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Why is Sex topic now in Active?

1000 replies

clarrylove · 15/02/2023 19:43

It never used to be there before. It doesn't really seem appropriate with some of the titles.

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12
Sparklingbrook · 18/02/2023 12:53

Well at least give it a week then see if anything changes.

I’ll make a note in my diary. 👍

HeartInDrive · 18/02/2023 13:12

I find mumsnet agreeing to be the host of some sort of pervs hookup thread very odd. Is that what mumsnet want to be known for.

Years ago I was in contact with a woman on here who was struggling with something. I would describe her as vulnerable. She had got friendly with a bloke on here, not via the sex topic, and ended up meeting him. He was all kinds of weird. This man is now one of the posters who is all over the sex boards and that sex hook up thread. I fear for other women who may be vulnerable and agree to meet him. The sex topic is going to attract these sorts. At least keep it out of active.

Rhondaa · 18/02/2023 13:15

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Rhondaa · 18/02/2023 13:17

@HeartInDrive that is just basics regarding internet safety. The very basics, you don't meet strangers you've met online. Doesn't matter what topic they post it,

Sparklingbrook · 18/02/2023 13:20

HeartInDrive · 18/02/2023 13:12

I find mumsnet agreeing to be the host of some sort of pervs hookup thread very odd. Is that what mumsnet want to be known for.

Years ago I was in contact with a woman on here who was struggling with something. I would describe her as vulnerable. She had got friendly with a bloke on here, not via the sex topic, and ended up meeting him. He was all kinds of weird. This man is now one of the posters who is all over the sex boards and that sex hook up thread. I fear for other women who may be vulnerable and agree to meet him. The sex topic is going to attract these sorts. At least keep it out of active.

That’s awful. And for him still to be around too.

HeartInDrive · 18/02/2023 13:24

Rhondaa · 18/02/2023 13:17

@HeartInDrive that is just basics regarding internet safety. The very basics, you don't meet strangers you've met online. Doesn't matter what topic they post it,

Of course. But many people who post on forums will be vulnerable. This man would have known by talking to her that she was vulnerable, but still agreed to meet. He is a poster that pretends to be this ‘good guy’ and is of course very much in favour of the sex threads and hook up thread remaining. No doubt he won’t be the only one there. And mumsnet are agreeing to host this. And now are basically making it available to more people by putting thd topic in active. Online forums can’t protect everyone, but they did for a long time refuse a sex topic because of who it would attract. They knew it posed a risk of trolls and to women. Then they allowed it but kept it out of active and had a 3 month posting rule. Now they host a hook up thread and put the topic in active and have a 7 day posting rule. This isn’t right.

LittleBearPad · 18/02/2023 13:26

There’s another thread in site stuff where a Sex board regular is complaining about the trolling.

Has this change in policy worked out for anyone? No one seems happy with it!

HeartInDrive · 18/02/2023 13:38

Sparklingbrook · 18/02/2023 13:20

That’s awful. And for him still to be around too.

I know. I did encourage her to let mumsnet know but I don’t know if she ever did. She was very down about the whole thing.

Does the sex topic really get enough traffic for it to be worthwhile? For so many years they refused to have it due to knowing it would attract trolls and pervs. And now it’s in active. How do they justify it after their comments initially?

Sparklingbrook · 18/02/2023 13:51

There’s another thread in site stuff where a Sex board regular is complaining about the trolling
I can only imagine how that’s going. 😬

leithreas · 18/02/2023 13:58

I think the sex chat thread is really concerning. You can already see men getting the hump where no one has pmd them. I think most women know from experience how rejected men can behave. Is this the type of person mumsnet wants roaming the boards? Men angry because women aren't submitting to them as they should? Why is it worth that risk so a few pervy men who contribute nothing to the rest of the site can have a wank? I just don't see the point? Despite what these men(who appear to be unable to put their dicks down long enough to Google) say there are plenty of forums out there where they can partake in this kind of thing. Or if this is something mumsnet feel strongly that they want then make another site, mumsnet after dark or whatever where all the men can walk at each in peace and harmony.

LavenderSloe · 18/02/2023 14:00

HeartInDrive · 18/02/2023 13:38

I know. I did encourage her to let mumsnet know but I don’t know if she ever did. She was very down about the whole thing.

Does the sex topic really get enough traffic for it to be worthwhile? For so many years they refused to have it due to knowing it would attract trolls and pervs. And now it’s in active. How do they justify it after their comments initially?

Yes, yes it does get very regular traffic - many more responses on most threads than I see in a number of the other topics.

I think the big key here is to differentiate a couple of issues which are being discussed side by side on this thread (not just aimed at you here @HeartInDrive) but they aren't the same thing:

A) Should the Sex topic be in Active - I think both the non-Sex topic users and the topic regulars seem fairly much agreed they don't want it there, albeit for different reasons. The non-users because some are pearl clutching and some have very valid reasons - cultural reasons or personal background which means it is offensive or triggering. The regulars because they are now being attacked. The only people who seem to have benefitted from this were @mumsnethq and not sure how it's gone in their favour either since this is hardly going to have brought positive brand image for the product they are trying to sell, and possibly alienated a huge cross-section of their audience at the same time. Quite an own-goal to p* off everybody from BOTH sides of the debate, just for profit!

