New partner wants anal sex

[Newpartnerworries]

Have nc for this. I've met a new partner through old & so far so good. He lives quite far from me so we message quite a lot in between dates. In a message he mentioned he wanted anal sex. I'm not sure how I feel about this. Ive only done it once before & it was sort of forced on me & hurt a lot. I like him a lot & I want to please him but at the same time don't want to go along with something I'm not sure I want to do. Help!

He hasn't asked her though, he said what he wanted to do TO her

If you don't want it, just politely say so. He's not being awful for mentioning it as some are saying, he's just talking about extending the set of things you do.
I wouldn't read much into him stating, not asking either, it would be a bit odd if he asked how you felt about everything (I had a friend who almost ditched someone on first date because he asked if it would be ok to kiss her, and she thought it really wierd...). He'll likely be fine with you not being keen.
If he sulks, it tries to persuade you that you should, that's entirely different of course.
There are lots of different things consenting adults do, and diff partners like diff things - I think it's unlikely it's a deal breaker for him - you'll find other things you enjoy.

What a completely non thread
My new boyfriend has asked if we can do anal , I've said I don't fancy it and he hasn't mentioned it again and btw is a really nice bloke .

* "sex may be a 2 way street but anus's aren't, they are definitely designed as 1 way only*"

First, nothing in the human body is "designed"
Second then are we just sticking penis in vagina to populate the Earth and nothing else is allowed?

"Or maybe he could keep the open mind and not make assumptions about other people's sexual preferences?"

Well Bertrand he has kept an open mind he asked a question. In the early stages of relationships that is how you find out about people.

"Well Bertrand he has kept an open mind he asked a question. In the early stages of relationships that is how you find out about people"

No he didn't. He said he was looking forward to it. Rather different.

floralnomad odfod
I've posted for advice/opinions on something that's bothering me & I don't feel comfortable discussing IRL
If you have nothing useful to say, say nothing

he said he was looking forward to taking me 'that way'.

Read the op's posts - he didn't ask a question - he made an assumption, it wasn't a request or 'how do you feel about...' He made it sound like a done deal, bleurgh

Buy a strap on and tell him, "You first...bend over." and see how keen on anal sex he is then.

Tell him he's confusing you with a man.

I agree with Costa. He didn't ask if it was something OP was keen on or would consider. Only she knows the whole picture but it's badly phrased.

Also makes me think he's been watching a lot of porn.

Be wary about this becoming something he pesters you for. That's the deal breaker, not his fantasy.

He looked forward to taking you that way?

How presumptuous is he?

Assuming firstly that you will be having sex on the next date, and that he will be 'taking you' that way.

You have every right to be annoyed about this.

So the guy is too embarrassed to say it in RL. He is texting the OP and says something a bit rude. She demures, he backs off. He is generally a nice guy.
Sounds like a perfectly reasonable early relationship encounter. Nothing, disgusting or awful.

Many men do enjoy anal play. Interestingly, prostate massage is very good for men and will help reduce the risk of prostate cancer. Prostrate massagers are available from many online retailers

pictish...if you did that to my dp he would be thrilled

If you don't want to, then tell him no.

What is this obsession with bum sex, anyway?

Yes it's the "taking you that way" phrasing of it that bothers me more than the fact that he's suggested it at all. It sounds like in his head that's what sex is: the taking/owning of a woman rather than something done between an equal couple for mutual pleasure.

To use an Irish expression tell him 'I will in me hole'. (NO) From what I can tell these days an awful lot of men seem to 'expect' anal.

I can't understand how he can be too embarrassed to talk to OP in RL about it. That's a bit strange.

Just be honest it's not your thing. As someone here has said a lot of men think women want it, he may just be as shocked as you if you waved your bare naked ass in his face,
In a new relationship some women lie about their sexual willingness and experience you can bet your sweet (untouched by penis) ass that some men do too

I think him saying he was looking forward to it was a bit off but he was probably just trying sex talk. Leave it at "I don't do anal" and see how things develop from there.

If you know a man well enough to sleep with him, you know him well enough to say that you don't like and don't want bum sex. If he's a nice man he won't mention it again. If he doesn't like it then you block, delete and move on.

Don't waste any more time worrying about what to tell him, just keep talking to him and see how he responds.

Genuinely curious - what's with anal sex that most guys seem to want it?

I've never done it.

I'd also go with the "I don't do anal" response.
It's not the crime of the century that he wants to try it and you don't.
I've broken up with men because of sexual incompatibility before.

ate there's something quite primal about it.

It's fine for him to ask but it's also find for you to say no. If he responds badly to that or tries to persuade you then he's a shit and you should dump him.

This ^^