Page 14 | Childfree Mumsnetters' Board?

musixa · 2023-05-24T19:10:40+00:00

There's been some discussion on this thread about the idea of a childfree/life without children board, so I thought I would raise the suggestion on Site Stuff [[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125 [[https://www.mumsnet.com/talk/am_i_being_unreasonable/4811166-to-ask-why-so-many-child-free-people-are-on-mumsnet?reply=126404125]] My thinking is that the board would be a safe space for Mumsnetters who, for whether by choice or making the best of the hand they've been dealt, are embracing the childfree life, to discuss the issues that uniquely affect us - some examples I can think of are discrimination when it comes to workplace holidays; planning for old age and inheritance issues, how to cope when your friendship group only want to meet in child-friendly venues; family pressure to have children. I would also hope it might stop so many threads like the linked one popping up, which often attract goady posters. I hope you don't feel this is a step too far as a board suggestion and will give it serious consideration.[smile]

JorisBonson · 25/05/2023 16:10

EbonyRaven · 25/05/2023 16:02

@PaddlingPoollyColour

Another memorable one was the poster who said she was only on Mumsnet because she wanted to see parents struggling to reinforce her choice to be childfree 🙄😂. Sounds like normal and well adjusted reason to be here.

You don't have to dig too far to find sub reddits or IG accounts on childfree by choice. Parenting accounts get bombarded by the childfree is so much better crew.

This in spades. ^

I have no problem with child free by choice women, OR single women who are as happy as pigs in shite being perma-single/never married. But what DOES piss me off and grind my gears, is this desperation they have to put down married women, and mothers, and crow about how it's sooooooooo much better being single and CHILDFREE. 🙄 And on a bloody PARENTING site too!

As MN said on another thread, of course childfree women are welcome here (as are men,) but don't come here and berate and mock married women/ mothers; trying to make out their child free single life is so much better, and all married women with children are downtrodden handmaidens with no life, who are tied to the kitchen sink. Blathering on about how they are 'free' and 'happy' and not tied down, and can fly off to Paris for the weekend at the drop of a hat, and stay out til 3am partying and getting pissed, and lie in til midday.

That's all well and good, but there's only so long you can keep doing that. Clubbing and partying and getting pissed every week at 40 is not a good look. As someone who is middle aged and been married almost a quarter century, I can tell you I am not remotely envious of any single woman - whether she is perma single or divorced. (Or widowed!) There's nothing to be jealous of IMO. But I don't start threads banging on about how gloriously bloody happy I am being married with children. Because frankly, it would be a fucking weird thing to do! Like I was trying to convince myself.

I had my years of being single, and had a great time partying and clubbing and travelling in my teens, and 20s, before I had children. Also, do these women think that once you're married (with children) that you cannot ever leave the house again - go for meals, go out with friends, travel, go to parties, have a career? Such blinkered, narrow-minded views.

As I and many others said on a thread the other day (about how more and more women are 'allegedly' staying single,) the single woman who is often portrayed - glamourous, successful, professional, on a 6 figure a year salary, living in a £300K city apartment she has bought on her own, and living the high life travelling the world with her amazing big flash job, is the exception rather than the rule. There are more single women who struggle financially, and don't have a pot to piss in, and crave someone to share life's burdens with, and the financial load!

Is this really how to picture all childfree and childless women? Like some sort of Ab Fab parody?

My life is as normal as the next woman's, I just simply don't have children.

8state · 25/05/2023 16:11

I don't really understand why mumsnet is the best place for such a board. I haven't explored the sites that cater to childfree lifestyles, but perhaps there is a bit of a dearth.

lemonchiffonpie · 25/05/2023 16:12

8state · 25/05/2023 16:11

I don't really understand why mumsnet is the best place for such a board. I haven't explored the sites that cater to childfree lifestyles, but perhaps there is a bit of a dearth.

I don't think mn is the best site for sexchat, but here we are...

JorisBonson · 25/05/2023 16:12

Jeezuswept · 25/05/2023 16:04

That was a horrendous post/poster; I reported it but I think it's still there.

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Thanks @Jeezuswept . I'm pretty thick skinned, especially when it comes to this vipers nest, but that stuck in my throat.

Catchasingmewithspiders · 25/05/2023 16:12

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8state · 25/05/2023 16:14

@lemonchiffonpie I've never looked at that, you have piqued my curiosity!

JorisBonson · 25/05/2023 16:15

lemonchiffonpie · 25/05/2023 16:12

I don't think mn is the best site for sexchat, but here we are...