B) Should Sex topic exist at all and is it in some way wrong / dangerous? - I'd argue it's both needed and perfectly in keeping with a forum for mothers and adult women IF the tone is right eg, a safe space for women and their allies to discuss the sexual issues that have puzzled or troubled them, often which are closely related to their changing bodies and lives as they age and post children. In my experience, there are plenty of threads that fall into that category and are incredibly valuable- nowhere else on the Internet is similar without becoming horribly seedy. I would, however, agree that threads which start encouraging people to meet up outside the forum can be risky. This is very tricky ground for Mumsnet to moderate but suggest that reinstating the 30 day registration before posting rule, and adding a Rules to the Sex Topic including a clear warning about giving personal info or meeting people outside the forum - or even banning just this type of thread - could help. At the end of the day though, any forum with some degree of PM system comes with risk and as your friend themselves found...they had issues meeting up with someone which had nothing to do with the Sex Topic! Predators gonna prey, even in the most boring threads.

C) The general topic and reaction to it - whilst I agree nobody should be forced to see sexual topics coming up if they don't want to, I think Mumsnetters need to remember that the users of Sex topic are equally entitled to their opinions, questions and feelings - which are nornal and natural and no, they are not disgusting, weird, pervs, kinkists or shameful. Before you throw words like that around, remember some people spend a very long time in therapy escaping such judgement and what gives you the right to judge them? The fact you are seeing Hesse things is the fault of @MumsnetHQ, nobody else...so don't project your anger onto other people.

And @LilyMumsnet @HopeMumsnet ...isn't it time the voice of Mumsnet broke the silence and put this right?

everywhichway · 18/02/2023 14:05

Yes, there are other forums where respectful, consenting adults can talk about sex too. Just as there are such other forums for conversations about gardening, property, cookery, holidays, parking disputes and so on. Should MN get rid of those threads too?

Sparklingbrook · 18/02/2023 14:06

pearl clutching

Anyone else fed up with that expression. 🙄

LavenderSloe · 18/02/2023 14:09

Sparklingbrook · 18/02/2023 14:06

pearl clutching

Anyone else fed up with that expression. 🙄

Probably about as many who are fed up with "pervy" and "seedy" when applied to a value judgement situation, so touche.

Sparklingbrook · 18/02/2023 14:14

LavenderSloe · 18/02/2023 14:09

Probably about as many who are fed up with "pervy" and "seedy" when applied to a value judgement situation, so touche.

I wouldn’t agree with that, but fine if that’s what you believe.

Brainbleachplease · 18/02/2023 14:17

It's awful to see the topics in Active. It's just not necessary. All for a bit of extra activity on mn. Do better, Mumsnethq. Seems hardly in the spirt of the forum.

Getir · 18/02/2023 14:19

My main objection to the sex board is the hook up thread. No one will ever convince me MN should host that thread whether it's hidden away or comes up in Active.

Brainbleachplease · 18/02/2023 14:24

HeartInDrive · 18/02/2023 13:12

I find mumsnet agreeing to be the host of some sort of pervs hookup thread very odd. Is that what mumsnet want to be known for.

Years ago I was in contact with a woman on here who was struggling with something. I would describe her as vulnerable. She had got friendly with a bloke on here, not via the sex topic, and ended up meeting him. He was all kinds of weird. This man is now one of the posters who is all over the sex boards and that sex hook up thread. I fear for other women who may be vulnerable and agree to meet him. The sex topic is going to attract these sorts. At least keep it out of active.

I'm sure I know which thread your friend was on. The male poster was asked not to post on it anymore. Pretends to be your everyday kind of man but made me quite 🤮. It's a shame your friend didn't report him. Bless her.

HeartInDrive · 18/02/2023 14:25

they had issues meeting up with someone which had nothing to do with the Sex Topic! Predators gonna prey, even in the most boring threads.

It became very clear that he started using mumsnet for the sex topic and then used other boards. He would never have arrived here at mumsnet without the sex topic being here. It attracts men that are pervs and puts women in danger.

When I said is it worthwhile, I meant in terms of the danger it poses to women and the discomfort it causes to so many. I think mumsnet should say it isn’t. And mumsnet did think that, very vocally talking about the sort of people it would attract at one point, in fact that was their stance for many years.

It makes no sense other than they are willing to put women at risk and cause discomfort to them to please men and make a bit extra maybe. When their site is mainly used by women, this doesn’t sit right with me, anyone I know IRL that uses the site or many women on here.

HeartInDrive · 18/02/2023 14:32

Mumsnets principles and concerns for women seem to have been completely thrown out over the years.

The answer was always no to a sex topic, due to who it would attract. For years!

Then they made one with a reasonably long posting history rule. It wasn’t in active to save causing distress.

Then the posting history reduced to a week.

Now it’s in active with the flippant answer of hide it if you don’t like it.

Christmaspyjamas · 18/02/2023 14:39

@HeartInDrive that is a good summary.

Fairislefandango · 18/02/2023 14:48

Have MN yet provided an answer to why they claim to have put the sex topic in active 'in order not to restrict access to any parts of MN' (or however they phrased it) and yet there are other boards not on active?

And has anyone yet managed to think of a single solitary benefit to any MN user of putting the sex topic in active? As opposef to benefits to MN's coffers?

lovem · 18/02/2023 14:50

"Pearl clutching" is always a huge tell isn't it? Just the age old misogyny against women, some of whom could see exactly where society was heading in terms of porn and objectification of women. The modern equivalent is "Karen".

Ofbollocks · 18/02/2023 14:52

I don't really mind if people who need instructions on how to stick their dick in a plastic tube think I look silly tbh
**
😁 quote of the day.* *

RainbowZebraWarrior · 18/02/2023 14:54

Rhondaa · 18/02/2023 13:17

@HeartInDrive that is just basics regarding internet safety. The very basics, you don't meet strangers you've met online. Doesn't matter what topic they post it,

The problem is that some of the people on the sex chat thread are actually meeting up irl. So MN is facilitating this.

And there was a massive issue on a long running thread a couple of years ago too with a male poster meeting up with different women. One very vulnerable one. I suspect it's the same one others have mentioned.

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