Posters hiding the sex board won't change MN dynamics.

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

This new policy of 'if you don't like it, don't look' doesn't seem to be about making Mumsnet a safer place more welcoming and inclusive place, it seems to be more about 'look the other way if you are offended'.

One issue with this is that once threads get into active, people then post in the wrong place. Explicit threads won't stay on the Sex board, they will migrate onto chat and AIBU and anywhere that gets more views. We see this all the time with various topics.

Changing the policy so that you only need to have been a member for 7 days before posting on creates another issue of course. It is much much easier for sex trolls to join and start harassing people and messaging them off board. I guess that might help revenue if you are getting streams of re-registering sex trolls coming in.

MN used to take safeguarding seriously.

I also think this actually will exclude people from getting support. You now either have to choose to hide the board and therefore if you have a question or an issue about sex, you can't ask in the right place. Or you have to enable it and see every conversation.

Imagine if you are a Mum with young kids, sex has gone down the pan and you want some advice. You might not want your partner to see it. Your choice is: hide the topic and don't get that help you'd like. Or enable it and risk your kids or your partner seeing the threads on your screen.

This is a separate conversation to the very valuable safeguarding conversation about the sex chat threads.

I didnt know you were a man Surplus, so I'm slightly bemused by the idea that other anonymous men would politely keep off my thread but you'd helpfully chase them off if they ignored my request.

It’s all a bit like female changing rooms in shops - yes men can now come in ( if they say they are a woman) no they won’t attack you but if they do report it to the police.

Completely missing the point, if men weren’t in the woman's space in the first place nobody would be unsafe and nothing would need reporting to anybody after they had been attacked or online abused.

@Surplus2requirements , op wants to be able to post about a sensitive issue and get respectful and helpful replies from other women who have had the same experience. Even the fact that you are reading it changes the dynamic, and to me is creepy as fuck, and the fact you and others would stand up for her if men were inappropriate on the thread - it’s a bit bloody late by the time she’s been abused.
Can you really not see the problem?

I didn't mean me, it's not likely I'd be there, or other men. I meant other sex board users many of which are women.

Yes I can absolutely see the problem and I'm not trying to minimalise it.

I'm casting around for something that may help other than banning all men from MN which is unlikely to happen

I'm casting around for something that may help other than banning all men from MN which is unlikely to happen.

How about

removing the sex chat thread
reinstating the 90 day rule
removing the topic from active
MNHQ answering everyone’s worries instead of saying we’re listening but we’re ignoring you and carrying on anyway

Oh and on a personal level @Surplus2requirements realising that there are times women need our own spaces, and stepping away from them with respect for women.

I haven't got much of an opinion about the sex chat thread, I have no experience of it (which would be radically different the women's anyway) and quite a few women use it and seem positive about it.

The other points I've supported since i first became aware of the first threads in Site Stuff

I'm completely happy to do that but it's not so easy when I'm constantly asked questions after making one post that I hoped would be helpful.

I don't want to ignore people who directly address me but I'll dip out now

Thank fuck for that.

I actual want to post and read about general sex questions on the sex board.

What I don't want to see is a thread that actually encourages people who aren't "getting it at home" to cheat and connive behind their partner's back and use mumsnet to send sexting type messages.

So hiding the board is no good for me. I want to be able to ask questions in a female space and get female replies.

And the sex chat thread just feels like mumsnet is becoming a hook ups site. That encourages cheating.

And that's not what I thought it was.

Quite

To me, Surplus, your posts come across as 'White-Knighting'. Lots of women find that creepy. I'm not trying to attack you, I just don't know whether you realise you're doing it.

I expect MN attracts more than its fair share of 'gallant gentlemen' among men who post on the sex topic. They're not like those other nasty men who frequent porn sites and tinder, they've come to Mumsnet to get their rocks off because they loooove women and will fight to protect woman-centred online sexy spaces by posting 'supportively' all over them. I'm sure lots of them identify as feminists.

(TBF, I reckon there's also a fair few men on there who just miss Readers' Wives.)

I've no intention of getting my rocks off on MN but otherwise thanks for the head up (seriously)

You have posted sexual advice to women, you have recounted many experiences on the sex board, discussed the size of your penis with a woman. Maybe you don’t get off on it, I don’t know. But it doesn’t make me feel like this is a lovely safe man I can chat to.

You may not be @Surplus2requirements and I'm not going to argue that you are, but it is clear to anyone with reading comprehension that the most popular thread on that board is dominated by men who are trying to do exactly that. There are posts laughingly telling women posting that they will be inundated with responses if they post as being willing to "chat". There are (self declared) men bemoaning that they haven't had the responses they wanted. There are multiple middle aged men (and older) looking for FWB, giving their locations.

Tell me why the Hell any woman with a genuine issue to do with sex would feel comfortable on there?

@Amarchhare

Asked for advice

I haven’t really been following this debate much but the whole thing has become drama central. This is not a female only “ safe space” it’s an online forum and anyone is free to post. If you’re offended then you’re offended - you don't have the right to dictate what other adults talk about it because you dont like it. In addition this bull shit about my child might see a small word on my phone when I log on is exactly that - be discreet with your phone if you’re that worried about it.

Oh god that's gross

I haven’t really been following this debate

What you go on to say does suggest that.

I'm a woman who is fairly active on the sex boards, amongst others. If you posted on there asking for advice and made it clear you only wanted responses from women, most of the regular male posters on there would respect that. But there is always the risk that some men would comment regardless. They'd get an absolute bollocking from me and the other women on there, but I recognise that will do little to allay your concern.

It's a hatchet job misrepresentation but I won't go over it point by point

I see my previous post was deleted so I'll keep this as general as I can:

12th rule of misogyny: Women's ability to recognize male behavior patterns is misandry.

Absolutely this 👏

25th rule of social skills. Live and let live. It's a chat forum, not your own personal blog so as such mnhq's TGs are relevant, not yours.