Is it just us struggling or is homework/family time balance gone to pot?

[StormySunshine]

My DS is 14 and since last year things have slowly but surely got really hard to balance anything to do together as a family or even just for him to have some free time. He leaves home around 7am and gets home after 5pm or twice a week 6pm due to extra-curricular activities. Then he has at least 2 homeworks that take 45mins to an hour Each plus often another one/two smaller ones. So apart from having a family meal together, not much time left for anything else. Then weekends - more and longer homeworks, coursework, etc, etc to a point where we can't often visit family and friends because taking almost a whole day off is a no-no! AIBU or is this just crazy for someone who's still a kid to do more working hours than me?!

[StarUtopia]

8 year old child with two hours homework a day??

I would be questioning why her education, that you're paying for, is so crap that it needs 2 hours a day on top!

Homework is pointless. Proven to be in primary.

[fourcorneredcircle]

No... bobochic you weren't directly comparing France and the U.K. However, you did make a sweeping statement that at least one piece of evidence contradicts about the standards in U.K. secondary education versus other European countries.

Again, no country is perfect, or has a perfect education system. Even Finland, long associated with excellence in European education sometimes has negative press too.

[Suppermummy02]

Anyone see the TV prog on S.Korea schools, from 8 am until midnight. Kids in the UK have it easy.

[keekaw]

Sounds great to me. Dd gets an average of half an hour a week

[drummersmum]

I know how you're feeling stormysunshine. Also seeline. DS is in Y10, we have no weekends, no time to even discuss basic family plans, meals are 15min then he puts his plate away and he's back to homework. His grandmother said yesterday she's scared to call him because she doesn't know when he's free to talk. Bedtime has been pushed later and later and I am going to put a stop to late nights because of his mental health. In our case, commute is only 15 min. He does have an extracurricular passion which is music, but last weekend he had only time for academic homework and revision for exams this week, no music at all. They say next year will be even worst.
Agree with ealing in that spending time with grandparents and extended family is important.
I think all the emailing back and forth from teachers, the google docs, the downloading, the website based research,... it actually makes our children waste more time than when we had written down our homework in class and we just had to open our books and get on with it!

[MumTryingHerBest]

Bobochic Tue 06-Dec-16 20:45:56 "Abroad" is not a country that collects data ;)

Sorry, I didn't realise I would have to type the name of every country.

You can look it up. perhaps you can suggest where I can look it up as I can't find it here: www.ucas.com and I'm not really getting anything from Google searches.

[Clavinova]

I googled and came up with this article in The Guardian;
www.theguardian.com/politics/2016/may/21/brexit-will-drive-eu-students-away-from-uk

[GetAHaircutCarl]

OP I have two DC who are academically ambitious, have lots of extra curricular activities, active social lives, do vuluntary work and our extended family lives a three hour drive away.

Every week there is a hell of a lot to fit in!

My advice is to accept that sometimes school work will take over and preclude much else ( especially around exams).

At other times, DC need to learn to assess effectively what needs to be done, how long it will take (realistically) and where the gaps are in which to do it.

Some tasks need prolonged quiet time. Others boil down to much less effort and can be done anywhere.

The trick is not to underestimate the former and not to turn the later into a three act drama.

[GetAHaircutCarl]

Out of interest I would also add that this is a great skill to have mastered for both HE and working life.

[Bobochic]

Thanks, Clavinova

[pestov]

As a teacher, I usually recommend students planning 15 hours a week for homework in Y10. This is usually done 3h per evening, but leaves both weekend days free. If you know you're busy on a certain night, do an extra hour on another or at the weekend to balance it out. In all schools I've worked in this is usually enough, so any "extra" time should be used for review and revision, rather than waiting for a test to be scheduled. Keep to the 15h during every Holiday, but redistributed throughout the week. I also suggest upping to 20h in Y11, and 10h per subject at A-level. If you struggle to fit it in, consider what needs to be cut, but make time to do something you love - whether it's organised sport, family cinema day or Xbox - as everyone needs a break from work

[Middleoftheroad]

2 hours for an 8 year old poor poor child

Agree!

[ElizaSchuyler]

I'm sorry but 3 hours per evening is way too much & I would be removing my children from any school that expected that.

My dd is in year 10 & the maximum homework she is set is 90 mins & that's only 1 evening. (It's approx 6 hours per week)

Even ds's selective private school only set about 90 mins per night (with 2 hours on one night)

You are a long time dead. Extra curricular (ds's school calls it co-curricular) activities are just as important. My dd dances 2 hours every evening after academic school ends). We are going to produce a generation of burnt out young people with mental health problems.

[titchy]

10h per subject at A-level.

So 40 hours, plus 20 contact hours a week. 60 hours a week - really? Sorry but I would hugely dispute how worthwhile that amount of work is each week. If you need to do that week in week out A levels are not for you.

[Bobochic]

"We are going to produce a generation of burnt out young people with mental health problems."

We have an awful lot of adults with mental health problems, in large part because they lack the skills to work out solutions to their own problems.

[MumTryingHerBest]

Clavinova Wed 07-Dec-16 08:33:52 I googled and came up with this article in The Guardian;

Thank you, much appreciated :-)

[MumTryingHerBest]

Bobochic Wed 07-Dec-16 09:32:04 in large part because they lack the skills to work out solutions to their own problems.

WTF, sorry but you evidently know nothing about mental health.

[Bobochic]

On the contrary, I know a lot about it. People floundering with situations they cannot analyse is the greatest driver of MH issues there is. Why do people consult therapists? In order to understand the problems they cannot get to grips with on their own.

[ElizaSchuyler]

I'm no expert in mental health but my husband is a teacher & he tells me that the number of young people with problems is increasing. This may in part be due to better recognition but they are under much more pressure than our generation ever were.

[Bobochic]

Parents not understanding that DC cannot fit schoolwork around leisure time is going to put a lot of pressure on those poor DC.

[GetAHaircutCarl]

pest my DC attend a really high achieving school and they're not expected to do that much work at home.

Of course there are times when you need to pull long hours, but as a general rule it's not necessary. Certainly not in years 10 and 11.

Many high achieving children do a lot of things outside school work. As do many high achieving students at university. As do many highly successful people in the world of work.

[ElizaSchuyler]

My son needs his leisure time. If he doesn't have sufficient downtime he goes into meltdown & may as well not be in school. Him discovering drama this last year had actually kept him in school & given him self belief.

Dd is working towards a career that many would see as a hobby that requires hours of what many would call extra curricular.

I'm proud that my two are rounded talented individuals. I don't want exsm factory fodder & the sooner schools realise this the better.

[Bobochic]

Extra curricular activities that DC choose and are engaged in are crucial.

Fitting in homework on the bus and at Granny's house because your parents don't prioritise schoolwork is awful for DC.

[ElizaSchuyler]

Dd says her teachers tell her they give meaningful homework that will help her to consolidate & read around the subject. The maths teacher says a lot of homework set is pointless & designed to placate parents expectations rather than be of help to the students.

[GetAHaircutCarl]

Some schools do accept that extra curricular things are equally important eliza.

Both my DC and their peers have been both encouraged and supported by their schools in their non academic endeavours.

Generally teachers are prepared to reschedule homework deadlines.