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Waiting it out

449 replies

burritofan · 18/09/2019 20:28

Is anyone else following the extremely vague and lazy "wait it out and hope it spontaneously resolves itself, maybe solids/crawling/walking/time/eventual night-weaning/magic/bribery once she can talk or be reasoned with" baby sleep plan?

We're nipple-deep in the four-month regression, which followed fast from the 8-week-jabs endless night poo era, then the 12-week hourly waking growth spurt. Throw early teething,

a late tongue tie division and a crap reaction to 16-week jabs into the mix – all in the same week! Which is when she migrated from Snuzpod to sleeping in my armpit – and you get a shitstorm of night wakings, my solution to which is:

plonk baby (now 21 weeks) in bed with me each night – after first making comatose with boob after rock-solid bedtime routine – and reapply boob as needed. Sometimes sleepily snuggling works in the middle of the night. Sometimes she wakes, babbles, pats around to check I'm there, and resettles. (Rare as a unanimous AIBU? thread, but like sunshine when it happens!)

Sometimes we start the night with a 3-hour chunk, other times 45 minutes. Some nights she wakes up only 4 times, others what feels like 4,000. Very little crying unless more teeth/colds, in which case howling then calpol and boob and a lie-in if she grants it. (I know the advice is to wake at the same time each day but (a) the baby wakes herself at the crack of dawn most days and when she doesn't (b) if she was up for two hours howling because of her teeth, I'm not going to enforce a wake-up for the sake of some Gina Ford nonsense.)

The 45-minute wake-ups are guaranteed if I put her down in her sidecar crib now, or even if leave the room – sometimes she wakes straight away if I try to swap with DP. Even in deep sleep she has a batlike sense for my being in the room. She generally starts the night starfished on the bed; as the night goes on she gets more unsettled and likes my armpit to snuggle into best. Perhaps it's the woolly mammoth furriness?

She's not great at feeding lying down but I'm persevering because I'm lazy. Occasionally I attempt the pull-off thing of putting my finger in her mouth to delatch once she's asleep but I'm too knackered to do it consistently or time it to gradually reduce feeds, I think I'm doing it in a half-hearted "gosh I really should sort this sleep thing". Mostly I do it so I can go to sleep if I'm feeding sitting up. I've no idea how to shhhh-pat; PUPD seems like an awful lot of effort with a heavy baby when I could be lying down, and deeply confusing; gradual chair or whatever makes me want to weep with exhaustion more than the current situation; CC or CIO is neverrrrrrr going to happen. On the other hand, I have wistful recollections of evenings, of my lovely DP, of times when I ate dinner somewhere other than over a snoozing baby's head in the dark...

Basically is anyone else doing what I'm doing to improve their baby's sleep, i.e. not very much at all, and wants to commiserate while we ride it out, slash create bad habits, construct towering Jengas of rods for backs, build sleep crutches, and generally arse it up? Any experienced "totally winged it and it worked out fine" mothers want to share delightful stories of "Oh one day he just pushed the boob away, fell asleep and did 12 hours and it's been a fairytale ever since, I got my bed and my sex life back" lazy parenting magic?

DP & I are softies who plan on an open-door policy of "if the kid can't sleep because of nightmares or growing pains, come on in our bed, they're only little", have fond memories of childhood shenanigans of sleeping on the landing or sneaking down to see what the grown-ups are doing, BUT also have no interest in "giant floor bed co-sleeping til 20" and quite like each other and the idea of the kid in her own room eventually, it would be nice to have some hope.

::rambles on in a sleep-deprived manner while teething DD snores on my shoulder, preps coffee machine for tomorrow, hopes there are other chaotic parents out there doing the absolute least::

OP posts:
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Harrysmummy246 · 19/11/2019 15:09

Oh and interestingly, he only wants DH to get him up this week. I am secretly so so happy that we might be getting to a phase of only want daddy

(yes, I wasn't allowed to get him out of bed despite lying next to him?!?!?!)

Whuut · 28/11/2019 21:33

So then, how're we all doing? Sleeping through the night I hope?

As you might have guessed, we are definitely not..
Things are still as tits up as ever. Sadly(I shouldn't be sad), I put DS on bottles for the whole weekend last week, we were using a mix of breastmilk and formula, mostly so DP could do an over night with him but also to just give my boobs a break as they were quite sore. Well, he only went and slept 11hrs with 2 wakes the first night then 10hrs with 1 wake up the second night. I know I should be happy but, I love breastfeeding so much and it makes me feel like I should give up. Of course the night I went back to just breastfeeding, no bottles, he woke almost every hour. I've thought about putting him on bottles just through the night, we might try next week but I'm a bit worried it will affect my supply. I know hes just on the boob for comfort but I cant be fucked at 2am to try and settle him any other way, and he usually cries til he gets boob anyway. Ugh. What a shit show.

