new 'SLEEP IS FOR THE WEAK' thread

[tibsy]

hi ladies, the other one ran out of space, so if no one else starts a new thread, here it is....

ginger, that sounds terrible. i thank my lucky stars that i have a supportive DH who will get up in the night if i need him to.
i don't know how rational your DH is, but can you see if he'll share the nighttime wakings. normally our DS sleeps well up until midnight, so i get rest until then, then look after him until 3 or 4, then wake DH up to take him and sleep a bit more. now its not great, and i never feel that rested, but god its a million times better than having to do it all yourself allnight every night. god, we're not superwomen!
i'm sorry if this is useless advice, it probably is, does'nt sound like it will be that easy with your DH. sometimes its better to just have a rant and not get any advice back i reckon. i think 99% of the advice i've received on baby issues has been totally useless as are all the books i've read.
the only person who really said the right thing to me in the early days was Naomi Stadlen (you could check out her book, What Mothers Do - especially when it looks like nothing). She basically said to me what a great mother I was being getting up so many times in the night and being so sleep deprived for the benefit of my DS. And even though sleep deprivation is the worst form of torture, there is really no better reason to be sleep deprived than for loving and caring for your LO.
I know it doesn't sound like much, but you ARE doing an amazing job. All of us mothers are, but especially us who are doing it tough on the sleep front, or those who have fussy babies in other ways.
hugs, i hope things improve soon.

oh ginger, thought it was strange we hadnt heard from you. i'm sorry you're feeling so low.
dont feel bad about putting dd down like that, i know its horrid, but you're doing a fabulous job. i've done it myself when i've reached the end of my tether and i felt SO bloody guilty afterwards it killed me. i just hand her over to dp now if i feel like i'm getting cross. we know its not their fault (los) but it doesnt really help when we feel so desperately exhausted.
it definitely isnt too much to ask to be given a night of respite. can you ask dh to do so on the weekend. even if it means waking you up to feed dd and then taking over again?

i'm sorry ginger, but i've got to go out now, am late, but if you want to cat me you're more than welcome.
speak later

tibsy, i had the best of both worlds last night. LO fell asleep on the breast each time he woke up, then i would transfer him to his cot, he would wake up for a few seconds and then settle himself into sleep. it was a thing of beauty. Lazy me didn't have to do anything, and I still got to think to myself 'see, he's learning to settle himself to sleep!'. he he, how delusional am i. i'm sure i'm in for the worst night tonight because of it.

ps. it just seems counterintuitive if a baby falls asleep on the breast to then wake them up if you want them to go to sleep. i know the theory is all good and probably works in the long run. But when i'm desperate for sleep the last thing i'm giong to do is wake him up to see if he can put himself to sleep which is doubtful anyway! .

cheers for that amber dont feel like such a slovenly slut now.... really gotta go, this mn is addictive!!!

morning all,

had an okay night thank goodness afer a tricky start trying to put ds down after time change iykwim. Trips up stairs to resettle crying son.

He napped well yesterday, think tired him out as he was bought a door bouncer, which he loved.

Swizzler - just read your reply, after much deliberation have given ds some banana which he loved...

Ginger - so sorry to hear that you are feeling down, hope you feel better soon

Ginger: know exactly what you mean, we've had a couple of awful nights - frequent wakings, crying, not settling ... at about 2am I yanked DS out of the cot and denanded what the f* he wanted . Anyway, DH gave him a cuddle and I swaddled him again and he slept till 5 - still feelling awful though . Also sometimes think I'm spending too much time analysing wat does and dooesn't work, but you guya do cheer me up whenever I post

Clock change hasn't helped, has it? Grrrr.

ginger - so sorry . i waswondering where you were. more later, but am thinking of you

just then LO was lying on our bed while i was putting some clothes away, and he quite honest to god, he stopped moving, shut his eyes and went to sleep! now i don't know if he'll stay asleep, but i've never seen anything like it. well, he never ceases to surprise. i wonder if he'll have a proper nap. please hold me up as i may just faint if that happens.

... and so it only lasted 20 mins, oh well ...

amber - it's a start
does anyone else despise tea time? i am beginnning to absolutely loathe it. dd hs homework to do, I have to prepare meals for me and her, ds and dh who never eats what I eat. ds is refusing food with lumps currently and I have not been prepared for this. He ends up screaming and choking however mushed up I make it. had to get some jars in. dd has to make a fg easter bonnet for Friday. like i have time for that. dh NEVER in. place is a shitpit. cant hoover/tidy etc - never time. ds whingey and tired - he just projectile vomited. sick of eating with one arm and constant whining. want to scream shut the f up. justr threw my shoes across the room and slammed drawers etc. sick to the back teeth of it. ds always looking 4 boob cos he didnt eat enough. peed off

wot a freaking hash i am making of this. just got angry with dd cos she wants time with me. how unfair am i. ds now nodded off at boob 20 mins before bathtime . last night he woke only once but it was for 1.5 hrs . wtf is a girl to do.......

cruisemum sorry your having such a bad time with things at the moment cant imagine how hard it must be having more the one dc!!!!

