New partner wants anal sex

[Newpartnerworries]

Have nc for this. I've met a new partner through old & so far so good. He lives quite far from me so we message quite a lot in between dates. In a message he mentioned he wanted anal sex. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Ive only done it once before & it was sort of forced on me & hurt a lot. I like him a lot & I want to please him but at the same time don't want to go along with something I'm not sure I want to do. Help!

Two men have told me they would like this. I have just said no not for me.
One I'd only been with him for five weeks and it was like he was trying to fit in everything before he dumped me. So well rid of him.

ateriri I take it that your baggy old vagina isn't tight enought so I@d prefer to hurt you. and insult you.

AteRiri What's with anal?

It's dirty, it's taboo, it's tight, only bad, bad girls let it happen.

Excellent.

It's kind of amusing how threads like this bring out reactions of 'that's horrible, keep away from him'.
I remember one where woman had texted her DH suggesting similar, but accidentally sending it to an IL - lots of the answers said 'why would you ever send a rude text to your DH anyway!?' or 'eww, but that is a horrible thing to suggest'. :-D

We're all different, but some of us clearly lead a fairly sheltered life :-).

It's dirty, it's taboo, it's tight, only bad, bad girls let it happen.

Jeez, sounding more and more attractive

I don't think

only bad, bad girls let it happen

How depressing that people really think that

He could be shy to talk about it and have got carried away texting. He now isn't mentioning it so I'd assume it's over (as in he won't ask again).

Anal is great! When you are really turned on and with someone you trust it feels amazing. But only when you really want to. If you don't want to, never do it. Nothing to do with being a bad girl, it's just a good sensation.

Costa I am afraid sex is like marmite. You either get it or you don't.

I gave up politically correct sex in favour of orgasms a long time ago.

I live my life doing the 'right thing', in the bedroom I get to play.

Other opinions and sexual preferences are equally valid.

I'd understood that the increasing expectation that women will do anal was due to porn viewing.

There is one hard and fast rule when it comes to sex; don't do things which you aren't comfortable with.

There's nothing wrong with liking anal sex. Equally there is nothing wrong with not wanting to have anal. Personally I would be a bit put off by how presumptuous he is being - especially with the assumption that you would just go along with it.

If he is genuinely the nice guy that you think he is, then you should be able to talk to him honestly and tell him how you feel and it shouldn't cause an issue in your relationship.

Nothing to do with politically correct - I just find those attitudes quite repulsive.

Only bad bad girls let it happen?

Nice

Consensual sex of any sort is fine.

Assuming a partner-particularly a new partner- will do anything is not fine.

Costa that's the point. I know the attitude is wrong, I wouldn't dream of speaking, thinking, discussing this in RL. Hence the name change for sex.

It's because it is 'wrong' it is sexually exciting to me. You have to work with what you've got and it would seem that I am a closet pervert. Oh well.

It's not wrong if it's consensual.

Don't tell me that Bertrand you'll ruin my sex life!

I don't know if he assumed I'd be ok with it or not. Because of distance we can only see each other every 2 weeks or so. Messaging is difficult as you often can't pick up tone. I didn't mean I wouldn't feel comfortable discussing it with him, just not with friends etc. I'm sure we'll have the conversation next time we're together & I'll be able to gauge his reaction then. The way I see it if I really loved oral & he wasn't into it it may well be a deal breaker for me. It just depends how important it is to him.......

I think there is more of an expectancy to participate from women nowadays. It's not really for me but, would do if it really gets a partner off but, my last 4 female partners have all initiated it.
At the end of the day OP, of its not for you, don't go there

My point was you should have put all the information in the first post then you would have got vastly different replies , like nobody would have been saying what a horrible man etc , you drip fed because you wanted the responses that you have received .

Tell him what you are worried about, it might hurt, it might be messy and see what he says.
Does he just want to dive in, or does he realise that it takes time and effort to prepare?
Was it a bit of dirty talk or a genuine request?
You need to have a conversation.

"You need to have a conversation."

You really don't.

This is one of the very few circumstances in which "No" really is a complete sentence!

I think it is on the agenda now; with a certain type of man. Not the type of man I like, on the whole, but everyone's different.

It's rather presumptuous and not on that he just assumed you'd be down for it, OP. An orange flag, if not a red one.
It's a fucking shame that porn has led to so many men expecting anal sex as part of sex. Which in turn makes women feel pressured. Especially when it makes far more sense for women to be putting it in men's bums, seeing as they have a prostate and we don't!
Honestly it just seems like a dominance thing, most of the time.

I repeat floralnomad odfod
You are adding nothing useful to this discussion

I'm no relationship guru but I think as a general rule conversations are good. Your message may well be , no, but this message can be delivered in a conversation where you talk about sexual preferences in a comfortable and non confrontational way. I think that would be nice and the OP says her partner is nice. Good luck.

I don't know him well enough yet to know if that's true. Obviously I know him well enough to trust him & want to have sex with him. Time will tell but I'm not running yet, it may not even be an issue. If it is then so be it