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Original poster

Co sleeping madness

211 replies

Jomaj · 02/02/2019 22:31

Am I the only person who doesn't want to co-sleep with my daughter? I love her so much, I would do anything for her and that includes giving her a SAFE place to sleep. Everyone who I ask advice about sleep says "Oh have you tried co-sleeping?" I cannot sleep with my baby in bed with me, I would feel terrible if myself or my husband were to roll onto her or pull the covers over her head without realising. If she is sleeping in my bed then I am wide awake making sure she's ok so it's more just babe asleep in my bed than co-sleeping. Everyone says "just follow the guidelines" but I'm yet to find guidelines by the NHS, in fact they strongly advise against it!
Is it just me who thinks this way?
Btw I am not against other people co-sleeping if it works for you and it doesn't fill you with anxiety then fair enough I'm just wondering if there is anyone out there like me who just doesnt want to do it?

OP posts:
ChariotsofFish · 02/02/2019 23:58

If it were true that more people cosleep than not and that cosleeping is unsafe, cot death rates would be rising. They’re not, they’ve fallen rapidly.

53rdWay · 03/02/2019 00:03

Me too spugzbunny. Hated the thought of cosleeping with my first, it terrified me. But when the alternative was me being so tired I couldn’t cross roads safely and was falling asleep when sitting up feeding, planned cosleeping became the least worst option.

NicoleNoPants · 03/02/2019 09:36

it’s very easy to say “I won’t do it” just look at the recent thread about what rule people set before they had children but the reality is often very different. I was certain DD would sleep in her basket.
DD will not sleep if she is not with me. That is a fact. I will not let her get upset over being in her basket when she can safely sleep with me, and on a practical level I can not allow her to scream the house down all night when others have work.
You have to do what’s best for you and your child- and sometimes that means breaking rules you have set for yourself.

spugzbunny · 03/02/2019 13:44

@53rdWay it's horrible isn't it! I was adamant I wasn't and how dangerous it was but I woke up once and I'd been feeding her sat up and she was lying the wrong way round between my legs where I'd obviously let her slip. God knows how long I'd been asleep for. we did safe co-sleeping after that! It gave me terrible back ache though because of the strange position you sleep in so she's out and in her own bed now finally! She was about 9 months when she started spending every night consistently in her own room.

riddles26 · 03/02/2019 13:47

Mumsnetters often berate others for putting babies to sleep on their own citing guidelines which say babies should be in the same room as you. I do find it interesting that a large number of them then ignore the very same guidelines which also say you should not bed share. Just an observation.

Couldn't agree with this more. A poor lady wrote yesterday about putting her newborn to bed in his room for 1-2 hours before going to sleep herself and the replies she got were disgusting. You would think she wanted to leave him alone for 2 weeks with no adult the way some people attacked her.

Planned co-sleeping is much safer than accidental co-sleeping. I was too scared to ever have DC1 in my bed having read all the guidelines. I came to realise that babies who actually slept in like with the guidelines were as rare as unicorn poo! With DC2, I had him in my bed overnight for first few weeks when at the stage where baby cannot be put down then transitioned him into his crib. Its about risk assessment and I came to the conclusion, I was much more dangerous not sleeping at all with a toddler and newborn. I'm not keen on having him in my bed long term so I worked on getting him to sleep in his own space but would have done so if there was no other way of getting any sleep.

Firestars · 03/02/2019 13:54

I'm so glad to have found people in agreement! People on here hate the fact that some people don't want to endanger their child by co sleeping but say it's damaging to let them sleep with some independence, I give comfort to my dd when she needs it but I draw the line at bringing her into bed with me

Biscuit for being a gf. Little word of advice, being a judgmental know it all may warn you 'smug pfb mummy' points on the internet but in the real world people may think you're a bit of a dick. HTH.

Firestars · 03/02/2019 13:54

*earn not warn.

Firestars · 03/02/2019 13:55

Do what's good for you. Mind you own damn beeswax regarding everyone else's child. You don't need to shout about it to receive validation from internet strangers if you're so sure of yourself.

