are coping - just about - but I feel close to the edge sometimes. I’m back at work and also feel guilty that I can’t always be as patient as I want with DS1 (who is 3 and a great sleeper) and DH and I don’t have much of an evening always, as he can be difficult to get down as well as the waking up so much.
I haven’t tried any sort of sleep training with him, partly as DS1 just slept and also I don’t want to wake him as he’s in the next room (and probably thirdly that I feel it’s a bit mean to leave them crying and not sure if it actually works!). Not sure what I want from this post other than some solidarity and virtual coffee Wink

burritofan · 03/11/2019 12:52

Welcome, @tappitytaptap – everyone with a sleepless baby can join! We absolutely have solidarity, coffee, swearing, moaning, magical thinking, a deep and abiding hate for the phrase "drowsy but awake"…

OP posts:
tappitytaptap · 03/11/2019 13:14

Neither of my kids have ever done ‘drowsy but awake’... DS2 will fall asleep in the buggy/car for naps but I’m not about to start pushing him in the middle of the night! I’ve always been a little confused about sleep training as, barring illness, he goes down ok (fed to sleep but I can live with that), it’s the waking up afterwards that is the problem. He has never had formula, bottles or a dummy and we co sleep at the moment. Feeling like perhaps I should have pushed with the bottle or dummy a bit more and maybe I’m to blame for his crappy sleep 😴

OhHolyNightWaking · 03/11/2019 23:12

Oh fucking hell. DD now not even sleeping in hour long stretches.

I've made jokes about how her sleep has just been getting worse since she was born, and that she would eventually stop sleeping altogether... but I think it's actually happening.

I'm wondering if there is something physic causing her issues and if I should take her to the GP. But the only "symptom" she has is waking up crying every 30 minutes, won't they just suggest CIO?

If anyone needs me I will be rocking and crying in the corner. Sad

OhHolyNightWaking · 03/11/2019 23:13

Physical! Not physic... Hmm

OhHolyNightWaking · 03/11/2019 23:15

@tappitytaptap

Welcome to the thread. Sorry you need to be here. Crap sleep definitely not your fault, it's "luck of the draw" unfortunately. Solidarity!!

flowerstar19 · 03/11/2019 23:32

Ha! I have just found your thread OP!

Is anyone else following the extremely vague and lazy "wait it out and hope it spontaneously resolves itself, maybe solids/crawling/walking/time/eventual night-weaning/magic/bribery once she can talk or be reasoned with" baby sleep plan?

This sums me up so well, but my 'baby' is almost 2, will still only breastfeed to sleep and has never even nearly slept through the night! Argh...

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 04/11/2019 03:06

Hi team. Sending solidarity to you all.
One day we'll sleep again.

tappitytaptap · 04/11/2019 08:16

Here here @JohnLapsleyParlabane...DH and I say this to each other all the time! Another bad night as he’s still teething/ill and also on nursing strike since Saturday evening. He had a similar strike a few months ago with hand foot and mouth and returned to the boob no probs so am pumping for him to keep my supply up and he’s having some from a cup. Still emotional though, what with that and the sleep deprivation. At least if he does wean this time I’ve fed for 13 months which is longer than I intended to! Thankfully I have a job I can work from home with so doing that today and kids are with their grandparents.
Sending Monday morning energy vibes to everyone!!

burritofan · 04/11/2019 08:51

Monday morning high fives, cheerleader pom-poms, coffee keg stands and packets of biscuits all round!

(I hate Mondays with a baby. Minesweeping up the leftover chaos of the weekend, staring down the barrel of a week with no lie-ins, showers and hot meals once again becoming a lottery of will I, won't I?)

I just read back through the thread (HELLO AND THANK YOU to everyone who has posted in solidarity but I haven't replied to) and saw my OP and things have definitely got worse since then; no more 4-times-a-night wake-ups or 3-hour chunks.

OhHolyNight, there's an 8/9/10-month sleep regression isn't there? Apparently it's The Worst One. My SIL said her baby did half-hourly wake-ups around then but is now back to standard "some good nights, some bad (but not 30 minutes bad) nights". Altogether now: it's just a phase. (A phrase on par with "just enjoy the cuddles".)

I think we're in teething territory again. Seven dirty nappies yesterday of the green mucus variety.

OP posts:
tappitytaptap · 04/11/2019 10:46

@burritofan I was lamenting with a friend the other day that baby humans are so badly designed when teething is such a drawn out awful process for all involved!

Sharkfinsoup · 04/11/2019 11:47

I might join too if that’s ok. Sleep is currently a mythical beast in my life with a 7 month old that likes to wake anywhere between 20minutes and a very lucky 90minutes. Sleep is getting worse and worse currently...I was hoping that the crawling/pulling up would tire him out but it seems to be having the opposite effect. His little arms are practicing crawling every night and are often bopping me on the nose just to add to the many wakenings!
Feeding to sleep is also currently not working so we feed then pat then feed then pat for an unspecified length of time before settling into bed for the night. One day my armpit will not be used for sleep maintenance but I am despairing of ever seeing the day.
I don’t know whether it is dropping the last nap that has worsened things considerably and we are now heading into the 8-10month regression nice and early to try and maximise it’s impact on my eye bags.

Harrysmummy246 · 04/11/2019 15:02

There is hope folks. DS down at 7pm last night and asleep within 10 minutes.

Then........................

Nothing til he wandered into our room at 7am!!!!!

OhHolyNightWaking · 04/11/2019 19:09

@burritofan - I am PRAYING, to every God I can think of, that we're in that sleep regression still (and so there's a chance of improvement!). It's so hard not knowing though.

I've given DD Dentinox before today, in the hope it may help with the wind situation... a dose before her dinner and another just now before feeding to sleep (she's currently twiddling my spare nipple Envy (not envy). She's exhausted after two very mediocre naps today.

Last night was genuinely abysmal. I slept most of the night sat up because she was barely going 20 minutes before crying and needing to be picked up. It's just shit! I've been beyond exhausted today, whereas normally I can power through.

It is just a phase and Harrysmummys lovely update just goes to prove this.

GinGinGinGinGin

JohnLapsleyParlabane · 04/11/2019 19:29

Ok team. If Mini @Harrysmummy246 can do it, they all can... perhaps even this decade...

joffreyscoffees · 04/11/2019 19:33

I need to join in too.. 15 month old DD is killing me. I could probably count the amount of times she's slept through on my hands.

Last night she was awake every 45 minutes, screaming, for no apparent reason.

She went to bed at 7, she's already been up once.

A couple of weeks ago she did 3 nights in a row, I thought we'd cracked it, but alas, it was all a dream.

Harrysmummy246 · 04/11/2019 19:58

Glad to provide some hope. He's gone down easily again after being a tornado all day. Thankfully my parents were with us today or there'd have been no dinner etc

Not sure how tonight will go as he had his flu vaccination today. Which he was so good for. I'm actually in bed already as I've got a hybrid of sinus and tension headache

bottomflannel · 05/11/2019 00:56

OhHoly Am right there with you. Am praying this is temporary while he works through the sleep regression. Waking hourly if not more and needing to be held for most of the night. Like you I can usually power through but I am seriously starting to struggle.

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