Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Site stuff

Join our Innovation Panel to try new features early and help make Mumsnet better.

See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?

1000 replies

musixa · 24/05/2023 20:10

There's been some discussion on this thread about the idea of a childfree/life without children board, so I thought I would raise the suggestion on Site Stuff

[[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125

My thinking is that the board would be a safe space for Mumsnetters who, for whether by choice or making the best of the hand they've been dealt, are embracing the childfree life, to discuss the issues that uniquely affect us - some examples I can think of are discrimination when it comes to workplace holidays; planning for old age and inheritance issues, how to cope when your friendship group only want to meet in child-friendly venues; family pressure to have children.

I would also hope it might stop so many threads like the linked one popping up, which often attract goady posters.

I hope you don't feel this is a step too far as a board suggestion and will give it serious consideration.Smile

Page 16 | To ask why so many child-free people are on Mumsnet? | Mumsnet

I already know this is going to be divisive and I'm hesitating before I even type this. I don't mean this in a snarky or judgemental way at all. It's...

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125

OP posts:
Thread gallery
8
off · 07/06/2023 10:56

Florissante · 07/06/2023 10:55

That's a lot of words for a post that is absolutely devoid of anything constructive. or thought-provoking.

Thanks! You too :)

JediIsMyMaster · 07/06/2023 10:56

Florissante · 07/06/2023 10:55

That's a lot of words for a post that is absolutely devoid of anything constructive. or thought-provoking.

I found a lot to think about in @off ’s post. On balance I think I agree with her.

lemonchiffonpie · 07/06/2023 10:57

That's a lot of words for a post that is absolutely devoid of anything constructive. or thought-provoking.

Say what? Off has written some of the best posts on this thread!

Florissante · 07/06/2023 11:23

I give off's posts the consideration they deserve.

FufferPish · 07/06/2023 11:30

I also wanted to state that the post by off is one of the most well argued and thoughtful on the thread. Just because someone argues for a cause you do not agree with, does not mean it is invalid or vacuous (florissante: Perhaps when responding think about whether you are responding as a knee-jerk "you're wrong" or whether you have appropriately considered all points in the posts and try to use arguments instead instead of mere judgements)

Florissante · 07/06/2023 11:49

FufferPish · 07/06/2023 11:30

I also wanted to state that the post by off is one of the most well argued and thoughtful on the thread. Just because someone argues for a cause you do not agree with, does not mean it is invalid or vacuous (florissante: Perhaps when responding think about whether you are responding as a knee-jerk "you're wrong" or whether you have appropriately considered all points in the posts and try to use arguments instead instead of mere judgements)

Biscuit
lemonchiffonpie · 07/06/2023 11:52

Florissante · 07/06/2023 11:23

I give off's posts the consideration they deserve.

Erm.... She's on our side. Pro-MumsNot/Women Without Children board.

Florissante · 07/06/2023 11:52

Nope.

Jeezuswept · 07/06/2023 11:53

off · 07/06/2023 09:56

Yes, we need a place where we can discuss things line this without parents butting in and saying their lives would have been empty and pointless if they hadn’t had children.

Agreed; I hope the existence of a specific board, with guidelines about being respectful to those the board is set up for (like some other boards have), would clearly telegraph that these are legitimate parenting-related discussions to be having on MN, and that within that particular space, comments of the type you mention aren't helpful. (Well, they're unhelpful in some other contexts, too, but as you say, a place where those comments are more explicitly unwelcome might be useful.)

However, I do think there's some value in recognising that one of the benefits of having such a board specifically on a site like MN is that, sometimes, there may be perspectives a parent may be in a better place to put forward, or there could be parents with relevant insights on particular topics or points raised.

Having a board like that within a large, busy general parenting forum could facilitate that sharing of views and info, within a framework explicitly focused on those who don't have children, while also helping to avoid the polarisation between viewpoints that can come when people are completely separated off (which I think can sometimes contribute towards people adopting some of the more extreme language or views mentioned upthread).

I also wonder if there's some value that comes from posters on any "MNers without children" board being aware that parents, possible future parents, and non-parents alike may read their posts — and whether the existence of the board might make posters elsewhere on the site who are parents also be more conscious that their posts may be read by parents, possible future parents, and non-parents alike.

Meanwhile, it could also give those who have had (or may/may not in future have) children more insight into aspects of the lives and concerns of those without children which are different because they aren't parents (which they may not always discuss IRL with those who are/may become parents), showing them a group of ordinary people who don't have children and aren't anti-natalists or child-haters, just people living their lives and talking about those aspects of parenting/its place in society that affect them, due to their nonparticipation.

Hopefully, given the existing culture and demographics of MN, and some thought given to both the message at the top of the board and the moderation style used, it would remain a thoughtful, civil place to discuss how non-parent status operates within the lives of, mostly, adult women, generally living in the UK. Not that others wouldn't be welcome, but AFAIK that's who makes up the bulk of posters. That demographic doesn't really predominate elsewhere online, and many existing places on the internet where people discuss life without children are coming from quite a different perspective.

