Private conversations held on MN

[Ohwhatacircusitis]

I thought MN was a public forum where essentially any one with a registered account could start a thread. And the thread was open to anyone with a registered account to join in the discussion .

Why then are " private threads " allowed? Where essentially certain MN users have a private conversation with each other which is being conducted on a public forum? I'm thinking here of the New Fred thread in 30 days, although I have seen other examples in the past.

Surely this isn't what MN is supposed to be about?
Why can't these posters use the private messaging facility or conduct their conversation elsewhere.

Total cliquism vibes.

Surely there is some onus on a person when they start a thread to give some explanation of what the thread is about?

You don't have to have banner invitations.

But explaining to some extent what the thread is about gives everyone reading it the choice of reading/ posting on it.
Sticking up a bare heading with no explanation what so ever is deliberately exclusive.

There's no such onus on a thread starter, either in the site joining guidelines nor in the talk guidelines nor in accepted use. Plenty of people post cryptic posts for many reasons.

It's entirely normal to expect posters to introduce themselves and ask what's going on if they don't understand a chat, yet still want to join in, for reasons.

I think you ought to learn to be more like me. I've inserted myself into a couple of long running cat threads and a TV addicts thread. I'm interested in both so I joined in, hopefully I'm not too annoying to the regulars 😬

By not wanting to ingratiate yourself, do you mean that you don’t want to be friendly?

I went to look at the thread you’re talking about. I wonder what would have happened if your first post had said something like ‘hello, new Fred. What’s all this about? Can I join in?’. I suspect you’d have got a different response (and the one you got wasn’t unpleasant anyway).

Anyone can post on any thread, though. If you take your time and read threads for a while, you can generally get the gist.

I’ve politely introduced myself on a couple of long standing threads and been welcomed.

Are you feeling a bit touchy at the moment?

They're just friendly chatter, amongst groups of MNers who got to 'know' each other on here and carry on from thread to thread chatting about their daily lives or whatever their niche interest is. They are mostly, not all, in 30 Days Only. They are easily ignored if you want, but you are welcome to join in if you feel you have something in common with them. They certainly aren't private, but there's no obligation on the people on it to explain to you why they exist. If you lurk and read you pick up the nuances quite quickly.

I used to be in a really nice, supportive one, but dropped off because it drifted away from its original purpose and I didn't want to talk about all the details of my daily life and also because someone else joined who grinds my gears and I didn't want to engage with them

You are free to post on that thread, if you're interested - no one's stopping you. You seem to want not only to be able to post but also to be "welcomed in" with an explanation of what the thread is about - there is no expectation of this on Mumsnet.

Not every thread or even every board has to include all comers - I can think of boards like prenatal choices or Black MNers or SEN or boarding school which were started precisely because the intention was for people to discuss things like what to pack for their DS going off to boarding school without getting brigaded or derailed by people wanging on about boarding school syndrome.

If these (and long running threads) are your definition of cliquey, then MN has ALWAYS been cliquey in various ways, and it's part of the lingua franca of this site. I've been on here for many, many years and when the site was a lot smaller, there were whole gangs of people on threads and even going off and setting up invitiation-only sites (remember Moldies anyone) - now that really was cliquey behaviour and caused a lot of bunfighting.

In my humble opinion cliques are only an issue if they make someone feel generally unwelcome. The long-running 'exclusive' threads are a very small part of the overall site content and I personally don't find they make the site feel cliquey. Especially in comparison with how MN was 15 years ago or so when there was a group of posters (MN Royalty 😉) who would greet each other on any thread they found themselves on together and have side conversations going on within the threads. Now THAT was cliquey!

Some of the thread titles do make me roll my eyes, but I don't think the site is inherently unwelcoming because of them.

No one ignored you. You flounced off.

Just a thought, but perhaps if you don't know what a thread is about, have no understanding of its context or history, or familiarity with the people involved... your contributions to the thread aren't going to be particularly sought-after or enlightening? Like the pub chat analogy by a pp.

This. Just went to the thread and op, you're being ridiculous

Then please join us. You'd be very welcome. There are a couple of people who post on the thread, who don't have a cat.

Also the onus is on posters to lurk for a while and read the thread to get the sense of what it's about and if they'd be welcome to join, if it's not made clear in the OP. Similar to joining a conversation in real life at the pub, the school gates, or a party.

You’re really overthinking and overreacting to this OP.

I think it’s like a conversation in real life between people who know each other but don’t know you. You wouldn’t normally just barge in demanding to know what they’re talking about. In real life (eg at a networking event) you’d usually wait to figure out the topic and engage yourself with something relevant and interesting at an appropriate time. Or ask politely if you can join in.

The same basic social rules apply here I think.

Of course you're not annoying. Anyone is welcome.

I wandered into that Fred thread, was confused, and wandered right back out 🧐

In what way were you excluded or not permitted to post?

Here's a link to one of the long running cat threads.

Please, anyone, come and join us.
https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/the_litter_tray/5127542-passports-buckets-and-spades-the-excellent-cats-go-on-their-holidays

I had a look at the thread. Someone has now explained that they talk about their kids on there. If you have kids you could go over and comment on what they've said about their kids and talk about yours.

You realise there isn't a thread limit, or rationing or anything like that don't you.

Just because this "Fred" exists, doesn't mean there's one less thread on the rest of the site for you to interact with. Nothing is being taken away from you by this thread existing. It's not like if the "Fred" threads were banned, there'd suddenly be a new, inclusive, welcoming thread in its place. There'd just be the rest of Mumsnet, exactly as it is now.

🤣🤣🤣

And none of this is private.
It's just people with a common interest, posting.

There's a thread in S & B for people who like buying stuff from Toast. I could join it if I wanted, but there would be no point, because I don't buy anything there.
😂

I didn't flounce anywhere.

I asked a genuine question and got ignored by one poster and an unenlighening reply from the OP.
As I had no idea what the thread was about I left it. That's not flouncing.

My point is why was the OP so secretive? It would have taken her a sentence probably to explain, when she started the thread, what it was about. Even when asked point blank she didn't explain. Why not? The obvious interpretation was it was only intended for certain users.

So I didn't flounce anywhere.
I'm pretty sure the thread is of no interest to me. It's the exclusiveNess and cliquishness I'm objecting to.

Seriously op, what do you want to happen here? Do you want mn to delete all the long running threads?

You need a hobby