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See all MNHQ comments on this thread

Original poster

Posters hiding the sex board won't change MN dynamics.

219 replies

OhYouBadBadKitten · 23/02/2023 10:17

This new policy of 'if you don't like it, don't look' doesn't seem to be about making Mumsnet a safer place more welcoming and inclusive place, it seems to be more about 'look the other way if you are offended'.

One issue with this is that once threads get into active, people then post in the wrong place. Explicit threads won't stay on the Sex board, they will migrate onto chat and AIBU and anywhere that gets more views. We see this all the time with various topics.

Changing the policy so that you only need to have been a member for 7 days before posting on creates another issue of course. It is much much easier for sex trolls to join and start harassing people and messaging them off board. I guess that might help revenue if you are getting streams of re-registering sex trolls coming in.

MN used to take safeguarding seriously.

I also think this actually will exclude people from getting support. You now either have to choose to hide the board and therefore if you have a question or an issue about sex, you can't ask in the right place. Or you have to enable it and see every conversation.

Imagine if you are a Mum with young kids, sex has gone down the pan and you want some advice. You might not want your partner to see it. Your choice is: hide the topic and don't get that help you'd like. Or enable it and risk your kids or your partner seeing the threads on your screen.

This is a separate conversation to the very valuable safeguarding conversation about the sex chat threads.

OP posts:
TheShellBeach · 23/02/2023 21:07

Amarchhare · 23/02/2023 17:35

It isn’t respectful to keep telling us we’re wrong, and that the lovely men on Sex wouldn’t tolerate poor treatment of women.

Being polite does not equal respect. Respect is having regard and consideration for the feelings of others. You are not showing any of us respect. You’re showing us what you believe is respect and is condescension.

And asking MNHQ to ban some of us.
Well, me, anyway.
The one with HORNY (Hmm) in his user name really has it in for me.

Sparklingbrook · 23/02/2023 21:08

Live and let live

But you don't seem to abide by that rule. You are here telling people what they can and can't post. Again.

LangClegsInSpace · 23/02/2023 21:11

Yay my post is back. Thank you MNHQ!

Sparklingbrook · 23/02/2023 21:12

LangClegsInSpace · 23/02/2023 21:11

Yay my post is back. Thank you MNHQ!

I did wonder exactly what your crime was there. Grin

LucyLeave · 23/02/2023 21:14

PinotPony · 23/02/2023 20:35

I'm a woman who is fairly active on the sex boards, amongst others. If you posted on there asking for advice and made it clear you only wanted responses from women, most of the regular male posters on there would respect that. But there is always the risk that some men would comment regardless. They'd get an absolute bollocking from me and the other women on there, but I recognise that will do little to allay your concern.

And that is the point. Men would post regardless and not care that they are making women feel uncomfortable about posting on there.

I'd advise any woman who wanted advice on sex related problems to post in Relationships and not the sex topic. Which is a shame really because it could have been an excellent topic for advice. Sadly it's been over taken by men who just want to, well, talk about sex.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 23/02/2023 21:17

The sooner people move away from the ridiculous idea that MN is a 'safe space' the better.

It is completely ridiculous to think that anywhere on the internet is 'safe'

Just hide it, and unhide when you needtogetafix need some advice

LucyLeave · 23/02/2023 21:20

No one thinks MN is a safe space. That doesn't mean it has to join the rest of the internet and become a hook up site for mostly men.

TheShellBeach · 23/02/2023 21:21

LucyLeave · 23/02/2023 21:20

No one thinks MN is a safe space. That doesn't mean it has to join the rest of the internet and become a hook up site for mostly men.

Exactly.

PinotPony · 23/02/2023 21:22

@LucyLeave
"I'd advise any woman who wanted advice on sex related problems to post in Relationships and not the sex topic. Which is a shame really because it could have been an excellent topic for advice. Sadly it's been over taken by men who just want to, well, talk about sex."

😂😂😂

  1. Do you really believe that men aren't lurking on the Relationship boards?
  2. Do you want the Relationship boards full of posts about anal beads? It would definitely put you off your Cornflakes.
  3. What else would men (or women) talk about on the Sex boards other than... sex?!
BIWI · 23/02/2023 21:25

It is absolutely right to point out that nowhere on Mumsnet is a 'safe space'. Even on the topics that are hidden from Active, or OTBT.

However. That doesn't mean to say that women who post here shouldn't feel threatened by men who might be posting here.

And that's the point. It's not about the sex topic being in Active - we are all agreed (even if MNHQ are being slow to appreciate this) that it's better not in Active. It's about the opening up of Mumsnet to men who are looking for hook-ups. Which is predatory behaviour and therefore threatening.

