Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?

[musixa]

There's been some discussion on this thread about the idea of a childfree/life without children board, so I thought I would raise the suggestion on Site Stuff

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125

My thinking is that the board would be a safe space for Mumsnetters who, for whether by choice or making the best of the hand they've been dealt, are embracing the childfree life, to discuss the issues that uniquely affect us - some examples I can think of are discrimination when it comes to workplace holidays; planning for old age and inheritance issues, how to cope when your friendship group only want to meet in child-friendly venues; family pressure to have children.

I would also hope it might stop so many threads like the linked one popping up, which often attract goady posters.

I hope you don't feel this is a step too far as a board suggestion and will give it serious consideration.

Have you got nothing else to agonise over?

Being a mum doesn't mean you only talk about parenting issues. I think it's a terrible idea. I rarely talk about my kids on here.

I don't have children, but I really don't think a separate board is necessary.

why though? It wouldn’t take anything away from all of the parenting-related boards and threads. If anything it would corral the childfree people into one place!

The thing that worries me about this is that childfree/childless women are already interrogated and judged so much here - it’s clear that many only tolerate us as king as we don’t say anything negative about parents.

I feel like if we get our own board then we’ll incessantly be told to go back to it and stay there. The majority of threads I’m on have nowt to do with childlessness and I don’t want my experience to be limited to only talking about childlessness (in much the same way as mums probably wouldn’t want to be unable to post on parking threads because they’re only supposed to be on the parenting board).

I would like MN to make it much clearer that these boards aren’t just for mums and that mums shouldn’t be trying to dictate who is allowed to post on non-parenting topics, though.

If anything it would corral the childfree people into one place!

THIS is exactly the attitude I’m talking about.

I support this 100 percent.

I've been here a long time. And whilst now I would not be the target market for it, I was for a very long time.

It's the only place I could find solace with like minded women.

I used to be in long running threads in infertility, Uber barrons for anyone who remembers. But after I unexpectedly fell pregnant and carried at 38, I had nowhere to go there.

Back to when I was struggling.

A few examples

I'm being worked to the bone, twenty hours a day, no holidays, being bullied by male partners, all say it's fine as my time will come WHEN I have children

I cannot go to my sister in laws baby shower because I'm having a miscarriage, she will hate me, help.

I've decided I cannot do this anymore and would like to make my peace with it. Any advice.. (this would automatically get lots of people with children commenting)

I look after my niece and nephew every day, do drop off, pick up, but mum has decided to take her new friend to sports day, is that fair?

I am on local parish council, a child protection solicitor with multiple references and disclosure checks. I was gossiped about and heard people questioning why I would want to hang about like a loner at a village family day?

So yes, I agree entirely that some things, should be discussed with those who at that point are able to really get it.

I don’t see the need for this. My children are older now so I go nowhere near baby name or parenting threads. If you post you question explaining you are childless you will get fantastic advice from both parents and child free people.

I’d echo this. I have no children and now, in my fifties, have no interest in discussing that any more.

I do enjoy the fact that MN has a wide range of discussion topics, and a predominantly female membership. It’s very easy to be here and not even think about the parenting boards.

As women we shouldn’t be dividing ourselves according to our reproductive status. We are women first and foremost, and a formidable force when we support each other and lift each other up. Women without children aren’t a separate species. And don’t forget that we used to say that it takes a village to raise a child. Some of those would have been childless too.

Parents can still drive and park cars though so of course they are allowed to post on parking threads or any other thread.

I don't think anyone objects to childfree / childless people posting, even on the parenting boards. But when they openly attack and belittle (as i have seen) people trying to parent their DCs, when they have no experience of doing it themselves, then there will naturally be pushback. I'd expect the same if I waded into the infertility boards and started sounding off about what everyone ought to be doing or feeling or was negative about them. I'd rightly be told to do one.

And parenting isn't restricted to people who have biological children. Lots of people parent or work with children (notice there are a lot of teachers and TAs on MN as it started as a forum about parenting, so it's relevant). And people who don't parent or look after children at all still have useful contributions to make on the parenting board if they remember how they were parented.

It's called MUMSnet 🤔

I don't think that's a great analogy tbh.

And I wouldn't see it as a division, I would see it as some things people might like opinions on from one specific group of Mumsnet.

As women we shouldn’t be dividing ourselves according to our reproductive status. We are women first and foremost, and a formidable force when we support each other and lift each other up

Lovely! Agreed. So having a board "to discuss issue which only affect childfree people" would achieve that or no?

I’m in two minds about this.
I don’t want us to be divided on mums and non mums. I do appreciate views of different people personally parents or not, they might have useful experiences.
There are a lot of topics which are painful for me e.g about about pregnancy, babies and higher education because of my past fertility problems and DD’s disability so I just scroll them down. I think it’s a bit weird to complain that these topics exist on a parenting site.
From the other side I think people who have specific issues about being child free while surrounded by parents do need their own corner to discuss them.

😂 thanks for the feedback

Back to the drawing board for my thesis then. Curses!

🙄

If anyone attacks and belittles, on either side, they can be reported to MN and their comments removed, and possibly be banned. I haven’t ever noticed childless people attacking parents, though; but I have seen some monumentally awful things said to women struggling with infertility. I would say that there is a sector of users who seem particularly vitriolic towards women without children, whether they comment on parenting or not.

I don’t mind either way, but I am concerned that this seems to be a great divide. Each group has its own challenges in life. I have noticed, though, that there is a vocal group which seems to be particularly vitriolic towards women without children.

I really don't see why you're so up in arms about this.

I think this site should be renamed Womensnet, it would make more sense.

Yes please. Great idea.

This is a parenting forum so does seem odd at first glance. However, some of the comments in this thread make sense. What's the big deal about an additional board / space if users want it? I have kids and support it.

Well I have seen it. Also seen a number of posts telling women they should not have any children in case they pass on their MH issues. Those stayed up. Numerous posts and interrogations from childfree for the planet posters telling women they are selfish for 'breeding'. They then will often go on to describe in detail the hellish world parents have brought their DCs into and how selfish that was of the parents. That was on a thread where the op was extremely anxious about climate change and was hoping for support. Nice right?

I'm sure I believe you if you've seen vitriol towards childfree women on here, which I am sure you reported and had removed. But even still it is not a nice thing to happen is it? If that happened on a "childfree women's website" would you be a little miffed? That's why I'm quite irked by some of the posts I've seen in the not too distant past on here.

This makes a lot of sense.

Great idea.

And people might want to consider that some folk came here because they were hoping to become Mums, found a lot of other good stuff & a fab community - but becoming a Mum didn't end up going as hoped.

So a board about aspects of life relevant to that, makes a lot of sense.

Sometimes we don't want infertility surrounding us constantly.

We'd like a normal chat about mundane normal shit, fat balls and penis beakers. Without our lack of children constantly in our face.

I came here when we decided to ttc. Unfortunately premature ovarian failure had other ideas. I'm post meno at 41. We desperately wanted children.

Why is it so abhorrent that there may be a place on here that you never need frequent, so some women can chat without pregnancy tests and what to name your baby and should you cut your mil off for wanting to hold your baby always at risk of popping up under some nonsensical and innocuous thread title?

I really couldn't imagine giving a fuck whether there was a board that didn't affect me in the slightest

I don't frequent the baby boards, don't go on the childless/free one 🤷‍♀️

How does it affect you that object, at all?