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MNHQ

Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet? Tell us why or why not.

167 replies

FrannyMumsnet · 04/11/2015 12:41

We want to know more about the way you use private messaging on Mumsnet. And how you feel about it.

Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet?

If NO: Can you say more about why not?

If YES:
1. What type of things do you message for?
2. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?
3. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

Knowing about your experiences will be very valuable to us.
thanks

Star
OP posts:
DramaAlpaca · 04/11/2015 22:06

I use it very rarely, and just for one off messages. I've occasionally pm'd someone to give them a bit of support if they've been having a hard time on a thread, and once or twice to update someone I've been chatting to.

DickDewy · 04/11/2015 22:07

Sorry sparkling.

I think it's because I name change often (especially since I was on the list) and I get all paranoid when I get a PM regarding a non-current username.

lexigrey · 04/11/2015 22:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Emochild · 04/11/2015 22:10

Don't use it because its a pain in the butt on the mobile site

Gruach · 04/11/2015 22:35

It's interesting that some people are assuming you have to be "friends" with someone to PM them. I've never seen it like that. Quite happy to exchange messages with a poster I may never have come across before - generally because I think I have something unique and valuable to say. Hmm To me it's a sort of halfway house - one can write at more length perhaps and include stuff you wouldn't want all of Google to read - but it's not corresponding with a friend. If I were to give someone my email or phone number that would be on the way to friendship.

marriednotdead · 04/11/2015 22:40

Yes, as and when needed.

To share stuff I might think helpful but that I don't want on a thread

To link to a thread for regular posters on it

To 'talk' to other bra gurus posters or offer detailed info specific to them that would take the thread off topic.

iwashappy · 04/11/2015 23:57

  1. Usually message to reply to PM's I have received or to see how a poster is who I have had previous contact with either on or off thread. Occasionally may contact someone via PM rather than on a thread if it's something that doesn't relate to a specific thread or if I think it might be something a poster wishes wasn't said on thread. Have also chatted in more detail about my own threads which I haven't wished to say on thread for outing reasons.
  1. It varies how often I use messaging. Probably use it less than I did as I received a lot of PM's last year when I went through something traumatic which I posted about on here. Some of the women I regularly exchanged PM's with I now speak to away from the site.
  1. Messaging contact is a combination of fairly regular or one offs but it does vary.

Being able to sort PM's into Folders would be most welcome. Even the creation of one additional folder would be fantastic so they could be organised and moved around a little easier. Lots of gin and Star would head your way.

itsbetterthanabox · 04/11/2015 23:59

It doesn't seem to be possible from the app so I can't.

Peaceloveandpartyrings · 05/11/2015 00:11

I used to use it, but the new app is sans DM Sad same with the search function!

DoctorTwo · 05/11/2015 07:30

I used it a couple of weeks back as an OP on a thread had a similar name to one of my old ones and was getting mistaken for the old me. It's most disconcerting to see somebody posting with what, at first glance, is your name.

Toughasoldboots · 05/11/2015 07:44

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Mehitabel6 · 05/11/2015 08:01

I find that is the main use Toughasoldboots. You get a thread dominated by a particular point of view, so much so that it looks like a majority. It is great to get PMs from the people 'too scared to post' but support your point of view.

If we didn't get this I would like a 'like' button because there are lots of lurkers who won't post but would support. It would be nice if those who dominate a thread could be shown that actually quite a lot of people have an opposing view.

Toughasoldboots · 05/11/2015 08:04

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 05/11/2015 08:07

If people are too scared to post their view on an utterly anonymous forum, and prefer to huddle together behind other posters backs, in secret, then they need to have a word with themselves!

Toughasoldboots · 05/11/2015 08:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

timelytess · 05/11/2015 08:11

What type of things do you message for
Something personal. If I know the poster or have something to say that I don't want to share. If I want an address to send to.

How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past
Rarely.

What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters
One off.

Mehitabel6 · 05/11/2015 08:14

IT is actually quite scary to stick your head above the parapet and say something against the majority - I can quite see why the don't. I can be on threads where I have to steel myself to go back- some posters can be unpleasant - as in 'can you read or are you being deliberately obtuse?'! Or 'why are you still posting?'. MN is very like the school playground and it can be nice to get a little private support.

yeOldeTrout · 05/11/2015 08:14

Yes,

  1. What type of things do you message for?

things I don't want to debate or share widely

  1. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?

About the same, maybe 3x /yr; I get more msgs than I send. Folk sometimes ask about minority topics that they have found in archives.

  1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

As needed, I'm not "friends" with anyone on MN.

Katymac · 05/11/2015 08:17

It would be lovely if PMs had folders you could sort them into or even if they could be read like a thread/email exchange (having received & sent on 2 different pages makes it difficult to get continuity)

Mehitabel6 · 05/11/2015 08:18

I have had one from a poster that I always agree with telling me her name change.

SheGotAllDaMoves · 05/11/2015 08:18

I think there is something incredibly unpleasant about PMing posters to slag off others behind their back.

Justifying it because you're scared is childish.

If you don't like a poster, avoid them, as you would in real life.
If you don't agree with a poster, say so on the thread.
If you feel a poster has gone too far, report.

Simple.

Sparklingbrook · 05/11/2015 08:18

I read, reply and delete straight away since Jeffgate and delete sent items too.

ChinaSorrows · 05/11/2015 08:20

No.
I only use the app and it's not on the app.

Toughasoldboots · 05/11/2015 08:20

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

wonkylegs · 05/11/2015 08:23

I use it occassionally but on those occasions it's been very useful - usually when talking to somebody about specifics about my health or job, although also helped somebody who wanted to move to my village and had some questions