And why are they coming here? What is it about Mumsnet that attracts them? There are plenty of places on the internet to find casual sexual encounters.

The whole idea of a sex topic - originally - was to create a space where we, who are mostly women, could talk about issues that relate to sex that are pertinent to women. I do appreciate that having a man's perspective might be insightful. But men looking to chat with/meet up with women for sex chat (or actual sex) goes way beyond this.

And it's this which is offensive, upsetting and - for many - threatening.

All you cool girls who think it's not an issue - just use your brains, try and be a bit more empathetic and understand why, for many women, this really is a problem. And one that has been entirely of MNHQ's making, given their recent 'initiatives'.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 23/02/2023 21:27

TheShellBeach · 23/02/2023 21:21

Exactly.

Show quote history

Apart from op who says exactly that

Even if I did unhide it, with the change in policy, it doesnt feel like a safe space.

Hide the bloody board, I have, and I'm grateful that there is a place for them all to hang out.

LucyLeave · 23/02/2023 21:31

PinotPony · 23/02/2023 21:22

@LucyLeave
"I'd advise any woman who wanted advice on sex related problems to post in Relationships and not the sex topic. Which is a shame really because it could have been an excellent topic for advice. Sadly it's been over taken by men who just want to, well, talk about sex."

😂😂😂

  1. Do you really believe that men aren't lurking on the Relationship boards?
  2. Do you want the Relationship boards full of posts about anal beads? It would definitely put you off your Cornflakes.
  3. What else would men (or women) talk about on the Sex boards other than... sex?!

Men don't come onto the Relationship board with their dicks out. Banging on about how much their imaginary wives like rimming or asking where they can buy trousers to flash in the woods in.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 23/02/2023 21:31

@BIWI ah that lovely cool girls insult when a woman doesn't agree. How fucking patronising.

MN has to be profitable, it isn't a charity, it has lost revenue when it has stood for things it believes in, and despite this current obsession with the sex board it is still predominantly a site for women in a sea of male influence.

Sparklingbrook · 23/02/2023 21:33

asking where they can buy trousers to flash in the woods in.

Blimey.

SunnyDaysAheadGang · 23/02/2023 21:34

I never even knew about the creepy sex chat. So GRIM!

TheShellBeach · 23/02/2023 21:34

Sparklingbrook · 23/02/2023 21:33

asking where they can buy trousers to flash in the woods in.

Blimey.

I saw that thread. It was vile.

TheShellBeach · 23/02/2023 21:36

I'll tell you what upsets me.
It's being told that our feelings about the sex board are not valid.
And of course, it's mainly men who are telling us this. As usual, men tell us what we can and can't feel.

BIWI · 23/02/2023 21:39

So you think it's just about 'follow the money' @MrsRobinsonsHandprints?

Mumsnet has always prided itself on not being like that.

However, I think - sadly - you're right. This is now all about the money.

CPL593H · 23/02/2023 21:40

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 23/02/2023 21:17

The sooner people move away from the ridiculous idea that MN is a 'safe space' the better.

It is completely ridiculous to think that anywhere on the internet is 'safe'

Just hide it, and unhide when you needtogetafix need some advice

Never thought MN was a safe space. Also didn't think until the last week or so it had an area for married people seeking hookups.

Rhondaa · 23/02/2023 21:40

TheShellBeach · 23/02/2023 21:36

I'll tell you what upsets me.
It's being told that our feelings about the sex board are not valid.
And of course, it's mainly men who are telling us this. As usual, men tell us what we can and can't feel.

Your feelings are valid but the point is you do not have to go there. I believe you actually post there?

Lots of threads and sites I don't like but I don't take it as a personal insult, just isn't for me. I think you need to hide the sex board.

TheShellBeach · 23/02/2023 21:41

SunnyDaysAheadGang · 23/02/2023 21:34

I never even knew about the creepy sex chat. So GRIM!

Everything on the sex board is grim.

TheShellBeach · 23/02/2023 21:42

Rhondaa · 23/02/2023 21:40

Your feelings are valid but the point is you do not have to go there. I believe you actually post there?

Lots of threads and sites I don't like but I don't take it as a personal insult, just isn't for me. I think you need to hide the sex board.

Show quote history

I do not post there.

MrsRobinsonsHandprints · 23/02/2023 21:42

@BIWI yes I do, and the bottom line always has been the money no matter how it was dressed up. Somethings are worth taking the financial hit, others not so much.

PinotPony · 23/02/2023 21:47

@TheShellBeach "I do not post there."

You're on there more than me! 😂🤣

Rhondaa · 23/02/2023 21:48

TheShellBeach · 23/02/2023 21:42

I do not post there.

Show quote history

You've posted on the sex chat thread?