Jackshouse · 03/02/2019 14:03

International research and some UK finding am suggest that safe cosleeping has a reduced risk of SIDS.

www.unicef.org.uk/babyfriendly/wp-content/uploads/sites/2/2016/07/Co-sleeping-and-SIDS-A-Guide-for-Health-Professionals.pd

Evidence based safe cosleeping
www.basisonline.org.uk/infant-sleep-info-app/

Original poster
Jomaj · 03/02/2019 14:06

Firestars , I am not familiar with your acronyms so most of your comments don't make sense to me, what I can draw from them is that you are being quite rude whilst voicing your opinion, by all means everyone is entitled to their own thoughts but no need to be rude to me, I haven't been rude to anyone else and understand everyone is different I was just looking for some feedback as it's of interest to me what people think

OP posts:
Original poster
Jomaj · 03/02/2019 14:11

Also just googled what pub means and your assumption that I am a first time mum is wrong. Co sleeping was never a think when i had my others!

OP posts:
HerSymphonyAndSong · 03/02/2019 14:11

“I took the side off the cot and pulled it right up to my side of the bed”

Wasn’t close enough for my son.

I never intended to cosleep. But I wasn’t getting any sleep at all and was risking falling asleep with him in my arms on the sofa which is a HUGE risk for suffocation. So cosleeping following safer guidelines it was. I found it hard. It was uncomfortable sleeping in a fixed position and I my quality of sleep was poor, but it was the only way my baby would sleep. So that is what I had to do

Every baby is different. What works for one may well not work for another.

And do you know what? This board (the sleep board) is full of people doing whatever they can in desperation just to get a bit of sleep. So fuck off with your faux concern and sneering - when cosleeping following safer guidelines is the difference between a tired parent and a dangerously overtired parent then that is what people are going to do

Original poster
Jomaj · 03/02/2019 14:12

Sorry pfb and thing lol autocorrect!!

OP posts:
crazychemist · 03/02/2019 14:14

There are plenty of people who don’t cosleep, you don’t have to do it if you don’t want to!

If you are concerned about her safety, put her cot right next to your bed, you’ll be able to hear her just fine.

Are you having sleeping problems with her generally?

HerSymphonyAndSong · 03/02/2019 14:15

From the title I thought this was going to be someone who was having to cosleep just to get some rest but was really struggling with it. I was coming to this with sympathy and kindness. But no, it’s someone who wants to “shame” others whilst claiming they are being “shamed”

Original poster
Jomaj · 03/02/2019 14:15

HerSymphonyAndSong thank you for commenting, I have found it interesting and have a little more understanding for why parents do co sleep now, I guess it's just something I would never do bit some things probably make it easier for me, I do t breast feed and my baby isn't a terrible sleeper.

Honestly I was just interested and thought this board was for grown up people who don't have to resort to being VERY rude when they are not in complete agreement with something.

OP posts:
HerSymphonyAndSong · 03/02/2019 14:20

You have been extremely rude yourself. You used the word “madness” in the title, so likely intended to inflame. I am pleased to hear that you now have more understanding.

Original poster
Jomaj · 03/02/2019 14:25

HerSymphonyAndSong apologies if thats how it seemed, it was certainly not my intent to inflame people as you put it. I was genuinely looking for some support as it does seem on here that as soon as you say you are against co sleeping everyone makes out like you must hate your children! Im not generalising just my own observation and clearly the observation of others on this thread too.

If I could change the title I would

OP posts:
Original poster
Jomaj · 03/02/2019 14:26

Also if you felt I was being rude there is no need to be rude in return, two wrongs do not make a right, and my supposed rudeness was in the title and not directed at you like yours was at me

OP posts:
ltk · 03/02/2019 14:34

I just assume that every baby and family is different and have different needs. No need for goady threads about people making perfectly safe and effective choices, either co or cot sleeping. Or breast or bottle. Or finger foods or puree.

HerSymphonyAndSong · 03/02/2019 14:40

I’m afraid that I will tell anyone who implies I want to put my child at risk to fuck off. As I imagine you want to tell anyone who implies that you hate your children. Mumsnet is robust like that, there’s no need to hide behind polite words when you’re saying something unpleasant! Own your judgement

Original poster
Jomaj · 03/02/2019 14:44

HerSymphonyAndSong no thankyou there is never any need for rudeness, I don't think you would speak like that to anyone in person, I am not judging though so I don't need to own anything!

OP posts:
HerSymphonyAndSong · 03/02/2019 14:52

Haha bless you

Firestars · 03/02/2019 14:53

Your whole tone is goady and superior.

The thread was aiming at getting agreement to put other's choices down.

You don't need to seek self validation by making others feel shitty.

Firestars · 03/02/2019 14:55

If somebody told me my co sleeping was 'madness' and 'endangering my child' I'd absolutely tell them to their face that they were being unkind and inflammatory.