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Original poster

Co sleeping madness

211 replies

Jomaj · 02/02/2019 22:31

Am I the only person who doesn't want to co-sleep with my daughter? I love her so much, I would do anything for her and that includes giving her a SAFE place to sleep. Everyone who I ask advice about sleep says "Oh have you tried co-sleeping?" I cannot sleep with my baby in bed with me, I would feel terrible if myself or my husband were to roll onto her or pull the covers over her head without realising. If she is sleeping in my bed then I am wide awake making sure she's ok so it's more just babe asleep in my bed than co-sleeping. Everyone says "just follow the guidelines" but I'm yet to find guidelines by the NHS, in fact they strongly advise against it!
Is it just me who thinks this way?
Btw I am not against other people co-sleeping if it works for you and it doesn't fill you with anxiety then fair enough I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there like me who just doesnt want to do it?

OP posts:
ChariotsofFish · 02/02/2019 22:33

Cosleeping can be safe if you follow the safe sleeping guidelines. There would then be no risk of your DH rolling onto her because she would never sleep next to him. But if it’s not for you, it’s not for you. Just don’t do it.

ChariotsofFish · 02/02/2019 22:34

You could try a co sleeper cot if she finds it hard to sleep away from you.

Jakethekid · 02/02/2019 22:37

I know what you mean. When my son was newborn I tried co sleeping because he wouldn't go down in his moses basket or cot at all. One night my partner was still awake and shouted at me to wake me as I nearly rolled onto my son. I was so panicked that I couldn't co sleep again. Instead I took the side off the cot and pulled it right up to my side of the bed.

We had separate covers but he was close enough for him to feel comfort from it and sleep.

Fabuleuse · 02/02/2019 22:39

I agree, the thought of co-sleeping fills me with horror. Never did it with either of mine, including one ebf terrible sleeper, apart from the odd night aged 2+ when ill or on holiday etc.

catkind · 02/02/2019 22:43

If you Google safe cosleeping guidelines you will see the sorts of things people do to ensure baby is safe. You don't just tuck baby in between you and other half, of course that sounds terrifying. I had DH in other room, a cosleeper cot up to the side of the bed, duvet only covering my legs and a warm top on. You curl round baby in a C shape with an arm out above their head - try it for a moment and you will find it's impossible to roll in the direction baby is. I found I didn't feel right with even a great lumping 3 yr old sleeping behind me, because of the feeling you might roll on them thing - though sure by that age they'd have been perfectly capable of waking me if needed!

But of course there are loads of people who don't want to cosleep, far more than who do I would think unless things have changed a lot since I was attending baby groups with now 6 yr old.

NicoleNoPants · 02/02/2019 22:46

It works for us but then she is a Velcro baby and it’s just the two of us in a double.

Mathbat · 02/02/2019 22:46

I feel the same as you, OP. I like the idea of co-sleeping in theory, but would never be able to relax enough and drop off.

LivininaBox · 02/02/2019 22:46

I feel the same, I did sometimes cosleep with mine but all I could do was doze. I couldn't sleep while in one fixed position. And if I had fallen asleep I would have been moving all over the place.

Original poster
Jomaj · 02/02/2019 22:48

I have googled co sleeping guidelines but what gets me is that they ALL say "the safest place for you baby to sleep is in their own cot" from my experience (which isn't that much) there are much more people who prefer to co sleep than not these days

OP posts:
OlderThanAverageforMN · 02/02/2019 22:50

Mumsnetters often berate others for putting babies to sleep on their own citing guidelines which say babies should be in the same room as you. I do find it interesting that a large number of them then ignore the very same guidelines which also say you should not bed share. Just an observation.

DuffBeer · 02/02/2019 22:50

I co-slept out of sheer desperation. I always made sure that we had separate covers, however, one night I woke up to find that my covers were right over his head. No idea how it happened but had I not awoke he surely would have suffocated.

OlderThanAverageforMN · 02/02/2019 22:51

Co-sleeping in same room, safe, bed sharing in same bed, not safe.

Luaa · 02/02/2019 22:52

I know the very few occasions we did it, my sleep was very poor quality. I woke up loads and didn't move a muscle whilst asleep. I could tell that I'd not relaxed on my sleep because I knew dd was there. I had heard a terrible co-sleeping story though, so that was always at the back of my mind.

