Co sleeping madness

[Jomaj]

Am I the only person who doesn't want to co-sleep with my daughter? I love her so much, I would do anything for her and that includes giving her a SAFE place to sleep. Everyone who I ask advice about sleep says "Oh have you tried co-sleeping?" I cannot sleep with my baby in bed with me, I would feel terrible if myself or my husband were to roll onto her or pull the covers over her head without realising. If she is sleeping in my bed then I am wide awake making sure she's ok so it's more just babe asleep in my bed than co-sleeping. Everyone says "just follow the guidelines" but I'm yet to find guidelines by the NHS, in fact they strongly advise against it!
Is it just me who thinks this way?
Btw I am not against other people co-sleeping if it works for you and it doesn't fill you with anxiety then fair enough I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there like me who just doesnt want to do it?

That's my whole point.

But it's ok to just want to co sleep isn't it? Does everyone need the excuse of my baby just wouldn't sleep?
I don't. At first yes my baby didn't sleep but now when he wakes at 5/6 in the morning I put him in the bed with me just because. I don't need to make excuses, it's just nice. The first thing he does when he wakes is turn to me and smile and it makes my morning. That's all the excuse I need. Because I like it

@RangerLady so sorry you went through that ! I've actually never been through it that tough! But sleep deprivation is the worst. I remember think I hated my baby too and thinking I was the worst mother for feeling that way!

Your baby only cried for 20 mins? Mine cried for six hours when we tried it!!! I would say yours was certainly more up for it than most.

Babies are all really different, some don't eat as well, Some don't sleep as well, some crawl and six months some don't ever do it. Am I tight in saying you have one child?

I was trying to be on your side earlier but you're coming across a bit judgemental. What does it really matter what others do? I personally feel the majority of mums are just doing the best they can and that means different things for them, their babies and their families.

Firestars i thought i woukd poat the entire comment from that other thread that i made as you have cherry picked in order to make me seem cold, i also state that it's right to do whatever is best for the family including co sleeping

had to respond to this even though there have already been a lot of responses but it really annoys me how you get so many judgy comments about what you should and shouldn't do! Everyone is different and every baby is different. There are those that will do full on cry it out, some will do various controlled crying methods and some will sleep with their children until they are 12! I take it you asked for your HV advice? and she gave it to you. It's up to you as a parent to do what you think/are comfortable with. If you are going to cave at the first wimper your child makes then letting him cry is not for you and wont work any way. There are people on here that are telling you how unhealthy letting a baby cry to get to sleep with one person even saying it causes brain damage, but they will happily put their children in supposed danger by co sleeping with them which is not recommended as it's a risk factor for SIDS amongst other things. I'm not saying I'm against co sleeping but I wish people would stop saying how dangerous letting a baby cry is but encouraging something that has also been suggested is potentially dangerous. The bottom line is you are this child's parent and it is ultimately up to you to research and pick something that the whole family is comfortable with. ANYTHING else won't work! After trying many different things with my baby, 3 nights of full on cry it out worked. I am yet to know if this will have effected her life in 20 years time or 50 years or even next year but at the moment by baby is a happy and content little girl who sleeps 12 hours a night and knows she is loved. Babies cry, it's what they do, sleep IS a skill that has to be learnt and you have to teach it, you just have to choose your teaching style, good luck mamma

Chipsarelife it doesn't matter at all I have just found myself being judged too and now I'm trying to defend my views but it's hard to do that without seeming judgemental myself.

I have 3 children for the record but my other 2 are much older (8 and 15)

6 hours? Wow definitely not for you and your baby then! I except that everyone has different ways o simply created this thread because I have had abuse on here in the past being accused of not loving my kids because I will choose cc over co sleeping.

And effectively you made the same accusation in reverse by insisting repeatedly that people were endangering their kids. Not very empathetic. Though correct that it would have been more dangerous for you personally due to not bf. That's not what you said though.

Lunaij I think you will find that Japan is on a par with the Netherlands as far as the rate of SIDS and they believe in very firm schedules and that babies should sleep in their own beds for very early on. So your statement doesn't really prove much

I would have interpreted that fact as showing us that both methods of sleeping are equally safe and valid. You know, ‘peace, love and solidarity’ to parents all parenting differently but you reply like this. You seem to be primed for an argument no one is interested in having.

You called the thread co sleeping madness.

You implied that people who love their children and care for their safety wouldn't co sleep.

The judgement and making people feel like shit came from you.

Catkind I simply stated that people will ignore advice about co sleeping and are totally fine with it but are completely against letting their child cry because they think it's dangerous it's hypocritical

Firestars how people interpret things is nothing to do with me, I have explained many times in this thread that i was not intending to come across in that way

it's hypocritical

No it’s not. It’s making a personal and informed choice based on evidence and attitude to risk

No OP. You didn't start this thread to defend yourself as no one was attacking you. You started this thread to get on your high horse about cosleeping and make yourself feel superior. You've been incredibly rude about other people's choices and insinuated that we don't care enough about our children to keep them safe. Then you've got upset when posters have explained why they cosleep. You're talking from your experience and yes, there are a lot of babies who just will not settle in a cot, no matter what you try. DS screamed every time I put him in his cot, no matter what. Why would I risk our safety by becoming dangerously sleep deprived when there is a perfectly safe alternative!? Babies cry, it's what they do, sleep IS a skill that has to be learnt and you have to teach it, you just have to choose your teaching style
Babies do cry, that's true...they shouldn't be crying until they vomit with distress like some babies will when they're forced into a cot alone. Self settling isn't a skill you have to teach, it's a developmental step that babies or children will reach when they're ready.

