Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet? Tell us why or why not.

[FrannyMumsnet]

We want to know more about the way you use private messaging on Mumsnet. And how you feel about it.

Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet?

If NO: Can you say more about why not?

If YES:
1. What type of things do you message for?
2. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?
3. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

Knowing about your experiences will be very valuable to us.
thanks

Yes.
Sometimes to give support. Sometimes it's because a post will get lost in a thread that has become a bunfight. Sometimes it's a response to a recent NCer where I don't wish to out their NC. To say "Thank you".

Not very often. No more often now than before.

One off or as needed.

Minty, I have been accused of sending a nasty PM. I didn't. I have since seen the same poster accuse others of doing this. I think they just like the "oh hun how terrible" messages that they are soliciting. I no longer believe posters who accuse others of nasty pms unless they reproduce tgem.

No. I don't see the need to. It's an anonymous forum so why would I want to send a 'private' message? All feels a bit cliquey to me.
I've only ever received one and that was an offensive 'joke'.

Aww you guys! Have had two pms

1. Yes. If I feel moved to offer information or support that might out me on a thread. Now that I've been here a while any PM conversation would be about something in the real world - never to bitch about other posters. I've learnt to walk away from anything that seriously annoys me on a thread!

1. Not often. No more nor less than in the past. Since Jeffrey I'm probably more circumspect even off thread.

1. Certainly not regular. Generally PMs need more than one each way to be useful. But sometimes a one off message is sufficient.

It's a useful function to have and adds depth to the whole MN experience. But it's horrible to use! One really needs to be able to see the whole conversation while writing.

Yes, Knotty, we're interested to hear what would make messaging better for you.

It's good for us to understand what messaging is used for.

Thanks everyone for your answers so far. Great to hear your stories.

I like it just fine as it is - easy and clear. Don;t fiddle with it!

I have pm to 3 people to offer practical assistance after they have posted.

I have also received a PM from a lady who is going through a similar experience after I asked a question on her post.

That is in a period of 2 years.

It has always been a very positive experience to me.

Yes, to have conversations with friends on here where we do not want it to be open to the world/bore other people. We could just use FB messenger or text, but when you are already on MN, it is often easier.

Looking back I see that I have had 4 since April.
One thanking me for information I had given on a thread and 2 saying they understood what I was trying to say and agreed with me and one telling me they suspected there had been a 'call to arms' on a thread and the FB group had arrived in force.

People often PM me to ask about my writing career.

Sometimes to guess who I am (sometimes a journo)... But mostly to ask for advice with their own writing.

Sometimes people PM about DC's school.

I once in a previous incarnation had a complete nutter endlessly PMing me about how she thought I needed counselling . Only one of us, love.

1. Things I don't want to post, so if I have a personal recommendation to pass on and it's a sensitive subject I won't post on the thread but I have pm'ed the reply.

Or if we're organising something amongst us, or making friends and arranging go meet etc 2) a few times a month. I never used it prolifically to begin with. 3) a combination.

No.

Becuase it changes the dynamic of the communication. I come here becuase it's not like real life. I pick it up and put it down as it suits my energy level, my time commitments, my desire to do so.

Making MN about personal correspondence would make it like RL. Which is basically me feeling persistently hunted by emails, texts and calls .. all wanting a piece of me in their timeframe.

It's not that the people in my life are particularly stroppy or demanding. But I feel rude if I don't get back to people promptly. Even when I'd rather flop and argue the toss with strangers on the Internet.

I use Pm,s quite often. It was particularly handy when I was sorting out my Janet and Roy last year. I gave my writer some details which I wouldn't post on a thread. And also if a poster on any regular thread I'm on wants to speak to me in private or vice versa. I did,along with two other Mumsnetters get some horrible Pm,s a couple of years ago from a person who said they were going to commit suicide and had taken an overdose. It was reported to MNHQ.

If YES:

1. What type of things do you message for? providing/asking for more info, over sharing/boasting, offering help

1. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past? less since I had to delete everything after the hack

1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these all sorts & it was lots of fun

Yes use to speak to mnetters on long running threads.

Miss it on the App

A pain to sign in to desk top just to PM

I very rarely PM, mainly because I don't really know anyone on here. If I do PM it's because I have something private to say, to share a story or to offer support.

I always feel like a right billy-no-mates when I hear about all the PMs flying about.

A few times a year. Mostly Woolly Hugs, occasionally offering help to people or asking specific advice (e.g. 'I think you live near me, which is that amazing shop you mention?'). Planning off-board meet-ups.

Occasionally in former days I've used it for moaning about posters but these days I have learnt not to get carried away by annoying threads.

Very rarely.
the whole point is that it's a discussion thread, so I make any point I wish to make, on the thread.

I hate it.

My heart sinks when I see I have a PM. I always reply (nicely) but I hate doing so. It's always entirely innocuous stuff - I am not exactly a controversial poster. I have never instigated a PM with another poster.

For me, it crosses a line and I would like to be able to register as unavailable for PMs.

1. What type of things do you message for?

- If I notice that a poster has mentioned something identifying, but don't want to mention it on the thread & call attention to it; specific details eg location, other things that could identify me & that I might not want to post on a thread.

1. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?

- Fairly infrequently. Maybe once every couple of months. It's pretty consistent.

1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

- One-off.

Yes, I do.

1. What type of things do you message for?

To ask a poster more details about something on a thread. From time to time to share experiences that may support a poster, that I feel are too difficult, personal or inappropriate to share on a thread,

1. How often do you use messaging?

One a month, maybe less often.

Is this more or less than in the past?

1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

As needed

Missed the second part of 2.
I don't really use PM that much, not significantly more or less than in the past.