Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?

[musixa]

There's been some discussion on this thread about the idea of a childfree/life without children board, so I thought I would raise the suggestion on Site Stuff

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125

My thinking is that the board would be a safe space for Mumsnetters who, for whether by choice or making the best of the hand they've been dealt, are embracing the childfree life, to discuss the issues that uniquely affect us - some examples I can think of are discrimination when it comes to workplace holidays; planning for old age and inheritance issues, how to cope when your friendship group only want to meet in child-friendly venues; family pressure to have children.

I would also hope it might stop so many threads like the linked one popping up, which often attract goady posters.

I hope you don't feel this is a step too far as a board suggestion and will give it serious consideration.

The two are not a natural fit and suggesting that the childfree can offer handy life tips to the childless is a bit off.

It wasn't my intention to suggest that. As in any topic, the point those the different groups have in common - life without children - is something where advice could be shared both ways.

There are other women centred forums with childfree topics but you seem not to like them as they also allow gender critical posters

I didn't say that. I would hardly be on Mumsnet - well known as a welcoming space for GC posters - if I was trying to avoid GC posters. What I said is that a couple of the alternative forums mentioned as somewhere the childfree posters should be going instead of Mumsnet have gender criticality as a core purpose of their existence. That isn't what I'm looking for in a forum - I do read and even sometimes post on the GC threads here, but I prefer a forum that covers a wide range of topics and perspectives - like Mumsnet - to a forum with a narrower perspective. The last thing I want to do is start a derail on the subject of gender, but the space I'm proposing I would hope would be welcoming to Mumsnetters whatever their perspective on gender issues.

But you're wrong to assume a 'grieving process' is even needed - absolutely it will be for some, but not for everyone.

For many women, realising they don't have to have children to have a meaningful life is an epiphany, away from the ideological norms.

So my point stands that the two are completely entwined and not separate at all.

Childless/childfree isn't people who just haven't had children yet. It is people who have actively chosen to not have children (childfree) and those who have been unable to conceive, carry or raise a child to adulthood (childless).

It has been argued here before that every parent was once childfree/childless, but that's not what we're talking about. Childree/childless people know they won't have children.

Fuck me! I'm not planning on writing a thesis on it! I don't want to nut out who or what to leave my assets to on a legal board. I am not talking about legalities. I am talking about just one of 101 examples of what a woman without children might want to talk about with other women without children, without being reminded she is "abnormal" for being a woman who somehow ended up without children.

I haven't assumed that. What I actually said was that I could see two logical spaces for two distinct needs and disagreed with the suggestion upthread that they belonged together.

It might well be that posters use one, both or neither topic. I think I was more surprised to realise there is no topic currently for those coming to terms with childlessness (as opposed to ongoing infertility), not denying that some of those posters will move toward feeling childfree.

There are arguments for distinct spaces but there's no reason in my view why they couldn't co-exist under the same topic. For comparison, the 'Neurodiverse Mumsnetters' board exists as a single board because there are broad things ND people have in common, even though the specific needs of various neurodivergences might be very different - people post on the threads that are relevant to them within a broader topic.

I am not talking about legalities. I am talking about just one of 101 examples of what a woman without children might want to talk about with other women without children, without being reminded she is "abnormal" for being a woman who somehow ended up without children

I've come to the conclusion that some people are being deliberately obtuse about this; that, or they can't get their head around the idea that drawing up a will for a childfree/less woman isn't going to be a case of 'equal shares of my estate to all my surviving children.'

And it's getting very tiresome, along with all the 'well there are plenty of sites for childfree women, go there, why don't you?' I don't want to. I like it here, thanks.

Posters would be quick to call you insensitive if you posted on an inheritance thread 'since I have no children to worry about leaving anything to, I'm going to sell my house quickly to webuyanyhouse.com and bugger off round Europe in a camper van for the rest of my years.'