We only ever did it when a they were very very hard to settle, I can't imagine choosing to do it every day.

Original poster
Jomaj · 02/02/2019 22:55

I'm so glad to have found people in agreement! OlderThanAverageforMN amen to that! People on here hate the fact that some people don't want to endanger their child by co sleeping but say it's damaging to let them sleep with some independence, I give comfort to my dd when she needs it but I draw the line at bringing her into bed with me

OP posts:
SpaceDinosaur · 02/02/2019 22:56

The reason the NHS don't recommend cosleeping is because people "bend" advice all the time... think about the number of people who start early weaning, baby in own room or sleeping away from parent before 6 weeks etc... so they cater to the lowest denominator.

When properly adhered to, cosleeping reduces the SIDS risk, just look at the stats of countries where it's the cultural norm.

Trouble is, in the UK most people feed formula. Lots of pple drink. People smoke. People have soft mattresses... the average household in the UK does not meet the criteria to safely cosleep and that's why it's not recommended.

If you're ebf then get a onesie to keep you warm, hair securely up, boob out, "C shape" and enjoy the sleep and the snuggles. When baby gets bigger you can usually learn to offer the other boob without having to fully change sides too. It's a game changer! 😘

Co sleeping madness
PloddingOnwards · 02/02/2019 23:05

I can't co sleep either a good few years ago now a family friend rolled onto her son he was five months old and he died. This has stuck into my head and I'd never have my babies in my bed.

Original poster
Jomaj · 02/02/2019 23:08

PloddingOnwards your poor, poor friend, that is a mother's absolute worst nightmare , so sad to read this!

OP posts:
catkind · 02/02/2019 23:13

I think risk assessment is complicated and public health information tends to keep to simple messages. I had much scarier night time moments with DS who didn't cosleep. Sleep deprived night time bf is much safer if you at least set up to be as safe as possible if you do drop off. (And with DD I wasn't sleep deprived either.)

catkind · 02/02/2019 23:15

So sorry to hear that ploddingonwards. I didn't mean to be insensitive, I hadn't seen your post.

Beansonapost · 02/02/2019 23:21

Do what you want...

Every child is different..

Cultures are also different. Culturally we co-sleep. Children tend to "move out" at 3.

It's your child, do what is best for you and your child!

Tired of people slamming things they make a choice not to do, personally I couldn't give a shit as long as mum and baby are healthy. A well rested mother is what's important.

Original poster
Jomaj · 02/02/2019 23:26

Beansonapost absolutely agree that it's up to individual family circumstance and of course cultural background comes into it for many people, I did state in original post I am not against others doing it just looking for a bit of feedback as I seem to get "shamed" a lot for not wanting to co sleep!

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 02/02/2019 23:26

Mumsnetters often berate others for putting babies to sleep on their own citing guidelines which say babies should be in the same room as you. I do find it interesting that a large number of them then ignore the very same guidelines which also say you should not bed share. Just an observation.

This.

randomsabreuse · 02/02/2019 23:27

I am vaguely set up for safe co sleeping (warm pyjamas, cellular blanket) to avoid accidental unsafe co sleeping after a night feed. I hate co sleeping, my back gets stiff as a board as I freeze in place and I get poor quality sleep, but it's better than zero sleep so I do it if I have to. Better than falling asleep feeding in a chair. DS annoyingly prefers on me to next to me and will go in the (adjacent to my bed and same height) cot as easily as sleeping next to me.

spugzbunny · 02/02/2019 23:32

Personally co-sleeping was safer than the alternative. I was falling asleep holding my baby and this was much more dangerous. Safe co-sleeping was the best thing for both of us.

comeonbaby · 02/02/2019 23:33

I will not be co-sleeping either as it's not for me.
Me and husband struggle for room in our bed now as we both love to be star fish 😂 and I would not sleep with my babe in the bed through worry of rolling on baby, knocking baby out of bed and my long hair being over baby. He will be in his Moses basket, next to me into 6 months as per guidelines.

My aunty co-slept and her husband ended up sleeping in the child's room so he could get some sleep and the child ended up staying in with her until 8 🙉

Each to their own and I say so what your happy and comfortable with...there is no manual to bringing baby up and we all have our own ways of wanting to do things ❤️