Show quote history

Up in arms about women without children but say nothing about pervy married men sending pervy messages.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 25/05/2023 16:18

*Is this really how to picture all childfree and childless women? Like some sort of Ab Fab parody?

My life is as normal as the next woman's, I just simply don't have children*

That poster spent a lot of time and effort telling us that she doesn't care about single childfree women and their lives. Wouldn't you think posters like that would welcome a place where we can talk and not offend her sensibilities or inflict our wonderful lives on her?

fitzwilliamdarcy · 25/05/2023 16:21

As I and many others said on a thread the other day (about how more and more women are 'allegedly' staying single,) the single woman who is often portrayed - glamourous, successful, professional, on a 6 figure a year salary, living in a £300K city apartment she has bought on her own, and living the high life travelling the world with her amazing big flash job, is the exception rather than the rule. There are more single women who struggle financially, and don't have a pot to piss in, and crave someone to share life's burdens with, and the financial load!

A parent LITERALLY had an argument with me on here this week when I said I struggled financially and would like to be part of a partnership - apparently I was “fucking minted” with my money being “all for me”. She literally refused to believe that I wasn’t wealthy because I was single without kids.

She was backed up in her disbelief by other posters who said that were they childless they’d live in beautiful houses full of books etc.

The only people I see describe childfree people as having loads of money, lying in until 12, jetting off to Paris etc are PARENTS.

Please do go and have this conversation with them. I promise you that we’re as sick of it as you are.

Florissante · 25/05/2023 16:21

I know! It's almost as though participating in such a board would be voluntary.

turnipthebeet · 25/05/2023 16:21

EbonyRaven · 25/05/2023 16:02

@PaddlingPoollyColour

Another memorable one was the poster who said she was only on Mumsnet because she wanted to see parents struggling to reinforce her choice to be childfree 🙄😂. Sounds like normal and well adjusted reason to be here.

You don't have to dig too far to find sub reddits or IG accounts on childfree by choice. Parenting accounts get bombarded by the childfree is so much better crew.

This in spades. ^

I have no problem with child free by choice women, OR single women who are as happy as pigs in shite being perma-single/never married. But what DOES piss me off and grind my gears, is this desperation they have to put down married women, and mothers, and crow about how it's sooooooooo much better being single and CHILDFREE. 🙄 And on a bloody PARENTING site too!

As MN said on another thread, of course childfree women are welcome here (as are men,) but don't come here and berate and mock married women/ mothers; trying to make out their child free single life is so much better, and all married women with children are downtrodden handmaidens with no life, who are tied to the kitchen sink. Blathering on about how they are 'free' and 'happy' and not tied down, and can fly off to Paris for the weekend at the drop of a hat, and stay out til 3am partying and getting pissed, and lie in til midday.

That's all well and good, but there's only so long you can keep doing that. Clubbing and partying and getting pissed every week at 40 is not a good look. As someone who is middle aged and been married almost a quarter century, I can tell you I am not remotely envious of any single woman - whether she is perma single or divorced. (Or widowed!) There's nothing to be jealous of IMO. But I don't start threads banging on about how gloriously bloody happy I am being married with children. Because frankly, it would be a fucking weird thing to do! Like I was trying to convince myself.

I had my years of being single, and had a great time partying and clubbing and travelling in my teens, and 20s, before I had children. Also, do these women think that once you're married (with children) that you cannot ever leave the house again - go for meals, go out with friends, travel, go to parties, have a career? Such blinkered, narrow-minded views.

As I and many others said on a thread the other day (about how more and more women are 'allegedly' staying single,) the single woman who is often portrayed - glamourous, successful, professional, on a 6 figure a year salary, living in a £300K city apartment she has bought on her own, and living the high life travelling the world with her amazing big flash job, is the exception rather than the rule. There are more single women who struggle financially, and don't have a pot to piss in, and crave someone to share life's burdens with, and the financial load!

Where are you seeing all these threads and posts?? I’m not denying these wankers exist but your post implies that these ‘desperate’ ‘pissed up’ 40 year are constantly blathering posting these types of comments.

Do you what I consider blinkered and narrow views? Mothers telling me I’m selfish, telling me I don’t know what true love is, that I don’t have a family if I don’t have kids, that I’m going to be a lonely, old bitter woman, that I don’t know my own mind and will DEFINITELY regret my choice, all mothers are more mature that non-mothers.