Also
I think you will find that Japan is on a par with the Netherlands as far as the rate of SIDS and they believe in very firm schedules and that babies should sleep in their own beds for very early on. So your statement doesn't really prove much

I'm sorry but what rubbish...it proves that co sleeping whilst following the guidelines is just as safe as sleeping in a separate cot.

I'm not into co-sleeping largely because my two year old is a wriggling, snoring little animal at night!

I honestly can't be bothered anymore, perhaps I'm just an awful person as well as an awful parent, I'm defeated, thanks for the support those who gave it! That's what this thread WAS all about I know that because I wrote it and know the intent behind it

'I am not against other people co-sleeping if it works for you and it doesn't fill you with anxiety then fair enough I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there like me who just doesnt want to do it?'

I understood what you meant Op

And yes you aren't on your own, there are still those like me that feel anxiety at the very thought of it.

I felt very anxious at the thought of it before I did it because it was what I needed to do. I still feel very anxious at the thought of CC or CIO and I haven’t reached a point where I feel I need to do it. So our feelings reflect our experiences

I'm sorry but what rubbish...it proves that co sleeping whilst following the guidelines is just as safe as sleeping in a separate cot.

Not really. 80% of babies in Netherlands sleep in separate rooms from birth. Interestingly, Netherlands SIDS rates are actually lower than in Japan and are probably the lowest in the world. However, I would not necessarily draw a conclusion that putting babies into their own rooms is safe because historic research does not support that. Based on all evidence so far, room sharing is safer (although the difference is not that significant in comparison to other risk factors).

Japan is actually the only co-sleeping country with low SIDS stats (the trend does not apply to whole of SE Asia) but it is also a proven fact that SIDS risks vary by race and ethnicity. Children of APAC origin run the lowest risk. As a result, I would not extrapolate very specific Japan example to all babies across the world. The actual research on safe co-sleeping is very similar to room sharing - even co-sleeping with no risk factors still appears more risky than having the baby in a separate cot.

Of course, people make different risk based choices. I moved DD into a separate room when she was 12 weeks. Others choose to co-sleep which is perfectly understandable. However it is useful to know the actual facts before making decisions.

wintertravel1980

Fair enough, that is very interesting. I agree that it isn't helpful to try to draw conclusions from vague interpretations of evidence. I think the important thing is, as you say, that we are all making risk based choices every day. As many people here have said, the choice between being dangerously sleep deprived or cosleeping as safely as possible is fairly simple. It's frustrating when posters such as the OP insist that we are endangering our children.

@Frostymorning13 it's you're the first time round, not your.
Report me to the NSPCC then if you think I'm cruel.

Isn't it funny when people don't have a valid argument so they resort to picking you up on your grammar? Grow up Flatwhite32

I firmly believe in doing what’s right for you and your baby... however, I wouldn’t say co-sleeping is madness. How do you think our ancestors managed before we all lived modern houses with more than one room?

I never thought I’d want to co-sleep but after getting stuck with relatives when my car broke down when DS was 3 months, I ended up giving it a try as we had no cot for DS that night. I’m sure I read somewhere (unicef?) there is evidence to suggest that co-sleeping safely while breastfeeding actually reduces the sids more than a baby sleeping alone

I’m sure I read somewhere (unicef?) there is evidence to suggest that co-sleeping safely while breastfeeding actually reduces the sids more than a baby sleeping alone.

That was the view of some attachment proponents (e.g. James McKenna) however it is not supported by actual research. The most comprehensive study available so far (Carpenter 2013) seems to indicate that even co-sleeping with breastfed babies in the absence of other risk factors still results in a higher SIDS risk:

bmjopen.bmj.com/content/3/5/e002299.

Attachment parenting proponents never refer to the Carpenter report since its conclusions are too unpopular for their philosophy however all the modern SIDS guidelines (including advice on room sharing) is based on the Carpenter study.

Of course, the world evolves and the Carpenter research is not perfect. It is possible to argue that the study might have missed some additional factors that should have been considered. However - whether we like it or no - it is the most comprehensive piece of analysis available.

And isn't it funny, @Frostymorning13, that you use the word 'cruel' to someone who lets their daughter, who won't sleep on anyone, sleep in her cot. As I said, report me to the NSPCC (seeing as the first 'C' refers to cruelty) for letting my baby sleep in her cot.

That is useful to know. From my POV, it was impossible to eliminate the SIDS risk completely (as one can’t, even in a cot) but I could eliminate the risk of him rolling from my arms or suffocating due to falling asleep with him sitting on a sofa.

It’s worth noting that SIDS is different to suffocation as I understand it, and this can be confusing when people discuss their concerns about cosleeping (though I have no idea whether that is reflected in research - I imagine they are careful about their terminology and categories)