Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?

[musixa]

There's been some discussion on this thread about the idea of a childfree/life without children board, so I thought I would raise the suggestion on Site Stuff

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125

My thinking is that the board would be a safe space for Mumsnetters who, for whether by choice or making the best of the hand they've been dealt, are embracing the childfree life, to discuss the issues that uniquely affect us - some examples I can think of are discrimination when it comes to workplace holidays; planning for old age and inheritance issues, how to cope when your friendship group only want to meet in child-friendly venues; family pressure to have children.

I would also hope it might stop so many threads like the linked one popping up, which often attract goady posters.

I hope you don't feel this is a step too far as a board suggestion and will give it serious consideration.

😂

As someone who is about to experience an "empty nest", I wouldn't presume that "Mners without children" was referring to my situation. I will still have my dd, she just won't be living in my house any more.

Ooh, good point. On the other hand, they’re stepMUMS, so must surely be welcome on all boards…

I think a lot of people, on both sides, wish that wasn't a title 😂

I might have missed it, but what's the reason for why we don't want to just call it "Childfree & Childless Mumsnetters"? It's straight to the point. Unless the worry is people who just haven't had children yet will think it's for them.

Maybe "Living Childfree or Childless" would work instead.

Because there may be women unsure if they want children, parents of bereaved children or empty nesters that would be welcome too and that might share some of the experiences of the childless and child free. Posters don’t have children for a wide variety of reasons

us mumsnetters without children aren’t so worried about gatekeeping and excluding others as some on this thread 😊

Re women unsure if they want children they might find it helpful if they know there’s a place where people won’t be hell bent on talking them into it as seems to be the case elsewhere on Mumsnet (“you’ll never regret having a child but you will certainly regret not having one”) but will actually listen to them

The issue of threads being posted in the 'wrong' topic is always going to happen from time to time, in any topic, regardless of how apposite the name is - and in my experience it's usually managed in a sensible way - other posters will soon explain, usually kindly, how to move the thread.

We've suggested and commented on several different names and if any more occur to people we can add them to this thread. Ultimately if - big if! - MNHQ are willing to give this idea a chance, they can choose the name they think is the best fit

Indeed! And, also a real comment on a thread on AIBU from an OP who was unsure about having kids:

"If you're undecided, just have one kid, it's the best of both worlds."

🙄

woooahhh thats so wrong

Once the name has been decided @MNHQ please set this board up - as there is so much talk about it, surely you can see it is needed

Empty nesters? As in people who have raised children to adulthood? I don't think that is anyway similar to having lived a life without children. It's the opposite. That is the expected conclusion to having children.

Schrödinger’s child?

MN can also have a description like they do for the other boards:

This board exists primarily for the use of Mumsnetters who do not and will not be having children by choice or not. Others are welcome to post but please be respectful.

or something to that effect

@JorisBonson ah that's a very good point. It suggests something is missing. I hope I didn't cause any offence.

Not at at all! 😊

I'm childfree by choice and wouldn't use such a board. I choose to post on a parenting site, and I've hidden all the topics that don't interest me, to the extent that my feed doesn't look like a parenting site at all.

I wouldn't want to be corralled and siloed in the way the sex and gender discussion has been. The feminism boards have changed for the worse since that happened, in my opinion.

I understand and I am in a very similar position. I only have one relative the generation below me, and I am conscious of burdening them.

As though you’re not really a mother if you only have one child, it’s more like having a dog…….

And because of course if you decide motherhood isn't for you, then you can just rehome the kid, can't you? 🙄

Honestly wonder sometimes if people read what they post.

I understand and I am in a very similar position. I only have one relative the generation below me, and I am conscious of burdening them

After I posted that I realised that if I live as long as a couple of relatives I'll be 100 and DNephew will be pushing 70. I have no idea if he wants children (suspect not) so who does HE leave the pictures to?

All stuff that has to be sorted out.

That’s your opinion 🤷‍♀️

I think there are similarities that people without children may be able to advise on in terms of regaining an identity without children. Or developing skills and interests

fundamentally though my point stands. It would be inclusive and welcoming to a variety of people.

you seem to be the determined to pick apart and disagree with any constructive suggestion.

Exactly!

please don’t clog our board up with posts telling us all that we don’t understand our own experiences.

bit like this thread I guess

Yeah, but they forget to warn you that, if you only have one child - by choice or because of secondary infertility - you will be repeatedly warned that you're being selfish, that your child will be selfish, that they will have no social skills, they will be lonely, you will be q burden to them when they grow up etc etc.

Some people can't seem to cope with people whose life choices/life circumstances diverge even the slightest bit from their own. It's very odd!

Ah yes I never understand that logic; the judgement just doesn't end!

Also to suggest 'just having the one kid' is practically like being childfree, surely that's incredibly patronising and offensive to parents with one child - does that mean people with multiple children think they're 'more of' a 'proper' parent?

It's almost like some parents want all women to do exactly as they have done, or else you're just wrong. Whether that's being childfree by choice or having a certain number of kids.

There's a very big difference between people who have raised children for 18+ years and people who have never had children.