Florissante · 25/05/2023 16:22

(That was in response to Mrs Danvers's latest post.)

8state · 25/05/2023 16:22

@JorisBonson Is that what goes on? I've never looked at sexchat. I'm not up in arms about non parents on the site. Just can't quite reconcile what mn claim the site is with the reality that it's anybody and everybody these days. Probably loads more men doling out pregnancy advice than we realise!

Catchasingmewithspiders · 25/05/2023 16:22

I don't think it would be helpful. I don't know many mums interested in the opinions of people who don't even have children

46% of teachers dont have children so if you think most mums aren't interested in their opinion we may have solved the issue of why there is a teacher retention crisis

Florissante · 25/05/2023 16:25

I don't think it would be helpful. I don't know many mums interested in the opinions of people who don't even have children

I can just imagine said individual saying to her child's paediatrician or a judge in a family court case ""What? You don't even have children?! I'm not interested in your opinion."

WannabeMathematician · 25/05/2023 16:28

I'm a mum and I'd say it's a good idea. I'm guessing it's not going to cost MN that much to host a new thread topic and I was on this site waaaay before I had a baby. I wanted to hear from other women (mostly) in the UK.

KimberleyClark · 25/05/2023 16:28

musixa · 25/05/2023 12:13

People who have chosen to be childfree and planned the whole of their adult lives in the expectation of this might well have useful, practical advice to share with people who didn't plan to be childfree and are having to adjust their expectations.

There are already spaces here for people living with the emotional impact of enforced childlessness which don't need to be duplicated, but there are other impacts are common to all those without children, regardless of how they arrived in that position.

Yes this. As things stand it’s impossible for anyone to post about getting to the end of the road of fertility treatment and wanting to stop without people piling on asking have you thought of adoption or saying they or someone they know got pregnant after stopping or telling OP they just mustn’t give up. Whereas on a without children board the poster might actually get some useful advice re planning *va life without children.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 25/05/2023 16:34

8state · 25/05/2023 16:11

I don't really understand why mumsnet is the best place for such a board. I haven't explored the sites that cater to childfree lifestyles, but perhaps there is a bit of a dearth.

Surely MN is the best place for such a board for the simple reason that there are childfree individuals who like using MN and some of them would like a Board to discuss the issues that affect them?

I genuinely can't see what is controversial about this at all. If you don't want to read a particular board, you can hide it, so why would you feel the need to censor the conversations of other MNers?

I have a dc, so I don't personally feel the need for a childfree board. However, I'm also not pregnant or TTC, so I don't need those boards either. I don't like gardening so I don't need that board either. Surely we can just hide or scroll on past the threads that don't interest us without feeling the need to dictate what boards other MNers might find useful?

skilpadde · 25/05/2023 16:35

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

This is an astonishingly awful post.

You’re actually suggesting that a woman who miscarried must keep trying to get pregnant, because if she doesn’t then she should fuck off from MN?

That’s one way of reinforcing exactly why a new board has been requested.

Florissante · 25/05/2023 16:36

KimberleyClark · 25/05/2023 16:28

Yes this. As things stand it’s impossible for anyone to post about getting to the end of the road of fertility treatment and wanting to stop without people piling on asking have you thought of adoption or saying they or someone they know got pregnant after stopping or telling OP they just mustn’t give up. Whereas on a without children board the poster might actually get some useful advice re planning *va life without children.

Show quote history

@EbonyRaven seems to think we are all "as happy as pigs in shite" and spend our "[b]lathering on about how they are 'free' and 'happy' and not tied down, and can fly off to Paris for the weekend at the drop of a hat, and stay out til 3am partying and getting pissed, and lie in til midday".

I don't know about other women on MN who don't have children but my life is nothing like the fantasy in ER's post.

underdramatic · 25/05/2023 16:36

EbonyRaven · 25/05/2023 16:02

@PaddlingPoollyColour

Another memorable one was the poster who said she was only on Mumsnet because she wanted to see parents struggling to reinforce her choice to be childfree 🙄😂. Sounds like normal and well adjusted reason to be here.

You don't have to dig too far to find sub reddits or IG accounts on childfree by choice. Parenting accounts get bombarded by the childfree is so much better crew.

This in spades. ^

I have no problem with child free by choice women, OR single women who are as happy as pigs in shite being perma-single/never married. But what DOES piss me off and grind my gears, is this desperation they have to put down married women, and mothers, and crow about how it's sooooooooo much better being single and CHILDFREE. 🙄 And on a bloody PARENTING site too!