Oh he has started doing some hour long naps, only on me tho. Some days he's staying awake 3.5hrs cus it's so difficult to get him down.. Hes almost 5months exactly.

Hows everyone else doing?

Sharkfinsoup · 29/11/2019 10:55

Whuut that is both amazing and depressing. What a tricky decision to make although lots of people seem to mix feed very successfully so maybe just embrace sleep and mix feeding.
If my DS would stop laughing/screaming at bottles I would give it a go although we are currently force feeding coconut yoghurt before bed to try and increase sleep..which is intermittently successful - sometimes the 45 minutes I’m used to and last night a whole 5 hours (slightly concerned I am now so tired that I just forget the horribleness and am imagining it). We still only nap in the sling which I will have to deal with at some point before going back to work but I am leaving all this until after Christmas. An extra special present for me Grin.

Harrysmummy246 · 29/11/2019 20:44

Sorry, haven't checked in for a while. Not that DS has been brilliant, but just been mad busy and depression was kicking my bum a bit

We've had one sleep through in the last week as well as some horrendous wake screaming jobs.

Apparently he was yelling about his dressing gown last night but I don't remember that.

And the no nap bedtime effect is wearing off- he was bouncing round like a looon until 8:50 last night.

7:20 tonight was more like it. No idea when I'll be required though.

Trying to gradually reduce my input at bedtime. Managed just holding hands while I sat in the chair last night (just as well as I was ready to weep after 90 min) but had to sit on the bed tonight

At least he's stopped the weird elbow stroking when I've asked him to

Harrysmummy246 · 29/11/2019 21:38

And wailing his head off 90 min later. Hey ho

bottomflannel · 01/12/2019 07:13

Sleep still utterly depressing. He’s staying down in his cot for a couple of hours at the beginning of the night, and will on very rare occasions (like once) have another hour or two after a feed, but it’s usually hourly wakes and most nights even a delightful period of being Wide Awake around 4am and refusing to feed back to sleep, which then requires an hour of rocking and shushing to get him back down for another half hour. I can’t go to bed when he does as I need to be around for my eldest in the evening, so am basically running on fumes. At weekends DH is happy to come and take baby downstairs when he is up for the day, but when I text him to come and get him (he sleeps downstairs at the mo while DS2 wakes so much), by the time he’s used the loo etc I’m wide awake anyway. Hence this post. Sigh.

burritofan · 01/12/2019 08:25

Whuut that's amazing news! If you think about it, if the goal is "the baby sleeps through the night", you won't be feeding at night anyway and your supply would regulate. I'm sure you could mix feed and maintain supply, if you felt that was the answer to sleep.

Sharkfinsoup my plan for sling/pram naps, when she starts nursery and is expected to cot nap, is lie and let them deal with it. "What's her routine at home?" "Oh, you know, blackout blind [SnoozeShade], I put her down [in the pram], rock her with my hand a little..."

Over here we're in the magical 7-month-old lull between the 6-month growth spurt/regression and what sounds like the upcoming torture of the 8/9/10 month one. We sometimes have a false start in the evening with a wake-up within 15 minutes, but after that a blissful 3-hour chunk!

Of course it's timed so I waste half of it on basics like eating and catching up with my DP but it feels like light at the end of the tunnel, even when I know it's a train.

The rest of the night is usually a circus tent of teething, cold and constipation fun, but you can't have everything.

OP posts:
littlestrawby · 01/12/2019 10:16

I've been following this thread and nodding along with every single experience. It's SHIT isn't it?! Honestly I've never ever heard of another baby in real life to be as bad a sleeper as mine. I've had my 'D'H blaming me for her being an awful sleeper and saying I'm a bad mum for not sleep training, months of her being permanently latched through the night during teething ('booblocked'), nights where i have literally not had a single moment of sleep, have never ever left the house after bedtime as she wouldn't settle for her dad if she woke...and now we are a week off of her second birthday.

BUT something magical happened about 6 weeks ago. We had the usual nonsense of hourly waking/breastfeeding etc as normal and suddenly one night she slept until 4am Shock and then she did it again...and again...then she stretched it to 6am...and now she consistently sleeps through!!