@MrsDanversGlidesAgain This. I’m a lawyer and would have drafted my own will because I’m confident that I could do a straightforward one, but the absence of any heirs in my family makes it more challenging and I’d prefer legal advice. Maybe I could get that from the legal board or maybe I’d prefer a professional. What I would want to use a childless/free board for in this context is in the fact that drafting my will gives me a weird existential feeling because of the notion that there’s nothing and never will be anything below me. That’s not a legal issue, nor is it something parents experience.

Why any of this is difficult to understand, or why it’s promoting people who aren’t affected by this to incessantly try and shoehorn us into other boards, is beyond me.

I agree with all this. I am a historian, and have done an extensive family tree, going back to the early 16th century. I was filing it all the other day and had very weird feelings about not having anyone to explain all these people to, and to leave it to. Nobody to tell how wonderful their great-grandparents were, or to pass on all the funny little family sayings and folklore to.

This in spades.

@fitzwilliamdarcy I have the issues such as where does my pension go? how much? what charities should benefit and by how much? and things like a Power of Attorney, who do I ask? what do I want to do about care if I need it? a board where I could talk to other CF women who've faced the same issues would be immensely helpful, because there'd be women like you who are professionals and can give advice without (you'd hope) the usual 'but what about your children??'

Why some posters can't get that defeats me. It's almost as if they think we're taking an unfair advantage being childfree/less and wanting a board to ourselves on a parenting site, FGS,

Why some posters can't get that defeats me. It's almost as if they think we're taking an unfair advantage being childfree/less and wanting a board to ourselves on a parenting site, FGS,

Yes! Unlike say the chicken keepers and their board. And I say that as a poultry fancier.

I love that there are several posters clearly explaining topics they’d like to discuss and you’re telling them they’re wrong and actually they need to discuss something else!

another great example of why the board is needed so that parents don’t feel obliged to police the discussion topics of others!

I bet there are a lot more CF women on this site than the gatekeepers think. It's just that they don't announce themselves because it isn't relevant to say, keeping chickens

There is a claim that in ancient Rome it was suggested that all slaves should wear yellow tunics. it was vetoed because someone pointed out, if all slaves wore the same colour, they'd look around and see how many of them there were. Perhaps that's what the gatekeepers are afraid of - give those CF women the inch of their own board and before you know it, they're taking the place over with their dangerous notion that you don't have to be a parent to be happy and fulfilled 😆

The commonality across those cultures is the judgement of pretty much all women who do not have children - not how you dispose of your worldly goods

Actually it is about how I dispose of my worldly goods - on account, you know, of not having children. Not the judgement of the fact I don't have them.

I don't know how much simpler I can make it without starting to insult people's intelligence.

The 23 pages of this thread can basically be summed up as:

Poster A: Can we have a board for childless/free women please?
Poster B: No, you have no unique issues, your experiences are identical to those of parents.
Poster A: Oh ok, so we’re ok to post on the other boards then?
Poster B: No! This is MUMSnet!
Poster A: Oh ok, so we DO need our own board then, since we’re not MUMS?
Poster B: No! Your experiences are identical to ours!

Poster C: And what are you doing here ANYWAY? this board is for PARENTS!! go and find another site!

Maybe the new board can be called Schrödinger’s Board as we simultaneously are exactly like mums and do not understand anything about mums.

It isn't even necessarily about the practical or legal issues. It is often about how it makes you feel.

Will your bequest be appreciated or be a burden? Will things that you cherished be understood by someone else? The feeling of a line of history dying with you. It all sounds a bit self indulgent, and could definitely be misinterpreted as regret about not having children in the wrong space. I want to be able to talk about things like that with other women in the same boat.

Quite possibly my favourite ever post.

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon I inherited from my mother family photos going back to the time she was a child in India and when she was in Hong Kong after the war (and I'd REALLY appreciate it if she'd labelled who these places and people were). I have one nephew who might be interested, but if he isn't, who gets them? as you say, there is a real sense of a line of history ending with you and it would be helpful to explore feelings like that.

Comments like that are why MN needs a like button. Brilliant.

Isn't that the stepparenting board? They're parents when the children need minding, fed, and money spent on them, but they're not parents when it comes to discipline, holidays, how much money is spent etc.

@Jeezuswept @MrsDanversGlidesAgain 😃