If well-moderated, it could help humanise and normalise those without children and their lifestyles, and reflect some of the paths someone's life can take — some of which, on MN, seem to come to a bit of a dead end. If you come to MN before children, you might look at the different parts of the site about relationships, fertility, different ages of children, having adult children, but there's not much about what comes next if children don't happen.

People could argue that it's a parenting site so if you don't become a parent you go somewhere else (or say that there are other boards on MN to chat on, which is true) — I talked about my counterargument to that in my previous post. But this missing "path", of what happens when becoming a parent doesn't happen, feels a bit to me like it reflects our society, and not in a good way — the way that not becoming a parent can feel like unmapped territory, a journey our society didn't prepare us for, where we become invisible and un-catered for.

Just seeing that such a board exists on a parenting site, that that "parenting journey" has also been considered, could be helpful for those thinking about their future WRT parenting.

Your post completely sums up my feelings and viewpoint. Thank you for putting it across so perfectly!

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/06/2023 11:57

JorisBonson · 24/05/2023 20:16

I support and encourage this!

I do too. There's no reason why women who don't have children shouldn't post here, it's more than just about children.

I wonder at the 'But whhhhyyyy would you want to post here?' 'people'. I think they're lacking quite a lot.

I have children but hope we get a childfree board.

GeriKellmansUpdo · 07/06/2023 12:02

I just love the name "MumsNot". In fact, I love it more than Mumsnet, which for some reason I have never liked.

Florissante · 07/06/2023 12:09

LyingWitchInTheWardrobe · 07/06/2023 11:57

I do too. There's no reason why women who don't have children shouldn't post here, it's more than just about children.

I wonder at the 'But whhhhyyyy would you want to post here?' 'people'. I think they're lacking quite a lot.

I have children but hope we get a childfree board.

That is very kind of you and much appreciated. Thank you!

tigger2022 · 07/06/2023 12:18

I have differences of opinion but I don’t see what @off has done wrong? Seems completely reasonable and thoughtful to me!

HebeMumsnet · 07/06/2023 12:35

Morning, everyone.

Good news. We've discussed this in the office now and the new Mumsnot board is up and running. Feel free to start a few threads in there.

We'll leave this thread here for now so that people who were following it can see this update, but we'll move it over to Mumsnot in a few days.

Thank you to @musixa for the suggestion of the new board. Flowers

Mumsnot forum | Mumsnet | Mumsnet

Join our forum for Mumsnetters embracing the childfree life. Chat with likeminded posters about absolutely anything - from your next holiday to what's for dinner.

https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/mumsnot

Florissante · 07/06/2023 12:36

Thank you, Hebe! What great news.

8state · 07/06/2023 12:41

Well done to @musixa and mumsnet. I am pleased you have the board and hope it works well for you.

off · 07/06/2023 12:52

HebeMumsnet · 07/06/2023 12:35

Morning, everyone.

Good news. We've discussed this in the office now and the new Mumsnot board is up and running. Feel free to start a few threads in there.

We'll leave this thread here for now so that people who were following it can see this update, but we'll move it over to Mumsnot in a few days.

Thank you to @musixa for the suggestion of the new board. Flowers

Great news 👍

agnesmartin · 07/06/2023 12:55

Brilliant. Well done, @musixa

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 07/06/2023 12:58

So pleased. Now let's make it a pleasant and positive space for the unchilded, whoeever they are.

FufferPish · 07/06/2023 13:10

Thanks @HebeMumsnet, and @musixa and all posters here (including the ones who used their comments to 'prove our point' that a child free board was needed).

BodegaSushi · 07/06/2023 13:13

Thank you! Brilliant idea

fitzwilliamdarcy · 07/06/2023 13:19

Trembles with excitement at the thought that I inspired the name choice

Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?
Decaffe · 07/06/2023 13:20

HebeMumsnet · 07/06/2023 12:35

Morning, everyone.

Good news. We've discussed this in the office now and the new Mumsnot board is up and running. Feel free to start a few threads in there.

We'll leave this thread here for now so that people who were following it can see this update, but we'll move it over to Mumsnot in a few days.

Thank you to @musixa for the suggestion of the new board. Flowers

While I think it’s great you’ve set up the board, could we have another re-think on the name please @HebeMumsnet?

Mumsnot?

Infertility is heartbreaking. I’m sure many child free women would like to reframe it, not refer to it in relation to what they lack (NOT a MUM). It’s not nice constantly being reminded that you are not a mum.

Could it be called the Childfree Board, please?

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 07/06/2023 13:20

I can't help feeling that it's going to be interesting to see how many people without children use this and we see how many contributors to MN actually don't have children, for whatever reason.

MorningPlatypus · 07/06/2023 13:21

Thanks @mnhq

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread