Why is Sex topic now in Active?

[clarrylove]

It never used to be there before. It doesn't really seem appropriate with some of the titles.

We're still waiting for your reply Mumsnet!

Mumsnet

THE SEX THREADS

There is a lot of useful advice for all ages and sexes at various stages in their lives.

If you want to go there you can go there.

One thread in particular is attracting a lot of flack.
It seems to be creating quite a furore. I do not think this is a good thing. If this is a deliberate act by Mumsnet to CREATE MORE TRAFFIC THEN SHAME ON YOU.

I think it's the recent move to display all the "Sex Topic" threads on Active that's mostly behind the recent furore Anne - although the accompanying move to considerably shorten the length of time people can be on MN before they can post on the Sex threads hasn't helped either.

Ah. Yes. It used to be 3 or 6 months. That is quite a drastic change @everywhichway

Great, so the topic which was already infested with pervy men now doesn't every require them to wait 90 days for their wankfest?

Were they ejaculating at the prospect or something (in which case job done, they don't need to post at all).

Amazingly coincidence that sex topic appears in active just as MN is flogging shrek's vibrating ear in a way which is both misogynistic and designed to undermine the confidence of new mothers.

It was 90 days as I recall, but I believe it's currently down to 7. Making it longer again could really help to deter many of the nuisance posters.

'Amazingly coincidence that sex topic appears in active just as MN is flogging shrek's vibrating ear in a way which is both misogynistic'

Oh unclench for goodness sake.

Honestly sex topics and sex toys. How very dare they .

Great, so the topic which was already infested with pervy men now doesn't every require them to wait 90 days for their wankfest?

No they just have to count down the days for one week now . 🤔

Oh unclench for goodness sake.

Honestly sex topics and sex toys. How very dare they .

Not sure if you're aware but the internet is awash with places where adults can freely talk about all manner of sexual issues and arrange hook ups with like minded folk.

Mumsnet, for many of us who have been here a long time, represented a safe-ish space for women (predominantly) to discuss a wide range of subjects. Sometimes sex yes but much much more often not.

If you've been here a while you will have seen so many posters talking movingly about past trauma associated with sex. They're not prudes for asking why we now have significant numbers of men hanging around in the hope of talking about sex and having a private session with MN'ers when they're bored at home in the day. Or why we are being asked to buy site sponsored sex toys. It's a substantial change to the whole culture of the site. And you're not more open minded just because you toss out lines like 'unclench for goodness sake' as though you're a radical in the midst of an army of Mary Whitehouses.

It is a separate clearly titled topic. Dont click on it is my tip. There is nothing wrong with discussing sex amd sexual problems though. You seriously think women with problems should go to 'hook up sites to meet liked minded folk'??

Anything weird is deleted. The people on there seem reasonable and polite. Once again folk need to stop trying to run mumsnet.

You aren't been asked to buy sex toys, they are being advertised. They aren't compulsory.

How to explain it so you understand - some people do not want to see thread titles about rimming, squirting, choking, or general sex shit in their active feeds. For some people with sexual trauma, it could be triggering. People who previously had the topic hidden had it unhidden by MN, and it doesn’t appear to be possible to get rid of it in the app.

that’s great, cool girl, if you don’t have a problem with it, but lots of people do. instead of telling people to unclench and just enjoy the sex tapas now on offer from MNHQ, starting with Shreks Ear and ending with pms from perverted men - why not go and have a think about why so many women are objecting to this unwanted, unasked for change. Maybe we’re all just fucking prudes.

is Justine on Holiday?

'that’s great, cool girl, if you don’t have a problem with it, but lots of people do. instead of telling people to unclench and just enjoy the sex tapas now on offer from MNHQ, starting with Shreks Ear and ending with pms from perverted men - why not go and have a think about why so many women are objecting to this unwanted, unasked for change. Maybe we’re all just fucking prudes.'

I'm not a 'cool girl', just well able to navigate the internet and avoid stuff I don't like. Again don't click on it and don't buy any sex toy advertised if you don't want to <there isn't anything wrong with sex toys btw>. Also, pms can be disabled. Just go into settings.

One of the absolute basic rules of kink is that you don't force it on non-consenting people.

While there's no compulsion to click on any thread, having obviously kink-related titles from the Sex forum pop up on Active between "which school is best in Lincoln?" and "how do I cope with the 4 month sleep regression?" is jarring, could easily be triggering and, arguably, is MN breaking that 'consensual' rule.

No problem with a sex board existing, I've posted there myself once or twice, but it should be a conscious choice to opt-in. So yes, another saying remove from Active and reinstate the longer qualifying period.

