Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet? Tell us why or why not.

[FrannyMumsnet]

We want to know more about the way you use private messaging on Mumsnet. And how you feel about it.

Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet?

If NO: Can you say more about why not?

If YES:
1. What type of things do you message for?
2. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?
3. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

Knowing about your experiences will be very valuable to us.
thanks

I only use it to share personal or contact information. A couple of times I've had people PM me after a heated or sensitive thread saying they support me, which is nice.

Generally though I think conversation should be on the forum. I can talk to people one-to-one at any time, it's the variation of opinion on MN that makes it interesting to me.

As needed really. I don't involve myself personally with anyone from here, generally speaking, and wouldn't wish to, plus I don't take part in the secret santa and so on. I only want it to be an online thing, for me.

So occasionally I'll get a supportive PM if I'm on a tricky thread, or I'll send one if someone seems to be in trouble, that sort of thing.

It's also a useful tool in the scenario where one is sitting on ones hands and unable to state that someone appears to be Making Stuff Up. You can PM someone and say 'it's so and so, isn't it' and they will go 'yup' and you just report it and feel better, without putting anything disruptive on the thread.

Mehitabel

We have a different saying in our house

Sticks and stone may break my bones
But names will break my heart

I use the PM system occasionally - probably a combination of b) and c).

It's usually either because I am going to share more local information than I am prepared to do publicly (eg when someone has asked about local schools) or to send a message of support.

Last year during the IndyRef campaign I used it a bit more often as there were times that the discussions got a bit heated and I contacted a few people with a message of support.

It's now almost impossible for me to PM since the app no longer has that capability . I have to make a special point to go on to the laptop.

I like that Kewcumber- and will use it.
I use it like DoctorF - it is the ideal tool if you don't want any personal involvement and see MN as online only.

Yes, I use PMs. Probably not very often. It depends on the circumstances.

I suppose my first experience of PMs was when I was meeting a MNer, who I didn't previously know, in a 'neutral area' and we just exchanged mobile numbers so that we could ensure we didn't miss each other. We have since become RL friends - so sometimes we PM each other, but now we just phone/text each other.

I've been to a few 'meet ups', where the meeting place is organised 'off-thread' by PM.

Similar to PPs, I've PMd someone who was getting grief on a thread and I thought that a supportive message might have been 'lost' on the thread.

I've received a couple of PMs from MNers doing similar to ^^.

And, yes, a bit of personal or local information, I have PMd and also received.

1. To offer additional advice on subjects where I wouldn't want personal stuff preserved for evermore.

-to share reservations about dodgy posters -to swap personal details I.e rl identity with people I trust

1. Not very often now. Much more wary after the hacking etc.

1. As needed and not as regular as before. Not as interested in making rl connections with other posters as in the past.

Have had arsey PMs. Tend to post those on the thread
Have had PMs asking about last threads on subjects posters have done a search on.
Would love PMs to be more user friend,y, so no switching back and forward o see a whole convo..

I use it a lot. Not under this user name though.

Occasionally
To message a poster about something I don't wish to post publicly.

Often.
Maybe every couple of weeks, I exchange messages with a couple of people I have become friends with. A bit like old fashioned pen friends. They live in a different part of the UK to me and lead such different lives that we would never have met in RL, but we have a common interest on MN. We even met up. My DC were that I was going on a "blind date" with someone off
t'internet.

We could e mail but for some reason we still use PM.
But it's BROKEN.

I use it loads, often when drunk, and mainly to slag people off.

I rarely sent PMs, so I only really use it to reply to people who have PM'd me.

I don't like the layout though.

I would prefer it to be more like FB, where you can see the entire conversation string in the same box.

*send

I've come on this thread to ask MNHQ specifically to investigate a practice that apparently exists of a poster or posters PMing other (possibly vulnerable) posters asking them to ring a mobile phone number to discuss their problems.

Is this why this PM review is taking place?

I am really a bit stunned by all this, and I hope it is very seriously looked at.

I've also emailed MNHQ.

I agree with LineyReborn that I find it a bit weird when posters invite other, often vulnerable sounding, posters to phone them. . I'm sure it's mostly genuine but it does seem a bit odd.

I've literally just seen a post like the one LineyReborn describes.

The worst thing about it was that the person who PM'd her number to an OP with problems, then posted to say the fact the OP didn't phone her to say she was ok, has 'set her radar going'.

WTF? So anyone who doesn't ring the number a complete stranger has sent them in a PM, will be viewed as a troll/liar?

Fuck that.

I've flagged it to MNHQ too Liney it is so counter to all the advice about being safe on line.

I have used PM about ten times in two years. Mainly others have contacted me asking about inside info on my daughter's independent school which I've been happy to give via PM but it wouldn't be appropriate to do on a main thread.

I have btw given my number to someone via PM - but under massively different circumstances. And the lovely person and I are both in RL very Googleable.

And the PMs are all deleted, Jeff.

That sounds beyond dodgy

I don't use it.

Other people use it to PM me asking for free private advice on their personal situation. I think doing that uninvited and without asking permission is rude, and if I gave private individual advice to everyone who asked for it I'd be spending hours and only benefiting a few people rather than the potentially lots that could benefit when I give advice on a thread.

However the fact that people I don't know can PM me uninvited puts me in a position of having to either ignore or to message back explaining why I won't give them personal private advice.

I would like the option to switch off PM altogether or have some kind of block message saying flowery doesn't accept PMs or something. That way strangers wouldn't be able to contact me asking for advice and I wouldn't feel rude ignoring or refusing.

You can. If you go into your inbox it's in settings
You can block all messages

Ooh thanks for that

I was utterly astonished to discover that someone really takes it upon herself to pm a mobile number to posters uninvited.

I've thought of another reason PMs should be banned.

Quite often it goes:

OP: I have a sensitive difficulty but I can't post it here
Many MNers: I am a doctor/lawyer/so!iciter/HR consultant, PM me the details.

How many of the MNers are really what they claim? and how many are simply nosy