As MN said on another thread, of course childfree women are welcome here (as are men,) but don't come here and berate and mock married women/ mothers; trying to make out their child free single life is so much better, and all married women with children are downtrodden handmaidens with no life, who are tied to the kitchen sink. Blathering on about how they are 'free' and 'happy' and not tied down, and can fly off to Paris for the weekend at the drop of a hat, and stay out til 3am partying and getting pissed, and lie in til midday.

That's all well and good, but there's only so long you can keep doing that. Clubbing and partying and getting pissed every week at 40 is not a good look. As someone who is middle aged and been married almost a quarter century, I can tell you I am not remotely envious of any single woman - whether she is perma single or divorced. (Or widowed!) There's nothing to be jealous of IMO. But I don't start threads banging on about how gloriously bloody happy I am being married with children. Because frankly, it would be a fucking weird thing to do! Like I was trying to convince myself.

I had my years of being single, and had a great time partying and clubbing and travelling in my teens, and 20s, before I had children. Also, do these women think that once you're married (with children) that you cannot ever leave the house again - go for meals, go out with friends, travel, go to parties, have a career? Such blinkered, narrow-minded views.

As I and many others said on a thread the other day (about how more and more women are 'allegedly' staying single,) the single woman who is often portrayed - glamourous, successful, professional, on a 6 figure a year salary, living in a £300K city apartment she has bought on her own, and living the high life travelling the world with her amazing big flash job, is the exception rather than the rule. There are more single women who struggle financially, and don't have a pot to piss in, and crave someone to share life's burdens with, and the financial load!

Goodness some lovely words here
pigs in shite
desperation
crow
Blathering

and god forbid 40+ women having fun! How dare you, you need to be sitting in your cold, empty, lonely (well not lonely as I'm sure there’ll be a cat or 5) one bed flat, shaking your fists and muttering under your breath about those noisy neighbour children.

MrsBennetsPoorNerves · 25/05/2023 16:43

skilpadde · 25/05/2023 16:35

This is an astonishingly awful post.

You’re actually suggesting that a woman who miscarried must keep trying to get pregnant, because if she doesn’t then she should fuck off from MN?

That’s one way of reinforcing exactly why a new board has been requested.

Show quote history

It feels a bit like the mean girls' clique at school. You can't be a part of our club because you're not xyz...

The site is called Mumsnet and I originally came here around 15 years ago with a parenting question. However, I have stayed here because I enjoy the discussions on a huge range of topics, many of which have sod all to do with motherhood. There are some brilliant, intelligent, well-informed and witty people on this forum. Some are parents and some are not. It makes no difference to me, but equally, I can understand those posters sometimes wanting a specific space to discuss how certain aspects of being childfree affect them. I can't understand why anyone would feel the need to deny them that space, it has zero impact on anyone else!!

underdramatic · 25/05/2023 16:43

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WTAF!!!! Are you really saying - sorry for your loss but you’re infertile, not planning on adopting so bye bye get the feck out you don’t belong here?!?!

Don’t hold back please tell us what you really feel about women who don’t have children.

MrsDanversGlidesAgain · 25/05/2023 16:45

I don't know about other women on MN who don't have children but my life is nothing like the fantasy in ER's post

Wouldn't mind if it was (bar the clubbing, what have baby seals ever done to me?) the single woman she talks about is largely a child of the media (when she's called a 'career woman' as if women having careers, even in 2023, is some sort of weird anomaly). Most of us child free are getting on the best we can.

Freeballing · 25/05/2023 16:47

Florissante · 25/05/2023 16:36

@EbonyRaven seems to think we are all "as happy as pigs in shite" and spend our "[b]lathering on about how they are 'free' and 'happy' and not tied down, and can fly off to Paris for the weekend at the drop of a hat, and stay out til 3am partying and getting pissed, and lie in til midday".

I don't know about other women on MN who don't have children but my life is nothing like the fantasy in ER's post.

Show quote history

This is exactly why I find it hard to see why a whole board dedicated to being 'childfree' is needed. Because your life as a childfree person really isn't that different to my life as a parent of teenagers. The whole labeling and segregating everything is just so pointless in my opinion. Pretty much none of the examples given of thread topics are exclusive to people without children not by a long shot so why the desperation to set yourself apart?

Like I said I don't actually give a shit if mumsnet make a new board or not but it is interesting the need to identify as 'childfree', to set yourself apart from other women when as far as I can see there really are very few differences. It does come across as 'I'm not like other women'.