Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet? Tell us why or why not.

[FrannyMumsnet]

We want to know more about the way you use private messaging on Mumsnet. And how you feel about it.

Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet?

If NO: Can you say more about why not?

If YES:
1. What type of things do you message for?
2. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?
3. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

Knowing about your experiences will be very valuable to us.
thanks

I'm not sure this thread is because of that, though. MNHQ can read all PMs at any time, so could easily have words with anyone misusing the facility.

I don't see why they should be banned. It's up to people to use them responsibly.

You'd have to be a bit thick to blart out all the details in the reply PM to any old Random.

That's not a reason to ban PMs ItsAllGoingToBeFine

We're all adults here and should be well aware that not everyone on the internet are who they claim to be.

I use it occasionally - if I want to say something which would out me or sometimes if I want to support someone who it getting flamed but my opinion on the thread would be unpopular. But not to be negative off-thread. That's not cool.

Sometimes if I want to ask a particular poster a particular question and don't feel the need to start a public thread. Or sometimes to alert a poster to a thread, if I think they'd like to see it (very, very rarely).

I agree with flowery that I'm uncomfortable if somebody wants to continue a thread privately or ask me directly for advice - I'd much rather give advice publicly if it's safe (ie non identifying) to do so and I've had the experience once or twice where somebody wanted to carry on an argument in private which I'm not interested in doing. I also once had a gross sexual PM which I reported and it was dealt with swiftly :)

I also had an experience a few years ago where a support thread went to OTBT and then to PM and then to email but it ended up being an attention troll and I wish I hadn't got sucked in. I'm more wary of doing things like that now.

Overall, I like the PM system here, I don't find it difficult to use. I like that you can report PMs and block them and the new message thing isn't intrusive. I don't want pop ups or flashing things or signs. I don't want to be able to be "tagged".

Perhaps it would be useful to add a feature to send group PMs, but I can see that being horribly abused, so perhaps it's better to just leave it.

What's the problem? Why are you looking to improve it?

You can. If you go into your inbox it's in settings. You can block all messages.

Ooh thanks, that's new. Last time I asked for that feature on a thread like this one I was told to ignore messages or block individual posters.

I send a few private messages a month. I mostly message poster's to say hello or to have a quick chat. I might send a pm to a poster who has been subject to something upsetting on a thread.

Yes, I use it occasionally, usually to contact one of my fellow Crepys about a meet up.

Details of when/where we are meeting - I don't feel that I want it visible to all and sundry.

Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet? no

If NO: Can you say more about why not? use to, when I had MN mates, some fizzled out , with a couple have move onto texting and meeting up in rl.

No, I don't use it
Why? Because I don't know anyone irl and I'm happy with keeping it that way

If YES:

1. What type of things do you message for?
2. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?
3. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

I'm a Yes, but only very occasionally.

What I use it for:

• Have used it once or twice to privately warn people if they had for example posted real names or something else "outing" by mistake, so they can do something about it. It is also used occasionally in Relationships I believe if there are concerns that someone's abuser may be reading the thread, to contact them a little more privately with advice etc (though of course there is no 100% guarantee that their PM's can't be accessed, either).
• To give someone more details about something privately that might be "outing" or giving away too much for me if posted on a public thread. For example, if I was going to talk about a trip away but don't want to advertise publicly that the house will be empty then, or to give advice or recommendations that might be too recognisable as me, or share private information I don't want linked to my user name. There may be times you are happy to share things with a specific individual, but don't want the whole world to be able to google it.
• If I wanted to discuss something in more detail with a particular poster that would not be of interest or would be going off-topic on the main thread.

As I'm only a very occasional user I don't think this has increased or decreased over time. It is generally one-off or as-needed contact, I don't regularly chat with anyone.

It is a useful function to have, in my opinion, and seems to work reasonably well. I don't usually remember to check my Inbox but have it set to email me if I get a message, so that's OK.

I don't understand the assumption that you have to know people in RL to use it.

I can't see any point in using it if you know them in RL - surely you have other ways of communication.
Absolutely everyone is a stranger to me in MN and that is the way I like it. I don't have a profile and I never read profiles.
I remain a stranger with PMs and never give my real name, let alone any details. Therefore I like the facilitity to contact- however I have only done it once- but I do appreciate support that posters have given me when I have had a tough time on a thread.

I have also used it occasionally to apologise to posters if things have perhaps got a bit heated on a thread, or where there's been a bit of derailment. I could (and have) apologise on the thread itself, but it's more personal to do it via PM, and also hopefully ensures that they see my apology.

I use it rarely because it's a horrible interface. You can't read the whole conversation, and it's just clunky. If I am going to talk to someone, I'd rather do it by e-mail.

YES:

1. What type of things do you message for?

Things I wouldn't want to share with the entire world. Stuff that makes me identifiable.

1. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?

Depends. Only when I have something to say that I'd rather not share publicly. Over a year, maybe a dozen or so.

1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A co

As needed.

Although I don't use it daily, I would miss it if it were not available and I wouldn't pass on certain info openly.

Do I use it? Yes.
how often? occasionally - probably send one once every two months on average.
What for? usually giving detailed information on something the OP has asked about that I know about, but which I feel is too identifying to post on the thread.

I have occasionally had personal thanks for a post which is very lovely and something special. PMing feels like a very MN thing tbh. I do see posts about abusive PMs though which makes me wonder if it's worth it. The one I remember is about a termination thread - the OP said she had received a terrible anti-abortion PM with images and I felt real horror at what she was going through.