Just wanted to let you all know that despite what people like to say, they CAN develop naturally into good sleepers. Of course sleep training can also help speed things up and there's nothing wrong with doing that as well, but if you can't summon the strength for it then hopefully this reassures you that it will happen at some point. I know I would have read this at the time and thought 'Pah! My baby won't do that' but here we are!!

Thanks for all of you!!!

Amys136 · 01/12/2019 13:24

So last night we put dd in her own room again. We had previously attempted this about 6 weeks ago and it was a disaster; the first night she was up hourly then the second night it took forever to get her back down everytime she woke up and third night I just gave up and she came back in our room.

She’s getting far too big for her next to me so she’s had to go in her cot. Last night her longest stretch of sleep was 2hrs 15 but it was mostly around an hour. I was really hoping we’d have one of those miraculous ‘first night in own room and she sleeps through’ stories but alas it was not too be. Hoping for a gradual improvement instead.

Has anyone had any luck introducing a comforter to their baby?

burritofan · 01/12/2019 16:18

Oh, god, THANK YOU, littlestrawby! That is exactly the kind of story I hoped to hear when I started this thread (minus the nights with zero sleep and it taking two years... still, only 17 months to go!). I'm so happy you have sleep now.

Amys136 I sort of understand the theory behind own room = better sleep – we're definitely waking DD up when we go to bed – but I suspect, like everything, it's not true of every baby, and doesn't work for those in a pattern of waking hourly. Maybe it will be more successful later down the line?

We're trying to introduce a comforter, something she likes during the day. The first night she grabbed it from me and rolled around the cot, biting it, giggling and farting with glee. Perhaps because we've also been trying the "put her in the cot in daytime and play games to make it a safe, fun space" thing. Tbh though I think, in DD's case, the baby chooses the comforter and it's tough going trying to make them form an attachment to something if they're not naturally inclined to do so. Desperately hoping she starts to love one of her toys dearly enough to drag it to bed.

OP posts:
Harrysmummy246 · 01/12/2019 20:15

Well I had success with go to sleep with me in the chair not on the bed. Except now DH has had to go up and roll him back into bed before he falls out

Harrysmummy246 · 01/12/2019 20:20

@burritofan are you sure they will insist on cot naps?

DS nursery didn't- we said we had more success with pushchair so that's what they did. They eventually got him onto the toddler mats but then he's stopped napping anyway (well he would, but I'd rather not spend all my evening waiting for him to stop bouncing). They also used it if he was snotty/ coughing and if he wanted to sit in it to get over a strop, that was fine too....

burritofan · 01/12/2019 20:44

@Harrysmummy246 They have a cot room and everything. Said they'd follow the routine we used at home. I joked: "What, breastfeed her to sleep?" And the nursery manager paused, looked at me like I was particularly slow, and said, "Nooo, we don't do that."

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Harrysmummy246 · 01/12/2019 21:47

So does our nursery. Think they tried briefly once or twice then gave up and pushchaired him, for everyone's sake.

bottomflannel · 02/12/2019 00:00

I’m seriously beginning to lose my shit.

Whuut · 02/12/2019 09:09

Well after 2 bliss nights on bottles, hes now back to being attached to me pretty much all night long. I'm actually not sure how much longer I can do it- and hes only 5months! Trying to get him to nap is exhausting, it took 40 minutes this morning! DP is sleeping on the sofa consistently and I feel like it's just too much. He very much wants to sleep train because he knows people it's worked for but I've said there is no way I will ever let DS cry alone! I've been seriously looking into some kind of 'gentle' sleep training though. I feel myself getting annoyed with DS every day because it's just such hard work! But then I feel evil for even contemplating it. He used to find comfort in one of his toys, he even once woke up rubbed the toy on his face and fell back to sleep- it was a miracle and had never happened again. Hes not really interested in it anymore, although he has started to sometimes suck his thumb!

@burritofan I'm sure they'll find out shes not a cot napper and use the pram.