I hope things improve for you soon big hugs xx

youngmum - thanks

Also cant you speak to dh and get him to stay in more sounds like your doing most of it alone!!!

youngmum - i'm doing all of it alone! dh works really long hrs so all childcare is left to me - no break atall.

hi everyone. sorry been out all day with my 'new friend' from playgroup. took our lo's for lunch and to park to feed ducks etc.
Ginger i totally understand how you feel and as much as i hate to say it as you know i love you guys but i do think mn or SIFTW can make you focus on the whole sleep thing too much.
In my more relaxed moments (after a few drinks!)i've just thought "oh do you know what, f**K it! yes i'm tired but it's not going to last forever and i'm fed up thinking and talking about it all the time" Ds as you know has only started sleeping for 4 or 5 hours at a time in the last month so that's over a year of total lack of sleep. All i can say is it does get easier and don't listen to anyone who is aggressive towards you on any threads. is ther any way you can tell dh tough she's sleeping in bed with both of you and he won't squash her..or alternatively buy a bed rail so she can sleep on the outside.
bottom line is you need some support but don't worry x years of marriage are not going to be ruined by 6 months of dd. it just feels that way at times. thinking of you

cruisemum sorry hadn't read to top of thread. you deserve an even bigger hug for coping with 2. i still can't get my head round idea of having another one yet. did you get any response on mn from people who had weaned onto bottle? ds was really easy just took it so i mixed bf and ff but know not all lo's are as willing to cooperate. Hope you're ok

cruise, you are so not making a hash, you are doing amazingly well in a tough situation. is there anyway you can get some help, friends, relatives, hired help etc? you know they say it takes a small african village to take care of a baby. so i infer it probably takes a large village to take care of a baby plus another child! you are doing so well on your own.
for the last 2 months i have got someone to come around in the afternoons to look after LO for a few hours a few times a week just so i can have a nap or have a bath or something. i don't know what your situation is, but sounds like you need a little break to come back fresh and feel better about what you are doing again.
well hugs anyway. how old are your LO's?

thanks all - amber - my dd is 9 yo and ds is 6.5mths. dd is pretty self sufficient but still has so many needs and still needs and deserves ummy . I ranted at her that I was sick of this and she asked me if I meant her and ds . Told her that I was just sick of doing it alone. Made me feel bad.

Cruisemum: would second the suggestion of getting some help - what about a childminder or babysitter for an afternoon a week? That would give you a little time to yourself. Or do you have a gym with a creche? Or is there something available via Surestart? You're doing a fantastic job looking after 2 children on little sleep - and it's perfectly OK to get angry and slam stuff about occasionally .

Went out and bought the sling today - v posh. DS carried in it on the way home and went to sleep. Have discovered that it's possible to help him settle to sleep if I put him down awake and then bang on the side of the cot (it's a travel cot with mesh sides). The boinging sound calms him right down - perhaps it sounds like a heartbeat? Made me think that those CDs of womb sounds might do the same thing.

Anyway, v v strong sleep vibes to all our LOs.

Cruise- I have had some really horrid thoughts about ds before - it is so lonely sometimes being a mum, something that you do not realise before they are born. I always imaginend this perfect baby that would fit around my life - what a wake up call! You are doing so well from your posts that I have read - lack of sleep makes everything twice as hard.

well managed to put dd to bed WITHOUT the dummy and it took about the same time as normal so am feeling optimistic, just dreadng it if she does wake up later will she settle as easy !!

Cruisemum- i know sort of how you feel my dp is working some long hours at the min too so i dont really have any help during the week and even at the weekend i do the majority of looking after her but i have started sending her to the childminders twice awek for my sake and the fact i am starting work next week

cruise - to add to everyone elses warm thoughts, some from here too. god, even with one child to care for, and a dp at home and many people lending a hand, its so f*ing hard! try not to feel guilty....although mother guilt is a bit of a constant thing isnt it?
indeed, after a fab family day at the farm of rare breeds, i went off to meet a friend for a pint, and felt somewhere between guilty and great! now the boy is asleep....currently!....and me and dp been sitting outside drinking wine and eating dinner with coats and hats on, cos its not as warm as we hoped! the pippistrelle bats living nearby do a circuit which goes right over our heads though, so its worth staying out for. we put the baby monitor through the kitchen window so the whole bloody street heard when he did kick off!
heres to a good night for all of us.xxx