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Secondary education

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Original poster

Is it just us struggling or is homework/family time balance gone to pot?

193 replies

StormySunshine · 05/12/2016 09:30

My DS is 14 and since last year things have slowly but surely got really hard to balance anything to do together as a family or even just for him to have some free time. He leaves home around 7am and gets home after 5pm or twice a week 6pm due to extra-curricular activities. Then he has at least 2 homeworks that take 45mins to an hour Each plus often another one/two smaller ones. So apart from having a family meal together, not much time left for anything else. Then weekends - more and longer homeworks, coursework, etc, etc to a point where we can't often visit family and friends because taking almost a whole day off is a no-no! AIBU or is this just crazy for someone who's still a kid to do more working hours than me?!

OP posts:
NicknameUsed · 05/12/2016 09:32

Wait until A levels DD is doing 4 subjects and gets about 20 hours homework a week. She does have a shorter day though as her school is only a 15 minute bus ride away.

Your son does have long days though.

HeyMacWey · 05/12/2016 09:32

Yanbu - we went away for a weekend and it was a nightmare playing catch up web homework. There just aren't eight hours in the day.
There has to be a better balance surely.

HeyMacWey · 05/12/2016 09:33

Enough not eight.

NiceFalafels · 05/12/2016 09:34

Is he listening to music or multi tasking while doing homework?

fourcorneredcircle · 05/12/2016 09:35

What's his commute like if he has to leave at 7 and doesn't get home some nights until 6? Is that your nearest school?

Perhaps suggest that he uses library/hwk clubs to do some work at lunchtime?

When he's doing HWK of an evening is he focusing or on phone/FB/watching TV at the same time? If so, could you help him use his time wiser?

If he's started his GCSEs this year then the work load will have really ramped up, it's a big change. And a tough one.

LineyReborn · 05/12/2016 09:43

I remember doing as much homework as I could in 'private study' / free periods, and on the bus to and from school. DS is the same. He's doing A levels and uses the college library as a quiet place to get coursework and revision done.

At age 14, there may be limited free time during the day, but once A levels begin at 16, it'll be different.

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 09:44

That doesn't sound ridiculous (around an hour a day?). What has changed is the amount of other stuff families are trying to fit in - 'activities' haven't always been the daily norm.

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 09:45

Sorry, I thought getting in at 5 was because of after school stuff. Why is he getting in at 5 and leaving at 7am?

NicknameUsed · 05/12/2016 09:46

That's true Trifleorbust. We don't do lots of family based activities because we don't live near any family. We have had to cut down on weekend visits to them though because DD has far too much homework.

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 09:51

NicknameUsed: How old is your DD?

Original poster
StormySunshine · 05/12/2016 09:55

His school is a fairly long way away. It takes a train (one every 20mins if lucky) , a tram and a bus. So hard to focus on homework if you have to change transport twice. I take him when I can but it still takes 45mins in rush hour. He did listen to music whilst doing his homework but we had to put a stop to it because his concentration does suffer...

OP posts:
ElizaSchuyler · 05/12/2016 09:59

It's the same here. DS is in year 8

We leave at 8am to be at school for 8.45am. If he finishes at the normal time he is home at 5pm but one night per week he has hockey training & one night drama so it's 6.30pm & 7.30pm on those nights. He can't stop drama as its been life changing for him. On another night we get in at 5pm but he has a singing lesson 7.45-8.45pm

He gets between 3-4 pieces of homework per night. Each is supposed to take 20-30 mins but DS has diagnosed slow processing speed, dysfluent handwriting & asd so it takes him much longer.

When I was at school I took part in amateur youth theatre 2-3 times a week, orchestra & had piano lessons plus spent all Saturday's shopping in town with friends so I don't think it's activities that have changed.

NicknameUsed · 05/12/2016 09:59

She is 16, year 12, and will be dropping a subject in June.

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 09:59

I think the issue here is the distance, not the homework. I had this much homework by Y10. The National Curriculum has changed and is definitely more challenging but it doesn't sound ridiculous.

Artandco · 05/12/2016 09:59

I assume 7am-5pm is because of travel? If he is on bus or train, if there anyway he can do some work then? Maths is usually easy enough to do on bus or research if he has internet on phone or languages. So he has at least done a chunk before home. Or if he arrives at school by 8am and school starts 8.30am try and encourage him to get stuff done then

I think 90mins a day is about average. My 6 year old gets 45mins a day.

ElizaSchuyler · 05/12/2016 10:00

Dss Homework requires Internet access so can't be done whilst travelling. Plus he gets a bit travel sick if he tries to.

fourcorneredcircle · 05/12/2016 10:02

Is your son in Y10?

In the GCSE years my school sets one 45 minute HWK per week for 4x option subjects, 2x English, 2x maths, 2x science. There is less controlled assessment now than there used to be - and working on those tasks would take the place of setting HWK. Current foster child's school is similar, as have other's been. I don't think your son's HWK amount is unusual... sorry.

What is unusual is yours sons commute. I'm sure you had your reasons for choosing this school, but you have unwittingly made life hard. Especially since it's a complicated one that means he can't do work during it. I don't have any suggestions beyond helping him manage his time to the best advantage of an evening.

NicknameUsed · 05/12/2016 10:02

Maths is usually easy enough to do on bus

Hahaha. Really? Only if you are good at maths.

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 10:06

Investigate whether there is a lunch club where he can make a dent in it before he comes home?

NicknameUsed · 05/12/2016 10:10

He may not get long enough for lunch. DD only gets 40 minutes, and by the time she has arrived back at post 16 from the science labs, queued and eaten, she often only has 10 minutes left.

VintagePerfumista · 05/12/2016 10:12

Agreed that the homework sounds fine, it's the commute that is the issue. As the h/w will only get "worse" (remember there will also be "as much reading around the subject as possible" thrown into every teacher's advise sooner or later!) he needs to start being able to manage it now.

Can he sit down and make a planner?

(do 14 yr old boys really want to do "family" things? Not many that I've met would tbh!)

DailyMailCrap · 05/12/2016 10:14

My 8 year old dsd gets 2 hours/day at the moment. We made the decision to reduce her commuting time (she used to take school bus at 7am) by driving her to school instead so she can have a lie in. Her school is private though and academic ability is measured exclusively via exams, so I get her to do as much as possible. Even then I sometimes make an executive decision to nix some unnecessary homework. But she's 8 so she still gets a lot that isn't tied to her exams - at 14 I bet everything your DS does ties back to his GCSEs so you will just have to find a way to make it work as a family.

Trifleorbust · 05/12/2016 10:15

True re lunch, and everyone needs a break during the day.

ElizaSchuyler · 05/12/2016 10:17

2 hours for an 8 year old.

Poor poor child.

EstelleRoberts · 05/12/2016 10:20

I remember having similar amounts of homework at that age, back in the mists of time (the late 80s). It got worse with GCSEs and A Levels, but I did do a lot of essay subjects. I used to manage a bit of free time of an evening, but not huge amounts, as it took 40 mins to walk home. Is it possible for him to arrange leisure activities so he can maximise what free time he does have?