So yes, another saying remove from Active and reinstate the longer qualifying period.

Yes please.

It appears to emboldening some of the wankers into dm-ing vulnerable women from threads completely unrelated to then 'sex' chat.

I have experineced two unwanted dm's from men since this latest change, obviously fishing for wank fodder, quoting my posts on the relationship board about some troubles I was having (under another username).

And no, I shouldn't be forced to turn off DM's to stop this.

I get some very useful ones re: topics I am interested in, autistic support groups and the SEN section for example.

Newtonsnipple please report them if you haven't already.

'I have experineced two unwanted dm's from men since this latest change, obviously fishing for wank fodder, quoting my posts on the relationship board about some troubles I was having (under another username).'

If anyone messages 'fishing for wank fodder', report it I'm pretty sure will be banned. I would suggest the same for any unwanted messaging.

This bears repeating, I think.

One of the absolute basic rules of kink is that you don't force it on non-consenting people

We aren't uptight, WI members, snowflakes, or prudes. Nor do we need to unclench. And no, we shouldn't have to disable PMs either.

It's been explained over and over again that these threads could be triggering to those who have sexual abuse trauma. Never mind all manner of other legitimate reasons for not wanting the sex threads in active.

It's just chip, chip away at women's boundaries everywhere we turn.

Is it too much to ask for just one safe space?

I do not consent to this.

If anyone messages 'fishing for wank fodder', report it I'm pretty sure will be banned. I would suggest the same for any unwanted messaging

Shouldn't be fucking happening in the first! place and as said has only happened recently since the sex topic has appeared in Active.

You should actually read the the fucking thread, because it's not about prudes or people who don't know how to navigate the Internet FFS.

Many people have articulated very well why it shouldn't be in active. Maybe read it and use your fucking brain.

Are you being deliberately obtuse?

By forcing the topic on users, it's right there, on our screens. Yes, you can avoid clicking on it and reading, but if it's the thread title, it's unavoidable.

Unless it can once again be hidden from Active Conversations. As it was before it was thrust upon users again without their consent.

Same goes for the sex toy advertising - make them opt in for those who want them.

Again....

One of the absolute basic rules of kink is that you don't force it on non-consenting people

@Janiie all your posts are telling people to change their own behaviour to facilitate these changes. You’re ignoring the triggering issue many have completely.

Why should (estimated) 99% of users of Mumsnet have to change their settings, disable DMs which they use regularly, be triggered when a post appears, etc etc for the 1% of people who want to use a parenting board as a sex chat site? Why are these 1% more important than the 99%? Hiding their sex chat from active doesn’t stop them using it, doesn’t make any difference at all to that 1%, but is actively upsetting many many users and causing many others to have to change how they use the site. How is that ok?

Actually could @HopeMumsnet or @LilyMumsnet come back and explain this too please.

'Maybe read it and use your fucking brain.'

Yeah I've read and used my fucking brain thanks, no need to be so angry and aggressive. I just disagree that's all. It is a chat forum, used for sharing opinions and having debate. My opinion is the sex topic is very tame. No one is having 'kinks forced on them'. Sex toys are everywhere, how does one navigate shopping in tescos when they are now so mainstream they are often found next to the toothpaste.

Maybe mnhq will remove it from active though as some of you do seem upset by it.

The comments I'm seeing seem to be along the lines of....
(From people who don't see/use the sex board regularly)
It's disgusting
It's creeps/perverts/people who are cheating/using it for wank material or hookups or sexting/it's attracting a lot of men
People who are not who they say they are getting off on cheap thrills
It's inappropriate/gross
It's changing what mn is for and who uses it
etc

And
(From people who do use the sex boards)
It's a safe space we like to discuss our issues in a supportive, safe way
You're judging us/you're uptight/it's just sex
We're (probably) consenting adults, and we're within talk guidelines
You're spoiling our area
etc

I don't think either side is 100% right with the lines I've put in bold
However, if I was a creep, cheat, pervert, here to get my rocks off, I'd be attracted to the sex chat boards
And if I was uptight, humourless, prudish, a joy sucker, I'd want to avoid the sex boards

The solution to both these issues?

Hide the fecking board again!
It doesn't seem a difficult solution

I'm curious about why @Janiie and other WANT Sex in Active. I mean I know why MNHQ do, marketing. That's plain. But why do users want it? It smacks of exhibitionism. It's not like people can't find it, because it they start a sex thread elsewhere they are told within two posts. Why do they want to include people who are here for Baby Names, Feminism and Relationships in their Sex topic? I certainly don't yearn for the converse.

yes! I’ve definitely noticed this. More men in one sex post than I’ve even seen on MN