Laura1609 · 02/12/2019 12:19

I’m here to join this party with a 5.5 month old DS whose perfect sleeping position is on me at all times.
He’s never been a good sleeper, never slept longer than 5 hours at a time (last time he did that was about 2.5 months ago) and he is EBF.
We had the sleep regression hit bang on 4 months, lasted 6 weeks with 1-2 hourly wakings every night. Prior to this he was going 4 hours in his cot, a feed, wouldn’t settle in his cot so in bed with us, sleep for 2-3 hours, another feed and then another 2 hours in our bed. The regression almost killed me and then he “came out if it” and gave me 4 good nights of only 2-3 wakings. Last 3 nights have been back to being horrendous.
I really don’t want to co-sleep, the quality of sleep I get is shocking and I wake up sore every morning because if I move a muscle in bed he wakes up crying.
DH seems to think once he hits the elusive 6 month mark (in 2 weeks!!) that he’ll suddenly learn how to sleep. Stupid man with his useless nipples.
Just wanted to say hi and find some others mums who are also googling the possibility of coffee in an IV drip.

Harrysmummy246 · 02/12/2019 19:48

There is hope without sleep training. DS went to sleep in 10 min last night and tonight just holding hands or a back pat with me in the chair not on the bed (small steps here)

Small wail session about an hour later last night then absolutely nothing til DH alarm. When DS stirred, DH brought him through and we had a sleepy snuggle for a few minutes before starting the day.

It can and does happen.

Amys136 · 03/12/2019 20:49

Last night was the 3rd night in her own room. She was up every 30-50 mins until about 2 am when I went and slept on an air bed in her room then she did a 2 hr sleep and a 1.5 hour sleep. I don’t know if it’s coincidence or she could sense I was close? Going to do the same tonight and she if she sleeps longer when I’m in the room again, if so that might become a stop gap measure for a while.

I’ve started feeling anxious about nighttime’s again. I worry that she’s not going take ages to go back asleep or I’m going to be that tired I can’t really function in the day

Harrysmummy246 · 06/12/2019 17:21

That's why I bedshared with DS from about 5 mo (and still do to some degree at 2.5yo). My anxiety is similar @Amys136 and the idea of being woken again or being any more sleep deprived is too horrendous

Amys136 · 07/12/2019 18:41

So after 5 nights of around 8+ wake ups with DD in her own room on Thursday night I put my dragon shaped wheaty bag (not heated up) along the baby’s torso. Now it might have been coincidence but the last 2 nights she’s only woken up 3 times. Really hoping it lasts!

Harrysmummy246 · 07/12/2019 19:56

We had an hour + awake at stupid o clock last night thanks to this cold. COugh cough. Cry. Medicine. Cough cough. Cuddle? cough cough drink?

Etc

MissSmith80 · 07/12/2019 20:04

Just as I thought things were getting better, we've been hit by croup. Poor baby was coughing, wretching and sounding like Darth Vader all night. Fingers crossed for a better one for everyone tonight x

burritofan · 07/12/2019 21:07

Sorry to hear about the croup, @MissSmith80!

We've got the cough over here too, @Harrysmummy246. Irritatingly, she seems to need to cough right after feeding back to sleep.

Right there with you in the bedtime anxiety, @Amys136 – but sounds like you're making progress!

We've finally got a moving date and we're hoping that will cut at least some of the wake-ups – we'll no longer live underneath door-slamming, shoe-clomping students who drag furniture around at 3am, in a flat with the world's thinnest walls. Then there's the arctic breeze, from the front door and poorly insulated meter cupboard, that blows around the bedroom door straight on to the cot. Leaving it all behind in five weeks! I can taste the sleep-through from here! No one mention the 8-month regression.

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PiratePetespajamas · 07/12/2019 21:43

I speak both from experience and in the thick of it: my oldest child was a terrible sleeper, we cosleeper from 4 months, when I gave up the farce of spending an hour feeding or rocking to sleep for the pleasure of 25 mins of sleep. He continued to be crap and got worse to settle to sleep as he entered his second year. We coslept until 4 (he, 4!!!) but somewhere around the miracle 3 years he started sleeping through the night. Now he is just soooooooo easy. Asleep in minutes with a song. Having been cuddled and fed to sleep for years. I often marvel at it.

On the other hand, my youngest is 10 months and I am not enjoying this phase again. My back hurts from cosleeping and I LOATHE not having an evening because baby has to sleep with me during that time too. Would never do CIO, not least because baby is definitely an escalater, not a settler. I keep trying to remind myself about Child #1. That it will all be alright in the end. I keep trying to be grateful for relatively uninterrupted sleep at night. I keep feeling sore from lying in one position and bad-tempered from having no time to myself. I feel your pain.

Oh and feeding lying down: I found it tricky to start off with but it definitely gets easier as the baby gets bigger. Trouble is I can now only lie on one side, even when I have the bed to myself Hmm

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