Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet? Tell us why or why not.

[FrannyMumsnet]

We want to know more about the way you use private messaging on Mumsnet. And how you feel about it.

Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet?

If NO: Can you say more about why not?

If YES:
1. What type of things do you message for?
2. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?
3. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

Knowing about your experiences will be very valuable to us.
thanks

I very, very rarely use PM. If I do its for further info like when Mumblechum wrote my Will for me.

Apart from that no. Talk is like chatting in a pub - PM is inviting someone round for a cup of tea.

Yes I use it usually to contact OPs about something I can't put on the thread as it would out me.

Have also arranged things via PM, again don't want those details in full view of everyone on the boards.

I use it as and when needed.

I have never, and would never, send someone a 'nasty' PM or use it to harangue someone off the board. Those who use it for nefarious purposes should be severely dealt with by MNHQ.

I would hope the system stays as it is, is there some compelling reason why it might not MNHQ?

No: I hardly ever use it. I know this is just me but it makes me feel a bit panicky if I see I have a PM. The first one I got was really horrid - someone cut and pasted something I had written with my real child's name in instead of "DS" - I don't know if they knew me or if they had done an advanced search where I may have mentioned my children's names, in babynames or something.

So since then a few people have messaged me in regards to completely innocuous things like "ooh I know the answer to that" or "tell me more about this thing you mentioned" but I feel like it is getting too close to people I don't know, for some reason., and I never reply, and then that makes me feel bad.

I may have used it once or twice in the past in Local, because people have asked about specific schools or areas and replying would out me completely or at least give out more info than i am prepared to give publicly.

A few times a year.
Usually it's if I want to respond to something on a thread but to do so would involve giving away where I live, or other identifying things. Or because a poster has messaged me for similar reasons.

And just once to have a bit of a bitch about another poster , or rather to support the person I sent it to who was getting a hard time from this poster.

Just to clarify, the horrid PM I got had copied something I had written like "I worry about DS1 because he is mean to DS" and put "Don't you mean 'I worry about Johnny because he is mean to Martin'"?

Except using their real names!

Can we add in what we'd like to be changed?

YES:

1. What type of things do you message for?

If it's someone I know in Real life when I'm too lazy to dig out their email address and email them. Others have contacted me to let me know what their old user name was and occasionally people have contacted me to apologise if they think they've offended me. People have also contacted me to share something they don;t want on a public forum - in adoption particularly it can be helpful

1. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past? About the same maybe once or twice a month

1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

b)

Yes.

1. For addresses,phone numbers etc, or if I want to do something nice for someone but don't want to tell all of MN about it.

1. Very rarely. 3 conversations in about a year.

1. B, as needed.

That's really horrible, Laura. What a coward that person was, not saying who they were. I hope you changed your name immediately.

Imperial - it can happen when there's a bunfight bit of an argument going on on a thread. Instead of posting on the thread, people send PMs to people on either side of the argument sending their support.

I think sending someone a supportive PM is one thing, but often this seems to be about egging someone on.

I don't like that. If there's a debate going on, why not join in and put your own view forward?

But I especially don't like the nasty PMs as Laura has reported. I hope they don't happen very often

Sorry, I didn't do this properly at first.

1. What type of things do you message for?

Sometimes supportive, if someone's being slaughtered in AIBU, sometimes informative, eg telling someone something about the area in which I live, which I wouldn't want to post on a public board, sometimes to ask how they're getting on with their writing (I'm on the creative writing board.)

1. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?

Quite a lot - several times a week. More than it was because of the friends I've met in the writing forum.

1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

Regular with some, though these have usually gone to email after a while. As needed if supporting someone.

Laura! What a nasty fucker, I'd report someone like that to MNHQ.

Sorry it's made you wary if PMS - I think MN has a way of preventing anyone from being able to send you one so that will stop you from twitching when you get one and no more guilt from not replying

Ha! Wary of PMs not PMS although both are probably slightly scary.

I use it to talk to people confidentiality and offer support from Relationships.

I use it to respond if someone PMs me. It isn't very often,but if I am getting a hard time on threads a kind person will often give me support and agree -but are not willing to say so on the thread. This can be quite useful for example it made me aware that there are FB groups and someone 'rallies the troops' occasionally. It is lovely because although 'it is only the Internet' it is never pleasant to be personally attacked.
Someone has PMed me for specific help.
I have once , PMed someone who was upset and shocked at the way they were attacked to offer support. I generally only respond and not initiate.
My most useful one was someone who realised from my very limited information what sort of job my unemployed graduate son was looking for because her son was in a similar job and she got him in touch with my son.
Luckily all the people who have messaged me have been lovely. I wouldn't like to open one and find it unpleasant.

I use it now and then, usually to answer PMs and if I'm sending something to somebody. I wouldn't say it's that often, just as and when.

Do you use private messaging on Mumsnet?

Yes, a fair bit.

If YES:

1. What type of things do you message for?

To share sensitive info so it's not posted on a thread, or possible identifying details. To share username and password of the great Chalet School ebook account :o To share an email address or similar, normally for Guiding resources.

1. How often do you use messaging? Is this more or less than in the past?

A few times a week, it's not really changed much in the last year or two.

1. What sort of messaging contact do you have with other Mumsnetters - a) Regular; b) As needed; c) One off ; d) A combination of these

Mostly as needed or one off messages. The mumsnetters I would message more often are generally either friends in RL or FB friends already so I tend to use FB for them.

I used to use it to offer support when it was a sensitive subject, and my advice / life experience would out me in RL if public.
Some very kind MNers have in the past done the same for me, and have also offered donated cast off SN items.

I no longer use it since The Hack as PMs were accessed and it spooked me.

I use it rarely, but when I do it is to talk to someone on a thread about something that is at a bit of a tangent and don't want to derail the thread.

No because i mainly use the iphone app.

No (except when replying to PMs I have been sent - have never initiated a conversation).

Why not? I like to remain anonymous, so would never share personal info on board or off. Plus, its a bit weird and creepy to offer support/ comments etc off board - why not say it on the board.

Not really at the moment. Under a previous incarnation I used it for the World Cup sticker swap thread and I would possibly use it again for something similar, but I can't see me using it for anything else.

I don't like that. If there's a debate going on, why not join in and put your own view forward?

SomEtimes there isn't a debate going on. It's just page 27 of a handful of posters with apparently bottomless time and energy screaming repeatedly at the internet "I DON'T CARE WHAT ANYBODY SAYS, IF YOU WEAR FLUFFY SLIPPERS YOUR CHILDREN SHOULD BE TAKEN AWAY FROM YOU AND YOU'RE GOING TO HELL. ANYONE WHO CONTRADICTS ME IS A BULLY."

Usually in response to an OP like "My DM has just passed away, AIBU to wear her nearly new fluffy slippers in memory of her?"